Nessa Black
'I'm so tired from the traveling, I might fall asleep any given moment', I sat on the couch in our tiny living room.
'Dear, I know, but you have to wait for just one more year, and you will forget about muggle transportation', the smile on my mother's face is the warmest thing I have ever seen.
'You're right. Mom, do you mind if I take a quick nap? We'll catch up after?'
Mom gulped and looked away.
'I would like to discuss something with you beforehand, dear. It's very important.'
I was knackered from the long travel, but I couldn't let myself disappoint my mother. From the look in her eyes, I felt that she was willing to talk about something of great importance.
'Sure, Mom. Let's talk.'
She approached me on the couch and took my hands in hers. Her eyes started watering as soon as she began talking.
'It's about your father.'
Oh, my father. Regulus Arcturus Black. A man I knew almost nothing about. A name, several images, and a couple of childhood stories, which I happened to learn from Narcissa Malfoy - his first cousin while staying at the Malfoy Manor during the summer vacation after my first year at Hogwarts.
I nodded encouragingly for her to continue.
'As it's already clear that the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, I believe the time has come. The time to tell you more about your father. Frankly, I thought that this moment will never come because I was hoping that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will never return.'
My mother was speaking every single word clearly and slowly as if she was experiencing the memories of the past with every single cell in her body. I was ready to hear her story even if I had to be awake for another couple of hours. The tiredness suddenly escaped from my body.
'I and Regulus met at Hogwarts, but we didn't start talking until his fifth year. I was a year older than him. I was in Ravenclaw, he was in Slytherin, and there was not much to connect us, but it somehow happened. We sort of clicked at the Halloween party that same year. I was pure-blood, smart, and slightly arrogant, and he seemed to like that. Except for his obsession with pure-blood supremacy, he was a brilliant boy. I loved his sense of humor, his creative mind, and his determination. However, around the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts, I noticed that he started talking more and more about the Dark Lord, as he used to call him. There was a strange flame in his eyes whenever he talked about him and his mastery in the wizarding arts.'
Mom paused for a second and took a deep breath. Her hand began trembling in mine.
I already knew where this was going, but I remained silent and waited for her to proceed with her story.
'During his sixth year at Hogwarts, I saw it. The Dark Mark on his left forearm. I was heartbroken. Since I heard him talking so fondly of Him-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I was dreading that moment. I hoped so much that it won't come, but deep inside me, I knew that it probably would come. It was a tough year. I loved him too much, but I couldn't accept his choice. It was too much to bear. We sort of broke up, but he was desperately trying to gain my trust back. I don't know if it was because I knew his secret or because he honestly missed me. I prefer to believe in the second option.'
Here she started sobbing and I put one of my hands over her shoulder, patting it gently.
'We eventually got back together. Toward the end of his sixth year at Hogwarts, I saw the change and I started trusting him again. He was disappointed with his decision to join the Death Eaters. We saw each other for the last time in June of 1979. I learned about my pregnancy two weeks after his disappearance. I had just graduated from Hogwarts. I was 18, pregnant, and beyond scared. I didn't find a way to tell your grandparents all this. I lied to them. I told them I'd decided to move to France and strive for a career at Beauxbatons. It eventually happened, but back then I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted to run away, because I had the gut feeling that the disappearance of Regulus had something to do with Him-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and that it could put me in danger. I didn't tell anyone of my pregnancy except Regulus's cousin Narcissa, whom I have met on several occasions and felt a strong connection with.'
My mother wiped the tears from her cheeks and continued talking. I felt she was near the end of her story. I was still holding her hand tightly.
'Only then I learned that her husband was also a Death Eater. She didn't know what exactly had happened to your father, but she supported my decision to run away. That's what she said to me back then: If Regulus irritated the Dark Lord, it would be best for you to escape, you have to save that child. Again, I'm not sure if it was some form of affection or a simple concern for the Black family's bloodline. But anyways, I am grateful for her discretion and support throughout those years. Especially after the death of your grandparents several years ago, who happened to be infected with a very rare and incurable disease. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have sent you to Hogwarts. But honestly, I believe that you can learn practical magic way better there than at Beauxbatons. However, now that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, alive, I...'
Here I interrupted her.
'No, Mom, you can't stop me from returning to Hogwarts', I cried out. 'I've never been happier in my whole life. You can't take this away from me.'
I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I started crying uncontrollably. Perhaps the tiredness was partly responsible for my sensitiveness, but it didn't matter to me. I couldn't imagine myself returning to Beauxbatons. Not that I hated my time spent there, but those last two years at Hogwarts were the best time I'd ever had.
Besides that, I enjoyed last summer's vacation at the Malfoy Manor so much. I was secretly hoping that this year it would be the same. Even better.
My mother started talking again.
'Lucius has been sent to Azkaban, I'm not sure if it's the best decision to let you go back to the Malfoy Manor this summer.'
'You should. Narcissa will be alone and probably utterly sad. She will need support', I responded.
I knew that Draco's father was a Death Eater since the beginning. My mother warned me and that was the reason she hardly let me spend the last summer's vacation at the Malfoy Manor. But Narcissa wasn't one. And she was my family. One of the few things I had left from my father. I didn't want to lose them so soon after finding out about them.
'Nessa, you know you're just a child', my mother's tone got tense.
'I'll be 17 in 7 months, Mom', I responded.
'You can't save me from what's meant to be, you know that. You've done enough, Mom. You've done everything to keep me safe during those 16 years', I added and rushed for a tight hug.
'I love you, Mom', I said after not receiving any answer from her.
We were still in an embrace and I heard her sobbing behind my head.
'I've lost too many people, Nessa', she said.
'You'll never lose me', I insisted. It felt like a promise. And it was.
***
Draco is a Death Eater. I've been thinking about this since last night. I barely slept. My mind was full of so many questions but so few answers. How do you feel, Nessa? I am asking myself the same question over and over again but I have no clue about the response. Am I sad? Am I disappointed? Am I angry? Am I scared? I don't quite associate with any of these. It's more like...
Numb.
Is this how my mother felt when she learned that my father had got the Dark Mark? I know I am nowhere near her situation back then, but still. It hurts. I don't even know why. I don't know how and when Draco got under my skin, but it is real and I feel it with my whole being. He was a part of my family afterwards, wasn't he?
There's too much I should reflect on, but right now I can't. My mind is tired, my body feels stiff and tense.
I don't even bother wondering about how Draco found out about my lie during Potions classes earlier this week. I should have exposed myself at that party, otherwise, I have no clue.
It is embarrassing now that he knows that my Amortenia somehow smells of him. And the worse part is that I don't know what is his Amortenia's scent. I heard him acknowledge the fact that he just repeated what Theo had previously said. Or did he? I swear, I am not sure about anything he does or says.
'Nessa', Bella's mellow voice pulls me out of my mind.
I turn to the other side of my bed to face her. She has just turned back from breakfast. I refused to go. I wouldn't be able to act normal, especially if Draco was present.
Bella comes closer and sits on the edge of my bed.
'I wonder...has something happened last night after I left you in the common room?'
Her question leaves me speechless. Why would she ask me such a thing?
'Why do you ask?', I simply respond with another question.
She shrugs her shoulders and lets a deep sigh leave her chest.
'I'm not quite sure. Pansy was acting strange at breakfast. As soon as she finished with her food she stormed out of the Great Hall and didn't tell anyone where she was going. Apart from that, both you and Draco didn't show up.'
I give her no answer, so she pats me gently on the head and stands up heading back to the door.
'Or I might just be overthinking', she states. 'I'm going for a walk with Blaise. You know where to find me if you need me, okay?'
I nod with a smile.
'Thanks, Bella. You are the greatest.'
She giggles cutely before exiting the room and leaving me alone, again. A new anxious feeling adds up to the already rich mixture of emotions harassing my soul.
In the name of Merlin, this week was a nightmare. I don't even dare to imagine what the next one has for me.
Right now, there's one thing I can and want to do.
Take a long and refreshing nap.
Hey, lovelies, I hope you're doing great whenever you happen to read that chapter <3 Who is your favorite character up until now?