"Be careful."
"Yes ma'am," a guard replied, heeding to Haneul's request as he and another guard loaded Sam's body onto the backseat of the coach's cab. He had been delicately wrapped in his white duvet, a rope around his shoulders and legs. A handpicked bouquet of wild flowers was tucked under a strand, courtesy of Mara. Haneul stared at the flowers, her eyes glossing over once more. She cradled herself and pursed her lips to keep herself from crying, stepping away from the wagon and sitting back on the porch, where Sam had originally been laid. She could see a dark stain on the wood boards but she avoided it and tried not to look at it for too long. The sun had set already, and stars littered the night sky like spilt glitter. It was a slightly cold night, and the girl rubbed her arms to keep herself warm against the gusts of wind that swept by.
The screen door behind Haneul creaked open, gently closing behind light footsteps that made their way to her. Presented before the girl was a thick sweater, held up by an awkwardly fidgeting Mara. The two girls locked eyes for a second before Haneul took the sweater and slowly pulled it over her head. Mara stepped back, unsure if to stay or let her have some alone time.
"I'll give you some alone time," Mara softly muttered, about to walk back until her name was called out.
"Mara, wait..."
Said girl slowly turned, silently waiting. Haneul didn't seem to even know what she wanted to say, or even why she had called out again. Maybe it was the overwhelming events of the day or the fact that out of everyone who was there to witness her breakdown, only one had come her aid, and it was the last person she expected.
"Can you keep me company?" Haneul plead, sounding dejected. Mara did not hesitate to return to her side, sitting next to her on the porch with a small smile and a nod to reassure her. She did not pass judgement, or even question her. She was fully aware that Haneul needed some kind of comfort after losing her only brother, and with the exception of Hyunjae—whom still was not family—she was essentially all alone. There was that reminder again that Mara and Haneul weren't too different after all. At least after that day.
Speaking of, Hyunjae had disappeared somewhere inside the lodge. Mara saw him asking Namjoon for Hoseok's whereabouts, so she guessed he had gone off to speak to his brother. Maybe finally the two brothers would make amends after years of distance.
Mara noticed Haneul struggle to keep her hair out of her face, the gusts of wind simply disheveling into her face. She glanced at the hair tie around her wrist and pulled it off, passing it to her without a second thought. Haneul gratefully took it, tying her hair into a ponytail before cradling herself again. The silence between them did not last long, not like Mara thought it would.
"I'm so sorry about everything," Haneul softly spoke, "You deserve to hate me, and to not forgive me. I think that's the least you are entitled to after what I've put you through," she turned to Mara, eyes brimming with desolation and burdened with suffering, "Now more than ever I wish you well, because now I know what it's like to lose your entire family."
Mara reached her hand out, taking Haneul's in her own and holding it tightly, "I forgive you. I really do. And you're not alone. Regardless of what happened, you can count on me, and most importantly on Hyunjae. He might seem a bit cold right now but he's hurting too. He promised Sam he would take care of you and I believe he's a man of his word," Mara reassured her, "If you ever need to talk, I'm a call away."
Haneul's lips trembled but she smiled through it, "Thank you," she said, "And I mean it." She sighed, shaking her head with a quivering laugh and peering at the sky in disbelief.
"I just can't believe...I didn't even get to say goodbye to him."
When Haneul looked at Mara again, she looked to be on the brink of a breakdown, "And you know what my last words to him were?"
Mara said nothing. She was dreading the answer.
"You're a pathetic excuse for a brother," Haneul muttered, shaking her head again, "I was the disappointment, not him. But the guilt and embarrassment made me want to pin the blame on someone else," she scoffed, "And now look where he is. Dead. It should've been me-"
"Don't say that," Mara cut her off, "Don't say that. He did everything he could to keep you safe, and I know that he loved you enough to never abandon you, or hate you. And I'm sure that you being alive would've meant the entire world to him. Because he would've always put you before him," Mara squeezed Haneul's hand, "And I can see it in your eyes that you're being genuine. It's never too late to be a better person, and your apology was a good start. Taking accountability was a good start," Mara smiled, "Your brother will always be with you in spirit, so keep his memory alive and carry his kindhearted values with you. Don't let his death be in vain."
Haneul sniffled, nodding and trying not to cry too loudly. Mara rubbed shoulders in consolation and chuckled at her attempt.
"You can cry if you want to, don't hold back," she said, pulling Haneul into her arms once again.
Crickets chirped incessantly amidst the patches of short grass and up in the trees. It was a peaceful night regardless of the circumstances. Death was a part of nature too, an inevitable one.
"Usually a grave is for people."
Hoseok grumbled, not looking back at who spoke. He knew the voice irritably well, "She loved that horse as if it were human," he said. He sat by a small fire he'd made, beside the tree and Brownie's grave.
Hyunjae's brows raised, and he faintly smiled, "I guess her heart is twice the size of a normal one."
Hoseok didn't say anything, instead pursing his lips. The silence was louder than the rustling leaves of swaying branches, than the crickets, than the fire that crackled in front of Hoseok. It was awkward, the exact opposite of how it should've been between brothers.
"Why?" Hoseok asked.
This question caught Hyunjae off guard, "...Why what?"
"Why are you talking to me?"
It came off abrasive, but that's just the way Hoseok was, and Hyunjae seemed to still inherently know that. It would've been obvious to say 'Because were brothers' but for some reason Hyunjae didn't say that. The older brother just shrugged, fidgeting in place and playing with the rings on his fingers. He didn't look like the leader of his community, the revered and righteous man who had bravely put his own friend down hours ago. He looked timid and irresolute, unable to form words to start a conversation with his flesh and blood.
"So you just came to talk just because?"
"I wanted to," Hyunjae stated.
Hoseok narrowed his eyes at the fire, his shoulders tense with bubbling irritation.
"I thought maybe we could have a talk. We could make amends?" The older said, not sounding too confident.
Hoseok froze, then he uncomfortably shifted in his seat. He wasn't expecting that, not from the brother he'd estranged. Sure, he'd been the one to ask for an alliance but it wasn't for him. It was for Namjoon.
"Not to be a jerk, but if you're looking for a replacement for Sam, I'm not the one," Hoseok snapped. Hyunjae winced at the harsh reply, and he seemed to grow slightly upset.
"Replacement? That's not why I'm here," the older muttered.
"But it's a part of it," Hoseok threw his brother a glare, his arms defensively crossing over his chest.
"I was here for Sam too, yes. But if that were the only reason, I would've been gone by now," Hyunjae shook his head, "And while I understand your resentment towards me, I don't see why you have to remind me that my friend is dead."
Hoseok rolled his eyes, "Just have to point out the fact that you had no intention to talk to me. Now that your friend is gone you want to make amends?"
"You didn't seem too happy to see me when I got here so I refrained from embarrassing you," Hyunjae explained. Hoseok made a face, scoffing.
"Embarrassing me? So I'm the asshole?"
Hyunjae raised a brow, "I don't understand where this hostility is coming from. Maybe you should talk to me like a man instead of being grotesquely vague as if I'm supposed to read your fucking mind."
Hoseok stood from his chair, both of their faces lit up by the fire. He got up close and personal to his brother, eyes intent on him, "You love treating me like I'm just some stranger. That's my fucking bone to pick."
"You're the one who left me," Hyunjae prodded Hoseok's shoulder, jaw tightly clenched as if holding back what he wanted to say.
Hoseok's anger dimmed, "I had to," he said, "I couldn't stick around any longer."
"Why?" Hyunjae mumbled. Hoseok stepped back, staying silent.
"Is it...Is it because of Penelope?" Hyunjae prodded. Hoseok went silent for a moment, speechless at how he managed to guess right away. At the look of shock on Hoseok's face, Hyunjae's own expression fell in realization.
"It's always been about envy, hasn't it, brother?"
Hoseok was furious, "Envy?! Are fucking kidding me?"
"You've always wanted everything I had," Hyunjae stared at Hoseok, "Always wanted to be everything I was. You couldn't be your own person-"
"Shut up."
"Mom and dad had favoritism, but was that my fault?" Hyunjae scoffed.
Hoseok gave his brother a warning look, "I said shut up."
"Hoseok, face it," Hyunjae frowned, lips pursed, "You've always held a grudge against me because they were unfair to you-"
"Penelope was mine!" Hoseok snapped, finally breaking, "She was with me first and you just had to take her away from me because you couldn't handle it when I finally had something to myself! You had to have everything! Everything! Every fucking trophy from every fucking club, the best grades, the biggest fucking room, the car, the best fucking job, the most expensive college, Mom and dad's stupid love and attention! To top it off, you had to take the love of my life because you just had to be better than me at everything!" Hoseok was breathing harshly, and he sat himself down with huff to calm down. He closed his eyes, gripping the armrests in tight fists. Hyunjae was stunned, but more so than stunned, he looked guilty. The younger brother stared at the fire before him, embarrassment melting off of him. Hoseok couldn't dare look at his brother after confessing his love for the woman Hyunjae would soon marry. He couldn't look at him after admitting he was envious of every achievement Hyunjae ever got.
Hyunjae's mouth opened and closed as he tried formulating the right words to say. Ultimately it came down to instinct.
"I didn't know she was the love of your life," Hyunjae sighed, "I'm so sorry, brother."
"You're not my brother," Hoseok snapped, "You treated Sam more like a brother, and it hurts to realize it but it's true."
Hyunjae looked hurt, "Im sorry for failing you as a brother, then."
Hoseok scoffed, "Yeah."
Hyunjae looked down at his shoes. They were still stained with Sam's blood, "I came to talk to you because I didn't want to lose you, too," he said, staring at the side of Hoseok's face, "I love you, and that will never change. No matter how far apart we get, you will always be my little brother, Hobi."
Hoseok groaned, "Don't call me that."
"Why not? It was an impressive feat in your life," Hyunjae smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Hoseok glanced at his brother, sighing.
"It never went anywhere. Now I just cringe."
"Believe it or not, I was proud of you," Hyunjae pointed to himself, "I've always been proud to be your brother."
Hoseok looked down at his lap, fidgeting, "How could you be proud of me when I practically lived in your shadow?" He shook his head, "There was nothing to be proud of that you hadn't already done before."
"I may have been extremely academically involved but I could never quite be as charming as you. Now you're just a grump, and I miss the goofball you were," Hyunjae nudged Hoseok's shoulders, and the latter's lips twitched up to the smallest of smirks. Even in the dimly lit night, even without facing him, Hyunjae could see it.
"Everyone thought I was immature, so what's there to be proud of? The spotlight had always been reserved for you," Hoseok shrugged. He seemed resigned to the realities of his childhood, of his teen years and eventually of his adult life.
"You were meant for bigger things than academic achievements. I wish you would've believed in yourself," Hyunjae lamented.
Hoseok lifted a shoulder, his brother's words ricocheting off of him, "I was constantly compared to you. Nothing I did was ever validated by mom and dad, by people at school, by friends and family. Criteria for my success was based on your accomplishments, and I could never live those expectations down."
"I was an overachiever, someone who feared failure, who feared disappointing and dishonoring our family name," Hyunjae's stare grew distant, "I didn't know what would happen if I failed, and I didn't want to find out."
"But you still succeeded," Hoseok rebutted, "And you made mom and dad proud."
"With very little willpower and sanity left," Hyunjae chuckled.
Hoseok glanced at Hyunjae, clearing his throat, "I guess the pressure was tough for the both of us."
"Yeah...," Hyunjae sighed, "I'm so sorry about what I said...that day you came to ask for an alliance. I crossed a line and buried you in my insecurities. You are my brother and you needed me. I shouldn't have been such a dick about you asking for help."
"Yeah. I tried not to sock you in the face. I had my people to think about," Hoseok rolled his eyes.
"Speaking of, I really am impressed that you've helped build such a fine camp. I feel very safe in here," Hyunjae praised, his eyes wandering over the camp walls and everything inside. Hoseok looked over at the lodge, reminded of the people sitting happily inside. Oh how people craved the very things he perceived as annoying.
"The walls are nice and sturdy. All of our men are strong," Hoseok chuckled, "even Mara. She's a fucking trooper.
"She looks it. I just hope you all keep her safe. Women are the future of our society, our only chance at revolution," Hyunjae thoughtfully remarked.
Hoseok made a face, "You expect for the world to just get back up after this?"
Hyunjae grinned, "I have quite the high hopes."
"I never took you for the delusional type. "
"Oi, have a little more respect."
Hoseok snorted. He did feel slightly guilty for throwing Sam's death back in his brother's face. He was upset and plagued with resentment from the past. Hyunjae was still his brother, and a brother who was trying to build their bridge once more, nonetheless. The least Hoseok could do is meet him in the middle.
"Hey...uh," Hoseok scratched the back of his neck after gaining Hyunjae's attention, "I'm sorry for your loss. I may have envied your relationship with him but I know how hard it is to lose a friend. And I'm sorry for yelling at you. My words have the same meaning whether I scream or whisper them so I shouldn't have raised my voice. Um...if you need anything...I'm always here," a red tint spread across his cheeks, but it went unnoticed by a slightly stunned Hyunjae. The older brother seemed to go silent in disbelief. They sat there for a bit, growing awkward with how unaccustomed they were to being in each other's presence without making nasty remarks or belittling or chiding each other.
Hyunjae timidly nodded, "I have just one favor..."
Hoseok firmly nodded, "Sure."
Hyunjae hesitated, rubbing his lips and flickering his gaze to and from Hoseok, "Can I have a...uh...Can I have a hug?"
Hoseok blinked, and the silence seemed to get to Hyunjae for he chuckled nervously and stuttered out, "I-Its okay if you don't want to-"
Before Hyunjae could finish, his younger brother stood from his chair and pulled him by the hand, tightly winding his arms around his brother's shoulders and squeezing him comfortingly. The older shriveled up, a quivering breath leaving him as he succumbed to the grief that plagued him. Hyunjae silently cried, quiet sniffles muffled by his brother's shoulder. Hoseok didn't try to comfort him with his words, knowing a hug was better than insufficient condolences. Sometimes you didn't have to say anything. Sometimes just being there and holding someone was more than enough. A hug wouldn't heal the sorrow, nor would it bring Sam back, but a hug would keep it at bay for now.
That's what brothers were for, after all.
That's what family was for.
Hoseok tightened his hold on Hyunjae, on his last living relative and sibling. One could never know when it would be the last time you'd get to hold someone you love.
Hoseok certainly did not want to end up like Haneul.
"You're not wearing a turtle neck?"
"Babe..."
"I know it's hot but-"
"It's hot and everyone already saw them. No use in hiding these big ass hickeys," Jungkook chuckled, briefly kissing Mara. She sighed but ultimately let it go, her cheeks turning red when glancing at the fading purple marks littering his neck. The two turned to the people waiting outside, finding a pair of eyes discretely staring at them.
Mara awkwardly put distance between her and Jungkook, the boy not getting the hint and instead wrapping an arm around her waist before leading them down to the group. Haneul's eyes wandered off, and she stared forward in thought while Hyunjae spoke to Namjoon beside her.
The morning had washed over the unpleasant night, and after staying over for one last day in Namjoon's camp, Haneul, Hyunjae and his entourage were ready to head back home. Another body had been added to the coach's bench—that of Kai's. A gutted Mara had lead the way early in the morning for Hyunjae's men, taking them towards the abandoned lodge where Kai's body still stiffly sat. Jungkook had accompanied Mara, refusing to let her out of his sight after what happened to Haneul. The boy in love was far too paranoid to let the love of his life possibly stumble into the same men again, even if she were surrounded by the big burly men that protected Hyunjae.
Speaking of, the poker-faced guards maintained their composure even as they forced Kai's stiff body into a laying position. It appeared like second nature to those men, to be unaffected by turmoil and its aftermath. They had no problem dealing with carnage, with blood and guts, regardless of who it belonged to. Mara could barely handle the smell, let alone seeing the corpse of someone she genuinely wished was still alive. Now Kai lay beside Sam, both separated by fear but lead back to each other again by death.
Haneul still seemed distraught, which was one of the reasons Mara had refrained from showing Jungkook affection right in front of her. There was nothing worse than rubbing love in the face of someone who had a big fat crush on the man you were currently receiving affection from.
Oh but there was something worse.
And it was rubbing love in the face of someone who had a big fat crush on the man you were currently receiving affection from after that someone's sibling died by getting bitten by a flesh eating monsters that once was their friend.
Now that was worse. And if you wanted to get into specifics, then you'd be in for quite a tragedy.
"Alright well, I appreciate everything you've done for us," Hyunjae suddenly spoke aloud, looking at everyone with sincerity, "And to you, young lady," he stopped at Mara, "For taking us to retrieve Kai and making sure he wasn't left behind. I wish you could help me break the news to...to his mom and sister too," he ended in a mumble, turning into a rambling mess as he fidgeted with his hands. He awkwardly chuckled, and Mara glanced at Hoseok, noticing the latter's worried stare on his clearly distressed brother. Though he was trying to be strong and stoic, the events transpired over the couple of days were beginning to take a toll on Hyunjae's mind. He needed to take some time to process his emotions. What he didn't need was the responsibility of breaking the news to a family about their son and sibling's death after dealing with his own trauma.
Hyunjae wiped the sweat off his forehead, sighing deeply and addressing everyone again after collecting himself, "I'm terribly sorry that everything went down like this. My intention was to bring good things to your doorstep, not misfortune."
Haneul seemed to deflate at this, her gaze downcast.
"You shouldn't apologize. Life just so happens to be catastrophic," Namjoon reassured, "Worry about your health...and Haneul's of course," he added. Hyunjae nodded, giving a tight lipped smile and coming in and out of his daze.
"Namjoon can I speak with you?" Hoseok spoke up, his eyes lingering on his brother before shifting to Namjoon. The two men stepped off to the side for a private conversation, their muttering and stern expressions making Mara nervous. They were clearly talking about Hyunjae, for every few seconds the two would turn to look at the man, divulging into another set of curt words. Namjoon seemed to acquiesce to something, although he hesitated before giving a response. Mara watched them intently as everyone else waited patiently. She almost didn't feel the slight nudge from a thin arm.
"So you and Jungkook?"
Mara blinked, her head slowly turning to a curious looking Haneul. She timidly smiled, glancing at an oblivious Jungkook who played with their intertwined hands.
"Uh..."
Mara did not know what to say.
Haneul's eyes crinkled, and she chuckled in an uncharacteristically genuine way, "It's okay. You can tell me."
Mara was beyond troubled.
"I can't feel anything other than grief," Haneul somberly confessed, "I've stopped worrying about you two—a little too late but..." she shrugged, "It won't bother me. And I wish I could've focused more on my family than on another fleeting crush."
Mara felt her heart break at the absolute misery and resignation in her eyes. This was her real voice, the voice that spoke directly from the heart and not from an envious or selfish mind. Haneul had learnt about life the hard way, and Mara knew that it would change Haneul forever.
Instead of denying it, Mara nodded, "Yeah," she said, "Jungkook and I are..."
Come to think of it, Jungkook never asked her to be his girlfriend. They were...
"Together," she finished. Haneul didn't seem upset, she simply nodded with a warm smile and faced forward, not uttering another word. Mara wondered if she'd just imagined that, but no...it happened. Now the girl was left to question if and when Jungkook would ask her to be his girlfriend or if it was something she simply had to assume. He treated her like a girlfriend and called her pet names...but would he ever bother to make it official?
Is he assuming the titles, too?
Mara stole a glance at Jungkook, finding herself entranced by his beauty but also slightly bothered by the seemingly insignificant detail of their relationship.
"What?" Jungkook asked, having caught her narrowed gaze on him for a little more than a glance's worth. He bore an amused smile, reaching up to affectionately cup her chin. His thumb caressed her cheek, and he watched as they turned a faint red.
"Nothin," Mara shrugged, leaving Jungkook to frown in confusion. Before he could ask again, Namjoon and Hoseok returned from their mild argument. The leader seemed hesitant to even speak, but they'd soon find out why when Hoseok took the lead.
"I think it would be best if I joined Hyunjae for a while," Hoseok announced, "I'll go with him and help out...and I'll come back when he feels...when I feel like it's right," he corrected himself, eyes on Hyunjae's slowly brightening expression. Mara saw the way Hoseok's eyes softened, and he tried to hide his smile. Though her heart dropped when hearing Hoseok would be gone, she couldn't help but feel it immediately warm at the beautiful sound of Hoseok's words.
Mara held Jungkook's hand tightly, overwhelmed by the change in Hoseok's demeanor towards his brother but also welcoming it proudly. She remembers the way Hoseok would talk about Hyunjae, and the way they had avoided each other from the start. Things seemed to be changing so hastily, and the human in Mara made her fear for whatever would come to try and snatch their happiness away—just when things were getting better.
"You're leaving?" Jin sadly asked, pushing through everyone to get to Hoseok. The latter slowly nodded, giving a tight lipped smile.
"Wait...how long do you think you'll be gone?" Jungkook asked, his grip on Mara's hand loosening at the news. The sudden attention on Hoseok from everyone seemed to surprise him, and he timidly scratched his cheek.
"Um.."
"Have you told Yoongi?! Did you just decide this on a whim?" Jungkook prodded, appearing quite upset at the idea of Hoseok leaving for a while. Mara held him back slightly, his eyes flitting from Hoseok to Mara. Upon meeting eyes his shoulders relaxed and his gaze softened. Just by looking at Mara he seemed to calm down.
"Why all of a sudden?" He asked again, this time without being so agitated.
"I think there's a lot of issues I need to resolve," Hoseok stated, "And I'd like to spend some time with my brother," he shrugged. Hyunjae's eyes lit up, and he reached out to squeeze Hoseok's shoulder.
"You're welcome to stay as long as you want," Hyunjae nodded to Hoseok, then faced everyone, "Any and all of you can swing by any time if you'd like to visit Hoseok at our camp."
"We appreciate that," Namjoon solemnly replied.
"I should pack some essentials," Hoseok nodded, "And then I'll speak to you all to say my goodbyes."
——-
(A/N:
I wish you all the best. Updates will come in twice a month from now on. I'm so sorry, I wish I could update every week like I'd been doing but I need to get my shit together.
I luv yawl. Really, I do. To all of the silent readers and those who have commented and continue to comment and vote, I owe some of my happiness to you :)
:)))
❤️❤️❤️❤️
-wethenaive