Debbie sat at her kitchen table rubbing her temples. She was trying to decide what she regretted most about last night; her words or the wine. It was the wine. Definitely the wine. But also, her words.
Three fingers deep? Who talks like that? All that seduction in under a minute business had Debbie in a twist. Had Lou actually tried to get her in bed last night, or was it all just a horrible dream? A misunderstanding, maybe. That's it, Debbie had heard wrong. Hadn't she?
God, her head hurt. And her stupid phone wouldn't stop ringing -some number she didn't recognize. It rang again and this time she picked it up, ready to yell at whoever was trying to sell her something. "Yes?" She stood up, but her expression fell as she listened. "No, that can't be. No, I just talked to him yesterday. No, no, no! Oh, god!" Debbie sank back onto the bed. "Of course. Yes, I'm on my way."
***
Lou opened the guesthouse door and found Debbie zipping up her suitcase. She threw a hand in the air. "Perfect. That's just perfect. And you were probably going to leave without saying goodbye."
Debbie grabbed her sweater and put it on, completely ignoring Lou. She set her suitcase on the floor and looked at her watch. "Shit," she whispered. She finally looked up, revealing puffy, tear-stained eyes. "Is my cab here?"
Lou softened her tone. "Okay, look... we just need to sit down and talk."
"I have to get to the airport."
"So, you're going to run away again? Well, this time I'm not going to beg you to come back."
Debbie grabbed her purse and suitcase, trying like hell to hold back the tears. She didn't have time to break down. That could wait until she was on the plane. She wheeled her carry-on outside and hurried past the pool. Lou followed her to the side gate. "Will you please just talk to me for a second? Let me apologize? I know what I said was inappropriate. I was just so happy and that clouded my judgment. I didn't mean to make you feel cheap, and I certainly didn't mean to assume that you would just jump into my bed."
Debbie tried to punch in the gate code but her fingers were too shaky. She stepped aside and leaned against the fence, her breath becoming so shallow she was almost hyperventilating. "Please open the gate."
Lou shook her head. "No. This is ridiculous, Debbie. You can't run away. We have to talk. We have to..."
Debbie's face contorted, a deep sob making its way up from her chest. She gasped for air and said, "Danny," before she completely broke down.
Lou grabbed Debbie as she fell to the ground, softening the blow. She took her phone out of her back pocket, hit a button and held it to her ear, keeping an arm wrapped around Debbie. "Answer, goddammit." Debbie grabbed Lou's shirt and sobbed into her chest. "Dammit, Amita, answer your phone." Lou's assistant finally answered. "Amita! I need a jet ASAP. New York. NOW, Mita!"
Lou dropped her phone on the ground and wrapped both arms around Debbie. "I've got you, baby. Just hang on." She heard the cab honk his horn, so she picked her phone back up and punched in the code for the front gate. She kissed Debbie's head. "Stay here. I'll be right back."
She ran back into the house and grabbed a twenty from her purse. When she returned a few seconds later, she had let the driver know his services wouldn't be necessary. Then she went back to Debbie and urged her to stand up. "Come on, babe. Let's go back into the house. I'll get us to the airport."
Lou took a few minutes to pack a bag, insisting that Debbie sit in her bedroom while she haphazardly pulled clothes from her closet. Whatever she didn't pack, she could buy in New York. She wanted to ask questions, but thought better of it, since at the moment, Debbie wasn't crying. She was sitting there, twisting a tissue between her fingers and staring at the floor, her face paler than Lou had ever seen it before. When they got to the Santa Monica airport, Amita was there, waiting.
She asked only one question. "Two or three?"
Lou kept her arm wrapped around Debbie and mouthed the word "three." Amita nodded and picked up her emergency overnight bag, following them onto the plane.
***
Lou was right behind Debbie as she unlocked the door to her brother's Brooklyn apartment. He hadn't died here, that had happened at school.
Lou was relieved Debbie wouldn't have to see any remnants of his death; a chair overturned, or a spilled cup of coffee he'd dropped when the pain hit him. She wouldn't have to look at a certain spot and conjure up memories of this is where Danny took his last breath, and how painful that last breath must've been.
Everything seemed in order. A book sitting on the kitchen table that he'd probably read a few pages of before going off to work. A multi-colored afghan was folded neatly on the sofa. One made by Diana, Lou guessed. The pictures on the walls were all hanging straight and the shoes by the door were evenly spaced.
Danny was more like Lou, it seemed, than his own sister, when it came to tidiness. She could appreciate his little world. Warm and inviting, just like the man himself.
Debbie hadn't stepped very far into the apartment. Lou stood behind her and removed Debbie's coat, then her own. She hung them on a coat rack, next to Danny's navy-blue Yankees windbreaker. When she turned back around, Debbie had gone into the small galley kitchen. She stood motionless, staring at the sink.
Lou was about to say something when Debbie reached out and unplugged the coffee maker and the toaster. There really weren't that many dirty dishes, certainly not enough to warrant the entire sink being filled with soapy water. That didn't matter. Lou grabbed a dish towel and stood next to Debbie, ready to dry what she'd washed. Only one plate made it into Lou's hand, but Debbie wouldn't let it go. She gripped that plate with all of her might as the inevitable tears filled her eyes. Lou pried her fingers off of the plate and set it down.
Debbie grabbed the edge of the counter and bent over, resting her forehead on the sink. She was gasping for air as deep, heavy sobs worked their way up from her chest. Her knees buckled and hit the floor. "Why? Why?"
Lou tried to swallow back her own emotions as she knelt next to Debbie. She sat on the floor, leaning against the cupboard and pulled Debbie into her arms.
***
Lou sat on the edge of Danny's bed, watching Debbie's every move, but also taking in the photos in the room. It was basically a shrine to Ocean's mother -a beautiful woman with brunette hair and a warm smile, just like Debbie's.
She heard a crashing noise, so she ran into the bathroom. The mirror was broken. Debbie was leaning over the sink, her jaw flexed and her knuckles bleeding. There were several prescription bottles lying in the sink. "He didn't tell me," Debbie ground out. Lou glanced at the bottles.
Danny had a heart issue, and somehow, he thought not telling his sister was the best course of action? It didn't make sense, after what Debbie had already been through with their mother's death. Or, maybe it did. Now was not the time to judge Danny. He obviously had his reasons, none of which Debbie would ever understand.
Lou took the bloody, shaking hand in hers. She looked at it carefully and set it back down. "Where's your brother's first aid kit?"
***
Debbie opened her eyes and looked around, trying to figure out where she was. She felt the throb in her hand and looked at the bandage. Oh yeah. The mirror I smashed.
Lou was at the door, signing for room service and also giving an autograph. Debbie rolled over and looked around the hotel suite. She was in a king-sized bed that Lou had obviously slept in as well. She quickly lifted the sheet to find she'd slept in the nude.
"Oh good, you're awake," Lou rolled the table into the room. Debbie tucked the sheet under her arms and sat up.
"I'm naked. Did you undress me?"
"Oh, that. Yeah, your brother died, so I decided to fuck you in your sleep."
Debbie took the offered cup of coffee from Lou. "Sorry," she sheepishly replied.
Lou sat on the edge of the bed and felt Debbie's forehead. "You were burning up last night, so I forced you to take a cool shower. I have a doctor coming in half an hour. I don't know if it's just stress, or if you're coming down with something again." She took Debbie's bandaged hand in hers. "He'll check your hand as well."
Debbie's eyes filled with tears as she recalled the previous evening. "Thank you, for going to the morgue with me. I couldn't do it alone."
"Oh Debs." Lou wiped Debbie's tears away. "No one should ever go through that alone."
Debbie set her coffee on the bedside table and leaned back against the headboard. "I have to plan his funeral. I have to clean out his apartment. I have to..."
"No." Lou took Debbie's hand. "Amita and I will help with the funeral and everything else can wait until you're ready."
Debbie covered her eyes. Her body started to shake. No matter how hard she tried to hold it together, she couldn't. Because this couldn't possibly be happening to her. Not again. It was too soon. Her brother was supposed to grow old and be an uncle one day. He knew that she thinks of having one. He would've been good at it too. The coolest uncle ever. She would've had a dumb sweatshirt made that said just that. And he would've proudly worn it.
She gasped for air and managed to whisper, "He was all I had."
"That's not true." Lou got on the bed and straddled Debbie's legs. She pulled at Debbie's hands. "Look at me." Debbie's hands flopped to her sides, but she wouldn't open her eyes. "Debbie, look at me." Lou cupped her cheeks. "You have me. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere." Debbie finally opened her eyes and blinked back the tears. "BFFs, Debs. Remember? BFFs."
Debbie didn't feel comforted. Nothing would comfort her right now, and if anything, Lou's words were making it worse. She didn't need a fucking BFF. She needed her brother. Danny Ocean. Her hero. Her rock.
Her eyes flicked around the hotel room. She couldn't remember how they got there. She didn't even remember having a fever last night. Had she eaten anything? No. She couldn't eat. Probably wouldn't ever eat again. That was silly. Of course, she would eat again.
Her stomach roiled and her eyes went wide. She pushed Lou off of her in one, swift move and ran to the toilet. There wasn't anything left in her stomach, but apparently her body didn't know that. She knelt over the toilet for what felt like hours, dry heaving and feeling so weak, she draped her arm over the toilet and lay on it, not giving a shit that it was a toilet.
She didn't last long in that position. Lou wrapped a robe around her and pulled her back into her arms. Debbie opened her eyes long enough to make sure it was Lou's slender fingers resting on her chest, letting her know she wasn't alone. Of course, it was Lou. Who else would it be? Maybe BFFs were okay after all.
Debbie slid her hand under Lou's hand and intertwined their fingers. She stared at their joined hands until her eyelids got too heavy to keep open.
***
Debbie sat by her brother's grave, wanting to be alone with him before they lowered him into the ground. Lou hadn't left Debbie's side until that very moment. It killed her to do so, but she watched from a distance, giving Debbie the space she needed.
She tucked her hands into her black wool coat and checked the sky again. Rain had been threatening all day and she prayed the skies wouldn't open up before Debbie could say her final goodbyes.
Amita walked up and stood next to Lou. "How's she doing?"
"She's hanging in there."
"She was so strong up there, talking about her brother. I don't think I could that." Debbie had barely been able to say a few words at a time without crying, so when she said she wanted to speak at her brother's funeral, Lou was concerned, wondering if she'd be able to get through it without breaking down.
"I owe it to him," she'd said. Lou, along with everyone else, watched in awe as Debbie courageously told her brother's life story and also, her parent's love story with such love and wit and that she had the whole room laughing and crying with her.
"She's an amazing woman." Lou gave Amita a sad smile. "Don't you think?"
It was a dumb question. Amita was quite possibly Debbie's biggest fan. Amita turned to her. "She's incredible, and I'm so happy you two found each other. It's better than any love story I've ever seen on TV or in the movies, because it's so real, you know?"
Lou's smile faded. Amita didn't know the truth, that it was all a big sham. No one knew, except Linus.
She forced a smile. "You really think so?"
Amita put her arm around her boss. "I've never seen you this happy, Lou. Ever. And it's so obvious how much you love Debbie. It's written all over your face every time you look at her. And the way you're taking care of her? We should all be so lucky."
Lou met Amita's gaze. "I do love her," she whispered, unable to deny it anymore.
Linus walked up and stood on the other side of Lou, resting his hand on her back. "We need to get you two back in the limo."
"What's wrong?" Lou looked around, wondering if the paparazzi had shown up. It was, after all, only a few days ago that the photos of them kissing had gone viral. Fake kissing, Lou corrected herself.
"Just a few cameras."
"Just keep them back, Lin. She needs time alone with him."
"I'll try. What would you like me to do about Debbie's ex?"
Amita glanced behind her. "That's Debbie's ex? She's gorgeous!" She quickly tried to make up for her outburst by leaning in and whispering, "Not as pretty as you, of course." She glanced behind her again. "Oh god, she's coming this way."
Lou didn't turn around. "Thank you, Amita. Will you make sure my mother gets home okay?" She folded her arms, steeling herself for whatever came next. "I'll handle the ex, Lin." Amita and Linus walked away, passing Tammy as they went.
"Lou Miller, in the flesh. My life is now complete."
Lou turned to find a beautiful young woman approaching her. "You must be Tammy."
"Tamara Robertson," she said, offering her hand.
Lou looked at the hand and reluctantly took it. Lou had been expecting this. She assumed Tammy would attend the funeral and Debbie had described her perfectly. She took in the dark almond eyes, full lips and long blonde hair before she pulled her eyes away from Tammy and turned back to Debbie.
Tammy stood as close as possible and folded her arms, mimicking Lou's stance. "It's so sad that he's gone. He was like a brother to me. Did you have a chance to meet him?"
"Yes, I did. He was a good man."
Tammy gave Lou a sideways glance. "You're even more beautiful in person."
Lou kept her eyes on Debbie. "Why are you being so polite? Surely you're upset that Debbie and I are dating."
"Yes, well, what you don't know is that I will always own Debbie's heart. And even though we've both had our little flings, our destinies will realign, and my Deb... my future wife and the mother of our children... will come home. Of this you can be sure."
Lou turned and gave the woman her best glare. "You know, you can say it with that perfect accent all you want, but it's still just horseshit. I know what you did to Debbie's heart."
Tammy gave her a closed lip smile. "I'd like to pay my respects now, and also my parents are here. It's time they met my future wife."
Lou got in front of Tammy, blocking her way. "That's not a good idea. This isn't the place."
Tammy glanced over at two people standing by a limousine and waved them forward. "They would also like to meet their favorite TV star. Maybe get an autograph?"
Lou's jaw flexed as she tried to control her anger. She wanted to rip this woman apart with her bare hands, or at the very least have the security guards Linus had hired drag her away. But that wouldn't help Debbie.
"You do understand that Debbie is experiencing unimaginable grief right now, and your request for an autograph is both callous and wildly inappropriate. And the gall you have to expect Debbie to be polite to two people who refused to even acknowledge her existence... and on the day of her own brother's funeral, is so far beyond the pale, I'm struggling to believe you have even one caring bone in your body."
Tammy smiled again, seeming way too calm by Lou's estimation. "Be nice to my parents. I'd hate for them to feel unwelcome at my fiancée's brother's funeral."
"Fiancée?" Lou wanted to grab the woman walking away from her. Fiancée? What the hell? Was this woman totally batshit? Lou watched helplessly as Tammy sauntered toward Debbie. "Shit," she whispered. When she heard Tammy's parents speaking behind her, she put on a fake smile and turned around. She could at least keep them at bay.
After posing for several photos and signing an autograph, and somehow convincing Tammy's parents to get back in their car, Lou went back to her own limo. "Tell me when they're gone," she said to Linus as she opened the car door. She took one more look at Tammy and Debbie before she got in and lay her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. "I can't compete with that," she whispered to herself.
"No. I don't suppose you can. I learned that the hard way with your father. No matter how hard I tried, I could never be twenty-five again." Lou opened her eyes and found her mother sitting across from her in the stretch limo.
"I didn't know you were still here."
Just then, Amita got in the limo. She gave her boss an apologetic grimace. "Mrs. Miller, are you sure you don't want the other driver to take you home?"
Gillian waved her off. "Shush, Amita, I'm talking to my daughter. Now, who is she, Lou?"
Lou took a deep breath. "Debbie's ex-girlfriend."
Debbie looked to Amita for answers but Amita just shrugged her shoulders. "Well, how nice of you to give them room to cuddle." Lou rested her elbow on the door and rubbed her forehead, ignoring her mother. Gillian leaned forward. "Maybe you should tell me why you would let an ex-girlfriend who looks like that, anywhere near Debbie. What the hell are you thinking?" Amita's eyes widened as she nodded her head in agreement.
"Well, for one thing, I don't own her," Lou snapped back.
Gillian scooted forward and grabbed her daughter's hand. "But you can own this moment. And that may sound dramatic, but you always liked a little drama in your life... so go take care of Debbie and put that little tramp in her place!"
Little tramp? Lou had a feeling her mother wasn't referring to Tammy so much as expressing her feelings about the woman that stole her husband. Lou didn't move. It wasn't her place, no matter what everyone around her thought.
"Amita, talk some sense into my daughter."
"Um..." Amita cleared her throat. "She's the best thing that ever happened to you."
Lou smirked. "Yes, I know you two are her squealing fangirls, but you don't understand."
"You think we're saying this because of her incredible career?" Gillian scoffed. "My darling daughter, we're saying this because of who you are when you're with her. If you can't see how happy she makes you, and how great you are together, then you're blind."
"She makes me crazy," Lou muttered.
"The best kind of crazy," Amita gently replied.
Gillian narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Amita, give me a moment alone with Lou, please." She waited until Amita was out of the car and then said, "What's going on?"
"Nothing." "Then go take care of your girlfriend. Her brother is about to be lowered into the ground and you're going to let some other woman..."
"It's not real, okay?" Lou blurted out. "We're not real."
Gillian straightened her shoulders. "I don't understand."
"I know you don't, Mom. It was Lin's idea. But it's over now. Debbie has done her part."
"Stop talking in riddles, Lou."
"Our relationship, okay? I paid her to be my girlfriend to make the coming out process easier."
Gillian sat back in her seat, stunned by the declaration. "You paid her for..."
"Not that. Not sex."
"Well, that's a relief."
"And that's why I have no right to go over there and claim her as my own. She's not mine. She never was."
"I disagree," Gillian said. "Have you seen the way she looks at you? And unless my eyes have failed me, I believe it was your hand she held through the entire funeral."
"She doesn't have anyone else," Lou muttered.
"Apparently, she does." Gillian forcefully pointed out the window. "But she chose you, today. The worst day of her life and she chose you, Lou. Now, get out there, because the worst day of her life isn't over yet. And if you don't, I will." Lou considered it for a moment, her eyes filling with tears.
"Do you love her, honey?" Lou didn't answer, but she did put her hand on the door handle. "If you love her, it doesn't really matter how this thing between the two of you started. All the best love stories are complicated." Lou pulled on the door handle, but didn't open the door. "This sham... this charade... how does it end?" Gillian asked.
"We break up in a few months."
"And then?"
"Then, I start dating for real. Find someone..." Lou took her hand off the handle. "We have a plan. Linus has a plan. We need to stick to it."
"I see." Gillian smoothed her charcoal gray coat over her dress as she considered what she was hearing. "And you just forget about Debbie?"
"No." Lou shook her head. "Never. She took care of me. She's become my best friend."
Gillian pulled her phone out of her purse. "I'm sorry, my darling, but I don't buy it. These are not the words of someone who is just a friend."
Lou put up her hand. "I know, Mom. I know she's texted you, but she was just saying what she had to say to keep up the charade."
"Really," Gillian said with a doubtful tone. She put her reading glasses on. "Debbie, I'm so very sorry to hear about your brother. I'm getting on the first plane out. See you soon, my darling. And this was her reply. Thank you, Mrs. Miller. I feel so lost right now. Lou is the only reason I'm still standing."
"That doesn't mean..." Lou shook her head.
Gillian gave her daughter a stern look. "Let me finish." She scrolled down a bit. "Lou is a strong woman, Debbie. She gets that from me, whether she'll admit it or not. If you let her, she'll shine bright like a star in your time of need. She'll prop you up until you can stand on your own again. And I'll be there for you too. You're a part of us now, and the Miller women will not let you down."
"You really believe that?"
Gillian took off her glasses. "I may not say it enough. No, that's not right. I haven't said it enough, honey. But honestly, you haven't made it easy. You've kept everyone at arm's length for years. Including me. But Debbie has opened you up again, and yes, I can now see all of you in all of your glory and it's a beautiful sight. Now, do you want to hear what her reply was?" Lou nodded. "Her grief was making her ramble, but just hear her out. Okay, she says, before I met Lou, I thought I knew what love was. It's funny how wrong we can be about our own lives. I wish you could've met my brother. He would've liked you and your honesty. I haven't been so honest lately. He would've been disappointed in me for that. Now, he doesn't have to know, and that's okay. He's with mom now and that's the most important thing because he loved her so much. Life tears us to pieces sometimes, doesn't it? I hope we'll see more of you, Mrs. Miller. Family is so important." Gillian met Lou's gaze. "Now I know what the dishonesty was about. She felt guilty that she'd lied to her brother about her relationship with you."
Lou took a tissue out of her pocket and wiped her nose. "She hasn't really said much at all to me since her brother died. Only the things she's had to say. Details about the funeral. Practical stuff."
"She's devastated, honey. Her thoughts, her feelings, they're all over the place. That text was a jumble of emotions, but one thing is clear -she sees you as her family. Now, am I going out there, or are you?" Gillian tucked her phone back in her purse and waited.
Lou put her hand on the door handle again, this time she hesitated for only a few seconds before she opened the door and got out of the car. Gillian smiled in satisfaction. "That's my girl."