Not ready
I cannot sleep that night. Ang isiping nakalabas ng kulungan ang kriminal na iyon ay hindi ko matanggap. Sinasabi ko na nga ba at bulok ang sistema ng hustisya sa bansang 'to. Palaging pipiliin ang pera kaysa katotohanan.
I cried and trembled in fear with the thought that Maximus Hijazi almost get to my skin again. Troi said, Hijazi is still not over the fact that he was proven guilty of multiple rape case. Na ako ang pinakasinisisi nito dahil sa pagkasira ng buhay.
Hijazi's are pretty influential specially that they're allied with the government. Malabong hindi mapalalaya si Maximus kahit gaano pa kalaki ang nakapataw na parusa dito. At ginawa nila ang lahat para walang lumabas na kahit anong impormasyon sa paglaya nito. That even the Del Rico's are not informed about it.
My fear and doubt started haunting me again. Kahit pa nangako si Troi na gagawin nila ang lahat para hindi na makagawa pa ng kahit anong hakbang si Maximus at ang tauhan nito. They are also trying to negotiate with the Hijazi's to surrender him in exchange of keeping him alive. Pero mukhang matigas ang mga ito at hindi sumang-ayon.
It's been days since Troi dropped the news. Ilang araw din akong hindi makausap nang matino dahil malayo lagi ang tingin ko. I wasn't comfortable with everything now. Pakiramdam ko, sa bawat kilos ko ay may nakamasid. Not to mention that my emotions are getting out of hand.
Victor is calling me again from time to time to monitor my status. Siya kaagad ang tinawagan ko. Yanna on the other hand has been out of reach since the day I called for help. Isa pa iyon sa dumadagdag sa isipin ko.
A lot is in my mind these days. At puro negatibo iyon. Katulad na lamang ng paano kung nalaman nila na kay Yanna ang unit na ginagamit ko. I was saved and now guarded. Maximus cannot find me and I'm sure, they know that someone is helping me.
"Are you sure hindi nila mahahanap si Yanna?" I asked Troi one time he delivered my lunch.
Mataman itong nakatingin sa akin at tila pilit binabasa ang kung anong tumatakbo sa isip ko. He let out a deep sigh before nodding.
"She came from a wealthy family, too, love. Her family will protect her at all cost."
I dropped my utensils after he said that.
"Fuck!" pumikit ako nang mariin.
Nararamdaman ko ang mabilis na pagpintig ng puso ko dahil sa kaba. Yanna... where are you? Why aren't you answering any of our calls? It's been three weeks. Victor and I had been worrying about you.
"Troi..." nanginginig ang boses na tawag ko sa kaniya at nang magmulat ay binanggit ang gumugulo sa isipan ko.
"Yanna's alone. N-no one know where she is..." Umiling ako at naramdaman ang kakaibang klase ng kaba para sa kaibigan.
"Her family is also oblivious of her whereabouts. After she left that night, sa dapat ay kasal nila ni Bjorne, wala ng kahit na sinong nakaaalam kung nasaan siya."
She might be in danger. O baka nahanap na siya ng mga Hijazi? Baka hawak na nila si Yanna? I shivered with that thought. No... Hindi ko kakayanin kapag si Yanna ay nadamay. She's been nothing but a good friend to me. Siya ang tumulong sa akin na walang hinihiling kapalit. She's my first and only girl friend. I cannot bear to lose her because of me. I cannot take it if I lose her.
I felt Troi's hand pulled me for a hug. I cannot do anything with that. Hinayaan ko lang siyang aluin ako hanggang kumalma. Yanna didn't leave my mind even after Troi assured me that he's going to tell Bjorne about it. God knows how much I wanted to tell Troi that Yanna is sick so that Bjorne would know. But its's not my story to tell. It'll never be.
Another night came. Kung wala ang anak ko ngayon, baka tulala na naman ako at malayo ang iniisip. Sa loob ng tatlong lingo't mahigit, mas napalapit ako sa anak ko. Nagawa ko ang mga bagay na gusto kong magawa sa kaniya bilang isang ina. Makasama siya sa pagtulog. Mapaliguan. Mabihisan. Makakwentuhan tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay.
After he confronted me whether I'm going to stay with him, he became cold. But after a day, sumungaw ang mukha niya sa pintuan at nanghingi ng pasensya sa pagiging hindi maunawain. My son... he's so pure. That even I'm the one who have a lot to prove to him, he is still lowering his pride for me. Mas napagtatanto kong hindi ako dapat maging makasarili at hilingin na sa akin na lang siya. Tarian deserve a family and I know, Troi could give it to him.
My son became my daily dose of sanity and I never forget to thank Lord that he made my son like this. Someone who will understand me no matter what I did.
"Mommy, how about this? Do you like this color?" he asked while doing a DIY bracelet for the both of us.
It's one in the afternoon and he's energetic. I smiled and nodded at him.
"Of course, anak. The green color is relaxing and a refreshment. You can do that color for me."
Mabilis niyang kinalat ang maliliit na piraso ng panggawa ng porselas. May gumulong doon na isa kaya tumayo ako para kuhanin iyon. Nakakalakad naman na ako pero umiika-ika pa rin nang kaunti. That's an improvement, tho. Dr. Esguerra came here to pay me a visit. Sinabihan ako nito na mabilis na naghilom ang sugat dahil hindi ito napupuwersa at ilang araw pa ay tuluyan na akong makakalakad nang maayos.
Wala akong alam na nagpatawag pa si Troi ng personal at special meeting with me. So far, ang sabi sa akin ni Angie, ang kasambahay na palagi akong tinutulungan, si Dr. Esguerra pa lamang daw ang pangalawang nakatutuntong sa bahay na 'to bukod sa akin. And Dr. Esguerra is also a relative of Troi's mother.
Wala namang kaso sa akin iyon at hindi naman ako nakakaramdam ng kung ano sa kanilang dalawa. Like what I said, Troi and I is just civil towards each other. Tinutulungan niya ako marahil ay dahil paraan niya na rin ito para makabawi sa mga nagawa niya. As a person who already forgave him, I am accepting his help. We're just here as a friend. I can't offer anything.
"Mommy, done!"
Iyon ang nakakuha ng atensyon ko mula sa pagliliwaliw sa mga isipin. Nakangiti kong binalingan si Tarian bago dumapo ang tingin ko sa kaniyang hawak. He took my wrist and he put the bracelet on it. Saktong-sakto agad iyon sa akin.
My skin looks good with the color.
"Wow! It looks amazing..." I mumbled. I left a peck of kiss on his forehead. Tinanggap niya iyon habang humahagikgik.
"Thank you, baby," I sincerely muttered.
Troi isn't here. May meeting sila with the board members kaya kampante ako na hindi kami mahuhuli. Up until now, Troi doesn't know that Tarian and I were closed. Tarian haven't inform him too about the truth that he can speak.
Minsan ay nakaka-guilty na rin. Sa tingin ko kasi, ang maipaalam sa kaniya na tanggap ko at mahal ko ang anak namin ay ang siyang tanging paraan ko para maibalik ang kabutihan niya. However, my brilliant mind cannot also take it if ever he conclude that I only like and love Tarian because he showed me generosity.
Sa dami ng iniisip ko, hindi na rin yata nagpa-function nang ayos ang utak ko. Miski ako ay hindi na rin maunawaan ang sarili. I'm thankful that Tarian is here. Mas matagal ang bonding namin ngayon kumpara sa mga nakakaraang lingo. Palagi kasi noong umuuwi nang maaga si Troi to check on me. Ngayon ay diretso nitong sinabi na gagabihin siya ng uwi.
That's the reason why I'm still awake even to this hour. Alas diyes na ng gabi pero hindi pa rin siya umuuwi o tumatawag man lang. Mostly, dumadaan pa siya rito sa akin para tanungin kung kamusta na ang naging araw ko. Nakasanayan ko na iyon. That's the reason why I'm so bothered of his absence for this night.
He informed that he's coming home late but I didn't know that he meant this late. Akala ko ay mga nasa alas otso lang. Hindi alas diyes ng gabi! I bit my lips in frustrations. I tried inhaling a lot of fresh air to calm myself.
"This is okay..." I told myself.
Maybe he's just having a really good time. Baka naisipan pa ng board members o ilan sa mga kaibigan niya roon na magkaroon ng kaunting inuman? Mostly ganoon naman talaga. Ganoon din doon sa amin sa Finland. After a long and tiring day, parang tradisyon na dumaan sa isang bar o club to let off some steam.
I nodded my head. That's alright. Baka rin may in-attend-an din siya na party. Iyon din ang isa sa naiisip ko since he's been seen multiple times in a different parties. Troi has a very active life. Or maybe he really went to a bar and had a drink. Baka he's also having a good time there? With someone else.
My teeth gritted in annoyance. He could have said that. Hindi iyong may meeting lang siya at gagabihin!
Ngumiwi ako sa naisip. Deep sighs left my lips. This is ridiculous! I'm so annoyed. I'm worried at baka si Tarian din. Baka dinaraanan niya rin si Tarian bago matulog katulad ng ginagawa niya sa akin. Paano kung hindi makatulog ang anak ko kakaisip kung bakit wala pa siya?
I cussed repeatedly. This is getting absurd! I don't really care where he is at this moment but the thought of my son worrying about his jerk of a father is so distracting and annoying.
I am cursing Troi inside my head. Hanggang sa nakatulog ako. Kinabukasan, si Angie ang naabutan kong nagpasok ng agahan sa akin. Walang Troi. Kahit anong pigil ko sa sarili na huwag magtanong tungkol sa kaniya ay wala akong nagawa nang 'di ko talaga matiis.
"Did Troi came home last night?" I tried sounding casual but my words were followed by a sarcastic huff.
"Hindi pa ho, eh," tipid na sagot ni Angie.
I pressed my lips, trying to suppress myself from throwing another question. Para namang nakita ni Angie na may gusto pa akong itanong at 'di lang magawa. She speak again.
"Ang narinig ko po kanina kay Nanay Livia ay tumawag daw po sa kaniya si Sir kanina."
Mula sa pagkain ay bumalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Angie is sitting on the couch while playing with a toy that Tarian probably left there yesterday.
"Anong sabi ni Troi?" hindi ko na napigilang tanong.
"Hindi daw po siya makakauwi ng ilang araw at si Nanay Livia na lang daw po muna ang bahala sa inyo at kay Tarian. May..." She trailed off which made my eyebrows arched.
"May?"pag-uulit ko sa huling salita niya.
Nagbababa siya ng tingin para iwasan ang siguro ay emosyonal kong mga mata.
"May importante daw pong inaasikaso si Sir sa i-ibang bansa."
Hinilot ko ang sintido sa narinig. Great! Wala sa bar o sa kung anong party. He's abroad! And he didn't tell me. It annoyed me so well. Nawalan ako ng gana sa pagkain at nauwi na lang sa pagkayamot. He could've told me, tho!
"Bawal po sabihin sa inyo iyon kaya lang nakikita ko po na nag-aalala na rin kayo kay Sir-"
"I'm not!" agap ko, napakalakas ang boses.
Of course not! I'm not worried about him. How could I worry for someone who doesn't want me to know that he's abroad. Wala naman akong balak na pigilan siya kung gusto niyang umalis ng bansa. Kahit sampung taon pa siya roon ay walang problema sa akin!
"Why would I worry about him? Kahit saan pa siya magpunta at huwag na siyang bumalik!" matigas na sambit ko.
Angie scrunched her nose when she noticed the tone of my voice. I closed my eyes tightly. I sounded so mad when I said that. Something inside me is burning in anger because of Troi and because of myself. Bakit nga ba naisip ko na sasabihan niya ako? Sino lang ba ako? Bisita sa bahay niya na tinutulungan niya at wala akong karapatan mag-demand.
I reminded myself about that ever since Angie told me of Troi's order. Nagpanggap talaga akong walang alam tungkol doon nang bisitahin ako ni Nana Livia para tanungin kung kamusta ako.
I told her that I am okay and I am so excited to leave this house. Mukha pa ngang natigilan siya roon. Maybe they're still expecting that I'm going to live here from now on. That's so wrong. I won't live here with Troi who's constantly giving me headache without him knowing.
Sa halip na magalit kay Troi ay pinagtuunan ko na lamang ng pansin ang anak ko. Tarian is the stress reliever and his father is the reason of stress. Who would want to live with him? Kawawa ang mapapangasawa ni Troi. Hindi nagpapaalam kapag aalis.
"Mommy, are you okay?" Tarian's worried voice returned me to reality.
My face crumpled in annoyance when i realized that I'm spacing out in front of him. Naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa kamay ko. Malamlam ang kaniyang mga mata.
"Mommy, don't worry. Daddy is safe. He will return home after he finish what he's doing." That was followed by an assuring smile.
With that sight, I felt my heart became at ease. I don't know if it's because of my son or the thought that Troi is safe. Sa kawalan ng sasabihin, nagpatuloy na lamang kami ng anak ko sa paglalaro. Sa ganoon umiikot ang buhay ko sa loob ng silid na 'to.
Samahan si Tarian na bumasa, magsulat, gumuhit at maglaro. Sometimes, I'm asking Angie to assist me and bring me outside. Hindi naman niya ako pinahihindian at agad na dinadala doon. She's also the one to assist me when I started trying to walk.
Kaya naman abot-abot ang pasasalamat ko sa kaniya ngayong nagagawa ko nang makalakad nang maayos. Humakbang ako patungo sa veranda ng bahay. Naramdaman ko agad ang pagtama nang malakas na hangin sa katawan ko. Bahagya akong nanginig pero agad din naman na nakapag-adjust ang aking katawan.
Alas diyes ng gabi, hindi pa rin ako dalawin ng antok. Ilang sunod-sunod na gabi na akong ganito. Mailap ang antok sa akin. Marahil ay sa dami ng bumabagabag sa akin. Yanna is still unreachable. Troi isn't here yet. Hindi pa rin ito nagpaparamdam sa akin pero si Tarian, lagi akong binibigyan ng update tungkol sa kaniyang ama.
I'm starting to get mad at Troi. Maybe because my worries is eating me slowly. Why can't he just tell me where he is? Hindi ko naman siya babawalan o kung ano man. I just want to know where he is and what he's been doing? Isa pa, I want to personally thank him for letting me stay here. I want to find a better apartment, tho. Kaya lang naiisip ko na hindi ko pa nama nakukumpirma kung ano na ang lagay ng kaso tungkol sa nangyari.
Hindi ako maaring manatili na lang dito. I don't want to give my son, the staffs here and Troi a wrong idea. I don't want them to hope. Mas matagal dito, mas aakalain nilang may pag-asa kami. Lalo na ang anak ko. Hindi ko iyon nais pang lumala.
Another day came, wala pa ring paramdam si Troi. I am starting to get frustrated again. Wala pa si Tarian dito at may outdoor activities with his homeschool teacher kaya ako lang mag-isa. Nabuburyo na ako at kung anu-ano na naman ang naiisip.
I'm starting to hate Troi again. I hate him so much! Should I just left and find an apartment without his knowledge? I gritted my teeth in annoyance.
Another day came, magtatatlong lingo na siyang wala at lagpas isang buwan na ako rito. I'm perfectly fine now. Dra. Esguerra already dismissed my case. Kating-kati na akong makalabas at malaman kung ano na ang nangyari sa kaso pero ang kauna-unahang taong mapagtatanungan ko ay wala.
Troi's absence is putting me to my limit. That is the reason why I'm so eager to leave his house the next day. Gamit ang cellphone na binili niya para sa akin, nagtipa ako ng mensahe para sa kaniya.
This would be the first text and last text he would receive from me. Fuck him! Hindi niya rin talaga ko ing-message? I gritted my teeth while I gripped my phone so hard.
As I sent the message, halos mapaiyak ako sa frustrations. Isang text lang ang hinihintay ko para sabihin niya kung saang lupalop ng mundo siya naroon at bakit hindi na nagpakita. If I ever see him again, I would act like we don't know each other. Para siya naman ang magmukhang tanga.
Those thoughts clouded my mind until I drifted to sleep. The next day, I woke up in a wrong side of bed. Alas siyete ay bumangon na ako para asikasuhin ang sarili.
I took a bath. After that, I dressed up as usual. I'm leaving this house today! Walang makakapigil sa akin. I would just tell Tarian that I need to do something. Mukha namang makakadalaw ako rito kailan ko man gustuhin. I can visit him and call him everytime. For now, I want to know what's happening outside.
Isang kulay beige na dress ang pinili kong suotin. Hanggang taas lang ng tuhod ang haba noon at may 'di kahabaang slit sa magkabilang gilid ng hita. Manipis at see-through ang kulay ng plastic na strap noon. Mababa ang neckline noon at kitang-kita ang cleavage ko.
I chose a three inch pumps at saka pinuyod lang ng dalawang maliit sa dalawang gilid ang itaas na parte ng buhok ko. I put the red lipstick that I saw here and I went out habang dala ang isang bote ng pabango at pinipisik-pisik iyon sa sarili.
I stopped midway when I saw Troi putting the breakfast table on my bed. Mukhang naramdaman niya ang presensya ko sa likod niya kaya humarap siya agad sa akin.
My instinct played the best out of me and without self awareness, I throw the expensive bottle of perfume towards him. I know I throw it hard enough but he's so quick to catch it.
"The fuck?" he uttered so shock.
Inilipat niya ang botelya sa kaliwang kamay niya at gulat na tinignan ang palad na sumalo sa bote na siguro ay namumula.
My frustrations for the whole time that he's not here suddenly went to my head.
"Bakit umuwi ka pa?!" galit na galit kong sigaw sa kaniya.
I took bigger steps just so I could went closer to him. Mukhang hindi niya inaasahan ang galit ko kaya nang makalapit, nagawa ko siyang hampasin sa braso. Malakas ang tunog noon dahil sandong kulay puti lang ang suot niya.
"You should've just stayed where you are for those fucking weeks! Aalis na rin naman ako!" singhal ko pa uli.
Siguro sa tangkad niya at sa height ko, mapagkakamalan akong bata na nagwawala dahil 'di nabilhan ng gustong gamit.
Troi immediately throws the bottle on the bed. Dahil doon, nagawa niya nang salagin ang mga atake ko kaya lalo akong nagpupuyos sa galit.
"I'm sorry, love... fuck..." He's struggling to catch my hand because I continuously throws punches and slaps at him.
"Tangina mo! Wala kang pasabi! Para akong tanga dito..." gigil na gigil ako sa pagkakasabi noon.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want to worry you," he reasoned out while trying his best to stop all my attack.
Nanginginig ang labi ko at ganoon din ang aking kalamnan. Maybe because my hands are starting to falter, he managed to capture the two using one hand. Kinabig niya kaagad ako sa dibdib niya.
Pinakawalan niya rin agad ang kamay ko para mayakap ako nang husto. I made sure he will still receive my anger and so I tried throwing punches again, sa on his waist but this time, it's weaker.
"I'm sorry, love," he whispered. His voice is tired and wary.
Mabagal ang paghinga niya at naririnig ko ang tibok ng puso niyang kalmado. I felt his kisses on my ear and then to my cheek. Bahagya nang lumuwag ang yakap niya.
Hindi ko namalayan na humihikbi na ako dahil sa yamot na naramdaman kanina. Ilang minuto pa at pinakawalan niya ako.
Matalim agad ang klase ng tingin na ipinukol ko sa kaniya habang ang kaniya ay nananantiya.
"Sana hindi ka na umuwi," singhal ko habang pinupunasan ang luha.
He tried helping me but I jerked away. Kapal ng mukha! Pagkatapos mawala ng ilang lingo nandito at akala mo walang nangyari? How I wanted to tell him that but I would sound like a mad wife. I don't want that.
he let out a deep sigh as if he's admitting his defeat.
"I'm sorry, love. I meant it. I intentionally didn't inform yo-"
"Tignan mo? At proud ka pang sabihin sa akin iyan?" nagngingitngit kong sigaw sa kaniya matapos ko siyang ambaan.
Even though wariness is visible on his eyes, amusement flashed through it for a moment.
"Sana nga hindi ka na lang umuwi," dagdag ko pa.
I went towards where my phone is charging.
"Isang mensahe lang hindi mo magawa?" bulong-bulong ko pero sapat na para marinig niya.
I unlocked my phone and type a text for Victor. Nakatalikod ako sa kaniya kaya hindi ko na nakikita ang ekspresyon niya. Miski sa pagtitipa ng mensahe para sa kaibigan ay busangot na busangot pa rin ang aking mukha.
I stilled when his arms snaked around my waist. Hindi ako kumibo at pinakiramdaman siya. He planted soft kisses on my hair.
Tinampal ko ang kamay niya. "Tabi ka nga!" bulyaw ko pa pero hindi siya natinag.
His calm breathing is making me uncomfortable. How come he's this composed while I almost died of anger? Mabilis ang tibok ng puso ko at nagwawala. Siguro ay sa galit o sa iba pang dahilan.
"I fucking miss this..." I heard him murmured.
"Ano?!" pagalit kong sambit kahit kinakanta na ako ng puso.
"The feeling of home," he uttered in response.
Because of overwhelmeness, I pinched the back of his hand. He cleared his throat.
"I was in Italy." Sandali akong natigilan sa pagtitipa.
"We received a tip that Maximus flew there."
What he said caught my attention kaya kahit hindi tapos ang mensahe ay ipinadala ko na iyon kay Victor.
"Oh, tapos?" mas mahinahon na ang boses ko ngayon kahit tinatambol ang kalooban ko.
"Our team immediately decided to come after him. Unluckily, the one who flew to Italy is not Maximus but his friend. Pati iyon nakalusot na rin. I wanted so bad to bring him back to jail. We succeeded but..."
Nangunot ang noo ko nang pinutol niya. Nilingon ko siya para bigyan ng signal na magpatuloy.
"I don't want you to worry so I didn't message you. I was certain that I'll head home after our talk with the Italian authorities but Maximus managed to sent someone. I was shot so I took my time there to heal."
Dahil sa sinabi niya ay kumalas ako sa yakap niya para harapin siya. He was shot? Naglakbay agad ang mata ko sa katawan niya.
"Where?" I worried asked.
He tsked and tried to just hug me again but I dodge him.
"Saan, Troi? At bakit hindi mo sinabi?" hesterikal na ang boses ko ngayon. Nahahaluan na ng kaba ang nararamdaman ko.
He's wearing a shorts and a sando. Malabong sa parteng kamay o paa. My hand moved on its own and pulled up the hem of his shirt and there, I saw the still swollen area of the wound.
"Just leave it, love," he said and tried pulling his shirt but I glared at him.
I touched the wound and I can see that it is till fresh. Tila katatanggal lang ng tahi. Pumikit ako nang mariin at tinapunan pa rin siya nang matalim na tingin.
"Bakit ba kasi sumama-sama ka pa? May tauhan ka naman na. You could've sent them alone. "
His lips almost pouted but I act like as if I would hurt him and so, he stopped. Nag-iwas na lang tingin kahit sa mata ay may multo pa rin ng tuwa.
"Gusto kong ako mismo ang makahuli sa kaniya," pagdadahilan niya.
My right brow arched in annoyance. I huffed sarcastically. Is he trying to become a hero? I understand that it's for my safety but isn't a bit risky? He's this stupid? Foolish than my aching heart now?
"Oh, tapos? Anong nangyari? May kapalit, 'di ba?" tigas na pagtutunog galit ko.
"I'm fine now. Let's just forget about it."
Umiling ako sa pagkadismaya. Nalaglag ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. Ganito din ba ang naramdaman niya noong nabaril ako? Dismayado din siya kasi parang wala lang iyon sa akin habang siya ay halos himatayin sa sinapit ko?
"I'm pretty sure your reaction when I was shot isn't like that. Galit na galit ka nga, 'di ba?" giit ko sa kaniya.
"I didn't throw anything towards you, love," aniya bago makahulugang sumulyap sa kamay ko at sa botelya ng pabango na nasa kama na ngayon.
Sa inis ay dumampot uli ang kamay ko nang kung ano at hinagis uli iyon sa kaniya. I know he can catch that. That's my instinct moving, tho. Nilagpasan ko siya at tinungo ang breakfast table.
"I let you explain way back and I accepted your reason-" I cutted him off.
"And you're bringing that up?" my voice sounds like I couldn't take it anymore.
I heard him sighed.
"Fine. I'll admit my defeat. You're right, love. I'm wrong at this." I don't know if it's just me or his voice is really tainted with taunts.
I looked at him coldly. He cleared his throat again and massaged his adams apple before speaking again.
"I mean," he walked towards me. "I'm sorry, love. I admit you're right." Kumpara sa kanina, mas kapani-paniwalang inaaamin niya ang kasalanan niya kaysa kanina.
Mabuti naman. He's wrong and he needs to admit it. What's the point of defending himself when he's wrong?
I ate in silence. Ni hindi ko siya tinanong o inayang kumain. I'm still mad about him. Akala niya ba ay dahil nagpaliwanag siya tapos na? I don't care kahit magtagal pa siya sa Italy. Ang akin lang dapat ay nagsabi man lang siya. Alam ng mayordoma at anak namin pero ako hindi pwede?
"I didn't tell you because I know you'll be worried and mad," he reasoned out again after I ate. Hindi ko pa rin kasi siya kinakausap.
"Why would I get mad?" I dramatically asked him. Nanlalaki ang mata ko at halos lumuwa na iyon sa inis.
Ngumiwi siya pero naglalaro ang kung anong ekspresyon sa kaniyang mata.
"You're mad right now," he stated and pointed out my current state.
I growled at him in disbelief.
"I wouldn't be if you just informed me!"
He massaged him temple but this time, with a smile on his lips. He uttered something in a low voice which made it difficult for me to hear clearly.
"It's fucking true that you wouldn't win against your wife."
"Ano iyon?" bulingas ko pero agad din siyang umiling.
"Nothing, love," he said, mas maaliwalas na ang mukha.
Bumuntong-hininga ako at napaupo na lamang sa kama. There's a lot of things inside my head. At lahat iyon, tungkol sa yamot kay Troi.
Matapos ang ilang sandaling katahimikan, tumayo ako.
"I'm leaving," sambit ko na mas mahinahon pero may diin pa rin ang boses.
He's now in defense mode. Umahon siya mula sa pagkakasandal sa bedside table.
"You can't. Maximus is still on the run," his voice is now serious.
This time, his eyes are filled with worries. Bahagya nang nakakunot ang kaniyang noo. Nagtungo na siya sa akin. Iginiya niya ako para makaupo uli sa kama bago siya ay sa harapan ko at nakatukod ang isang tuhod sa sahig.
"Listen, love. Your life is at stake. Maximus is eager to kill you. The Hijazi are also aware of that. They are extending their help in order to stop Maximus from attempting another crime. The authorities wants you to stay hidden until Maximus is caught."
Hindi ako agad nakapagsalita.
"Maximus is moving on his own. He has a group to support him that's why he can still move unnoticed. We need to be extra careful or else he will get into you and I don't want that."
I swallowed hard as I watched the truest of his emotions. Kitang-kita ko ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang mata. Hindi niya iyon sinubukang itago.
"I added a lot of securities. I don't want to risk your life. Please, love," he sounded so helpless.
I licked my lowerlip and nodded in response. We both heave a sigh. He smiled at me and whispered thank you. Tumayo siya kaya nakasunod lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya.
"I'm bored here, Troi. Mahigit isang buwan na ako rito," I voiced out.
Tumingin uli siya sa akin at sandaling nag-isip. He checked his wristwatch before nodding.
"It's Hope's christening. We can go there."
Nai-excite na napatayo ako.
"Really? Ngayon na?" aligaga kong tanong.
Nang balingan ko siya at may 'di mapangalanang ekspresyon sa mukha niya.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
His brows creased. "How could women change their emotions so quick?" he asked as if he's talking to himself.
I grinned but decided to let it pass.
"I'm going to change to something better," I told him and left him there.
Nakalantad ang naggagandahang mga damit. Christening so I should wear white, light blue or pink. O kaya naman ay yellow. I spotted a striped body hugging dress. Magkahalong baby pink at puti iyon.
Like what I said, every clothes here are new. Kaya may tag pa ang mga narito dahil ang karaniwang sinusuot ko naman ay pambahay lang.
Sinipat ko ang sarili sa salamin habang suot na ang damit. Mas maikli ito kumpara sa suot ko kanina pero sanay naman na ako. Puff sleeve at square necline iyon. Pinaresan ko iyon nang kulay puting wedge this time. Binago ko rin ang makeup ko at ginawa iyong slight soft pero ang lipstick, nude red. I wore a simple earrings at isang diamond necklace na maliit lang pendant.
Lumabas ako sa kwarto bitbit ang maliit na handbag. Inilagay ko doon ang perfume na ibinato ko kay Troi kanina kasama na ng isang lipstick, compact powder at cellphone. Victor is still not responding to my text.
Wala na si Troi nang lumabas ako sa walk-in-closet so I guess he's changing. Habang nagpapalipas ng oras, napagdesisyunan kong kumuha ng litrato para ilagay sa Instagram story.
Kalahati ng mukha ko at nakangiti ako roon habang nakapangalumbaba. I captioned it "finally". Yes! Finally! Makakalabas din dito.
There's a thin smile on my lips when the door opened. Iniluwa noon si Troi na nakasuot ng polo shirt na kulay baby pink din. Umawang ang labi ko hindi dahil pareho kami kundi bagay na bagay sa kaniya ang kulay na iyon.
He looks manly and more attractive. The fuck? I didn't know pink could be this good to a man? Hindi naman kasi usually ako nakakakita ng ganito. And indeed, pink looks good with men. This should be a rule for everyone. Hindi naman masagwa tignan. It's quite the opposite.
Narito na naman ang walang patid na pagtibok ng dibdib ko. Masahol sa kanina. Why is he affecting me like this? I'm mad at him! Annoyed! I wouldn't falter just because he looks...
I cursed myself when I realized what I'm doing.
Troi is oozing hot. The shirt is hugging his good physique. Sa tindig niya pa ay parang walang sugat sa gilid ng tiyan niya. His biceps is a plus. Suot niya ang kulay itim an slack at naka-tucked in doon ang polo.
He's fixing the hem of his sleeves. Oh, words cannot express how handsome he is.
"Thank you for the compliment, love," he said with a ghost of smirked on his lips.
Nanlaki ang mata ko at sa huli ay umirap. He probably see how I praised him because of my expressions. Alam kong hindi ko sinambit ang mga katagang iyon!
"I'm shocked! Ginaya mo kasi ang kulay ng suot ko," iritadong sambit ko para makalusot.
A low growl of chuckles followed that.
"What's wrong with that? If only we could wear couple's shirts," he said.
I scowled at him.
"We're not a couple," I stated.
He pouted and nodded.
"More than a couple," he said but I could no longer heard it since he lowered his voice.
Instead of asking him about that, tumayo na ako para tumungo palapit sa kaniya.
"Tara na," atubiling sambit ko.
He looked at me from head to toe.
"Don't you think that's a bit short?" he wrinkled his nose.
I smiled at him and dropped it afterwards.
"Huwag mo akong artehan, Troi. Hindi na ako magpapalit," banta ko.
Another version of his defeated sighed and we went out of my room. Nadatnan namin si Tarian na naghihintay sa labas. Sandali akong natigilan at pinagmasdana ang anak. He is also wearing pink and he looks so adorable. I want to hug him so bad and kiss him nonstop.
Troi cleared his throat and took bigger steps towards our son. He squatted and scooped Tarian before facing me.
"I forgot to tell you that we're bringing him," he said, voice a bit strained.
I gulped when I realized that he's waiting for my answer. That he's asking a permission even though he's already holding our son and so ready to go out.
I nodded. My eyes went to Tarian who's eyes are smiling at me. I blinked twice and he did that, too. That's a sign for us. Nag-iwas na ako ng tingin bago naunang maglakad. Troi followed and I heard him whispered his sorry.
I stopped myself from pouting. Sa loob ng sasakyan, ang awkward ng atmosphere sa pagitan namin ni Troi pero ang anak namin, kalmado lang. Nagdadalawang-isip ako kung sasabihin ko na ba sa kaniya na ayos naman si Tarian sa akin. Kaya lang, parang hindi ito ang tamang pagkakataon.
Hindi na lang ako nagkibo at nakakagulat man pero ganoon din siya. Hanggang sa narating namin ang pinagdarausan ng event ay tahimik pa rin kaming tatlo.
I was so eager to enter the hall just so I could grasp some air. Dahil sa pagitan namin ni Troi, ayaw nang pumasok ng hangin. Nararamdaman ko ang mga sulyap niya sa akin at kapag hindi sinasadya na nagtatama ang mata namin, nakikita ko ang kakaibang emosyon sa mata niya.
Saya... lungkot... pag-asa... sakit.
Kaya nga ba gusto ko nang makapasok agad at doon ay sigurado akong may kakausap at kakausap sa kaniya. Mababaling pareho sa iba ang atensyon namin. I thought I would be calm after we entered the hall but it looks like I'm in hell of an atmosphere when I spotted almost all familiar faces inside.
All the Del Rico's are here. They are all present with dashing expensive clothes. They haven't noticed us yet but imagine when they do! I'm doomed! I'm not ready to meet them again after years. Not yet.