Late evening turned into early night, early night into early morning as the round of the three girls finally disbanded. 4:00 AM. Everyone was plenty overtired. Sarah realized again that she was definitely missing restful sleep. If only it weren't for these almost insane dreams. How much longer would she be tormented by herself? When would this finally stop, would it stop at all? Her dreams had now already led to an accident. Was this a coincidence? Or was she subconsciously turning into the Sarah from her dream? Was the dream Sarah closer to reality than the real Sarah after all? Questions over questions were again in her head and once again she knew that she would not find any answers. At least not now, not directly.
Sandra had gone to Sarah's place for a reason. Sarah was not bothered by it. She somehow preferred to spend the night alone in her room. Who knew what the depths of her self held in store for her again. Did she even want to know, did she even want to sleep? She knew she couldn't stay awake forever, at some point sleep would overtake her and she would have to face her inner ghosts. Not a very nice idea as she had to realize. She had to put an end to this somehow, otherwise she wouldn't be able to spend a quiet night in the future. What was she aiming at herself? She had already rebelled against the part of herself she didn't want. That alone didn't seem to work. She had to keep playing the sick game of antisocial Sarah. In her dreams, this little beast apparently had unlimited power. Well, actually, another part of herself had the unlimited power. It had to be possible that she herself, as she wanted to be, could also attain this power and silence this little beast once and for all. But how? She thought about how this could be done, and finally she fell asleep.
Sarah startled up again. She knew she had fallen asleep. By now she was ready for anything. Could she even be sure that she was in a dream? There didn't seem to be a really sure way to do this. Concentration on something specific, as she had been taught by the little despicable brat, would not work. She would know how to prevent it. She grabbed her crotch for a moment. Ok she was wearing a diaper, that wasn't a meaningful criterion either. What else had been easy when her dreams just incorporated some nonsensical things. Bricks instead of windows. Back then, the thought struck her as if it had been decades ago, yet all of this had happened this week. A journey through madness through light and darkness suddenly came to her mind. She sat down on her desk chair and turned a little back and forth, as she often did when she thought. Why should she act any differently now than she usually did. It would only give the little brat more ammunition, she thought to herself. She thought again of light and darkness. The dark side in herself she had apparently already met enough, but the bright side, which represented the light, the positive, that had to be somewhere. But where? So far, only this snotty brat had appeared to her. Where was the other Sarah, she had to exist too. Somewhere deep inside her, there had to be the Sarah who was slowly eating her way through the hard shell of the antisocial in the real world. But where was she.
Sarah closed her eyes and continued to turn back and forth, thinking about the last dreams. She still couldn't make sense of them, but there had to be a common thread somewhere. In her mind's eye, she reviewed the first dream. In retrospect, it now seemed to her more like a glorified premonition of the actual events. This was definitely not true of the other dreams. There were no events there that could have even remotely represented any kind of foreshadowing. "Alright, maybe I shouldn't compare the entire dreams but just see which aspects repeat?" she said them herself. She stopped the chair when it was right in front of her desk. She moved a little closer to the desk and grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper. "At least I have this handy in my dreams, too," Sarah thought to herself. She thought it would make more sense to write down all the parallels of the dreams. She hastily scribbled a table with a column for each dream on that sheet. She thought about it for a moment. Diapers actually appeared in each of the dreams. So in each column once the word diaper. Sarah continued to think. That was all she could think of right away. She had the feeling of staring at the sheet for an eternity and not finding any more similarities. She leaned back, but no other commonality would come to her mind. "Oh damn. Another dead end." she said to herself into the room. Another thought had just occurred to her when it was abruptly interrupted by what must have been a familiar giggle.
"There you are again." she greeted the nine-year-old silhouette with a sardonic grin, slowly rising through the desk and placing herself on top of Sarah's notes.
"I'd say it's good to see you too now, or I've missed you, but I think we both know that's far from true," Sarah countered her likeness.
"You just can't take a joke. I thought our last get-together was fun. I had a great time and by that I mean I enjoyed every moment of it." she said laughing.
Sarah meanwhile sat straight in her chair and watched the in her eyes sadistic beast closely. At the slightest wrong move she would...she didn't know what she really wanted to do or even could do.
"Oh, now don't you worry about it." the nine-year-old put in. "This time I haven't planned quite as much fun as last time. So you don't have to worry about what you're going to do to me."
"Can you use that mind-reading thing for something useful, or just for your own benefit?" the six-year-old asked.
"Well, a few days ago I would have said my advantage is your advantage, but now you think you want to change your mind. That goes against the grain. Do you know how long you've been living what I am and not questioning it?" replied the blue-shimmering Sarah, who was meanwhile diligently pulling on her cigarette again.
"Honestly, looking at you, too long. If I'd had one of those dreams before, I'd have done something about you before now. You disgust me!" she yelled to herself.
"Mimimi. Now that was really painful and hurtful you know. That's almost tantamount to self-injurious behavior." the younger Sarah replied, scoffing. "Besides, who told you that our current encounters were the first encounters? We met many times in your dreams, you just don't remember most of the meetings. But I can tell you one thing, every time we have met and competed in some way, I have marched off the field victorious, while you have had nothing to say. What you've been through so far is a kid's birthday party compared to what we've been through, well, let's say with each other" she further explained.
"I'd know if we'd been at each other's throats before, wouldn't I?" the older Sarah countered.
"Ever heard of displacement? Ever think you forgot or wanted to forget?" got Sarah to listen.
"And why would I want to do that? Can you tell me?" she asked her younger self.
"You actually answered that question yourself earlier. That's all I'm going to say about that." was the silhouette's curt answer.
The answers were once again very meaningful as Sarah had to notice. But always, the confrontation tonight apparently brought more than usual, even if it was not yet clear to her where this should lead. I suddenly noticed a fact that she had not noticed before. In every dream in which her younger self had appeared, diapers had appeared, but strangely enough, the younger Sarah had never once commented on diapers in any way. She had only ever put Sarah in any situations where she had worn diapers. She was also puzzled by the statement that she had already answered the question. She had not actually answered a single question. Moment, the other I as a representative of darkness came to her again in the sense. She had not yet found a light Sarah, as she had already discovered. Maybe she just hadn't found a light version of herself yet, because she herself, as she was now, was the light and therefore good Sarah and therefore had to face her dark side again and again. But that still wouldn't explain why her dark side didn't say anything about the diapers. Fucking repression, she thought to herself secretly. There must be more to it than that. That bitch doesn't show me up like that for nothing. If she really was the antithesis of the little bitch, then maybe she would get somewhere with her next move.
"Oh are we speechless?" she was jerked out of her thoughts by her fuming interlocutor. She grinned nastily in Sarah's direction again.
Sarah concentrated and closed her eyes. Hopefully this will work, she was still thinking to herself, when she suddenly heard a, "Hey what the fuck." from the nine year old's mouth. Sarah opened her eyes. Her plan had worked. The nine-year-old silhouette was now hanging upside down from the ceiling, looking rather silly. The nine-year-old's dress was halfway over her face. Under the dress Sarah heard only loud curses which she did not pay any attention to now. She didn't know how much time she had. She continued to look at the ceiling. Then she realized that her suspicions had been confirmed.
"You're really getting on my nerves right now, you know that?" the nine-year-old cursed. "I think we'll end this for now. We'll see each other again. Enjoy your current victory." With those words, she was gone. Sarah leaned back once again and closed her eyes, relieved and confused at the same time.
When she opened her eyes again, light shone into her room. She was not sitting on the chair, but lying in her bed. Her dream was obviously over. She reached for her cell phone. Her cell phone clock showed her 11:00. "Well, at least a little sleep and not quite as wiped out as usual." she said to herself. She still couldn't get the last picture she had seen of herself out of her mind. The nine-year-old was indeed wearing diapers. She had expected almost everything, but that the being that haunted her in her dreams also wore diapers, she simply could not understand or did not want to understand. Well, it was different diapers than the ones she was currently wearing. They seem to be some rather large baby diapers. A bit with a dot pattern and some farm animals on it and with an adhesive strip on each side with flexible side wings. Just the typical baby diapers that she knew from her internship. Only the model was completely unknown to her. After all, she had two people she could ask, so maybe that would bring her one step closer to understanding it all.
She grabbed her crotch almost out of habit, her current diaper would definitely not last much longer. She wasn't sure anymore how full it had been when she had gone to bed, and she also didn't want to rule out the possibility that it wasn't the beer that had also taken its toll somewhere and she had unconsciously made in her diaper. This had actually happened to her a few times when she had overdone it again at parties and had come home literally full of snot. Her mother had given her so much freedom under the conditions that if she did anything in the house while drunk, she would clean it up and that she should be sensible and not drink herself into a coma. Despite her anti-authoritarian nature, Sarah had actually kept to them so far. The only things she had to put up with despite everything were reproachful looks from her mother, who granted her these freedoms but did not necessarily approve of her excessive consumption of alcohol, and the stupid comments she had received because of her all-too-frequent hangover.
Sarah stretched and swung out of her bed more energetic than the last few days. Without lingering long in her room, she headed purposefully toward the bathroom. It was time for a shower and then a coffee as soon as possible. She would check on Sandra and Kathi later, if they weren't already in the kitchen.
Kathi and Sandra were already in the kitchen. Sarah's mother had just joined them, she had come out of the garden and had spent the morning tending to some of her plants, which were not doing very well in the heat of the last week. "Good morning you two. Did you sleep well? Where's Sarah?" she asked as she entered the kitchen.
"Um...we let her sleep a little longer." Kathi answered without further explanation and looked as inconspicuously as possible in Sandra's direction.
"Did something happen that you guys don't want them here right now or what?" she asked curiously.
"Nah, was just something longer the evening." replied Sandra hastily.
"At least I didn't catch anything from you guys. I would have rather thought that three teenagers would make more noise. Which I could have sworn at one point I meant I heard Sandra trying to get into Sarah's room." she told them both.
"Um...you must be mistaken Helen." replied Kathi. She could already tell which way this was going to go. This was going to be another joyful interrogation. But this time she definitely didn't want to be put under pressure so easily and in the worst case she would just tell a part of the story. The sofa, the one with her and Sandra and one or the other detail could be left out.
Hmmm...I could swear that you wanted to go to Sarah Sandra. I don't want to interrogate you now don't worry, but I'm a little bit worried about Sarah the last days. So if anything has happened to her, please be so good and tell me," she explained, looking slightly sympathetically in Kathy's direction. She had apparently recovered well from the last interrogation. But she certainly hadn't been entirely nice to her niece, but she simply hadn't known any other advice in the situation.
"So. Something's happening?" She asked again promptly in the direction of the two girls.
"Um...well..." put in Sandra. "Yeah, but it's nothing wild really. No one got hurt or anything and we didn't have a fight, all three of us." she followed up.
"And that means exactly?" interjected Sarah's mother as she grabbed a coffee cup, filled it and joined the girls at the table. The two sat close together in the corner of the bench. Both of them were apparently still wearing the clothes they had slept in, they really couldn't have been awake for long. "Have you actually had breakfast?" she asked to briefly change the subject.
"No, we just made coffee for now and made ourselves a little comfortable here. With the breakfast we wait for Sarah. If it takes too long, we can always go wake her up," Kathi replied.
"But don't wait too long. Not that you still get hypoglycemia or something. Oh, by the way, Sandra, it's nice that you've stayed the night, too, it's never happened before. What exactly happened last night?"
Sandra swallowed. Hopefully it had gone unnoticed. "I think the worst, the worst, was when Sarah hit Kathi in the face with her fist..." Sandra started, but she didn't get any further for the moment, but was interrupted by a loud "Please what?" from Sarah's mother. "Why did you guys fight? You said no one was hurt. So girls, explanations please." She demanded energetically.
"Helen, if you would let us finish telling you, then some things would be clearer," Kathi continued. "Sarah fell asleep on the sofa and I tried to wake her up and she punched me in the face. It wasn't intentional, she probably dreamt some shit in the few minutes she was asleep. It was also very early in the evening, she apologized and everything is fine and as you can see she didn't hit me. Probably she was sleep drunk not strong enough to give me a black eye or something like that. I also don't have a headache or dizziness or see double, just FYI to calm the doctor in you right away."
Sarah's mother had calmed down by now and took a generous sip of coffee. "Well, don't scare me like that. You can't tell me everything is fine and the next minute I find out someone got hit. But then what about the room? Was that before or after?" she continued.
"That was..." began Sandra, the next moment all that came out in her mind was "FUCK, I hollow nut." came about.
Mrs. Kraus looked at them both in turn with a questioning look. Kathi knew that they had basically already lost because of Sandra's slip. Sandra began again: "That was after. Sarah stormed out of the living room, totally aghast, and took off for her room."
"Because of the blow? I think the reaction was quite exaggerated, or was there something else?" Sandra was further squeezed out.
"Yes. Sarah peed her pants in her sleep and since she didn't have any..." Sandra was abruptly interrupted.
"Sandra, for the love of God, maybe you really should talk less. That was blunder number two," Kathi interjected, only to realize immediately that she was no better than her friend, which she immediately announced: "Congratulations on blunder number one, Kathi."
Ms. Kraus cleared her throat. "Girls. Can we maybe stick to the point. I'm not going to rip your heads off for anything unless there's something criminal going on or something, but I don't feel that way so much right now. So I'm listening."
Kathi and Sandra looked at each other briefly and nodded to each other, then looked back at Sarah's mother. "Where was I?" asked Sandra as if she didn't know. "Oh well, Sarah peed her pants in her sleep and she just didn't have a diaper on, so the sofa took a beating."
"But don't worry I already took care of it," Kathi interjected. Sarah's mother wanted to see for herself. She stood up and looked at her sofa in the living room. There was indeed nothing to see. She lightly stroked the seat with her hand. In one place she noticed that it was a little soggy, but externally there seemed to be no sign of an accident, even on closer inspection of the area. After the extensive examination, she sat back down with the girls in the kitchen.
"Respect Kathi, I don't think I could have done a better job. If the spot hadn't still been a bit clammy and I had felt that, I wouldn't have noticed anything there. But why should Sarah have worn a diaper?" her mother asked, trying to play dumb as possible, she couldn't guess what had happened later that evening.
"I think I'll clear things up now," Kathi started, cutting off any chance of Sandra answering. "Is it okay if I tell everything Sandra?" she asked briefly in her direction. Sandra blushed briefly, squinted her eyes and nodded. "We met Sandra while we were shopping. She took the opportunity to look in the bag the diapers were in. I stepped into the breach for Sarah. I figured I wouldn't be here long anyway, so my cousin's best friend might as well think I'm incontinent. The two of us talked a little in private last night when Sarah was in the shower. Well, after Sarah's story about the sleepovers and Sandra's, let's say, not so subliminal questions about Sarah's opinion on the fact that I wear diapers, I also drew conclusions, which Sandra then confirmed to me," Kathi described the last few days.
Mrs. Kraus had raised an eyebrow and looked at Sandra. "Did you tell them?" she asked, dumbfounded. "Wow, well I would have expected anything but that, but then that explains why you stayed the night. Apparently you all still like each other right?" she asked the two.
"Uh yeah, but how do you know about that and since when?" asked Sandra in horror.
"The story would probably go beyond our time. Let's put it this way, I had a few conversations with your mother a few years ago in which I complained to her about my suffering and sought advice, well, that's when it came up. She got some advice from me in this matter. I wasn't supposed to tell Sarah about it, of course, but I wouldn't have anyway. She was, well let's say difficult then, far more difficult than she is now." explained Helen
"I kind of hope my mom didn't talk to any more parents about it." said Sandra meekly.
"I don't think you need to worry about that Sandra. Believe me she had good reasons to talk to me, but we'll discuss that another time. That also explains why you wanted to go to Sarah's room. You seemed to want to tell her that it's not the end of the world, isn't that right?"
Sandra nodded in agreement. "It took some persuasion to get her to open the door. Well the fact that I told her to search my backpack helped too. She found one of the diapers, as I wanted in the situation, so that opened the door for me, so to speak. After that, she let me in and we talked for a long time, including the fact that Sarah apparently wears diapers too, although not for very long. That was about it. That's all that happened yesterday," Sandra concluded her report.
Sarah's mother looked at both girls again in turn, but then got up without another word and left them both alone in the kitchen. The two looked at each other in confusion.