A few weeks later, Debbie walked into the main house, phone in hand. "Lou?" She didn't get a reply, so she ran upstairs into Lou's bedroom. "Lou?" She didn't find her in the office either, so she went to the garage to see if her car was there. She opened the door and found Lou wiping down her mountain bike.
"Good morning," Lou said with a smile. A look of hurt washed over Debbie's face. Lou's shoes were muddy. The bike was muddy. She even had mud stuck to the ends of her hair. Why in the hell would Lou go riding after it had rained the day before? And why wouldn't she invite Debbie along? That's what the extra bike was for, after all. "What's wrong?" Lou asked.
"You went without me."
"Yeah, I um... I woke up needing to do something."
"I'm supposed to go with you, Lou."
Lou tossed the rag aside. "I know. And you will. But you can't go where I usually ride. You don't have the experience."
Debbie threw her hands in the air. "How hard can it be?"
Lou chuckled. "When was the last time you got on a bike of any kind?"
Debbie pursed her lips together. "Hmm..." It had been so long, she couldn't actually remember the last time.
"Riding on dirt trails is very different from renting a bike and riding through central park. I've been doing it for ten years and I still managed to smash my arm."
"So, the extra bike was a pointless gift? How am I supposed to learn to ride if you leave me at home?" Debbie was finding it hard to be truly mad at Lou because she looked so damned adorable in her tight little biking shorts. "Huh?" she added for effect.
"I promise to take you next time," Lou said.
"Okay, but you can't come in the house like that. You're filthy." Debbie bit her lip, trying not to smile. Would Lou take the bait and undress right here, in front of her?
"I'll use the shower out back. Oh, and can you bring me a copy of your contract when you have a second?"
"What?" Debbie was confused by the request. "Why?"
"I want to check on the part where apparently, I'm paying you to nag."
"Oooh, bitchy. But don't complain to me when your arm is aching and you can't sleep." It didn't get past Debbie that Lou winced when she tried to pull her shoe off with her right hand.
"Okay, Dr. Fake Porter." Lou got both of her shoes off and looked up to find Debbie walking away. "Hey, Debbie?"
"Yeah?"
"I really do appreciate your concern, and if you're up for it, I'd love to take you out to dinner tonight. Maybe make up for leaving you in the dust this morning?" There was only one reason Lou would want to go out to dinner. They'd hardly been out at all since the incident at the bar, usually ordering take-out or cooking at home.
"A paparazzi dinner?"
"Paparazzi, and the best bottle of wine I can find."
Debbie bit her thumbnail while she considered it. "I'll need something fabulous to wear."
"Of course."
"So will you."
Lou smiled. "I have a closet full of fabulous things."
"What's the goal?"
"Now that the first kiss episode has aired, Linus thinks it's time for a public display of affection."
Debbie leaned on the Maserati, looking worried. "That should make things interesting with...." She trailed off.
"Tammy?" Lou helped her out.
"I've been putting her off... making excuses..."
"Meaning, you haven't told her it's really over? Which means it must not be really over."
"It's not easy, okay? I feel like I've loved her forever." Debbie couldn't bring herself to say the words, it's really over, to Tammy. They weren't communicating every day - Tammy was busy with her work and school and Debbie barely had time to think about anything but work -but they did still stay in touch via text.
"It was easy for Tammy. She dumped you, remember?"
Debbie folded her arms, needing protection. "Yeah, you like to remind me of that fact every chance you get."
"Just keeping it real."
"Says the woman with the fake girlfriend."
Lou turned around and took off her muddy t-shirt. She was about to remove her shorts when she stopped and turned back around. "You want some reality? Fine. I went on a ride this morning because I'm scared shitless right now. I'm scared to take this coming out thing all the way, and I thought a ride would calm my nerves. I took the hardest route, and now, my arm is killing me, but I didn't want to tell you that because you'll rip me a new one for being so stupid. And, so gutless."
Surprised by the admission, Debbie stared at Lou, standing there in just her sports bra and shorts. Obviously feeling self-conscious, Lou draped her shirt over her chest. Debbie snorted. "Like I haven't seen you in a bra before." She put up her hand to stop whatever retort Lou had for her. "Just promise me you won't get on that bike without me, and I won't say a word about anyone being stupid."
Lou acquiesced with a nod. "Thank you."
"And as far as being gutless goes... I understand your fears about coming out. I had the same fears and some of mine came true. I lost my job. I lost my girlfriend. But no amount of money could put me back in the closet. It feels too good to be free of that burden, and I think once it's done, you'll feel the same way."
Lou dropped her gaze and nodded again. "I know. I keep telling myself everything will be fine."
"Lou, I'm here for you. You don't have to keep quiet. You don't have to be strong. Tell me what you're feeling so I can help."
Lou blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I don't want this sterile life I've created for myself anymore. It's safe, but it's lonely. And I don't want you to be used by that woman again. You're too... special."
Debbie pushed off the car and walked over to Lou, kicking the dirty shoes aside with her foot. "We should hug this out."
Lou tried to hold in her laughter, but it came bursting out in a stifled giggle. She opened her arms and Debbie fell into them. They stayed like that for several seconds, Lou resting her head on Debbie's shoulder. "You're the best and most frustrating friend I've ever had."
"You too," Debbie whispered. She didn't want to let go. Having Lou's arms wrapped around her waist felt so good and so right. But Lou had been clear -they would never take this beyond friendship, and in those moments when she thought Lou was maybe softening her stance, she would put her walls back up and keep Debbie at arm's length again. Debbie sighed. "Just so you know, you're driving tonight so I can get drunk." She pulled away and held up her phone. "Oh, and your mother sent me a text. She loved the first kiss scene."
Lou's eyes widened. "She... texted you?"
"Yeah. She does it quite often. She gives me advice on how to handle you. Tells me embarrassing things about your childhood." Debbie noticed Lou's chest fill with air so she took a few steps back. "Like when you..." She screamed and bolted out of the garage with Lou right behind her, grabbing for the phone. She made it to the side gate but couldn't punch in the code fast enough.
"Give me that phone." Lou pinned her against the gate, using her full body weight.
"Oooh, that's nice. I can feel your boobs." Debbie winked. She tried to slide the phone into her panties, but she missed and it slid through her shorts and hit the ground.
"AHA!" Lou picked it up and ran back into the garage. She quickly hit the garage door button and shut the door before Debbie could get in. She sat on a bench and found her mother's name in Debbie's phone. She managed to scroll through most of the messages before Debbie ran in through the inner door. There wasn't anything too embarrassing. Only the kindest words she'd ever seen from her mother, and extremely flattering comments back from Debbie. Things like: You're a beautiful couple on screen and off. Did you know Lou eloped when she married what's his name?
Lou snorted. Her mother hated Rusty. She called him a 'ruffian' because he always had a scruffy beard when he wasn't shooting a movie. Lou absently rubbed her upper lip just thinking about it. She hated that beard too.
No, I didn't know that, Debbie had replied.
It was a terrible day for me. A mother needs a wedding, Debbie. And a grandchild. Do you like children? I love children. And weddings.
"Hand it over."
Lou looked up at Debbie, standing there with her hand out. She gently set the phone in her hand. Debbie looked at the screen and then put it in her pocket. "Just telling her what she wants to hear."
"Of course," Lou quietly replied. She stood up as Debbie walked away. "You don't really strike me as the type, but thank you for perpetuating the myth."
"What type?" Debbie stood at the door, waiting.
"Children."
Debbie had a number in mind. Since she was seven years old, she'd talked about having two kids, a boy and a girl. She'd name the girl after her mother and the boy after her grandfather. When she realized she was gay, she'd let the dream go for a while and set her sights on other goals, like her education and her acting career. But that little girl and boy still lived in her heart.
"No, you're right. I'm not the type." Debbie opened the door and mumbled, "And weddings are a big waste of money."
***
Their outfits were laid out on the bed. After rifling through Lou's closet for half an hour, Debbie had decided on neutral colors for both of them. Lou would wear black, low-waisted pants and a sleeveless black blouse with black heels. Debbie would wear a black plaid mini skirt with a loose, white blouse and black metallic heels that strapped at the ankle. The heel was dangerously high, but Debbie had discovered the word "Louboutin" solved all of her high-heel hang-ups.
Lou came out of the bathroom and raised an eyebrow as she looked at the choices. "Are you sure? I thought maybe you'd want to wear that concoction you came up with when you visited me in the hospital that day. What was it again?" Lou tapped her chin as she stared at the ceiling. "Oh, yeah. A mom skirt and hideous sandals with a top you'd stolen from my closet."
Debbie put her hands on her hips. "Are you done? Because I chose these without the help of your stylist."
Lou grinned and put her hand on Debbie's back, gently rubbing up and down. "You've come so far, little grasshopper. I'm so proud."
"So... you like them?"
"I love them."
"Okay, but you better be sure because the photo of 'The Day Lou Miller Came Out' is about to be everywhere." Debbie used finger quotes.
"That's a good point." Lou looked at the choices more carefully.
"I tried to go with something timeless. Twenty years from now you don't want the Gay History Month lesson plan to have a photo of you with shoulder pads."
Lou smirked. "Gay History Month, Debs?"
"Yeah, it's where kids who never knew that gay people were hated, learn about Stonewall and Harvey Milk and the inventor of flattering light." Debbie grabbed her clothes and boots but didn't walk away. She stood there, looking pensive.
"What's wrong?" Lou asked.
"This is it. This is the finish line, right? Goal achieved. Like when you read the last line of a book and you're so sad it's over."
"Except, I'm not sad." Lou had thought about Debbie's words while she showered. She was right, there would be no going back in the closet. No chickening out at the last minute. This was the first day of her new-found freedom and she was ready to embrace it. "I'm happy. And I'm gay, and pretty soon the whole world will know it." She took Debbie's hand and gently squeezed it. "I can't thank you enough for being willing to help me get to this point."
"Getting you to this point was my job. And now, it's up to you to let me know when you're safe and sound, because I'd like to get on with my life too."
Lou slowly nodded her agreement. Hurt flashed across her eyes and then disappeared. "I know. And I will." She wasn't sure what Debbie was trying to say. Was she ready to move out as soon as possible? She forced a smile. "Let's do this."
***
Debbie looked around as Lou pulled into a parking spot.
"This, is it?"
Lou pointed across the street at the Starbucks where they'd first met. "I thought we could get a coffee first."
"Aww... are you going to get all sappy on me, tonight? Because it just might make me cry."
It wasn't sarcasm. Debbie had been feeling emotional all day. The conversation they'd had earlier about children hadn't helped. It got Debbie thinking about her future. She'd put off some pretty important things and that needed to change. Right now, the last thing she needed was a walk down memory lane.
Lou turned in her seat so she was facing Debbie. "I've never told you this, but I sat right here with Linus and watched you that day, trying to decide if I should introduce myself, and two things were running through my head. First, that Lin is an idiot who talks me into the most ridiculous plans."
"That's true," Debbie said, nodding her agreement. She turned and met Lou's gaze. "What was the second thing?"
"That you were so pretty. And the longer I looked at you, the smarter Linus idea became."
Debbie's heart soared with happiness, and then sank a little bit as the memories came flooding back. "I'm so glad you could see past my horrible attitude. I was such a bitch to you that day."
"A hot mess from day one." Lou's eyes fell to Debbie's lips. She leaned in slightly and then pulled back. "Let's go."
***
Lou waited at the same patio table where they'd first met while Debbie ordered coffee. She wanted tonight to be special -their last night out in public before they'd be hounded relentlessly by the paparazzi. Like Debbie had said, this was it. Tomorrow, everything would be different. Lou wouldn't in fact be officially out, and she didn't plan on confirming anything immediately, but the whole world would know she and Debbie, her friend and co-star, were so much more than that now.
As she kept her eyes on her phone, hoping no one would notice her sitting there all alone, her lips curled up at the thought of it.
Lovers. The world will think we're lovers.
Even with all of her fears about coming out, and all of her mixed-up emotions when it came to Debbie-even with all of that, having the whole world believe she was banging Debbie on the regular -well, that gave Lou a thrill that almost made up for all the other stuff.
"Lou Miller, right?" A girl who looked to be in her twenties crouched down next to Lou's chair.
"Yes?"
"Jennifer Check." The girl offered her hand. "I'm a huge fan. Ever since Jane came on the show, I've watched it religiously."
Lou smiled. "Ah. So, you'd watched Debbie on Light of Day?"
"No, just your show. I've always loved it, but now I'm just so grateful, you know?"
Lou gave her a nod, not really sure exactly what this stranger was saying.
"For what you're doing," Jennifer added. "People think having a few gay characters on cable is enough, but it's not. A lot of us have families who don't accept us, but they accept you. When you take a chance on creating a normal, successful gay character, you make my life easier. So, thank you."
Debbie walked up behind them, holding two cups. Lou's tummy did a summersault the second she saw her. Debbie looked so beautiful, and at least for that night, she was Lou's date. Only hers. All hers. She was speechless for a second as their eyes met.
"Um... Jennifer, this is Debbie Ocean."
Jennifer stood up and whipped her head around. "Oh my god! Both of you are here?" She said it loud enough that a few people turned to look.
"Nice to meet you, Jennifer." Debbie eyed the cameras that were coming out of purses and pockets. She gestured with her head. "We should go."
Lou also saw what was happening around them. "Yeah." She stood up and took one of the cups from Debbie's hand.
"Keep watching the show, Jennifer. I think you'll like what happens."
"Oh, I will!" As they walked away, Jennifer shouted, "You're both awesome!"
Debbie looked back and smiled at Jennifer as she followed Lou out. "She's cute. She has that hot, baby gay thing going on."
"She's too young for you," Lou whispered.
"No, she's not. She's probably Tammy's age."
They got out onto the sidewalk and Lou stopped. "Whoa. Wait a minute. Just how old is Tamara again?"
"Tammy, Lou. And she's 28. You know that." Debbie took her by the arm. "You also know her name, but nice try. Now, keep walking."
"No, Debbie, I did not know that. I knew she was in school, but I just assumed she was either getting a doctorate or... more likely... that she's kinda dumb and on a 20-year plan."
"Well, you're right about the first part. She just started Grad school."
"Oh good. Maybe we can take her to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate!" Lou honestly had no idea Debbie had been in a relationship with someone that young. Well, she was only several years younger than Debbie, but 6 years younger than Lou. Six?? She suddenly felt very old.
"You're an asshole, you know that?" Debbie mumbled under her breath.
"So are you. Now, let's go show the world what a delightful couple we make."
***
Once they were back in the car, Lou turned to Debbie. "All kidding aside, have I told you how beautiful you look tonight? That skirt is just..." She caressed Debbie's thigh with her finger. "And with those heels? My god."
Debbie's eyes tracked Lou's finger as it made a small circle on her leg, giving her shivers. She wanted to say something sarcastic but her mind was blank. "I'm glad you like it," was all she could manage. She took a sip of her coffee and looked out the window, trying to ignore the goosebumps that were popping up all over her body. "Big night," she said under her breath.
"What's that?"
"Oh... I just said... it's a big night." Debbie's leg started bouncing.
"Am I making you nervous?
"A little." She took another sip of her coffee.
"Look at me."
Debbie shook her head. "No."
"I don't think I've ever once seen you nervous. You're always in control."
Then, you haven't been paying attention, Lou.
Debbie put her drink in the holder and got out of the car. Needing space, she folded her arms and paced behind the car. Lou also got out and stood there with her arm on the door. "Is there something you want to tell me?"
"Why are you doing this?" Debbie asked, pain evident in her expression. "Why are you making it harder? Usually, you look at me like you want to devour me and then you get all pissed off about it and go pout in the corner. THAT, I can handle."
She'd seen the looks. Ever since they'd filmed the love scene, Lou would sometimes get a look in her eye. Debbie recognized it for what it was -straight up lust. She'd had a taste of a woman and she wanted more. Only problem was, she'd get mad about it and start cleaning the house with a vengeance. The house didn't need cleaning. The cleaning lady took care of that now.
Lou walked over to Debbie and took her hand. She led her back to the car and opened her door, effectively trapping her as she put one arm on the roof and the other on the door. "I want to tell you a thousand times a day how beautiful you are, but I don't because we have to maintain a certain... and Tammy... you know... it's difficult... we're in a difficult place... being on the show together... and..."
"That's a long-winded way of saying we will never fuck. Oh, fuck," Debbie's eyes scanned the small crowd that had gathered on the sidewalk, along with a telephoto lens sticking out of a car window in front of Starbucks, pointed right at them. "Don't turn around. There's a camera on us." Lou visibly stiffened. "Don't move."
Debbie looked at Lou, then the camera, then back at Lou again. If she positioned the two of them just right, they could call it a day. That sounded pretty good right about now.
"Do you want to get this over with?"
"What do you mean?"
"Right now. I could kiss you right now. We don't have to wait until tonight."
Lou took a step closer, her demeanor softening. "Do it." She took her bottom lip into her mouth to moisten it and slowly let it back out, keeping her eyes locked on Debbie's.
Good god. Seriously, Lou?
Debbie slid her arm around Lou's waist, pulling her in a little more roughly than she'd intended. She slid her hand down a little bit so it rested just below the waistband of Lou's pants. She waited a few seconds so the camera could get a good shot of the pose. Then she turned them slightly, smiling at Lou the whole time, giving the cameras a better side view. Then, she leaned in and let their noses touch first.
"You're good at this," Lou whispered.
Debbie turned slightly, so Lou's back was to the cameras again. She ran her hands down Lou's lower back, letting her fingers barely slide into the back pockets of her jeans and leaned in so their lips touched, but she didn't actually kiss Lou. She lingered for a few seconds and then kissed her cheek. "That should do it," she said, letting go and getting back in the car.
Lou stood there frozen for a second, staring straight ahead. Probably stunned by what just didn't happen. She expected to be kissed. Her confusion, if that's what it was, was understandable. She closed Debbie's door, keeping her eyes down as she walked to her side of the car. Debbie glanced back at the photographer as Lou drove away. "I'm good with takeout if you just want to go home."
"But you look so cute," Lou said. "We can't let that go to waste."
"I wore it for you and you're welcome to take it off of me tonight. Let me fuck you the way you never planned to happen, but desperately want to, if you're honest with yourself." It felt good to say it out loud -what she knew Lou had been thinking.
"After that lame ass kiss back there? What the hell was that?"
Debbie tried not to smile. "You don't deserve my kisses."
Lou gasped, her mouth hanging open. "You just offered to let me fuck you!"
"That's because I know you never will," Debbie calmly replied.
"But you don't get to kiss me and then leave me hanging. That's just bitchy." Lou stopped at the red light and stared at Debbie. "Hot. Mess."
Debbie shrugged. "I changed my mind. I want dinner in a fancy restaurant tonight. Preferably one with oysters if it isn't asking too fucking much."
"It's not," Lou said, looking contrite. "And I'm sorry I haven't made that happen for you. I should've taken you out more." She reached over the center console as the light turned green. "Hold my hand."
Debbie didn't move.
"Not for the cameras, not for any other reason than I just want... your hand," Lou said.
Debbie stared at the hand. She wanted to take it, but her body was already so confused. She was turned on because Lou looked so amazing in those skinny jeans and heels. Her top was unbuttoned just enough to show off the cute little freckle on her breast that always made Debbie smile when she had the pleasure of sneaking a peek at it.
She was frustrated because she wanted to kiss Lou and never stop. And she was angry because none of this was real. Not one second of it. But the hand -those slender fingers -were waiting for her.
"Fuck, you idiot!" Lou grabbed the steering wheel as she slammed on the brakes, trying to avoid hitting the driver that had just cut her off.
And the moment was gone. Lou's hand was no longer waiting for her. Debbie felt the loss.