Rose: So, what are we preparing for Christmas dinner?
Daphne: short ribs
Constance: Candies
Nine: Pop tarts?
Amita: Stew?
Rose: Steak?
Amita: Not steak. How about turkey?
Debbie: Revenge
Lou: With death as the topping
Everyone:
Tammy: *sighing* I'll make turkey
***
Constance: *on phone* Hey Debbie, why did the chicken cross the road?
Debbie: To get to the other side?
Constance: You were supposed to say 'I dunno, why?'
Debbie: Uh... fine. I dunno. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Constance: To get to the idiot's house
Debbie: ... okay?
Nine: *outside the loft* Hey Debbie, knock knock
Debbie: Nope
Nine: You were supposed to say 'who's there?'
Debbie: *sighing* fine, let's get it over with. Who's there?
Nine: Chicken
Debbie:
Constance: *muffled laughing on the other end of the phone*
Nine: *laughing outside the door*
Debbie:
Debbie: Listen you little piece of shits-
***
Lou: So, when are we going to take the Christmas decoration down?
Debbie: Only when every last twinkle of the holiday spirit is gone
Lou:
Lou: So, not until we get the annual threatening letter from the neighbourhood association?
Debbie: It's tradition
***
Lou: Hey Deb, marry me
Lou: I mean, Merry Christmas. Bloody autocorrect
Debbie: This is a verbal conversation
***
*Lou reading Christmas listing for 5th time alongside a tired and bored Tammy*
Lou: Christmas lights?
Tammy: Check
Lou: Thermos and hot cocoa enough for 8 people for a night?
Tammy: Check
Lou: My Santa suit?
Tammy: Check
Lou: Shovel?
Tammy: Check
Lou: Alibi and bail money?
Tammy: Che- wait, WHAT?
***
Daphne: You've been friends with Debbie for ages. What unique factor did you discover in her?
Lou: She is an enigma and people fall in love with her pretty easily and quickly
Daphne: Uh... example of such people?
Lou: Me
***
*Lou and her twin sister fighting*
Lou's sister: YOU ARE UGLY!
Lou: YOUR MUM IS UGLY!
Debbie: Uh... guys, you are twins. And you both have same mother
Lou's mum: Unfortunately
***
Constance: *peeling a banana* May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha
Amita: Do you have a delusion that other people can't hear you?
***
Tammy: *walking inside the hospital* Hi, I'm Constance's emergency contact
Healer: Are you here to pick her up?
Tammy: I'm here to remove myself as her emergency contact
***
*Family game night*
Debbie: *after explaining the rules* Alright, any questions?
Constance: If cows ruled the world, would they drink human milk?
Debbie: I meant about the game
Constance:
*Midway through the silent game*
Debbie: And you know damn well that cows drink their own milk
***
*In the middle of an argument*
Lou: I am not afraid
Debbie: Neither am I
*Both stare at each other intensely*
Constance: Okay, I am scared now
***
Constance: *holding a sketchbook* I drew everyone's soul as per their character
Debbie: You drew an upside-down kangaroo as Lou's soul?
Constance: She's Australian
Lou: What the- Also, you forgot to draw Debbie's soul. The page is blank
Constance: *proudly* Exactly
***
*Young Loubbie and Tammy as roommates*
Tammy: Where the hell were you last night, Lou?
Lou: I was at a party, smoking weed
Debbie: *not even looking up from her magazine* Don't lie. You were at the library, you nerd
***
Constance: First one to make Lou laugh will get a reward
Lou: Bring it on
Tammy: *Intentionally falls over* Damn it!
Lou: *No reaction*
Amita: My baby nephew puked on me the other day
Lou: *No reaction*
Nine: Remember that bus-boy? You think he and the other guy did it?
Everyone: Stop
Rose: *smiles*
Lou: *smiles back*
Everyone: That doesn't count
Daphne: You know Trump? The guy whose hair looks like someone velcroed a dead cat on his head?
Lou: *no reaction*
Debbie: Step aside, losers. I got this. Hey Lou
Lou: Uh?
Debbie: *whispers in Lou's ears*
Lou: *Laughs uncontrollably*
Everyone: WHAT THE FUCK! HOW?
Debbie: *smirks*
*Later*
Tammy: What joke did Debbie tell you that made you laugh?
Lou: She didn't tell me any joke. She gave me a choice
Tammy: Choice?
Lou: Yes. I was told to choose between laughing uncontrollably and sleeping in the couch for rest of the year
***
*Tammy preparing Constance, Nine, Amita for a quiz show*
Tammy: This is related to world economics. What is the biggest export of Australia?
Constance: Hot actors and actresses to Hollywood
****
Debbie: Did you piss off Tammy?
Lou: No
Debbie: *stares*
Lou: I congratulated her
Debbie: Why?
Lou: I thought she was pregnant
Debbie: And why did you think that?
Lou: She was drinking water instead of wine during brunch with her suburb mom gang
***
Constance: YOU CRUSHED MY SKATEBOARD WITH YOUR BIKE! I WILL KILL YOU!
Lou: Do you want me to get you a step stool so you can look in my eyes when you threaten me?
***
Tammy: Are you trying to make the rest of us look stupid?
Debbie: I don't have to try, Tammy
***
*Constance writing a line about each one*
Daphne - Most likely to get her plastic face deformed in a bar fight
Amita – Most likely to stay away from a bar fight
Rose – Doesn't even know what a bar fight is
Nine – Most likely to bet on a random bar fight
Tammy – Most likely to inform police during a bar fight
Lou – Most likely to start a bar fight
Debbie – Least likely to start a bar fight but will definitely win if involved in one
***
*Lou teaching Debbie how to cut vegetables*
Lou: Do you know the proper way to hold a knife?
Debbie: In the hearts of my enemies
Lou: You better stay away from kitchen for good
***
*Debbie cursing at her phone screen*
Tammy: Why is Debbie angry on her phone?
Lou: She took 'Which Ocean's 8 character are you?' quiz
Tammy: And?
Lou: She got that fat cunt John Frazier
***
Lou: I put 'poison' sign on my duffel bag
Tammy: Why would you do that?
Lou: To stop people from trying to see what is in it
Tammy: Smart
Lou: Also because it's got actual poison in it
Tammy: WHAT? WHY? THAT'S DANGEROUS
Lou: Don't worry. No one would be dumb enough to-
Amita: *from another room* I think Constance and Nine are dying
***
Lou: I love knitting needles. I can make a scarf, I can make a hat. I can stab someone's eyes out. I can make mittens-
Tammy: Hold on, what was that you said before mittens?
Debbie: She said she can make a hat
***
*Debbie working on new plan without any break*
Debbie: I don't need to go to bed. I am not tired. I am fine
Lou: But baby... I'll be so lonely without you. Come to bed and curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again
Debbie: Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping habit?
Lou: Is it working?
***
Lou: So, are you two dating now?
Tammy and Tom: Yes we are
Lou: Why?
Tammy: Because I happen to find Tom very appealing
Lou: I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with Tom that he is dating you
***
Debbie: Love makes people do stupid things
Lou: I love everything
Debbie: That explains a lot
***
Tammy: Good morning
Daphne: Good morning
Rose: Good morning
Amita: Good morning
Debbie: You all sound like Robots. Try spicing it up a bit
Lou: *walking downstairs* Morning, cunts
***