Chapter 13
Carter's POV
As if his day couldn't get any more confusing, Hazel Grasssman had to turn up in the middle of nowhere, wearing a white satin dress, and claim that it was 1863.
His head was spinning with ideas. Time travel was impossible- At least that's what society thought. What other explanation was there, besides the fact that they were just dreaming? It felt to real, however. He had pinched himself multiple times to prove that.
Though, Carter had to admit, he was taking in the information much better than Maya.
"W-Wait. Ok. Uh-ok, hold on. Oh, my god--"
"Breathe, Maya," Hazel gently rubbed her friends back as she continued to splutter and deny what had happened earlier.
"Uh, If there was a paper bag for you to breathe in, I would offer one but..." Carter grinned but immediately regretted it when Hazel shot him one of her signature death glares.
Maya looked like she was going to be sick. "I-I need to sit..." she looked around wildly and settled herself shakily on a nearby rock.
"This is impossible. Time travel is impossible. This-this can't be happening. I-I'm dreaming. Yeah. That's it. I'm dreaming."
Hazel sat carefully next to Maya who currently looked positive that what was happening was a dream.
"Ok. If you were dreaming--"
"Which I am."
"Of course," Hazel continued slowly. "Then... why would you be dreaming about things in 1863?"
"Uh... because we're learning things on the civil war in history class?"
Carter grunted. "She's got a point."
Hazel tried again. "Ok...Then why would you be dreaming about me and Carter?"
"I dunno. Maybe 'cause you're my friend and he's my crush?"
Carter nearly slipped from a tree he was leaning on. "Wait, what?"
Maya shrugged."It's a dream. It's not like anything happening now is real."
Hazel looked at her friend with a concerned expression.
"Maya...."
Suddenly Carter had an idea.
"Here," he quickly shuffled over and in knelt in front of Maya.
"When you're dreaming, you have an extra finger," Carter held up his left hand for Maya to see.
"Look. No sixth finger. See?" He waggled his hand for extra effect, partly to convince himself as well.
Maya stared at his hand for a while, and Carter swore he thought the expression she wore wanted a sixth finger to pop out. She flushed a deep red and looked anywhere but at him.
Suddenly, Carter felt a stab of guilt going through his chest.
If only she knew...
He coughed and stood up quickly, brushing off on his black shorts, even though there was nothing there. Carter turned to Hazel and registered that she was still trying to soothe Maya. He remembered what he had wanted to say earlier.
"Your dress."
Hazel looked up in confusion. "What?"
"Your dress. What's up with the getup?" he elaborated.
Hazel jerked up, as if she remembered something important. She squinted up at the sky. Carter followed her gaze and realized that it was late afternoon.
"We have to go," she said abruptly. Hazel looked toward Maya. "You okay now?"
Maya quickly nodded and hastily stood up as well. "Where are we going? I don't really fancy sleeping in the woods, but it we have to..."
Hazel shook her head and looked on in the direction where Jane had bounced off a while ago.
"You want to know why I'm wearing this dress? The Montgomerys. The people who own the plantation a few miles down."
She took a breath. "A little while after I got lost in the forest, Jane found me and convinced her parents to take me in for a few days. They live in a mansion a few kilometers away." Hazel waved her hand vaguely at the particular direction.
Carter frowned. "So they just, took you in? No questions asked?"
"Oh they asked questions. Lots. Managed to convince them I'm a harmless little girl who just wants to stay a few days before I'm off to grandmother's house." Hazel laughed at her own self created anecdote.
She immediately sobered once she noticed her friends expressions and continued. "They most likely won't accept you guys....but I can figure something out. The barn is usually unoccupied"
Carter's eyes widened, horrified. "The barn?"
Hazel rolled her eyes. She slapped him on the back and said, "Aw, don't be such a girl. Honestly, sometimes I swear you've got a feminine side to you."
Carter visibly paled at her comment.
Maya seemed to notice and frowned. She hastily put her hand on his shoulder while Hazel's back was turned. "Hey, you okay? She was only joking--"
Carter shook Maya's hand off, almost angrily and looked away.
"I'm fine," he snapped.
He followed Hazel down the path, trying to ignore Maya's stunned gaze behind him. Suddenly, he felt guilty for what he was doing to Maya.
He liked her, but not in the way she wished.
Carter had found out about himself a long time ago.
Long before he was as sure of himself as he is today.
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5 years ago
10 year old Carter Holt and his friends were currently ogling a female lifeguard one hot summer's day when he realized that he was gay.
Of course, he knew it ever since he was able to interact with other children, but only truly registered it when his friends took him to the pool to hang out.
The female lifeguard was attractive, he had to admit, but no amount of wishing and staring could make her more desirable than the male lifeguard sitting on the opposite side of the pool.
He couldn't stare, though. At him.
He was old enough to realize his friends wouldn't be too accepting.
Carter knew his name, though. Nathan.
He often thought about Nathan and his dark, almost black hair. His crystal blue eyes and his lean body, tan from being out in the sun too much.
He thought of the way Nathan would always smile at him and his friends when they visited the pool, and his voice when he told his friends to quit pushing him into the lounge chairs.
He thought of the times he yearned to be near Nathan, next to him. Talking to him and making him laugh.
Suddenly, Carter blushed hard and shook his head. As of those fantasies would ever become true.
He turned back to his friends who were still checking out Jess and felt ashamed. He suddenly wished he could change. To be normal. He wished he was accepted.
It was then when Carter had decided to come out to his parents.
He cleared his throat and told his friends that he was leaving.
"Why? Don't you want to go meet some other girls?" one-Anthony- asked.
"Yeah. Or are you running back home to Mommy?" another- Raffe- jeered.
Felix stood up from the chair he was sitting in and pushed Carter back a few steps.
"Nah, he just ain't got the balls to go up to Jess and tell her what he wants to do to her."
All three boys burst into body shaking laughter as Carter hurried away, clutching his swim bag so hard his knuckles turned white.
He was on the verge of exploding with curse words when a soft hand stopped him on the shoulder.
He spun around, eyes wide and surprised.
His heart skipped a beat when he realized it was Nathan.
The usually light hearted blue eyes were now crinkled at the sides with an emotion Carter couldn't quite detect. It couldn't of been worry...right?
"You shouldn't let them treat you like that."
Carter frowned, confused. "I'm sorry, what?"
"I mean you shouldn't let them push you around like that. You did nothing to deserve that treatment." Nathan's voice was gentle, but firm.
Carter tilted his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows.
"But, why would you care?"
Nobody has ever seemed to have noticed the way Felix and his friends have been treating him. The bullying was all conveniently done in 'private' places and nobody seemed to question the bruises that littered his calves, thighs, arms, and sometimes even his face. When his parents questioned, he usually dodged the truth and claimed that he tripped over a tree branch wile walking home. Carter had never felt compassion, and had never expected to be given any attention of the sort. All of the sudden, however, it seems like somebody cared for once. Hope bubbled up in his chest, only to be snuffed out by the logical reasoning in his brain. There could only be one explanation for Nathan's behaviours, because people like him never talk to people like Carter. This was it. It was him versus the world, and it would always be this way.
This was a trap.
Set up by Felix and the others. This is why Nathan is trying to console him. It's all part of some sick scheme.
Carter balled his fists, nails digging into his skin.
"Look, I get that you think this is funny, but it's really not. I- I don't have time for this." Carter hated the way his voice wavered.
"Just leave me alone. Leave me out of this. Why is this always about me? Why can't you all, just for once, accept me for who I am?" He was shouting now, but it didn't matter. He felt sick, and the only way to cure him of this sickness was to vomit every hidden feeling, every oppressed thought out of his system.
"Does this fulfill you somehow? Nobody in this world knows what it's like being me. Are you satisfied that everyday, I feel like this world would be a better place without me? Is this the way it's going to be my entire life?"
"Well, I hope you're happy now, because I'm going home. And I'm never coming back. Again."
Carter wheeled around, disregarding everything. Nathan's shocked face and the disbelief in his eyes. Felix as he and his friends turned to stare at him, like they had never seen Carter Holt utter a word in his life before.
Well, he has now, and everybody in the world can feel his wrath, because guess what?
He's gay.
And the world better deal with it.
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