It was a new week in Dallas, a Monday afternoon that was a bit cooler than it usually was in the past couple of weeks. I was working my shift at the Rally House with Gabby and Michael, doing nothing but restocking some apparel and sitting around lazily.
I told them what happened over the weekend with Tyler. Michael was shocked while Gabby looked pretty upset. I wasn't really looking to gain anything out of their reactions, I just thought it would be necessary to tell them. Julia let me stay at her house for the weekend, and reassured me that if I needed to stay longer, that I am free to.
Tyler ended up on the block list on my phone and on Twitter. He called and messaged me multiple times, asking if we could talk and saying sorry. If I were to succumb to his digital shitty apologies, I knew that I wouldn't be worth much in the future. As much as I wanted to come home to Tyler, I knew it wouldn't be the same as it used to be. We would try to avoid an issue that would be constantly suppressed in the back of our heads, begging to get out and be spoken about. Why bother with something so annoying and inconvenient?
I tried to answer my own question, with no success. I was the same as I am now.
Nothing was really worth considered 'working' today during my shift, except the restocking and cashiering I had to do. Not a lot of people were coming in, probably since it was a Monday afternoon. I was pretty bored, until Michael thought it was funny to give me a box of apparel to put up for display.
When I searched through the box, all I saw was the number 91 and green jerseys. I narrowed my eyes at Michael who had a slight grin on his face.
"Hey, they need to be put up. Not my fault that they're in high demand." He raised his hands walking away.
"Nice," I mumbled, getting Tyler's jerseys out of the box. It was a shitload of home colored jerseys and shirseys.
Gabby looked at me nervously as I got all the shirts out. "Maybe it's a sign."
I sent her a cynical look which caused her to shrug. Maybe it was. If it was, it was a pretty shitty sign, and it sure as hell did a good job of reminding me of something that I'd probably pay money to never have experienced in the first place. "I try to escape him and he ends up showing at my job." I headed into the back room to get scissors and some hangers.
"Maybe it means he's thinking about you." Gabby called out from the cash register. I heard the doorbell ring and someone enter from outside the room as I grabbed the stuff I needed and headed out.
"I doubt he is, trust me." I ripped the tag off the scissors as I grabbed the unopened bag of shirseys. "He's probably out hav-"
Tyler was standing at the front desk staring at me. My head drew a blank as I tried to understand that he was in front of me. Fuck, he looked so good. He shaved, but not enough to completely get rid of all of his facial hair. It was the way I loved it. His striped white short sleeve that he had on showed his tattooed covered arms that could make every girl weak. Gabby looked at him, then me with wide eyes.
I pursed my lips, looking at Gabby. "Can I win?" A painful laugh slipped through my lips as I made my way to the back of the store.
"Sav, please wait." Tyler followed me as I reached the hockey section of the store. "You haven't been answering your texts, and I got kind of nervous so I stopped by-"
"Well you shouldn't have. As you can see, I'm here, in one piece. So you can go home." I folded his shirts and placed them on the display. My blood was starting to boil and my anger was running high.
Tyler sighed and rolled his eyes. "Sav, you being here isn't the point. I'm saying I was worried about you and-"
"I literally just said I'm fine. Just because I'm not home kissing your ass like I used to, doesn't mean I'm not okay. So like I said, you can go home." My hands kept shaking as I continued to fold his shirts.
"Sav, what are you talking about?" Tyler eyes pierced through the side of my head. "Can you just listen to me for once instead of throwing insults at me? That's all you ever do now, you never let me fucking speak." Tyler was starting to get red in the face.
His statement threw me off guard and it certainly made me check myself. I turned to face him, crossing my arms. "Go ahead Tyler." I mumbled.
He sighed again, looking into my eyes. "Can you please forgive me? Sav, I know what I did was wrong, and I want to apologize for that. I know you put me on block list, and it's kind of funny that you hate me that much now. But it also sucks since I'm so fucking obsessed with you. Sav, my house is so empty without you. It doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel like.. home. It sucks that you hate me now, because I'm so sure that I'm in love with you. And I really mean that Sav, I love you. Please, just forgive me. There has to be a way you feel the same. I know you miss me, there's just no way you don't."
I looked away, my eyes glazing over. "Tyler, don't say that you love me. Don't."
"Why not Sav? You know we both love each other. You know it, I know you do. Why do you want to be alone so bad? Why can't you just come home?"
My hand came up to my eyes as I lowered my head. I couldn't help it, I just couldn't. A tear fell down my face as I tried to hold back a sob. "Your place isn't 'home', Tyler. So stop making it seem like it is."
"You look like you're about to cry." Tyler said sighing. "Sav, I'll take care of you. I promised-"
"I know you did, Tyler!" I yelled out a little louder than I wanted to. "Yes, I fucking know you promised me Tyler. I do. I think about it every fucking day. But for you to say that you love me, and that you'll take care of me, it's fucking complete bullshit. You don't know a damn thing that I've been through to be here Tyler, and I've started to realize that. I know that I love you. You know that too. I love you Tyler. But it's just, I can't do this. I can't do us. There's shit from the past that's catching up to me, and I need to deal with it on my own."
An awkward pause fell over us."So you're really just never going to come back?" Tyler's question hit me hard. What the hell was I trying to prove? Was I really intent on not coming back?
I shrugged as I turned back around, answering more for myself than I was Tyler.
He chuckled. "Well, I guess I'll get going then." Tyler placed a hand on my shoulder which sent chills throughout my body. "See ya Sav."
I didn't bother to turn around and watch him leave. The sound of the doorbell ringing was enough to send tears down my cheeks.