The next time Taehyung decided to leave the room and the art gallery was in the evening, in the middle of the artfest events going on. He really didn't want to, but being the council secretary, he had a lot to work on, people from all duties needed him to sort out many things regarding the preparation of the fest.
The heat was insufferable. They were walking side-by-side, him and Yoongi. Yes, he and Yoongi had barely met, not because of any other reasons, but because they both had a lot on their plates.
Taehyug always loved to spend time with the elder, because of how warm and relaxing Yoongi is. A wide smile plastered on his lips as he accompanied Yoongi to his shared dorm.
"So, after Jinyoung's performance, you have to go up, and don't worry, everyone will love your performance, hyung. You're amazing."
Taehyung, as usual, rambled while munching his fries and Yoongi smiled at him softly, grateful for the support. They were on the way to get the last-minute props for Yoongi's performance because they could not risk anything with that masterpiece yet to be presented on the stage.
And, that's why Taehyung agreed to go with the elder, though he hates the slight possibility of a confrontation in Yoongi's shared dorm. But, nothing like he feared happened and Taehyung thanked the lords.
"I will go get an extra pair of guitar keys, some notes, and the other cables. Make yourself comfortable, Tae"
Yoongi said as he walked forward to his room and Taehyung nodded while scanning the familiar place. His heart was beating loudly under his ribcage. The scent lingered in the living room, making him dizzy, and he wanted to go out and breathe some fresh air.
It hurts. Being in love hurts, and being in love with someone oblivious to your feelings hurts more. But Taehyung was prepared for the worst. The only thing is, he is still a boy trapped in his dreams. By the end of the day, he too wanted to be loved.
Taehyung's gaze automatically landed on the half-open door leading to the other room in the dorm, a very familiar one at that, the gray curtains moving softly against the wind, the string of light coming from the window was what made the room lit up in golden hue, bright enough for him to trace the things inside it, and refresh the vague memory.
Taehyung didn't fret when the curtains of the room moved slightly, showing the blurred vision of the room. His curiosity peaked, and thoughts went downhill as if he was on his own and nothing could stop him there. Taehyung felt his head spinning a bit. These days, he feels like it more often, especially when his thoughts are about Jungkook.
He hated to admit that the guy who was oblivious to all this had this much of an effect on him, since day one. Taehyung would never dare to complain though. Because, for him, Jungkook is that driving force that leads him from one place to another, makes him dream, and pushes him to the edge of want and fight for his needs.
Jungkook is a lot more than he ever imagined or wanted. Right now, Jungkook does those exact things to Taehyung without actually even doing anything.
With his curiosity skyrocketed, he was about to walk toward the door as if it was whispering his name, just then, Yoongi's voice broke it to him, and Taehyung turned to face the man. His eyes tingled at the lack of brightness in the room.
"Let's go"
Yoongi's voice brought him back and Taehyung cursed under his breath for zoning out. He stared at the man with curious wide eyes, like a deer caught in the headlight. Yoongi raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything which made Taehyung let out a sigh of relief.
While they were walking towards the auditorium, Taehyung kept his words and thoughts to himself, not to pull down the acting-cool facade in front of the elder. But he did know Yoongi could read the tension that lingered around and unlike Taehyung, the elder dared to take the matter in his hands.
"Thought you'll be over once he doesn't reciprocate, but you're quite a stubborn one, right?"
Taehyung only chuckled at the words, shaking his head and turning towards Yoongi. The elder looked at him with wide anticipating eyes.
"Thought I'll fall out someday, but guess what, I'm falling deeper all over again. Anyway, don't mind me, I'm just curious on a daily basis but hyung, have you ever fallen in love?"
The question made Yoongi pause on his track, obviously taken aback and Taehyung wanted to disappear somewhere far. He mumbled a soft sorry and lowered his head in shame.
"9th grade. Thought it was nothing serious, like the usual crush and flings of that age. Until one day he decided to move to the city and transfer to another school.
That's only when I realized, that what we think is insignificant in fact held the power to shake us from the root. That we take feelings and people for granted, without realizing that nothing is permanent."
Their steps slowed down, eyes sparkled as they both fell into a bearable silence. The pause between them held a lot of meaning, as they were both neck deep in the oceans of their feelings, remembering the bitter past and the melancholy of wanting to be loved. They both didn't say anything for a moment and then, Yoongi broke the silence again.
"I always thought Hoseok would stay the same, maybe I will be the one changing in both of us. I always thought Hoseok wouldn't run out of reasons to stay because I wasn't intelligent enough at that time to think he could get tired of it too.
One can get tired in a relationship of two when the other is not putting any effort to work on them. But--"
"Wait, are you... perhaps talking about the Hoseok I know? As in Hoseok hyung ?"
Taehyung blurted out, stopping on the track. He never thought that way about the both of them. But Yoongi nodded in a yes, and Taehyung felt his heart cracking, maybe because he had seen Hoseok smiling from the heart more beautifully than anyone and also witnessed Yoongi playing piano in the dark, wishing no one to be around to hear him. Love always plays unfairly. Or maybe the players are not that clever.
"He left after that year, transferred to another school, and still tried to contact me. I thought I would be fine without him. If he could leave me, then I could live without him too, right?
But as days passed, I slowly realized- it wasn't Hoseok who needed me, it was me. I was the one who needed his love, his warmth, and his comfort and I was so freaking coward, and I still am"
"Why don't you just--- go and talk to him?"
"Talk what Tae? What's there to talk about? He might even not remember me and what happened between us. He might have moved past all that. He is happy now. That's what matters the most."
Yoongi took slow steps forward but when he looked at his side, Taehyung wasn't keeping up with him. He turned to face the younger standing still and a dumbfounded expression took over his face.
"What?"
"You don't know, do you?"
"Taehyung- what are you---"
"Do you know what you guys' problem is? Do you know how stupid you are? I mean, how could you--- how you just--"
The elder still looked at him puzzled, yet he could spot the way Taehyung's eyes sparkled with tears. He couldn't understand anything at that moment, so he let Taehyung complete whatever he wanted to say, maybe for the sake of both of them.
"How could I what--?"
"How could you just decide he is happy without you?"
"Huh?"
"You talked like you know him like you loved him and you still keep it inside you- the fire, the passion- everything is still in there. But, you know what, you're no one to decide if he's happy or not without you.
Because when I look at a smiling Hobi hyung, laughing, joking, and making fun of others, I see him as happy as he wants us to see. He showed that side of him that he wanted us to see. But I knew. He was missing something. I knew... I was right."
Suddenly it felt like spiraling for him, everything around him was spinning and Yoongi became a dot including the whole campus. Taehyung felt his legs weak and he sat on his knees in his helplessness.
"What do you know about the life Hobi hyung had to live without you?"
"Taehyung, he was the one who left. I--"
"Tell me how it felt when you saw Hobi happy without you. does it hurt?"
Yoongi stood silent, gaze lowered on the grass and eyes slowly closed.
"It hurts, doesn't it? It felt like you were dying, let alone death is not taking you away from the pain, isn't it?"
"We can't do anything about it now, can we?"
The desperation reflected in his tone, and the broken looks in his eyes resemble the warmth spreading around the horizon. Taehyung sat on his knees and felt like the world was colliding on his shoulders. He kept his gaze on Yoongi who had the same expression as him.
"I don't know, Tae... We can't just disappear and ignore our feelings, whatever hurts us, we need to get a hold of it. That's what I was trying to do"
"Every time I see him, happy without me, I feel like I've nothing to live on. I may sound selfish, but hyung... Can't I wish for love? can't I wish to have him?"
Taehyung wiped the teardrop that rolled out of his eyes finally, wetting his cheeks. He tried to stand up on his own because he had gone through this, not once, not twice, many more times, days and nights he had told himself not to be that person who would selfishly want their beloved to love him back, no matter if they had to break everything in the process.
He would never do or even wish for something like that from Jungkook where his beloved would hate to be in love with him, where he could reach out to Jungkook, yet so far from him. Taehyung didn't want that to happen to him and Jungkook. Whatever Jungkook has to offer him, even if it's friendship, Taehyung will take it without any complaint.
Yet, here he was. The ache returns, the want stays and the helplessness wins all the time because he couldn't do anything about his love. The feeling of being loved by the one you're in love with is everything, and Taehyung deserves to be selfish at some point in his life.
"Taehyung!"
The scream came from afar and the two males shuddered the moment they heard it. Taehyung wiped his face as fast as he could, plastering a smile on his lips before turning to face his best friend who was running towards him, out of breath.
"Where were you? Everyone is searching-- What happened?"
Jimin stood in front of him, panting and covering the side of his face while pulling down the cowboy hat he was wearing. He glanced back and forth at both Yoongi and Taehyung before settling on his best friend.
Taehyung was searching for an edible lie in his head before Yoongi decided to break the silence, passing a curt nod at Taehyung and pausing for a moment to look at Jimin- the reason for his lover's happiness, Jimin- the man who makes Hoseok smile, Jimin- whom Yoongi hates but doesn't know why.
"Taehyung, I will be at the auditorium."
And then Yoongi walked away, oblivious to the two pairs of eyes glancing at the back of his head, the best friends remained silent until the man's shadow left their premises.
"Why does he never smile?"
Maybe he forgot what happiness feels like.
Taehyung kept his words to himself, not wanting to bother Jimin and unintentionally give out any information about the elder. What lies between him and Yoongi is just between them.
He didn't say anything further and walked with Jimin, mind still hazy but he masked the overwhelming feelings with a smile.
Jimin doesn't need to know what is eating his head. They talked about this over and over again. When they reached the entrance of the auditorium, Taehyung paused for a moment, glancing at the art gallery where the exhibitions were to be held. He looked at Jimin who also paused on his track.
"I will just visit the gallery and see you in a bit."
He said, handing over the things in his hands to Jimin. His friend passed a look of concern but he dodged it with a small smile.
"There won't be anyone at this time, Tae. "
"Yeah, I just want to make sure everything is perfect for tomorrow."
Jimin let out a small sigh, knowing that nothing could stop Taehyung from going to the gallery now. He knows Taehyung takes art as an escape plan so he didn't push it further and let the other go.
Taehyung had it on his mind though. He was going there for a reason, a hope that would most probably fulfill reality if his instincts were true. When his steps faltered at the half-opened door of the gallery, Taehyung knew he was right.
"What are you doing here?"
He asked in a breathless tone, hiding the fascination of realizing what he expected to be true. He knew his eyes and face would give off the words his heart wanted to say but he masqueraded with obliviousness as if all of this was a coincidence.
The man stood in the middle of the dimly lit room turned towards him as if he knew it was coming on his way. He was not flustered, taken aback, or even shuddered at the words. He looked stiff, confident, and surprisingly prepared for which Taehyung didn't know how to react.
Seeing Jungkook now feels like he was on the other side of the world. Now that Jungkook knows him and is unaware of his feelings, Taehyung wants to burst away into the sky like a balloon would, floating in the air as if nothing happened.
"I was waiting for you"
The reply came and Taehyung didn't know if he should laugh or cry. Never in a million lifetimes, he expected this to happen. He never wanted this to take place right in front of his eyes. He was fine with Jungkook not knowing his existence. But Jungkook waiting for him in the middle of the day, in his escape place made Taehyung shiver, his stomach churned, and his heart clenched.
Jungkook doesn't know. Taehyung can't forget Jungkook while taking the way that leads him to the same man. From sunrise to sunset, everything revolves around them.
"I was not expecting you to wait for me. Why though?"
"I-- I was just... thinking of you"
This. This Jungkook is what Taehyung is scared of. This Jungkook is new, real, and out of his reach.
"Why? I'm asking why you want to meet me Jungkook. Why are you thinking about me? What am I--"
Taehyung was shaking when he said the next words, his body quivered but a consoling hand patted his shoulder, making him stand still on his footing. He hated that he was familiar with that touch, yearned for it for so long and now it burns him.
"I missed you."
Jungkook's hold around his shoulder tightened and Taehyung felt he was out of breath, suffocated to death.
"What?"
"I... you were here when I searched for you, but then you were gone. I thought you'd stay but you didn't. I wished to meet you and you looked away. I wanted to talk to you but you closed the door."
"Are you sure it was me that you're talking about? Or someone who looks like me?"
This time when he said it, Taehyung kept his gaze straight on Jungkook's eyes. He witnessed the other man's eyes going wide in bewilderment and his face was pale yellow. He could feel how Jungkook stiffened as if he stopped breathing, the warmth left from his side for a moment and then the younger blinked back at him.
"Taehyung, what did you just--"
"Yeah, I should tell you that I'm Taehyung. I---"
Taehyung couldn't control his emotions or his words. He knew what he was going to do would definitely hurt both of them, tear them apart, and push them out of reach but he didn't care. It hurts his heart and eyes more than anything, it scratches his veins and wounds him to death. He wished the pain to end, in one or another painful way.
"I saw that painting, Jungkook."
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Hey there,
Hope y'all are doing well, sorry for the late update... I'm excited to know your thoughts about this chapter...
Take care and see you soon...
~AnecdotesOfABroken