Nicola's POV
I watched him coming closer to me again. The look in his eyes sent my breathing into a frenzy, making me take a step back. My eyes strayed down to those, oh so lushous lips that had been on mine just a moment ago.
I felt my cheeks heat up, remembering the feel and taste of those lips. I have been kissed before. By men that I had gone on dates with, when I had felt too lonely. Two men, to be exact, and two dates.
But it felt nothing like this. Gabriel touched me and kissed me like he owned me, like every inch of my body belonged to him. It was gentle yet so possessive and passionate. It took my breath away just thinking about it.
He stopped when he came to stand in front of me. He was standing so close, and my bare toes were touching the tip of his sneakers. He leaned in until his cheeks were softly grazing against my cheeks. I felt the softness of his stubble against my skin. I sighed in pleasure, closing my eyes with a soft smile on my lips.
His warmth and sweet musky smell played havoc with my brain. heat stired up between my legs in excitement and anticipation, as he kept teasing me, letting his body touch mine and letting me feel him while he was not touching me. In fact, his hands were buried deep inside his pockets.
My nipples hardened when his chest rubbed gently against them, making a soft moan escape my lips.
I bit my lips in embarrassment as my cheeks flushed bright pink.
He turned his head, placing a gentle kiss on my cheeks, lingering for a second before he stepped back, leaving me cold and empty, as he took his warmth with him.
I looked up at him from beneath my lashes, disappointed that he had stopped.
"Im sorry," he said, smiling at me sadly, which left me confused.
I couldn't understand his behavior. The things he had admitted to today had shocked me. Never in a million years would I even dream that he would admit he found me irresistible. That was just unbelievable.
Yet he didn't look happy admitting it, which left me scared and uncertain all of sudden.
My head cleared from its foggy cloud, making me feel really self-conscious being in my towel.
I felt another rejection coming my way from him, and I would like to at least be fully dressed for it. So I went to move past him towards the bed, where my clothes still lay.
But again, he stopped me. This time, it grabbed my hand as I moved past him.
"Gabriel, please." I pleaded, trying to pull my hand away. I have had enough of the roller coaster ride for today. I just want to put on my clothes and finish packing. I still needed to find a good enough excuse to tell the twins so as not to make them too upset when I leave.
I turned to look at him as he slowly raised my hand, placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. I sighed. I really can't understand him.
"Do you know how much I want you, Nicola? How much I need you?" He asked, and I just shook my head. His mood was making me feel really down.
"I wish I could be with you, Nicola. I really do. But I can't. Not right now." I nodded automatically, not being able to say anything. My heart felt like someone was pressing against it, making it hard for me to breathe. It hurt so much, and I couldn't understand why he was telling me all this and coming close to me when he didn't want to be with me. I am so tired of these rejections. It's like a game to him, I thought, trying to wriggle my hand out of his grasp again.
"Dammit, Nicola!" He burst out, letting my hand go. I looked at him, surprised at his outburst.
"Can you just stop! If you have a problem with me, confront me. Stop hiding your emotions from me. Stop walking away." He said in frustration, and when I still didn't respond, he sighed, turning away. But as he caught sight of my suitcase, he turned accusingly to me, "You plan to still leave, don't you?"
I pressed my lips together, not wanting to answer.
I can't understand why he should be upset that I am leaving if he doesn't want to be with me.
I tried to walk away again, and this time, he grabbed my arm, pulling it hard. My breath came out in a whoosh as I landed on his rock-hard chest. I looked up at him, feeling annoyed by his behavior. I glared at him, trying to pull away from him.
It was hard to do with one hand, while my other hand was holding my towel. So I gave up with a huff, sending him another glare. He just returned it with a blank stare.
"It's very hard to communicate with you when it's a one-sided conversation, so unless you want me to start kissing you again-which seems to be the only way to get a reaction from you- I suggest you start talking, because if I do kiss you again, I wont be able to stop at just a kiss." He threatened.
What the hell is wrong with me? I thought, my eyes widening at his threat. Instead of getting mad at him for threatening me, here I am feeling like my entire body was erupting in flames with just the thought of what he would do to me. My insides burned, making me squeeze my legs together as I felt the wetness between my thighs. He was driving me crazy with his hot and cold behavior.
"Fine!" I said in frustration. "But can I at least put my clothes on?" I asked him angrily.
He looked surprised at first, then his eyes went down to what I was wearing and he looked embarrassed, like he was noticing it for the first time.
Great! It does wonders to my ego that you hadn't even noticed I was in a towel all this time. I huffed silently.
He stepped back, giving a slight nod and turning away. I cast him one last look of annoyance before I strode to the bed, grabbing my dress and going into the bathroom.
I quickly changed and stepped out again, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
I came out carrying all my toiletries. I went and dumped it in my suitcase and closed the lid with a thud.
Gabriel was sitting on the bed watching me. His eyes were full of sadness, and he looked like he wanted to say something, but one look at my face, and he shut it. I have seriously lost all patience, and I looked it as I stood next to my bed with my arms folded on my chest and a scowl on my face.
"Well? Let's get started then." I said snarkily. I know I was being a bitch but I was fed up. What else is there to say and do when he says that he wants me but can't be with me.
He looked at me, his eyes pleading, but I refused to budge.
He sighed saying,"why is it that there is a permanent picture created in your head of me being a villain?
Nicola I wish you would understand why I can't be with you."
"Why cant you?" I asked softly, not wanting to continue talking to him like a bitch.
"Because I am a broken man." He said. He sat there with his head bowed down looking so sad and so tired, my heart went out to him.
"I don't know why I had to fall for you when half of my heart is still with Sarah. It's not even been a year." He said resignedly.
I stood there again feeling shocked. This man was giving me so many shocking news today I was afraid my heart cannot take anymore!
"You have fallen for me?" I whispered with disbelief, afraid if I say it any louder I might wake up and see it's only a dream.
"How can I be with you though, when I am still mourning for the loss of my wife? How can I make you happy? I can't be selfish asking you to stay with me when I am a complete mess. I need to get my life back, heal and be a whole man before I ask you to be with me.
Believe me Nicola, it will only be you that I would ever want. I just can't right now."
My heart felt like someone was crushing it hearing him say all this. But I knew he was right. He was just being an honorable man. I can't be mad at him for that, so I walked upto him, kneeling infront of him. I took his face in both of my hands as he watched my every move, his eyes full of uncertainty. I kept my eyes locked on his, slowly leaning forward giving him plenty of time to move away, until we were close enough for our noses to touch. Then I finally closed my eyes and giving a satisfied sigh, I kissed him.
It was a kiss of love, understanding, pain, longing, and goodbye. When I finally pulled away I had unshed tears in my eyes.
"I love you." I said realising that I had never stopped loving him. I had just buried it deep inside.
But what cannot be, cannot be. Atleast for now.
I leaned in giving him a gentle kiss on his forhead. I smiled through my tears. Then I stood up from my position, walking over to my suitcase. I pulled it down to the floor, walking out with it, leaving him behind.
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