"Slow down, we have to be one of the last ones there. Nobody can see you, especially him. He told me to keep you away. No matter what.", Dwight pleads trying to keep up with you in the staircase.
Adrenaline courses through your veins. You can't even think straight. Somehow you're coherent enough to take heed to Dwight's words and you let him lead the way. All you want to do is break into a full sprint and drag Negan out of here.
You were oblivious to his wants of staying at the cabin with you until earlier when Dwight revealed it. With what information you had, you couldn't let Negan give everything up, especially not for you. He made this all happen. He built this community. You'll never understand what about you could make him want to abandon it. With his safety on the line, you couldn't regret your decision more.
He's not helpless and you know that. You know he can take Simon. But he's your lifeline. He gives you a reason to get up in the morning, to stay sober, to smile, to laugh. It's been so long since you've been happy. Him being in danger, being in a situation where he might die, is enough to shake you to your core.
As you make it to the bottom of the staircase, Dwight peers out the small window of the door. You can hear a muffled voice through the steel, causing your hands to become clammy.
"Okay, it looks like everybody's here. They're just talking. No matter what happens, you stay quiet and out of sight. I promised him I'd keep you safe no matter what. Got it?", Dwight orders in a hushed tone, looking back at you.
You nod in understanding.
"I need to hear you say it before we walk out this door.", his piercing blue eyes scan yours thoroughly.
"Yeah I got it.", you rush out, growing antsier.
He gives you one last once over, making sure you've collected yourself enough to maintain your composure out there. He opens the door gruelingly slow in an attempt to minimize the squeal of the heavy steel door. You follow closely behind him. Every person in the compound is gathered here. You crane your neck trying to catch a glimpse of the main event through the sea of bodies in the way. Eventually, you find a space between the heads and see Negan. Your heart rate calms seeing him alive.
"-but the Sanctuary must stand.", Simon's voice echoes through the silent room, filling your ears which have finally regained hearing after your body backed slightly off of panic mode.
Negan's eyes follow Simon as he walks in the circle that had formed around them. His face is unreadable, a cold, blank expression has fallen over him
"This is not the man to prosecute this conflict.", Simon points back at Negan as he talks to the crowd.
The tension grows thicker by the second and you can feel yourself getting jumpy.
"He hasn't been present. He ran off into the woods with that skank that should've died the day she killed Dean.", you watch Negan's jaw lock upon hearing those words.
Your teeth find the inside of your cheek, biting down hard, in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure growing in your chest.
"He's not the leader he used to be. Definitely not the leader you all deserve. Someone needs to take charge. I can be the leader this place needs.", Simon ends his spill facing Negan, taunting him.
Your breathing becomes shakier as the moments drag on. Your eyes lock onto Negan as if you stare hard enough he'll just stay like that, untouched. Simon turns back around and holds his hands up.
"I just want to say-", before anyone can react, he whips around and connects a hard blow to Negan's face.
You immediately take a step forward, wanting to come to his aid but Dwight grabs your arm. Negan falls to the ground on the sudden impact. He attempts to get up but Simon hits him once more, sending him back into the floor. You watch in horror as Simon pulls him to his feet just to hit him again. Tears well in your eyes. Dwight keeps a firm grip on your arm preventing you from getting in the middle of it.
Negan gets to his feet and backs away. Simon charges and Negan finally lays a hard blow to his jaw. Simon tries to grab hold of his throat but he jerks out of it and proceeds to hit Simon three times. You finally catch your breath seeing him fight back. They exchange a few hits and get wrapped up, trying to take control of the other. Negan bashes his head into Simon's, disorienting him. He takes this opportunity to throw him into the floor, stomping his chest a few times. You physically shudder at each sound of the hits connecting.
Negan wraps his hands around Simon's throat. The muscles in his arms constrict in the leather sleeves from the sheer amount of force he's using. The crowd is still silent, watching this all unfold. You can hear Negan's voice but can't make out the words as Simon's face turns blue. What you do make out is the loud crushing and crackling of his throat under Negan's grip. Images of Dean with his hands wrapped around your throat flash in front of you. You take a step back and try to shake it off.
Negan steps up from the floor. Blood seeps from the split-open skin on his face. His eyes bare an animalistic bloodthirsty glaze. They darken even further as they scan Simon's body. This is the version of him you avoided. You don't know this Negan.
"Come on, we got to go.", Dwight orders in a hushed tone.
He pulls you by your arm back to the staircase. You shoot one last look over your shoulder, making sure he's still okay, and catch a glimpse of Sherry slinking over to him as the crowd disperses. She tosses her long brown locks over her shoulders and adds more of a sway with her hips. Your blood runs cold. Before you can see it play out, Dwight drags you into the stairwell. He leads you swiftly up the stairs.
"Did you see Sherry?", you ask between breaths.
You weren't prepared to practically sprint up the stairs. You hadn't realized how many flights there were.
"Yeah I did.", he answers as you reach the door at the top.
He scans the hallway before opening the door and pulling you out with him. The muscles in your legs begin to burn.
"What do you think she wanted?", you grill him as if he actually has a clue in what her intentions are.
Both of you finally get to Negan's room and rush inside. Dwight closes the door behind himself. You attempt to catch your breath as does he.
It would look really awful if we were both out of breath when he comes up here.
"I don't know. Used to, after some big fight or taking down a threat to the compound he would go to her room and they would.. ya know."
Your blood burns from cold to boiling hot. Your brain flashes images of Sherry with her hands all over Negan and his on her. Dwight seems to notice a shift in your demeanor.
"He wouldn't do anything with her now. She probably doesn't know you're here and is trying to snake back in so she can get back to that cushy wives' lifestyle.", he backtracks to save you from spiraling at the thought of them together.
You can't even ask him about it. He isn't supposed to know you were down there. It makes it that much harder for you to stifle the thoughts. You've never been the jealous type, definitely the insecure type, but never jealous. It burns so much it's almost physically painful. You shove it down and bottle it up the best you can, trying to prepare yourself.
As if on cue, Negan walks in through the door. He immediately locks his gaze onto you. His eyes are no longer baring the primal darkness. Instead, they're wider, softer, and have a glint behind them. His busted lip pulls into a soft smirk. This is the Negan you know.
"So I take it you won then.", Dwight says as if he hadn't witnessed the whole thing.
"Damn right. Was she as difficult as I imagined she would be?", Negan teases, flicking his eyes to you.
"I think difficult's an understatement.", Dwight scoffs, avoiding eye contact with him.
You plaster a small fake smile and look down at your dirty, worn shoes.
"If that's all you need me for then I guess I'll head out.", Dwight attempts to dismiss himself.
"Just one more favor.", Negan stops him dead in his tracks.
Your heart sinks a little thinking maybe he saw you two in the crowd.
"I want him tied to the front of the fence. What a fucking lawn ornament he would make.", a vicious smile grows across his face.
-
The cotton-ball absorbs almost all the alcohol you have poured into the cap. You had almost forgotten how absorbent these things are. Negan sits on the edge of the tub in front of you, watching as you prep to treat his wounds. You stand between his legs, not as close as he did you before, just close enough to work on him. You take your cotton-ball and gently place your fingers under his chin, tilting it upwards so you can have a better view of the cuts.
"I'm sorry."
"This is going to sting a little.", you warn him before dabbing the cut on his forehead with the cotton-ball.
He never flinches. He stays watching you intently, waiting for you to respond. The cut cleans up with ease for the blood is still pretty fresh. You toss it into the trash bin and grab two butterfly closures.
"I don't know why you didn't just tell me.", you say under your breath as you focus on applying the bandages.
Working on him is substantially easier than working on yourself. He doesn't flinch or wince as you did when you had to patch yourself up.
"I knew you would've tried to talk me out of it."
You prep another cotton-ball and decide against warning him about the sting before dabbing it on his cheek. This cut is a little more severe. It'll probably take three butterfly strips or maybe even stitches.
"You could've died.", you remind him.
His hands find your outer thighs and rest there, thumbs stroking your jeans.
"I didn't.", he says, your eyes catching his for just a moment before you continue.
You open three strips and apply them, pulling the cut closed. Now all you have is cleaning the cut on his lip.
"I can't lose you.", you admit, dipping the final cotton-ball.
When you turn your head back around, his gaze sucks you in. You get pulled into the gravity around his dark eyes as he stares at you lovingly, still stroking your outer thighs with his thumbs.
"You won't."
You break and get back to work, gently dabbing the cut on his lip. Your chest ties in knots reliving the events of earlier when you thought Simon might win. He's right in front of you but your heart hurts at the thought of losing him. After finishing the task, you toss the last soiled cotton-ball into the bin. Breaking away from his touch, you turn around and begin returning items to the first aid kit and throwing away wrappers.
He stands up from the tub and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling your body into his. The roughness of his stubble scratches at your skin as he dips his head down to plant three kisses trailing up your neck. Goosebumps rise feeling his breath against your cool skin.
"Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking about."
You toss the last piece of trash into the bin and find his eyes in the mirror. Your heart flutters at the sight of him holding your small frame.
I love you.
Say it.
It's not hard.
"Nothing, it's just been a long day already."
He doesn't buy it but he lets it go, sensing if you wanted to talk about it, you would.
"We still got a couple of hours till dinner.", he reminds you.
You spin around in his grip and rest your hand on the counter behind you.
"You still like to read right?", you ask.
"Yeah, haven't been able to for a while."
"Read me something.", you offer, lips softly turning upward.
He pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear.
"Like what?", he asks, seemingly intrigued by the suggestion.
"I'm not picky. We can pick up wherever you left off."
His eyes trail to your lips and back to your eyes. You want to say it so bad but your mouth won't speak the words.
I love you.
You settle for just telling him in your head. Saying it too soon could scare him away.
"Your wish is my command.", he half smiles, flashing part of his perfect white teeth.
-
Your head rests in his lap as you listen to him read his book to you. Sure, Negan's always attractive but the sight of him completely focused, black framed reading glasses sitting loosely on his nose with his gravelly voice enunciating every word printed on a piece of paper tops it all. You're only half listening to what words are actually being spoken but more so letting his voice grace your eardrums. It's the most soothing sound you've ever heard.
You love him.
You love him more than you probably should. The feeling has only grown since you slapped a name to it. Actually coming out and saying it is going to take some time. You can't risk coming on too strong and losing him. Or maybe he feels the same way. You doubt it though. Negan isn't the type to hold back or filter his words. He tells you exactly what he thinks, with no filter. You love that about him. There's no second-guessing him. There's no question to him. Well, except for if he loves you.
Dwight said he definitely reciprocates the feeling but he isn't Negan. He can't know that for sure. You're not willing to risk it all on someone else's perception of things. It can also be a possibility that you don't get the chance to tell him before something happens to one of you. In this world, no one is guaranteed anything, especially not time. The only guarantee you have is that you love him.
Undeniably.
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I cant fathom the fact that people actually read the shit I write lol thank you guys!
It's about to get good I promise lol