The next morning, I was so distant at everyone. I couldn't even concentrate on my work! I am fucking fucked up thinking of what happened and where the heck on earth Eros is right now? I haven't seen him! Fuck, what am I even expecting? Him explaining himself to me? Proposing? Offering me wedding? What the hell?! Eros is a fuck boy.
It was totally nothing to him right? 'Even after him telling he loves you?' Kung p'wede ko lang talaga sampalin ang utak ko ay ginawa ko na.
Why am I even thinking nonsense? "Nonsense?"
"Oh god! Patawarin nawa ako ng may kapal!"
"Ah, Miss!" I almost jump out of fear. Gulat na gulat akong nag angat ng tingin sa tumawag sa akin. A not so familiar blond girl, wearing her pencil skirt and a top inside of her blazer. "A-ah, sorry! I startled you ba? I'm so sorry." She smiled apologetically and shyly approach me. Umiling ako at sinuklian ito ng ngiti. "A-ah o-okay lang..."
"Ahh?" She paused for a while to think, then snap her fingers. "Ah! Si Eros? I'm Zaria. Eros's cousin. You're his secretary?" Unti unti akong tumango at magalang na ngumiti. "Ah, yes ma'am. But... Sir Eros isn't here."
She then pouted. "Ay gan'on? Thought he was here. Omg!" She suddenly ran away. Sinundan ko ito ng tingin hanggang makapasok sa elevator. Na upo na lang muli ako at patuloy na ginagawa ang trabaho bilang sekretarya. Then she came back with Michael on her arms. Tulog na tulog ito sa braso ng tita n'ya, he woke up when Miss Zaria tried putting him on the couch.
"Ah, kase may dadaluhan akong press conference. I can't bring Michael with me at hindi ko s'ya ma aalagaan doon eh, can you look after him? I'll come back here by uh..." Napatingin to sa wrist watch n'ya. Calculating the time she'll be gone. Nangunot ang noo ko ng ngumuso ito at sumimangot. "Si Tito kase eh! Ah sorry Sam?" Tumango ako.
"Eh kase sis, feel ko madaling araw na ako makaka balik at may shoot pa ako..." Turns out, she is an actress. I didn't realize it until I look close into her face. Omg! She is my favorite actress! Didn't know she is Eros's cousin! I took a picture of me and her. I said thank you. Nag presenta na rin na ako na ang mag babantay sa bata at dadalhin sa condo ni Eros.
I tried calling Eros but he isn't answering me, I ended up bringing the kid with me. Cooked him his dinner and tucked him to bed, it was late midnight when miss Zaria called to pick up his nephew.
The next day, pumasok na nga si Eros. He acted nothing, but then he called me to just stare at me and nothing more. Pa balik balik lang ang mga pangyayare. Sunod sunod ang schedule n'ya. Conference doon, meeting dito. Kabilaan. We didn't have time to talk about personal matters. "Uy, girl sama ka?" Napa baling ako sa kakalabas lang na si ate Ice at ang grupo n'ya.
"Uy sama kana Samantha!" I smiled at the guy Leo. Mahinhin akong umiling. Wala naman akong gagawin pero gusto ko na lang mahiga muna at mag pa hinga. Nakakapagod ang mga nag daang araw, I was so stress thinking of different things. Lalo pa ngayon, Jenna is out there in manila and Mama is worried sick of her. I sighed heavily. "Sama kana minsan ka nga lang lumabas eh," sabi pa ni ate Ice ngunit umiling lang din ako at ayaw nang magsalita sa pagod.
I think any minute now I'd pass out. "Ayy sayang, oh s'ya sige ma una na ako." Ate Ice has lots of responsibility to do kaya hindi na rin ito sumama pa sa mga ka trabaho. I found myself starving and looking for something I can't name. Hindi ko alam, kumain naman na ako kanina ah? Three times pa nga eh at nasa tamang oras naman.
Mababaliw na ata ako kaka isip anong pagkain ba tong gusto ko. Sa inis ay na upo na lang ako at binuksan ang TV, ni hindi ako makatulog. I'm craving for something na hindi ko alam?! Is that even possible?! Kumuha ako ng chips at binuksan yon, but as soon as I opened it. My stomach started making weird moves. I think I'm throw up! Pinakiramdaman ko muna ang sarili. When I thought I was finally okay I opened the pack fully and that's when I ran my way to the comfort room.
Halos isuka ko na ang kaluluwa ko pero wala naman talaga akong ma suka! Pakiramdam ko lalabas na ang laman ko sa patuloy na pag susuka. Halos ma luha ako dahil sa nararamdaman. The past days I was like this, craving for something na wala sa loob ng bahay ko, sa refrigerator! Ni hindi ko alam ang nangyayare sa akin mababaliw na ata ako!
"Hala! Okay ka lang ba talaga Sam?" Tumango ako kahit halos hindi na ako maka hinga. Mahigpit na humawak ako sa kamay n'ya at sa edge ng sink. Ang kabilang kamay ni Mara ay humahaplos sa bandang likod ko. "A-ayos... Ayos lang." She then let go of me and offer me water. "Sorry na sis, eh ano... May allergies kaba sa nuts? Eh sabi naman ni ate Ice ito ang paborito mo eh?" Takang sabi nito. Umiling ako at uminom ng tubig. Inipon nito ang buhok ko sa likod at itinali.
"Gan'on? Eh bat ka nag susuka?! Para ka namang buntis na naglilihi d'yan eh."
I think the world stopped upon hearing those words, I gathered all of my thoughts. I'm 3 weeks delayed! It can't be right? Normal naman na sa akin ang ma delay. It can't be!
Those days, those are the symptoms of pregnancy. Am I pregnant? We didn't use protection, I didn't drink pills. Damn nawala sa utak ko! Pinunasan ko ng tissue ang mukha pagkatapos mag hilamos. Nagkaka roon ako ng pananakit ng ulo, in those days I was drinking meds to ease it. If I am pregnant then I might endangered my child's life!
What? No! I am not! Ano na lang ang gagawin ko? Ang sasabihin ko kay Mama at Papa? Kay...
Eros?