Sandra was jolted out of her memories by the creaking of wood. She opened her eyes and saw Sarah's bedroom door open a crack. Finally, she thought to herself. Will she finally come to her senses and let me in. Sarah's head briefly peeked into the hallway and caught sight of Sandra. "You're still here?" she asked timidly.
"Yes. Did you look in the backpack?" asked Sandra.
Sarah nodded. She was still standing behind her bedroom door, looking out into the hallway. Suddenly, she pulled her head back and the door opened completely. Sandra knew this was the sign for her to come in. She walked slowly toward the door and finally entered the room. She had barely crossed the threshold when the door closed behind her and a key was turned around. She looked around for a moment. On the floor were Sarah's clothes, which she had still worn downstairs. She had simply thrown them on the floor. Similarly, parts from her backpack had been lying across and in front of Sarah's couch. Apparently Sarah had rummaged wildly through her things. Normally Sandra would have wanted to lynch her now, but Sarah had her permission and asking her to tidy up in a situation like the present one had not occurred to her on the one hand, and on the other hand she would have considered it inappropriate anyway. Sarah had started moving behind her in the meantime and slowly moved past her on the right and sat down on the edge of the bed. She had her elbows braced on her legs and had her head resting on her hands, looking toward the floor. She had changed her clothes. She was apparently now wearing a white bodysuit that was cut quite wide at the crotch. She could guess what the actual purpose of the bodysuit was, but didn't want to go into it for now, maybe Sarah would tell her herself. Sandra didn't know yet how to start the conversation. Normally she was not often at a loss for words, but now she had the feeling that everything she could say would be simply wrong. She slowly sat down on the couch and continued to look at Sarah, who still had her head on her hands. Sandra looked like that for what felt like 10 minutes at Sarah, who just sat there in silence. Sandra cleared her throat, not because she wanted to say anything, but because I was getting uncomfortable with the silence. Sarah looked up and looked Sandra straight in the eye. Sarah finally broke her silence.
"What's the sofa doing downstairs?" she asked timidly.
Sandra was surprised that this was the first thing she wanted to know, presumably Sarah didn't know what to start the conversation with either, so she addressed Sarah's question, "It's fine, Kathi took care of it while I was waiting outside a door."
"Where is Kathi now?" continued Sarah.
"Downstairs in the kitchen. She's waiting for us to come back down. Or do you want to hide for the rest of the evening now?" asked Sandra, realizing right away that the last question could backfire. Sarah's eyes flashed briefly in annoyance, but the annoyance dissipated quite quickly. Sarah apparently didn't have the strength to release any real anger right now.
"I think I'd like to go to sleep right now and not wake up for the next few years until everyone forgets what happened," Sarah said.
Sandra remembered how she had reacted in the past, after every wake up, she would have preferred to run far far away and never come back. Her mother had always reassured her and everything was fine again, at least until the next morning.
"Sarah, everything is going to be all right. You don't have to be ashamed in front of anyone here, no matter how embarrassing it seems to you. Just think about it, Kathi is wearing diapers, she won't mind and she won't laugh either, except with you about something stupid when we are back downstairs. And me, yes, and me, I also wear diapers. But you've probably already figured that out." She winked at her to cheer her up a bit.
"Yeah I found one in your backpack. What's that doing there? Why are you wearing that? Are you wearing one now?" shot out as questions from Sarah.
"Wow, take it easy Sarah. One question at a time. So it's best to start at the beginning. I'm going to tell you something that I haven't told anyone, well at least until today. The diaper you found on me is actually mine. You have to know that I've been wetting the bed for years." She faltered for a moment and looked around at Sarah, expecting a reaction. Saying it this time immediately seemed much easier to her than earlier with Kathi. Sarah made no effort to say anything, so Sandra continued, "That's why I never slept over at your place, by the way. I was afraid that you would find out and laugh at me and then we wouldn't be friends anymore" she explained further. Sarah smiled a little.
"That's why you kept coming up with new outlandish excuses? Wouldn't it have been easier to just tell me? Do you really think I would have laughed at you and why did you change your mind in the first place? Why did you come here today of all days with the intention to spend the night here and how were you going to do that with the diaper secretly?" Sarah continued with the questions.
"Well, I don't want to offend you, but I think as your best friend I'm allowed to do that, you know, you've sometimes been just obnoxious and hostile to many unknown people, so I was simply afraid that this would also affect me. Don't get me wrong, you've always been fair to me, sure you've sometimes picked on me from the side or bitched at me, but I've done that to you too. I was just afraid that what we have and had apart. Why I decided differently today. Hmmm...I think it was your reaction to wanting to keep me from Kathi's bag and our conversation afterwards and of course the conversation I had with Kathi this afternoon. I used that to get Kathi's teeth into what you think about diapers and she assured me that you don't have a problem with it and that you're not being mean to her. I then thought for a long time whether I should risk it or not, but then decided in favor of it. In the worst case I could have called my mother and gone, but I think that's done now, isn't it?" Sandra described to Sarah.
"So because of me you don't have to get picked up. Um...Sandra..." she continued. "What exactly did Kathi tell you?" she asked uncertainly.
"She just told me that you didn't seem to have a problem with her wearing any," Sandra replied.
Sarah breathed a sigh of relief.
"Um Sarah there is something else I wanted to ask you so definitely more than one thing, but just one thing." started Sandra babbling in her usual manner.
"Sandra don't digress!" she admonished her friend. "You've answered a few questions for me, I'm sure I have a few more questions too, but let's just do the classic quid pro quo as the ancient Roman would say."
"You also chose Latin just to be able to say clever things, didn't you?" asked Sandra with a smile.
"Now don't pretend you didn't choose that for the same reason," Sarah replied with a grin. The conversation seemed to be going in the right direction Sandra thought. Then this was probably the best time to ask her question.
"Um...to my question. Are you going to tell me why there's a diaper in your hamper?"
Sarah turned white as a sheet when she heard the question. A thousand thoughts flashed through her mind. Had Sandra gone through her things or how did she know there was a diaper in her hamper. How could she know that. She took a deep breath. Maybe there was a perfectly logical explanation. She took another deep breath.
"What makes you think I have a diaper in my hamper. Besides, why would that be mine?" asked Sarah to her friend.
"So when I was just up here to put my stuff away, I got a little upset and kicked your laundry basket, I put it back in. In the process, I discovered a diaper. Apparently it's not Kathi's, I've already asked her." she explained her find.
"Um...the...I...shit." began Sarah and broke off again. She took a deep breath. "Alright. I'll tell you, but only if you don't laugh at me. Promise?" asked Sarah.
"You think I'm laughing at you? I told you about not even 10 minutes ago that I wear diapers at night and you think I'm laughing at you? Believe me that's not happening." replied Sandra.
"You're right. Besides, what could get more embarrassing now, I already woke up in front of you in wet pants?" started Sarah. She went to her laundry basket and rummaged out the diaper from between the clothes and sat back on the bed, she had put the diaper on her legs. Her hands were shaking, Sandra had the feeling she was shaking all over. Sarah slid off the edge of her bed back onto the bed and leaned back against the wall. Sandra waited anxiously for an answer from Sarah, but she apparently had to gather herself again before she could say anything.
Several minutes passed. Sarah still hadn't made a sound, but now she tentatively began to break her silence: "So..." she began. "Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, I'd say. Where is the best place to start? Oh well, let's start with this, the diaper here on my lap is actually mine. So not only this one but actually the whole package that you saw in the bag yesterday is mine. We bought them yesterday at your mother's under the pretext that they were for Kathi, I just couldn't manage to buy any. The fact that you crossed our path yesterday was completely inconvenient, I just have to say. I must say that Kathi played along very well and that without us having agreed on anything. Well, I was happy when you finally left and was even happier when we were back here, nothing against you, but that really made me a little tired yesterday," Sarah described yesterday's experiences.
"I see." said Sandra shortly. "But why did you buy diapers in the first place. Even though you just woke up with wet pants, I hardly think you have that problem often, do you?" she asked.
"No you're right about that. I don't have any problems with holding in or wetting in, that just happened was probably due to one of my weird dreams and has nothing to do with a permanent problem. So we'll just go back one more day. Kathy's arrival day. Up until then everything was normal, everything as I knew it. We went to a movie in the evening. Kathi was quite tired after the movie and wanted to sleep. Then I saw strange wet stripes on her butt. At first I couldn't make any sense of it and then I just put a gun to her head." Sarah continued
"That wasn't very nice of you, I just want to say," Sandra interrupted her again.
"I didn't think about that two days ago. I already suspected that she was wearing a diaper, but I just couldn't imagine it, I just had to find out what was going on. She then explained everything to me, so that she likes to wear diapers and she also likes to wear baby clothes and stuff," Sarah continued.
"Wait a minute...she told me something completely different." interrupted Sandra again.
"Fuck. I thought you guys had talked about it. What did she tell you then if not that?" asked Sarah horrified.
"Well, that she wears the diapers because she needs them. That means she doesn't really need them?" asked Sandra, upset.
"As far as I know, no. But now please don't be mad at her for lying to you about it. She had good reasons. You should be able to understand that best of all. So don't be unnecessarily angry with her, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you, and if we're being honest, the excuse "Hey, I'm wearing diapers because I need them." is a lot easier to deal with than "Hey, I like wearing diapers and putting on baby clothes, by the way." isn't it? Besides, you still want to know what happens next don't forget that." replied Sarah.
"Yeah, heck, you're right, but can you understand that this is kind of shocking me right now. Until just now I was convinced that Kathi was worse off than me because of the diapers and that's why I confided in her and now I find out that this is just a joke for her. That's kind of like a betrayal don't you think?" asked Sandra.
"I know what you mean. Of course, the whole thing has a stale aftertaste, but think positively. You managed to tell someone about your problem after years, that's something too isn't it?"
"Under completely false pretenses, I'd say," Sandra replied shortly.
"Sandra, now let's be honest, what has really changed as a basic fact? Kathi still wears diapers. Not because she needs them, but just because she likes it, but that doesn't change the fact that she wears them and why did you confide in her? Because she wears diapers and not because you knew that she needs them or wears them for fun," Sarah replied to her friend.
"You know what...I hate it when you're right." replied Sandra.
"I know, that's why I love being right you know." Sarah started to laugh. It was the first time since her accident that Sandra had seen her really laugh. She was pleased that this mishap didn't seem to matter anymore right now, but Sarah's storytelling wasn't over yet:
"So I'll just continue the story now," Sarah continued. "So Kathi explained everything to me as I said and also gave me a diaper. I didn't really know what to do with it at the time. I took the diaper and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and put the diaper on and went for a smoke. I stupidly ran into my mom who thought I was kind of weird. I guess I was thinking too much for her. She then summoned Kathi for "questioning". She went to see her in the hospital yesterday morning. My mother then came to me afterwards and gave me absolution, so to speak. I still don't know what to think about the whole thing. But I can do what I want," Sarah finished her brief account.
"But you wore more than just the one diaper didn't you? Did you use them too?" asked Sandra.
"Um..." Sarah blushed.
"So apparently yes and yes." replied Sandra laughing "Otherwise you wouldn't react like that."
Sandra dug her cell phone out of her pocket to take a look at the time. Her watch showed 22:30 it had now been over an hour and a half since she had left Kathi alone downstairs. It was actually about time they both went back downstairs.
"Sarah. Shall we continue the conversation downstairs?" asked Sandra.
"I'm OK again, thanks for your open ear and for not laughing at me." she said.
"Told ya!" replied Sandra, heading for the door. "Let's go downstairs then."
"Um go ahead. I'll be right down." said Sarah as Sandra left the room.
Arriving in the kitchen Sandra met a waiting Kathi.
"Did you get anywhere?" asked Kathi excitedly when she saw Sandra.
Sandra nodded and wordlessly sat back down to her bottle of beer and took a big swig. "Yeah she'll be right down. I don't know why she hasn't come straight down yet. We had a very shall we say enlightening conversation." countered Sandra.
"I can imagine. You told her, didn't you?" asked Kathi.
"Yes. But she also told me something. Do you want to add anything to your story from earlier?" asked Sandra.
"Um..." Kathi faltered. "What do you mean now, exactly?" she asked uncertainly, since she really didn't know what Sandra meant right now.
"I mean your story about wearing diapers." replied Sandra tersely.
"I..." Kathi couldn't find the words. But just looked at Sandra with big sad eyes. "How..." she started again, but again nothing more came.
"Hey, I'm not going to eat you, Sarah already pulled out my tooth, I just want to hear the truth now, nothing more. All right?" said Sandra.
Kathi nodded. Sarah must have really talked out of the closet. Actually, she would have jumped in her face for it now, or anything else. But if Sarah had told about her, she had probably told everything else. But had she really had to do that, there would have been another way. Why like this? Why just with her? Kathi just wished herself to another place. She closed her eyes, opened them again and saw Sandra in front of her. There was no wishing away as she had to realize, but only an all or nothing. The truth and then the whole truth or nothing. But why did she want to hear the truth, which Sandra apparently already knew, from her again? What was the deeper meaning behind it? "Um...well...I..." be faltered again. "Oh damn what's so hard about that!" she yelled at herself. "I...like...wearing diapers." She brought out after another orgy of cursing at herself.
Sandra smiled. "Harder than you thought to say that, isn't it? I just wanted to hear it from you again. Let's say as a little payback for your little lie earlier." she replied in response.
"Hey, the lie turned out that way, I'm sure it wasn't intentional and the rest that happened was more than just a lie," Kathi replied dejectedly.
"I didn't say anything to the contrary, did I? But how long did you want to play the game with the diaper need? Be glad that it's settled now and everything is still fine between us," Sandra explained.
Kathi thought about Sandra's words. Actually, she was right somewhere. At some point she should have come clean with her, right now it really seemed better to do this here and now and not sometime in the future. She still noticed how a tear made its way down her cheek. Sandra saw that Kathi was crying and slid closer to her. "Hey. Shhhh. It's nothing you need to cry about now. It's all good." Sandra told her.
"And you don't like me any less now than you did before?" asked Kathi in a tearful voice.
"I have to say that I was a little angry with you just now when I was with Sarah, but I think that's settled now. Come here to me," she said and hugged Kathi warmly. She pressed Kathi's head to her chest so that Kathi could only hear and feel her heartbeat. Everything else in the room went quiet and dark. When Sandra released the embrace, she slowly moved her head in Kathi's direction and kissed her passionately. Kathi blanked out everything. Even the fact that Sarah came into the kitchen during the kiss.
Sarah wondered at the sight that presented itself to her. Her cousin and her best friend were sitting in the kitchen kissing. Had she missed anything? Did she miss something? Both had apparently not yet noticed her presence, because they were too busy with themselves. What should she do now. Hit them both up for their bullshit or just lean against the door and wait until they were both done? How long would that take? She decided on the door and leaned back against it. Her cigarettes were near her, so she carefully lit one and continued to look at the spectacle before her. Sandra and Kathi apparently made no effort to break away from each other. Their cigarette was almost smoked out when both finally released themselves from their torpor and also from each other. Sarah took the last drag and stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray.
"Very interesting what you're up to here," she blurted out to the two.
They both startled when they realized Sarah was in the room.
"Um...how long..." put in Sandra.
"Long enough." added Sarah curtly.
She was standing wide-legged in front of them with her bodysuit and diaper on and her arms on her hips. If it hadn't been for the clothes she probably would have even looked threatening, but this way it was difficult for Sandra and Kathi to really take Sarah seriously.
"Um..." broke Kathi the silence. "Um, and now?"
"What and now? Should I tear you two apart or something? Honestly, almost nothing in my life surprises me anymore. Look at me standing here in front of you, I think two girls kissing is half the fun, right?" she winked at both of them. "But you could have said something, especially you Sandra. How many times have I been fighting with you over boys, only to see you making out with my cousin. That would have saved us some trouble, wouldn't it?" she replied to Sandra.
"You know, I honestly wasn't so sure about it either. I suspected something, but I just didn't want to believe it. Tonight it somehow came over me when Kathi took me in her arms. I just felt comfortable with her and it turned out that way. We wanted to tell you, but then your accident happened and we had other problems," Sandra explained.
Sarah stood in front of the two for a while longer, giving them both a thoughtful look. "Whole honestly. I think we all need another beer and then we'll talk in peace. You two one?" They both nodded. Sarah went to the fridge and pulled out three new bottles of beer. Opened them and handed them to the two. Then she sat down and lit a new cigarette. "All right. Who's going to start talking?" she asked the group.