"Honestly, is it really that hard?" asked Kathi as she drank her coffee and let Sarah show her the various websites she had come across.
"What do you mean?" asked Sarah irritated.
"Well, it's quite simple. What's so hard about admitting to yourself that you like diapers and all that stuff too?" asked Kathi.
"I'm just testing it out," Sarah countered.
"I hardly think so. When I look at this. You read into the subject, opened various store pages and ask me about various models. What else does it look like?" she returned.
"You're stupid." said Sarah curtly and took another drag on her cigarette. The two had been sitting in the kitchen for a while. Sarah had started to describe to Kathi the encounter with her father, which Kathi had commented on sufficiently negatively to her uncle's disadvantage. Of course, Sarah had been burning under her fingernails what Kathi had meant in her room, but had then preferred to devote herself first to her shopping mania, to say the least.
"And you're being unreasonable. What good does it do you to lie to yourself?" continued Kathi.
"I'm not lying to myself. It's difficult." said Sarah
"What exactly is difficult?" drilled Kathi further as she continued to examine Sarah's shopping cart, removing what was useless and adding what was useful, while Sarah watched patiently.
"I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster every day right now. It's a constant up and down of emotions and I have no idea how to categorize it or what's best." she explained to her cousin.
"Hmmm...I think I know what you mean. Well I would say it's obvious you've taken a liking to it. I really should have taken a picture of you with the pacifier. You almost seemed like you were somewhere else." she explained, taking another sip of coffee.
"There." she started again. "I guess if that appeals to you, that should get you started. Look over it and if anything is unclear just ask."
Sarah scrolled through the shopping cart, which was bulging with all sorts of diapers, as well as other supplies.
"I need all this?" she asked in amazement.
"Well. Maybe not all of it. I put a little bit in on spec. If you don't want it, I'll take it, simple as that. So it's not a losing proposition for you." explained Kathi.
"That sounds reasonable. What about you? Don't you still need supplies?" wanted to know Sarah.
"There's something in it for me too, I think you'll be so nice and put it in front of me. Don't worry, I won't make you poor. I'll transfer the money to you tonight. I still have to unpack my laptop, it's still in my bag so far," Kathi explained.
"That's alright. When does the stuff get here approximately?" asked Sarah curiously.
"The day after tomorrow." Kathi returned shortly.
"That'll be quick," Sarah replied and looked at the clock. It was already 10:30 slowly running out of time. "Kathi we should hurry, you jump in the shower. I'll have another smoke and get ready afterwards. We should be on time."
Kathi nodded and took the last big sip from her cup and left the kitchen.
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The school bell had just rung. One by one, all the students rushed into the break. Sandra trotted slowly beside Svenja towards the exit. Many of the students who passed them were not lucky enough to be free right now and had to endure at least two more hours of school until they finally went home. Especially the week before the vacations was always a torture, no matter how good you were, no matter if you had fun at school or not. It dragged on like chewing gum and from day to day it got worse.
"Tell me Sandra what did the old Schröder want from you?" asked Svenja Sandra.
"You'll laugh. I'll get around my demonstration." said Sandra triumphantly.
"Oh no, how's that?" asked Svenja in amazement. She stopped and waited for Sandra's explanation.
"She's retiring. She had me answer the question again, that was all." explained Sandra briefly.
"So simple, well she will have her reasons. Probably on her last day she just wanted to do another good deed or something like that." countered Svenja.
"I don't know. Maybe we just misjudge her. Tell me, do you actually remember anything about the issue she was pestering you about?" asked Sandra.
"Hmmm_let me think about that. I think I can still recite half the French Revolution to you." she finally returned.
"Then I'd say old Schroeder hasn't been too bad at what she's done," Sandra explained with a laugh.
"No idea." said Svenja and started moving again. Sandra followed her.
A few steps later, they had left the building and found themselves in a noisy turmoil of voices and laughter. The playground was filled with the students who had run past them earlier. Some were sitting on the large stone steps across from the main entrance, arranged like seats in an amphitheater, apparently talking. Sandra tried to see Sarah somewhere, but couldn't make her out.
"Hmmm...I can't see Sarah. Do you see her?" she asked Svenja.
"Nah, best to look where we usually stand around smoking, good chance she's standing around there." Svenja returned.
"Oh well, I can call her later. I just saw her yesterday anyway. You go alone," said Sandra and was about to leave.
"Come on, to celebrate the day, because you messed with the old Schröder, you can come with us for a coffee. As if Sarah would mind," Svenja replied.
"But..." Sandra wanted to interject.
"Oh, but don't be like that," Svenja replied insistently.
Sandra sighed. "Alright, for once."
Next to the stone steps a paved path led to a road, this was the path Svenja had taken. Then she had followed the road to the left. Sandra knew the road and where it ended, but had never walked along it. Strangely, she usually spent her break alone instead of talking to her best friend. When she thought about it like that, it seemed pretty strange to her. But getting caught smoking outside the school grounds was even less appealing to her than the thought of not spending her break with Sarah, especially since it occurred to her at the same time how many times Sarah had already been caught and that she had been suspended or, as she called it, exempted from school for this very action. Why had she even let herself come along now. She could have spent the time better. She could have met Kathi. She's probably sitting at home bored and doesn't know what to do with herself. Sandra pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and wrote another Whatsapp message to her friend. She still had no answer to the last one. Should Kathi still be asleep now? Or did she just not want to answer? She put the phone back in her pocket and followed Svenja. Maybe Sarah would know if something was wrong with Kathi.
The two girls had arrived shortly before a bend. The other end of the curve was not visible. Svenja went on and disappeared behind the curve. Sarah had fallen back a few steps while she had been thinking and took a moment longer than Svenja, but could already pick up quiet scraps of words. Apparently Svenja had found Sarah. A few steps later she had passed the bend and saw Svenja and Sarah sitting smoking on a bench. Leaning against a tree next to the bench, Kathi stood in the shade. Sandra's heart leapt when she saw Kathi.
"Well, there you are at last," said Svenja.
"Yeah sorry, I just didn't want to go that fast." tried Sandra to talk her way out of it.
"That's alright." replied Sarah curtly. "It's nice that Svenja dragged you along." she followed up with a big grin.
Sandra still stood rooted to the spot in front of the two and wasn't sure what to do next. She imagined in her mind how she could run to Kathi, hug her and kiss her and how then right in the next moment some stupid comment would come from Svenja. So that was not an option. Just trotting stupidly behind the three and not even enjoying Kathi's closeness, depressing, but apparently the more sensible alternative.
"Say, what are you standing around so stupidly for? Sit down or lean against the tree like Kathi." Svenja said and pointed at Kathi. "That's Sarah's cousin. No idea if you know each other, just met her."
"Kathi I know. We met recently." Sandra returned and walked over to Kathi and also leaned against the tree without getting too close to Kathi, even though it was hard for her with the joy of seeing her again so soon.
"So what now?" asked Svenja to the group.
"I was thinking of coffee." replied Sarah.
"How about something to eat? I'm kind of in the mood for pizza right now." said Svenja.
"I don't feel like it right now," Kathi spoke up.
"I don't have to have it either." came from Sandra.
"I'd like to," replied Sarah.
"Well then, let's make it simple. Sarah and I will go out for a pizza and you two can go out for coffee or something else. We'll just meet later in town," Svenja suggested.
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There was a knock at the door to her office. She was surprised, because she didn't expect any visitors.
"Come in." she answered the closed door.
A man with a friendly smile on his face entered the office. She eyed him briefly from bottom to top. He wore white shoes, blue jeans and a smock. Definitely a doctor, she thought to herself. She looked for a name tag, but found none. Either he had taken it off or forgotten it. His face still had the smile he had had when he entered the office. She looked at his eyes, gray-blue, a beautiful color as she had to realize, there was something fascinatingly familiar about them, as if she had seen the eyes before. The blond hair was already beginning to turn gray in places. She cleared her throat.
"What can I do for you? I wasn't really expecting a visitor." She asked, surprised.
"May I?" he asked kindly, pointing to the chair.
"Um..hold on..let me just check what my schedule says" she rummaged around on her desk looking for her planner. After what felt like an eternity, she found it and looked for the next appointment. There was apparently no appointment scheduled today, so she had all the time in the world to listen to what the man wanted from her. "There doesn't seem to be anything scheduled today. So I have time for your request. Please have a seat."
The man sat down in the chair and leaned back comfortably. "So what brings you to me?" she asked him as he sat in the chair.
"I have my first day here at the hospital today and I was told that a certain Helen Kraus works here and I had an urgent need to see her and since this is apparently her office I guess I found her. You're as beautiful as you were then, you know that," he replied kindly.
His answer puzzled her. She looked at him insistently. Did she know him, and if so, from where? Who did the eyes remind her of? Somewhere she had seen them there before. Suddenly it fell like scales from her eyes. It was years ago. She had just enrolled at the university and met an older student in one of those incredibly boring but essential seminars. They became fast friends, but unfortunately the contact was lost too quickly after she started working and had to take care of Sarah, since her husband had nothing else on his mind except his work. She couldn't believe it now to see him again all of a sudden, as if out of nowhere. "Stefan?" she asked incredulously. "Is that you?"
"I thought you'd never guess," he replied with a laugh.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in amazement.
"I'm working here. You didn't realize there was an opening for a youth therapist, did you?" asked Stefan.
"Yes I did notice, but no one told me it had already been filled," Helen explained.
"I had someone show me around on Friday, and I saw that there was apparently a neurologist named Helen Kraus working here, so I almost thought it was you, but unfortunately you weren't there anymore. You were gone Friday apparently very quickly after a young lady came to see you. Your daughter, I presume?" he replied.
"My niece. She's visiting me right now because my sister is in charge of some important project again. She's already had a vacation, so she came to stay with me. But I actually had to sort something out at home, so I left early on Friday." She briefly summarized what happened on Friday.
"Trouble with your daughter? What was her name?" he asked.
"Sarah. Yeah she's at a let's say difficult age right now. She's been excused from class for the next few weeks because she got caught smoking. I guess the new principal didn't like having her as a permanent student." she explained to him.
"Well, that doesn't sound good. Is she coping with the material or are there problems there, too?" he asked curiously.
"Well, that's the absurd part. The kid has had a 1.0 average for years and then does crap like this. I can't explain it sometimes either," she said.
"She's starting to compete with you and your husband. If I remember correctly, you both did similarly well in your studies. He's a lawyer, isn't he, or do I have something wrong in my head?" he continued.
"Yes he is a lawyer, but I have been divorced for years. He apparently married his job and I and Sarah were always one place behind him, at some point it got too much for me. What about your family? The last time we spoke, you were already a father," she replied.
"That's right. I have two children. Thomas and Leonie. Thomas is 16, the same age as Sarah, and Leonie is 12. I moved here with them the week before last, after I got the job." He reported.
"And your wife?" she asked.
"Oh her. She's gone off abroad with some dance instructor. Apparently a doctor wasn't exciting enough. I haven't heard from her in years. Maybe it's better that way. The last time I had contact with her was after I got her to sign the divorce papers. I tell you that was a hassle to find her. Since then she has disappeared again. I'm glad the kids didn't find out much about the whole thing," Stefan told me.
"She just disappeared without a sound and left you alone with the kids? What kind of way is that?" asked Helen in horror
"Don't ask me. My ex apparently felt she still needed to see something of the world. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore and that one of my kids is old enough now that I can get back to my work a little more, too." He replied.
"I can imagine that. I only worked part-time when Sarah was younger, too. Actually, she was easy to take care of, except for the occasional runaway, which teenagers have, of course." She returned with a laugh.
"You said it, they can really mess you up." he laughed as well. "Oh tell me, if you don't have any more appointments today anyway, why don't we just go out to eat together? What do you say? We can chat a bit about old times or philosophize about the futility of teenage life." He asked her.
"That almost sounds like a date." she remarked.
"Should be one, too." he countered. "So?"
"Let me turn everything off here and then we'll get out of here." she happily returned.
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Kathi and Sandra had meanwhile sat down in the cafe where they had met for the first time in a long time the week before. After the two had placed their order, Sandra took the floor.
"Why didn't you actually answer me?" she asked.
"Because Sarah had the idea I should surprise you. It worked out, didn't it?" she replied.
"Yes, but what would have happened if Svenja had shown up without me?" continued Sandra.
"Then Sarah or I would have called you already and you would have followed." She returned with a grin.
"Yes, I would be, actually," Sandra replied shortly. "I'm glad we just got the group separated so easily. You know I don't have to now in front of Svenja...you know."
"Don't even worry about it. I don't have to broadcast this to the masses either. Not everyone needs to know, even if it's not a bad thing." explained Kathi.
"I'm glad we agree on that," Sandra replied.
"Did you talk to Sarah about yesterday?" asked Sandra.
"No, she didn't say a word about it. But somehow I have the impression that she is gaining clarity on the subject." reported Kathi
"What makes you think that?" asked Sandra.
"She signed up for a community and went shopping in bulk." she explained to Sandra.
"Seriously? What did she say when you asked her about it?" asked Sandra curiously.
"It's hard to tell. I think she doesn't really want to admit it to herself yet, although I think it's obvious that she likes it." Kathi explained.
"Well somewhere understandable don't you think?" asked Sandra.
"Yeah, but I feel like she's making it unnecessarily complicated for herself." replied Kathi.
"She wouldn't be Sarah if she didn't make it complicated." countered Sandra, laughing out loud.
"I guess that's true. Say a completely different topic. Do you want me to come back to your place later or will your parents lynch me?" asked Kathi.
"My mother is actually quite fond of you, so shouldn't be a problem." Sandra returned.
"And what does your father say?" asked Kathi.
"My father usually has the same opinion as my mother. Actually she is the boss at home, but don't tell anyone or they won't take him seriously afterwards." giggled Sandra
"Why shouldn't he be taken seriously because of that?" asked Kathi
"My father is a lawyer for family law. That means he fights with all kinds of spouses, parents and whatnot in court, but at home he avoids every argument and leaves my mother in charge." explained Sandra.
"Wait a minute there's an old saying. Behind every strong man is an even stronger woman." Kathi commented on the story.
Both started to laugh.
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"So you are ready?" asked Svenja impatiently.
"Hold on." replied Sarah curtly. She was starting to want a coffee too, but she could imagine that Sandra and Kathi would enjoy the time alone anyway, so she tried to stall somehow.
"Oh gosh Sarah. Hurry the hell up. I want coffee now!" she admonished Svenja.
"Yeah, all right." replied Sarah, popping the last slice of her pizza into her mouth and swallowing it down as quickly as possible. "So now satisfied?" she asked annoyed.
"Sure." said Svenja while showing one of the waiters that they both wanted to pay.
A few moments at the waiter, asked the usual phrases whether everything had tasted and let pay for the food. Then they both left the restaurant.
"But you always have to rush like that." Sarah complained as the two made their way towards the cafe.
"Oh, I'm rushing? I didn't know you could dawdle so much," Svenja grumbled.
"I'm just in vacation mode, sorry." retorted Sarah.
"Why, actually?" asked Svenja.
"Oh, old Schroeder caught me smoking and sent me to the principal, who just suspended me because of the accumulation of incidents." explained Sarah.
"Man, you really need to pay more attention. One of these days they're really going to kick you out of school," Svenja replied.
Sarah looked over at Svenja when she suddenly saw Svenja's mouth open wide. She heard only one more: "Atta...." then she noticed how she was rammed rudely and fell on the floor.