It was getting worse. They couldn't even talk to each other without fighting. Twice now, Lou had told Debbie to move out. Maybe she really should. They had to work together, and even though they were both great at shutting everything else out when the director yelled action, they didn't need the entire cast and crew witnessing this tension between them.
Debbie rolled over and stared at the suitcase that she'd yet to unpack. She'd woken up feeling slightly better, but the thought of finding another place to live felt overwhelming.
She regretted practically everything she'd said the night before. Of course, this wasn't exactly new territory for her. Being hurt about one thing and communicating about it by being a monumental asshole about something else was pretty much par for the course.
From the corner of her eye, she saw the notification on her phone. She instantly, and idiotically, hoped it was a message from Lou. Not that she could think of even one good reason why Lou might have texted her, apart from a friendly, Get the fuck out of my guesthouse.
Her heart sank when she saw it was from Tammy. It was a photo of a dreary New York day with the words, wish you were here. She'd have loved that message on almost any other day. But today, she couldn't shake the feeling she'd thrown something important away.
She stood up and started stripping her pajamas off on the way to the shower. With her wet hair pulled up into a bun and her pride tucked firmly into her pocket, Debbie went to the main house, ready to apologize for her careless words. Ready to do and say whatever it took to make it right. Honesty. Total honesty, she kept repeating in her head. When she opened the sliding glass door, she was shocked to find a complete stranger in Lou's kitchen.
The woman dried her hands on a towel and rushed over to Debbie. "There she is," she said as she opened her arms and pulled Debbie in for a hug. "How are you, dear? I hear you've had the flu."
"Um... much better today," Debbie answered tentatively. "Just a little weak still. Um... forgive me, but..."
"Oh! I'm so excited to meet you I'm afraid I've completely forgot my manners. I'm Gillian. Gillian Miller. And I've been watching you your whole life."
Lou's mother was one of those rare, ageless creatures. She could be 45 or 60, depending on who you asked. Her secret wasn't surgery, although that was common in her social circle. It had more to do with the way she carried herself -like a woman who expected to be treated a certain way. Like a woman who was in complete control. It didn't hurt that her wardrobe was almost entirely bespoke. Suffice it to say, Gillian was not the typical soap fan Debbie usually encountered. She couldn't imagine her wearing a sweatshirt with an iron-on photo of her favorite cat on it -a memorial, of course.
Okay, they weren't all like that. Only one in particular that managed to corner Debbie as she left the studio. Most of her fans were sweet and ardent and had strong opinions about the show. She appreciated every one of them, even the cat lady.
"It's such a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Miller."
Gillian patted Debbie's cheek. "Of course, you're still a little weak, dear. The flu can take it right out of you. That's why I'm making breakfast. Lou said you haven't eaten much."
Debbie nodded as she backed away, trying to regain some of her personal space. "Okay, let me just go talk to Lou for a second and I'll be right back."
Gillian followed Debbie to the stairs. "I watched you grow up on TV. It was so wonderful to see how you emerged from that gawky stage with the braces and those few extra pounds. Such a vulnerable time, you know, what with the acne and becoming a woman."
"Wow!" Debbie said with a laugh. "That's quite a picture you're painting."
"Oh, honey, you got through it like a star. I remember wishing Lou could have seen you when she was that age. But she's a few years older than you are, of course."
Debbie smiled politely and motioned with her thumb as she took a few steps up. "Let me just..."
"Of course, dear. We'll talk later. I have a lot to say about that husband of yours." Gillian gave her a conspiratorial wink. Debbie smiled politely again and made her way upstairs.
She went into Lou's room and shut the door behind her. "Lou?" She walked into the bathroom and found Lou sitting on a bench in her dressing room, hunched over. When Lou looked up, Debbie could see tears in her eyes. "Oh god. What's wrong?"
Lou pointed to a manila folder sitting on the bathroom counter. "I signed the early termination, so just go. The final payment will be..." Lou couldn't finish. She broke down and put her face in her hands.
"Lou..." Debbie knelt on the floor in front of her, gently placing her hands on her knees. "I'm sorry about last night. Will you let me explain?"
"I think it's pretty clear."
"It's not. None of this is clear. It's all a muddled mess, but I guess if I'm being honest, I'm still a little pissed off about what you said about me getting too cozy." Lou wiped her eyes and looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "Ok, I'm a lot pissed. It hurt. And then you wouldn't stop talking about Tammy. Between that and how sick I felt, I just..."
"Morphed into a complete asshole?" Lou helped her out.
"I was going to say I reacted badly. But yeah, yours is more accurate." Debbie looked away for a second, trying to summon the courage to be really honest. "I'm sorry," she said, making eye contact again. "Leaving you... moving out... calling everything off... is absolutely not what I want."
"Are you sure about that?" Lou bit her lip, trying to keep it from quivering. "Because, my mother showed up this morning without any warning."
"I know. She just mentioned what a gawky teenager I was."
"Let me guess," Lou said with a huff. "She managed to make it sound like some sort of backhanded compliment."
Debbie tilted her head. "Come to think of it, she kind of did."
"That's Gillian." Lou shook her head. "I can't believe she just showed up like this."
Debbie resisted the urge to reach out and push Lou's hair behind her ear. "She's been worried about you. You couldn't keep her away forever."
Lou wiped her eyes and immediately broke down again. "You don't know how scary this whole coming out thing is for me. And that woman, my mother, will not be happy about it."
"Look at it this way," Debbie said reassuringly. "When she finds out you're gay, you can tell her it's because of something she did."
"That's not funny."
"It's kind of funny." Debbie didn't stop herself this time. She reached out and held Lou's face, gently wiping away her tears with her thumbs. "I'm not going anywhere. And you don't have to come out to your mother right now. In fact, don't. Let her watch the show like everyone else and do it on your own terms, okay?" Debbie kissed Lou's forehead and wrapped her arms around her. "Let Dr. Porter deal with Mrs. Gillian Miller."
Lou returned the hug, resting her chin on Debbie's shoulder. She held on tight, trying to get control of her emotions. Then, she pulled back just enough so she could look Debbie in the eye. "This isn't just a business arrangement anymore."
Debbie's eyes widened as she wiped more tears from Lou's cheeks. "No shit? Does that mean we're friends?"
"Would you please take me seriously for a second?"
Debbie got up off the floor and sat next to Lou. "Okay." Lou wiped her nose with a tissue that had stopped being useful. Debbie grabbed the box off the counter and gave her another one. She sat closer this time, crossing her legs and wrapping an arm around Lou's waist.
"When my mom showed up," Lou started. "I actually considered begging you to stay, and by beg, I mean bribe. That's how hard it is for me to have her in my home. But what I really wanted, was just to be able to ask you... as a friend... to be here for me and not get on the Lou-bashing bandwagon with her."
"She has a band? Well, I have a Lou is awesome trumpet, so we'll see who's louder."
Lou leaned on her and let their heads touch. "Thank you."
"You owe me," Debbie joked. She quickly added, "Just kidding. Is your mom a good cook? Because she made breakfast and expects me to eat it." She turned and kissed Lou's temple, breathing in her scent. She'd missed that scent. She'd missed being this close to Lou. They didn't have reason to be this close anymore, now that the cast had been removed.
"My mother's good at everything. It's part of her fucking charm." Lou put her hand on Debbie's knee. "You're lucky you're sick, because these awful pajamas would not fly with her on any other day."
"She doesn't like Hello Kitty?" Debbie didn't want to let go. In fact, she wrapped her other arm around Lou, locking her in an embrace. "I guess I know exactly what I'm getting you for Christmas."
"You smell better," Lou said. "Like yourself again."
"What did I smell like before?"
"Like you'd been on plane and hadn't showered in several days."
"HA! Should we talk about how you smelled after the hospital?"
Lou giggled. "No."
"Should we talk about how many times I wiped your..."
Lou slammed her hand over Debbie's mouth. "My mother must never know about that."
Debbie nodded, the hand still covering her mouth.
"Swear it." Lou said in all seriousness. She slowly removed her hand.
Debbie offered her pinky finger. "Pinky swears."
Lou smirked and wrapped her pinky finger around Debbie's. "Pinky swears."
Debbie motioned with her head. "How about you throw that envelope away?"
Lou got up and pulled the contract out of the envelope. She tore it into several pieces and tossed it in the trash can. They left the bathroom together and Debbie slapped Lou on the ass as they walked to the door. "Does your mom being here mean you're not going to get in the hot tub naked anymore? Or, does it mean she'll be joining you naked in the hot tub? Because my head might explode from all that womanly-ness."
"You're disgusting."
"Hey, she has a great figure for her age!"
Lou shrugged. "Pilates."
"Huh. Maybe I should look into that."
"Your body is just fine."
"Fine as in... just fine? Or, fine as in... girl, you're lookin' fine."
They got to the stairs and Lou turned to Debbie. "Fishing for a compliment?"
Debbie looked down at herself. "I guess Hello Kitty pajamas are kind of like a drab, dull, beige sling."
Lou rolled her eyes and leaned in, lowering her voice. "Yes, you're still fuckable."
"But we're never, ever, not in a million years..." Debbie stopped when she saw Gillian looking up at them.
"Are you two ready for breakfast?"
Lou motioned for Debbie to go first. "After you."
***
"So, you're on my daughter's show, now. I have to say, you've done a marvelous job so far."
Debbie watched Gillian take an extremely graceful bite of her omelet. She'd never questioned her own table etiquette until this very moment. She set her own fork down and rested her hands in her lap, not wanting to eat while the woman's eyes were on her. "Thank you, Mrs. Miller. It was just a small role at first, but we recently found out they want to extend my contract."
"Well, that doesn't surprise me at all." Gillian pointed with her fork at Debbie's plate. "Eat, dear."
She turned her attention to Lou. "She'll turn your show around, honey. Mark my words."
"My show didn't need turning around. It just needed..."
"It was getting a little stale. Of course, the soaps never let that happen. They're always throwing something new at us," Gillian said with a wink directed at Debbie.
Lou rolled her eyes. "Yeah, maybe we should give Debbie's character a multiple personality disorder, or better yet... how about an immaculate conception?"
Gillian chuckled. "Don't be ridiculous." She set her fork down and tapped her finger on her chin while she considered the idea. "But there does need to be a twist."
"She's gay." Debbie picked up her fork and took a bite while the two women stared at her in shock, Lou's mouth literally hanging open.
"Who is, dear?"
Lou shot Debbie a glare. "That's top-secret information, Mother. You can't tell anyone."
"How can I tell anyone when I have no idea who you're talking about?"
"It's me. I'm gay. The producers on Light of Day fired me when I came out of the closet." Debbie gave Lou an apologetic look.
Debbie furrowed her brow. "Well, that was certainly their loss. I've never known a finer actress than you." Debbie was stunned. Did Lou's own mother really just say that?
Lou threw her napkin on the table and was about to stand up when Debbie grabbed her hand. If Gillian could've seen under the table, she'd have witnessed Debbie gently caressing Lou's fingers, trying to console her. "Your daughter, Mrs. Miller, is the finest actress I've ever had the pleasure to work with. She's highly respected on the set and loved by everyone. And just being in her presence and watching her work, is an honor for me." Debbie tried to remove her hand, but Lou kept hold of it. She gave Debbie a smile and intertwined their fingers.
"Thank you." She took a deep breath and turned her attention back to her mother. "On the show, Jordan and Jane are going to fall in love. And one might say that life has imitated art."
Gillian set her fork down. "Are you sure that's the best thing for your show? Jordan has never shown any signs of... she's only been with... men."
She turned her attention to Debbie. "Please don't take this the wrong way, honey. I have no problem with gay people."
"Unless, they're your daughter," Lou said.
"Don't put words in my mouth, dear. I'm just not sure people will believe that Jordan is..." She looked at Debbie again. "Of course, if Jordan Ellis met Dr. Annie Porter she'd be very impressed, wouldn't she?" Gillian's face lit up like she'd just had a huge revelation. "Wouldn't that be something?"
Debbie lowered her gaze and pursed her lips together, trying to hold back a giggle. She quickly sobered up when Lou let go of her hand and covered her eyes. "I can't do this," Lou whispered. Lou started shaking as the sobs worked their way up.
Debbie immediately wrapped her arms around Lou. "Shh... it's okay." She stroked Lou's hair as she cried and whispered in her ear, "I've got you. I'm not going anywhere."
Gillian sat there, watching. "Honey," she said, getting no reply. It took her a moment, but then she said, "Oh my god. You had me so confused, but I think I understand now."
Debbie took the napkin off her lap and offered it to Lou as she lifted her head, meeting her mother's gaze.
"You do?" Lou whispered.
Gillian sighed. "You were afraid to tell me? Why, Lou? I'm your mother! Why am I always the last to know anything? And how could you keep the fact that you're dating Debbie Ocean from me? You know what a huge fan I am!" Gillian got up and rounded the table. She leaned down in between them and kissed Lou's cheek and then Debbie's. "Maybe now I'll get a grandchild."
***
"Stop gloating."
"I'm not gloating."
Lou plopped into a chair. "You're gloating so loud they can hear it in fucking Cincinnati."
Debbie poured Lou a glass of wine from the bottle she'd just opened. "I'm just out here enjoying your awesome backyard. And lower your voice. You don't want your mother hearing you swear like a sailor. She'll think I'm a bad influence on you."
"You are. But my mother would never believe it. She thinks you walk on water."
Debbie pushed the glass across the table. "Are you really going to let your mother's love and admiration for my incredible acting skills keep you from enjoying the fact that you just came out to her and she still loves you?"
"For now, she loves me, but what happens when I break up with the goddess of daytime soaps? I'll just be a disappointment to her again."
Debbie quietly studied Lou for a moment.
"What?" Lou asked incredulously.
"You don't want to hear it."
"Are you psychoanalyzing me? Don't analyze me," Lou said with a slow shake of her head.
Debbie put her hands up in defense. "Okay... and I'm really not gloating. I'm just relieved Gillian took it all so well, and if my being there made a difference, then I'm very glad I could help."
"Good. I don't want to fight today." Lou put her sunglasses on and leaned back in her chair, letting the sun hit her face. "And thank you for those nice things you said. And right back 'atcha."
Debbie lifted her glass and smiled. "Here's to the two best actors in Hollywood."