get ready gays ;)
***
Debbie was in bad shape. The week in New York had solidified in her mind
that Lou was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. They'd spent every waking and even sleeping moment together, Lou always by her side, even at the morgue when she said her final goodbyes to her brother. It was the most difficult week of her life and she didn't know how she could've gotten through it without Lou there.
Even on the plane ride back to L.A., Lou had held her close. It was only when they walked into the house that they went their separate ways, Lou to her bedroom and Debbie to the guesthouse. Maybe Lou was in desperate need of some alone time. It had been a hard week for everyone, after all. Debbie couldn't begrudge her that. But she couldn't sleep well, either. She'd sat on the edge of the bed for hours last night, not wanting to sleep alone. Not wanting to wake up alone.
But she did wake up alone. She stared at the ceiling for a while and then dragged herself out of bed. She sat at the little kitchen table alone and sipped on a cup of bad coffee, thinking about how wonderful a long drive sounded. It also sounded like torture, having to sit next to the woman she'd fallen in love with for hours on end. There wouldn't be a reason to touch her anymore. No cameras. No debilitating grief. Just them. Alone.
God, the more Debbie thought about it, it sounded absolutely horrible. No, it seemed best just to stay in L.A. and rest over the weekend. Find her bearings again. She had fan mail. More than she'd ever had during her career on Light of Day. Maybe she could sit and read the love mail and more than likely, a bit of hate mail.
***
Lou knocked on the guesthouse door and poked her head in. "Hey." She frowned when she saw the coffee cup. "Why didn't you come inside for coffee? I have breakfast waiting."
"I, um..." Debbie always went inside for coffee. That big espresso machine called to her, and Lou knew how much she loved it. Any excuse she made for drinking the crappy coffee wouldn't be believed, so she didn't even try.
"Do you want to be alone?"
Debbie was alone, whether she liked it or not. She had no family, besides an aunt she barely knew who lived in Montana or New Mexico, she could never remember which. But she didn't want to talk about that. "Did you really cook breakfast?"
Lou held out her hand. "Don't make me eat it alone."
Debbie took her hand and stood up. "Is it edible?" she joked, trying to lighten her heavy mood.
"Very funny." Lou pulled Debbie into an unexpected hug. "Good morning. I missed you."
Debbie closed her eyes and inhaled Lou's scent. It instantly comforted her and she relaxed into the hug, wrapping her arms around Lou's waist. "Good morning."
"How did you sleep?" Lou pulled back and cupped Debbie's cheeks, studying her face. "Not well, I see."
"Terrible."
"You're sleeping with me tonight. It's too soon to be alone. I don't know what I was thinking, leaving you out here like this." Debbie gave her a slight nod. "Good, then it's settled." She took Debbie's hand and led her outside. "It's a beautiful day."
Debbie shielded her eyes from the sun. "A good day for mountain biking?"
"A good day for flying." Lou tightened her grip on Debbie's hand and grinned.
Debbie narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"
Lou pulled out a chair at the table for Debbie. "We're going to Napa, but we're going to fly there."
Debbie looked at her with big, questioning eyes. "Today?"
"Yeah. We'll eat breakfast and then we'll pack an overnight bag. And tonight, we'll have an excellent meal in the middle of a vineyard." Lou put a plate of fresh fruit on the table, and took the omelets out of the oven. She set one in front of Debbie. "It's your favorite. Spinach and Brie."
Debbie felt a little bit overwhelmed, but she held it together and smiled. "I can't believe you cooked for me."
"Don't get used to it," Lou said with a wink. She picked up her fork and took a bite. A surprise moan escaped her mouth. "Not bad!"
Debbie took a small bite. "It's wonderful. You're wonderful."
Lou picked up her coffee cup and grinned behind it. "So, you're in?"
Forget the fan mail. Forget their pending breakup. Forget everything else. Debbie only wanted to be with Lou - for as long as she could have her. "Yeah. I'm in."
***
Debbie stepped out of the guesthouse looking as gorgeous as ever with her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her dark sunglasses on. She was wearing a low-cut white gypsy blouse with a denim mini-skirt and wedge heels.
Lou's breath caught when she saw her. "You look beautiful."
Lou leaned in for a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, honey. So do you."
While Debbie was showering, she'd decided she wouldn't hide her feelings anymore. If she wanted to kiss Lou, she would. If she wanted to call her honey or another pet name, she would. She'd just be herself and whatever came of it - or whatever didn't come of it - she'd have to be okay with.
Life was too short, even if you were being paid to pretend.
***
On the small, private plane, Debbie buckled her seat belt and immediately reached for Lou's hand. She brought it to her mouth and kissed it. "I adore you for doing this for me."
"I couldn't leave you all alone out in that guesthouse. And this trip is for both of us. A change of scenery." Lou mimicked Debbie's action, taking their joined hands to her mouth and gently kissing Debbie's. "And if you still need to shed a few tears, it's okay."
Debbie leaned in and relaxed, resting her head against Lou's shoulder. "I love you." She closed her eyes, not caring what the reaction would be.
Lou urged Debbie's head up and put a small pillow under it. "Just rest now. I'll wake you when we get there." Once Debbie was asleep, she snapped a quick photo.
***
Lou stared at the selfie she'd taken of the two of them. Lacey looked content and relaxed and beautiful sleeping on her shoulder. What surprised Quinn even more, was how content she herself looked. Her blue eyes had a sparkle to them and her smile seemed so genuine. She looked happy in a way that she'd never seen in photos of herself before.
She gently kissed Debbie's head, being careful not to wake her up. You're the reason.
Lou decided to send the photo to her mom - something she really never did - with a message.
Taking her to Napa. We both need the break.
It didn't take long to get a reply.
Oh, what an adorable photo. Thank you for telling me, darling.
Have a wonderful time!
Lou smiled at the reply and then decided to tweet the photo as well, with the following message-
She keeps me warm.
She sent the tweet and took a deep, cleansing breath. It felt good to keep her mom up to date on her life. That was new. It also felt good to have an amazing woman sleeping on her shoulder. It felt right and good and everything she'd always dreamed it would be. Lou was gay. And now, she was out and proud. It could only get better from here.
***
After a hard, dreary week in New York City, the fresh, crisp air of a Napa Valley evening felt like heaven to Debbie. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.
"Your color looks a little better tonight." Lou reached across the table and filled Debbie's glass with a full-bodied merlot.
"Have I been pale?" Debbie touched her face, wishing she'd touched up her makeup before dinner.
"A little bit. The color in your cheeks is back."
"The walk felt good."
They were literally in the middle of a vineyard, having dinner on a small wooden platform with only enough room for a table and two chairs. Tiki torches and candles lit up the space, creating a very romantic atmosphere.
Debbie had assumed they would be staying in a hotel, but they drove straight to the winery and were greeted by the owners with hugs and kisses. Friends of Lou's, apparently. They were given the key to a cozy guesthouse where they freshened up and then went for a long, slow walk around the property. They had total privacy which Debbie was very grateful for. She wasn't looking forward to being in public with Lou again just yet. That would come soon enough.
They'd walked hand in hand, taking in the beauty of their surroundings. Lou had carried the conversation and Debbie nodded and smiled when appropriate. Now that they were seated for dinner and she'd had a glass of wine, Debbie was feeling a little more talkative. "I want to make a scrapbook."
"A scrapbook? Like one of those storyboards on your phone?"
No," Debbie replied with a firm shake of her head. "Like a real scrapbook with real memories in it. Something I can hold in my hands and turn the pages and remember. I have two boxes full of photos, postcards and letters that my parents collected and I think I'd like to turn it into something tangible, you know?"
"I thought you weren't very crafty. Isn't scrapbooking a crafty hobby?"
"Why are you busting my balls about this?" Debbie picked up her glass and took another good, long sip.
"I'm not busting your..." Lou pushed the charcuterie board across the table. "Have some food with that wine."
Debbie threw a few cashews in her mouth. "So what if I couldn't bedazzle your damn sling. That doesn't mean I can't put a scrapbook together. How hard can it be?"
"Fourteen thousand likes," Lou blurted out. She seemed instantly relieved that she'd gotten that off her chest. She also threw a few nuts in her mouth and nodded her head, just to punctuate her point. "So far."
Debbie swirled the wine in her glass and narrowed her eyes. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Twitter."
"Did you change the subject? I was talking about a scrapbook. For my deceased parents."
"And I fully support you in that effort. I'll even help. We'll watch YouTube videos. Take classes. Whatever it takes, okay?"
"Thank you," Debbie said, feeling slightly better about the conversation. "I can't forget their faces. Or the sound of their voices."
"So, back to the digital album?"
"We'll do both," Debbie said. "But we'll have to hire a professional for that one. I'm technologically inept."
Lou rolled a small piece of melon in a slice of prosciutto. She stabbed it with a fork and offered it. "Agreed. Now, try this."
Debbie took the fork. "Are you trying to shut me up?"
"Never." Lou smiled. "I love talking about scrapbooking."
"You hate it. And this is delicious." Debbie washed it down with more wine. "Now, what's this about Twitter?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Lou was so excited it was bubbling out of her. "I posted a photo."
"And it's gotten fourteen thousand likes?"
"And counting." She reached down and took her phone out of her purse. "It's a photo of us."
Debbie frowned. "When?"
"You were asleep. Oh my god. Fifteen thousand and counting. The comments are awesome."
"Wait." Debbie leaned forward. "I was asleep? What the hell, Lou?"
Lou handed over her phone, watching Debbie closely for her reaction.
"She keeps me warm." Debbie looked up and searched Lou eyes. All she saw was a look of satisfaction for a job well done. Lou pumped her fist as Debbie pushed her chair out and stood up, setting the phone on the table. "Good job. Linus will be very happy." She turned and stepped off the platform, disappearing into the darkness.
She didn't get very far. Once she was a few feet away from the torches, it was so dark she couldn't even see the rows of vines that surrounded them. She stood still for a moment, hoping her eyes would adjust. Hoping her heart wouldn't break in two right then and there.
She looked up at the clear night sky, wishing she believed in God. Wishing someone could make sense of this mess she was in. Wishing she could call her brother. She hadn't called him enough since she'd moved in with Lou. It was awkward, telling him half-truths. Lying to her own brother. God, how she wished she'd handled it differently. The whole thing, she'd handle differently, given the chance.
It wasn't worth all this heartache. Being so goddamned in love with someone who only saw her as a means to an end. Not being there for her brother during the last months of his life. No job, no amount of money was worth it.
The darkness was fitting. Lost in the inky blackness, barely able to see her own hand. That seemed okay. She wanted to disappear for a while. Maybe forget to breathe and just...float away.
"Debz? Honey, come back."
Debbie didn't turn around. She wrapped her arms around herself, needing protection from that voice. "You should post it on Instagram too." She hoped if Lou posted the damn photo enough places, maybe they could avoid having to make a public appearance and just end this fucking charade asap.
"I meant it. Those words I wrote. You keep me so warm."
"It's my job," Debbie said, her voice cracking. She desperately did not want to cry. Not right now. She turned around, her arms still tightly wrapped around her body. Lou was a silhouette backlit by the torches. She couldn't see the expression on her face, and maybe that was for the best, since she didn't want to lie anymore.
Debbie was over it. Done with this farce. Yes, she'd fulfill the terms of her contract. She'd stand by Lou's side and smile for the cameras. But she wouldn't spend one more second denying how she really felt. If her brother were still here, she knew what he would say. Tell her.
And what better place to admit that you'd fallen in love when you weren't supposed to, when you'd sworn to yourself that you wouldn't, when you'd laughed it off and told Lou she was arrogant to even think such a thing could happen, what better place, than in a pitch-black vineyard, where the woman you love can barely see you as you say it?
"It's not just my job." Debbie lowered her gaze, still gripping her stomach. "It stopped being a job a long time ago, and I know you don't want to hear this, but..."
"I love you too."
Debbie froze. She played the words over in her mind, making sure she'd heard right. Lifting her gaze, she squinted in the darkness. Why was it so damned dark out? Where was the damn moon when she needed it? Because now, she needed to see Lou's face more than she needed air.
Lou took a few steps forward, making her even harder to see as the darkness enveloped her. Debbie took her by the hand and led her back onto the platform. She held her by the shoulders and said, "Say it again." Lou opened her mouth, but Debbie put her fingers over it, preventing her from saying the words. "Wait. This isn't just because my brother died and you think I need to hear it."
Lou shook her head, the hand still on her mouth.
"Or, because I'm feeling sorry for myself now that I have no family."
Lou shook her head again.
"Or, because..."
Lou took Debbie's hand away, keeping hold of it. "Stop trying to find reasons other than the real one - that I fell in love with you a long time ago, too."
"Real. Not fake?" Debbie's voice sounded so unsure. And it was. Her heart, her mind, her soul - none of them were ready to accept this truth.
Lou took a step back and held out her hand. "You said I couldn't just hold out my hand. I also had to tell you that I love you. And even though I've fought it, and thought it would be one-sided. And even though I was scared to death to feel anything for you, because there was always Tammy, and your life back in New York. And even though you might break my heart because you're bigger than life and your career is going to explode now - even with all of that, I would be an absolute fool to keep those words inside for another second. So, yes, honey. I love you. And I want you, if you'll have me."
Debbie took Lou's hand, still trying to process all of it. "None of that BFF stuff?"
Lou shook her head. "No. I mean, I hope you'll always be my best friend, but you'd make a shitty maid of honor."
Debbie dramatically swiped her hand across her forehead. "Whew! What a relief."
"For me too. Peach really isn't your color."
"Not to mention that you really shouldn't want to fuck your maid of honor." Lou paused, realizing what she'd just heard. "Peach?"
Lou removed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Debbie's waist. "Do you think you could maybe stop with the banter and the whole not kissing me thing, and maybe..."
Lou whimpered when Debbie's lips hit hers. The electricity between them was immediate and even more powerful than it had been on the set. "Oh god," she whispered into Debbie's mouth.
"Yeah," Debbie whispered back, right before she deepened the kiss. As her tongue found Lou's, a hand slid from her back down to her ass. She giggled. "I knew you were obsessed with my ass."
***
I'll post the following chapters soon! Just checking for mistakes :)