A/N: This was originally meant to be Pt.1 of 'I Need You', but I didn't like this that much when I wrote it and the actual Pt.1 is the full re-write of this part! Though I think many other things I've written are much better, I still think it's pretty alright - and a nice feature to add here :)
Set within their main house~
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"No- no please you can't separate us! I-I have to protect him! I can't lose him! Please I- PLEASE-"
"NO-!"
Declan awoke with the word - bolting straight upright into a sitting position as he scanned his surroundings frantically with heavy breaths, desperate not to be where he just was seconds before.
His chest still heaving, Dec's reality quickly escalated to become whole as he took in the severe lack of light in the room, and felt the strange, but not entirely new, mattress below him.
Turning to his right, Dec pulled the lampshade chain on the bedside table, and then, everything became clear. Yes; Dec knew exactly where he was- and knew exactly what he's doing here.
Fulfilling his nightmares.
That part isn't fully clear, or guaranteed, but they are certainly getting to him. Dec thinks they're getting worse as they get closer to their goal in the day- his anxiety and fear create endless new endings and torment him with the darkest ones in the equally darkest hours of the night in his sleep. The first two nights weren't so bad, so alarming, but now on the third- it's different. But even still, Dec can't help but feel relieved as all of it, every second of that particular horror, wasn't real. It didn't happen.
Doesn't mean it never will. What if that's his future? What if these dreams and this one, was a warning? A sign of needed preparation in case it were to come true in the future? This one possibility, all of the possibilities, any one of them could become real... any single dark, horrific scene 'No- no-', any he couldn't bare to think of anymore than his mind had dared to show him, any possibility he's shoved away, never dared to think of again, could become his future. 'Stop it-' Their future. 'STOP IT! Shut up Dec, just shut up! Stop thinking about it. Just stop. Please just stop...'
Dec counted his breaths, trying to breathe more easily and lower his racing heart he could feel through his chest. It was only then that he became aware of how much his hands were shaking, and the sweat on his forehead, as it typically came up during harsh nightmares.
Picking himself up on slightly unsteady feet, Dec carried himself into the nearby bathroom and washed his face with cold water. After drying himself with a towel, he leaned on the counter and looked in the mirror. As he debated what to do next, in the mirror from the open door behind him he could see the bed, and instantly dismissed trying to sleep again as an option. Instead, he decided on some needed fresh air.
As Dec left his given room, now changed into a long sleeve shirt, Dec stepped carefully towards the staircase at the end of the hall. Midway, however, he paused, faced with a door only two down from his. He stepped a little closer and listened for any sound of movement or noise, finding nothing but his own shaky breaths. He backed away from the door. He swallowed. It would be selfish of Dec to hope that Ant was awake, he knew this, so although he felt a little selfishly disappointed, he was very grateful that Ant had achieved some sleep at least for this night, he knew it wasn't easy for him in places away from home, often staying awake for long hours throughout the night. If he had been tonight, at least Dec would have had a real excuse to be with him right now rather than stupid nightmares and stupid thoughts in his stupidly anxious and fear-driven mind. He couldn't wake him now, not for this. It wasn't worth it. He wasn't... not for this...
The time for staring at Ant's door was over, and so he carried on walking until he made his way downstairs and through a sliding glass door from the kitchen out onto the open balcony, and there he sat on the bench against the outside wall, draping a blanket over his back and shoulders to keep warm in the cool October air.
Dec looked at the view before him. It was beautiful up here in the mountains, the range in-front was parted with a wondrous river and forest Inbetween, peaks meeting the sky that was scattered with stars. They were so much clearer to the eye without millions of streetlights and misty fumes hanging in the air. It may be the one thing Dec liked about this place, that he could sit in the basking beauty and find some real peace.
This peace only lasted a few minutes as he heard the glass door slide open. Dec immediately turned his head in panic, but that feeling completely dropped when he was seeing Ant by himself around the door, looking back at him, hearing him speak at the same time.
"Dec? Are you alright? What are you doing out here?"
The words 'yes, I'm alright' hung loosely in his throat. This was Ant. It's okay, he thought. He swallowed them down.
"Can't sleep anymore. Nightmares.", Dec looked away sadly for a moment, then, "What about you, what are you doing up?"
Ant had closed the door now, and was making his way over to sit beside Dec. "Just got up for a glass of water and then saw you here through the window."
Ant stretched his arm to rest behind Dec and spoke again, "So what's with these nightmares?"
Dec took a moment before speaking. "I didn't wake you, did I?", He asked timidly.
"No you didn't, don't worry about that."
Ant moved his hand down to Dec's shoulder, and Dec rested his head down on Ant's. Ant did the same. Then, softly, "What's going on Decs. You don't have to talk about them but, you know I won't judge. I'm here."
He's here. He's here. He's alive. You're alive.
Dec closed his eyes for a moment, then began, "These missions we're sent on, we know the dangers but we still have to go through with them, follow their orders, their tasks, no matter the consequences. But what if, one time, those consequences are... too high- for us. They're not going to let us stop, or let us go 'till it's done- they won't stop for anything. And if we can't do something or go somewhere and we refuse then, there's nothing we can do, they'll just force us again. Every day it gets harder and we're pushed further. And what if it goes too far?"
"Dec."
"What then."
"Dec-"
"-What if one of us falls?"
"Dec, stop it."
Quieter he says, "I can't lose you, Ant."
Dec buries himself further into him.
"That won't happen, Dec."
"We don't know that it won't-"
"We don't know that it will. We can't worry about things only for them not to happen at all. It's good to be cautious, yes. But we're humans, it's what we do, stay alert and survive."
"I just- need you, to be safe."
"And I you, but this whole thing isn't safe. That's why we've got to be careful and given the right equipment to go in."
"All those people that died before in there, we know how it happened, they know, yet they're sending in more and more like the ones who came before are nothing and this place and getting what they want is all that matters."
"They've learned from those trials to make the present ones better."
"And if we're just another 'learning trial'?"
"I don't think they'd send us in if they knew they still needed test runs. I know it's scary, I'm afraid too but, there's nothing we can do... We just have to push through this, together. I'm not going anywhere, alright?"
Dec only nodded as Ant held him closer, rubbing his hand across his back and shoulder in comforting patterns.
After a while, Ant spoke, "Even though the situation is terrible and all, I'm still glad you're here with me. I need you, Dec, but we've got to be strong, yeah? I know it won't stop the nightmares, but know that I'll always be here, they'll never be real, I promise you."
"Thank you, me too."
Dec's eyes had been closed for a long time now, resting against his friend. He had already memorised the way Ant's arms felt around him, on him, the patterns his hands made across him when he needed comfort, the light touches, the jokey touches, the ones that gave him messages without words, a very long time ago. He knew all of these very well, especially by now, but he couldn't but feel the need to be so present in these moments rested in his arms like this. If he were ever to lose him, maybe even soon though Ant denies this possibility, he'd never be able to have this again. He wasn't going to take these moments for granted.
"We should try and go back to sleep, we'll need it for tomorrow."
Dec panicked, clinging closer "No, I don't want to go back there Ant, can't we just stay here for a while longer?", He pleaded.
"You can stay with me, Dec. But I can't have you not sleeping when we've got days like these."
"I can sleep just fine right here."
Ant chuckled lightly, "Come on, I'll be with you the whole time. Promise."
Ant kissed his head, then loosened his hold on Dec to stand up, pulling him up with him with his hand. Dec followed him upstairs into Ant's room and climbed into his bed beside him into a similar position to what they were before- Ant's arm around Dec with him lying on his chest. Dec rested his arm around Ant's neck, burying his face into the other side. Ant rested his head on Dec's, again moving his hand in comforting patterns to reassure Dec and allow the tiredness to come over him easier. But he could still feel the tension ceasing in Dec's upper body. He wasn't quite so relaxed yet.
"Let go, Dec. It's going to be alright. I'm here. I'll still be here when you wake up. Everything's going to be okay. We're going to be okay."
"You're sure?", Dec said quietly.
"Aye. I'm certain."
Dec blinked in the darkness, but it had never felt so safe. He sighed lightly. "I love you."
Ant smiled a little, "I love you too. Now, relax, it's okay." He kissed his head again, and began stroking his hair, something he knew soothed Dec and made him sleepy. Dec closed his eyes.
Dec made a small noise of satisfaction, then muffled, "You sleep too."
"I will, don't worry, darling."
Ant's words seemed to have worked well as he felt Dec loosen a little, and relax into him. If it was even possible, Dec snuggled closer to Ant, and Ant too closed his eyes, the two keeping each other warm and safe throughout the night until the very next bright morning.