CHECK OUT MY NEW BOOK BROKEN PARTS!!! I UPLOADED THE PROGLOGUE!
This is a request from @pjn801 and @Taestrawberrymilk please enjoy!
Misunderstanding might be the biggest problem hiding in the privet life of the bangtan boys, sometimes it was just really hard to express what you want to say of show what you mean. Of course once you had said one wrong thing or made one wrong move a simple small thing can become a huge painful misunderstanding.
Today was a day like that, Jimin was always there for everyone, he was there to gives hug, hold their hands, listen to their problems, he was always just a blink away. He really didn't mean what he had said a few seconds ago before the boys left him alone in the dance studio.
He really didn't want to give them the feeling like the were never there for him but for him it was just getting to much and he needed someone and nobody had time to listen so he had a outburst.
His mind kept on replaying the words in his head
You never listen, I am always on my own! Nobody is there when I need them.
He didn't mean it the way he said, yes he was hurt and he wouldn't have said the words if he didn't feel like it was a little bit true.
Yah, you are lying.
Jimin why would you say that!
Do you even realize how much we do for you.
It was in the heat of the moment and he knew that nobody was meaning the exact same as what they had said.
But if jimin was being honest with himself, he did feel like the boys were not there for him. He has been struggling a lot lately but everytime he wanted to talk to someone no one seemed to have time. They would always push him to another moment or just ignore him as he started to talk. Of course they didn't mean to ignore him, they just didn't notices that the young boy needed their attention or help.
And after the argument before he couldn't hold it anymore, they were saying that he needed to pick it up, needed to push and needed to continue work harder. Keep up with the dance and he just couldn't.
He needed a hug, he needed someone to tell him that is was going to be ok. That he was doing fine or just hold his hand.
But no, they kept on going saying how bad he was doing and how much of a burden he was if he didn't do better.
He already felt like a huge burden the last couple of weeks and this wasn't making it any better.
Tears are streaming down his cheeks as he cries sitting against the big mirror not wanting to see himself. He arms are around his knees and he can feel his own heart beat race.
I am useless
They don't like me
I am such a burden
Why can't I dance
I need to lose weight
Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut
I am a waling disaster
The world would be so much better without me
He stands up, his hands are shaking, his face is wet from the tears but he can move.
He can feel anger boiling in his body, all the thoughs are making him so angry at himself. Why can't it stop. Why is he keep hearing that voice.
He takes the water bottle of the ground and throws it away out of anger, it hits a table on the side in the room and a glass falls to the ground breaking into pieces.
"Shit." He curst as he walks up to it to clean it. He takes one of the pieces as he looks at it with big eyes.
Without a second thought the glass goes towards his pulse and a second later he hisses in pain as blood is dripping down from it.
The glass disappearing in the red liquid as it keeps on flowing out of it.
He breaths out as he looks happy, the voices stop and he could feel no pain anymore. For a moment everything is quiet.
the blood is slowly dripping on the floor and making a little blood pole, he is not losing that much but enough to make it feel like a lot.
He stays a little while starting at the blood and his pulse, than he stands up and takes his towel out of his back and puts is around his wrist to stop the bleeding than he cleans up the little pole and he leaves the room. Feeling better than he came in.
As he reaches the dorm nobody welcomes him, nobody even looks up as he walks into the living room and than upstairs to his room.
They hate me
As he finally reaches his room he lays down on his bed, looking at the ceiling.
He wants to cry but he doesn't want to cry here, not where he feels like he is not welcome anymore. Maybe he should just pack up his things and go.
With that he slowly takes a backpack out of his closet and takes clothes and put it in there.
"Why I am doing this. I don't need to run away." He whispers to himself, he takes his clothes out of the backpack again and put it back as he lays down on his bed again.
A knock on the door makes his head lift a little but he doesn't make a sound.
"Jimin?" it is Hoseok as he enters.
"Are you ok?" He asks as he walks up to Jimin, jimin hides his arm behind him as he sits up but doesn't look at Hoseok but the other members also enter his room.
"Yeah, I am sorry for saying what I said. I love you guys and I know you will be there." Jimin says still not looking up at the others as he finds his sheets more interesting.
"We are sorry too, we know you are doing everything you can. We were just stressed." Namjoon starts.
"Please forgive us." Yoongi says as he and the other are looking at Jimin, He looks at everyone, first Namjoon than Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Jungkook and as last Taehyung.
"Of course." He says as he let a smile appear on his faces. With that everyone huges, but that was just the start of his long selfhurting journey.
As days turned into weeks, cutting became something he started to do on a daily basis. It just helped to keep the voices out, it also helped to not feel like a burden to the others. IT didn't effect his dancing and he also slowly started to lose some weight and he started to feel slowly better about himself.
Not enough though, the voices where still there and the feelings never left him but it slowly started to be something he could easy hide and let disappear for a small moment.
Jimin was now staring at himself in the sideview mirror in the car as he hears the other members talking. They just came back from their schedule and finally were of for the evening, as they walk into the dorm everyone went there own way.
It was around diner when everyone was gathering again and everyone was talking, except for Jimin. He has been more quiet since the last weeks but nobody seemed to care. Slowly his feelings had become numb because of the fact that he didn't feel loved.
"Jimin-si why are you not eating?" Jin asks looking at the younger.
"Not that hungry."
"You just don't like this food." Jungkook says smiling softly.
"No that is not it, just not that hungry I love the food." Jimin says looking at Yoongi knowing that he made it.
The phone made everyone look up, nobody would call them so late. As it was Namjoon phone he takes it and answers it.
His faces turns angry his eyes are starting to focus on Jimin.
"yes sure I understand thank you." he stops and than hangs up and immediately fires at Jimin.
"Jimin why didn't you tell us that you delated one of the dance videos. Why would you do that."
"I didn't, I have no idea what you are talking about."
"They just called me and said that you deleted the videos of us dancing on.." he couldn't finish.
"You did what?" Jungkook says looking shocked.
"I didn't do anything." Jimin says.
"Why do you keep lying! Was it something we did on the video? Why can't you just tell us the truth." Taehyung says
"I am."
"No you keep on lying all the time and now this. Why would you do such a thing! Did you think you were ugly on it and you couldn't watch it anymore. You are so selfish!" Taehyung yells looking angry at the boy.
"No I..." But Jimin couldn't do this, he just couldn't nobody was going to believe him. Do they really think he would do something like that? Do they really think he is selfish?
He doesn't say a word more, he just looks at them with tears in his eyes as he runs outside.
"FINE THAN JUST LEAVE!" Taehyung yells behind him as he disappears into the night.
****
As the boys are normally pretty close they are worried about the younger as the next morning he wasn't in his bed.
"I bet he is staying at that one friend house. He always goes there when he needs to get away." Jungkook says.
"Yeah, I have been there. He probaply is there.." Hoseok says.
"Do you think we should call, just to make sure he is ok?" Jin ask, feeling really guilty about last night, een though he was quiet he feels guilty for not saying anything the moment it exploded.
"He will come back when he needs to." Yoongi says.
"I do have a uneasy feeling." Namjoon says.
"It will be fine." Jin says, also trying to convince himself.
As again a day passes the boys are getting a bit more worried and as soon as Namjoon phone rings they all look up.
"Oh no..." Namjoon whispers soft as he looks at the others.
"What?" yoongi asks.
"Jimin didn't do it... At least not our Jimin. Ji-min one of the staff members deleted them from the camera but he put them on the hard drive but he forgot to say something and I just assumed that is was our Jimin. I messed up so bad." Namjoon says as he feels himself getting angry.
Taehyung feels the guilt taking over, he yelled at his soulmate because of it he yelled at him without a reason.
"Do you know if Jimin is at the compony?" Namjoon asks the manager at the phone.
"That is the second thing I wanted to call about. I just got a call from the hospital."
"HE WHAT?" Namjoon practically screamed. "WHERE?"
The boys are just looking at their leader waiting for something more. This was bad.
"We are coming."
With that he hang up and looks at the boys.
"Jimin is in the hospital." That is all he says before running around the house followed by the others gathering things to go.
It felt like blinking as they finally reach the hospital 20 minutes later and they walked in asking for the boy.
"What had happened?" Jin asks the nurse looking sadly at the boy in the bed, wires are all hooked up to the boy. The machine is beeping soft as the boys seems to be sleeping but the bruises can't be something they can hide. Just as the boys can't hide their tears as they are looking at their brother.
The nurse explains that the evening Jimin run out he ran into a car making him fly five feet away, leaving him unconscious on the road. The driver really didn't know what had happened, he came out of nowhere. For the boys this all felt like a dream.
How could this had happened. Guilt it what the boys were feeling but Taehyung is dying inside.
The words he said, he feels awful. How can he even life with himself now. He takes Jimins hand as he sinks into the ground sobbing hard not holding back as he keeps on apologizing.
"There is something else you guys should be aware off." The nurse says as she looks sad at the boys.
"When we were checking him for any injuries, we notices that his whole body was filled with scars of cuts. Some were still fresh and some of them are healed pretty well as some are almost healed completely."
Everyone eyes grow even bigger.
"He needs help." Yoongi whispers soft, the machines start to beep louder as the boys look up and Jimin eyes slowly open up.
"Hey." Is the first thing jimin says as he looks around.
"Hey." Jungkook says smiling and running towards the boy as he wants to hug him. Jimin notices the boy on the floor still holding his hand.
"I am so so so sorry."
"We all are, we should have listened to you. we really should have believed you the moment you said you didn't do it. It was the other Ji-min and I just didn't connect the right dots." Namjoon says, as tears are streaming down his cheeks just like on everyone elses.
"I will be fine." Jimin says.
"You need help Jimjim." Yoongi says not holding back that fact.
"I just got hit by a car I can handle it." Jimin says as he tries to smile it all away.
"It's ok Tae, just hug me." Jimin says as Taehyung does what he says and he wraps his arms around the boy even tighter.
"You know what we are talking about." Jin says.
"You need help." Hoseok says.
"I have you guys." Jimin says.
"We are not good enough. We should have been there when you needed us." Hoseok says.
"But we were not." Jungkook says.
"But we will be now." Hoseok continues.
"We can't say more that sorry." Jin says.
"And we know it will not be enough so please let us help you now." Namjoon says.
Jimin smiles sadly at the guys.
"It feels like I am already to far gone."
"You are never to far gone." Yoongi says.
"Let us bring you back to the light." JIn says as he puts his hand on his arm to give support.
Jimin just smiles, knowing that this will be a really tough time in his live and he just hopes he will get through it.
"We will be there." Taehyung says.
Jimin smiles, he can only hope that they will keep their promise.