When she leaves a few hours later it’s with a lot less weight on her shoulders. She hugs her mom and Chaeyoung, promises to come back for Thanksgiving, and gives Hyunsik a curt nod before she turns to leave.
She’s already walking away from the house when she hears her name being called. She turns around and sees Hyunsik stepping out, closing the door behind him.
“What is it?” Y/n asks, checking if she has her wallet and phone because she figures she forgot something and Hyunsik is bringing it to her.
“Do you have a moment?” Hyunsik asks, his expression guarded and arms crossed over his chest. He always looks like that; like he expects the person opposite of him to attack him or something.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he used to be a police officer years ago.
“Uhm.” Y/n furrows her eyebrows, shrugging her shoulders uneasily. “I guess.”
Hyunsik gestures her to sit down on the steps in front of the door so Y/n does, leaving as much space between them as possible.
This almost feels worse than her first therapy session with Dr. Kang. She can’t even remember ever sitting down with Hyunsik to talk. All she ever did was scold Y/n or just inform her about things that were going on with her mom.
“This isn’t very easy for me.” Hyunsik clears his throat, his eyes focused on something in front of him. “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, or listen to what I have to say. But this won’t take long so if you could just spare me a moment…”
Y/n slips her hands into the pockets of her coat, curling into herself a little. She may be twenty-two years old, but she suddenly feels like a ten year old sitting next to Hyunsik like this. “Okay.” She mumbles, staring holes into the ground between her sneakers, willing her heart to calm down. She has no idea why she’s so scared; she just is.
“This is going to make me sound like a hypocrite after all those years. I… definitely should’ve done this sooner.” Hyunsik clears his throat again, his hands folded together in his lap. “I’m not very good at these things. Not like your mother.”
Y/n smiles, swallowing around the lump in her throat.
Hyunsik exhales heavily and he hangs his head, closing his eyes. “When I met your mother, she was juggling work and school and she was so adamant on rejecting me whenever I asked her out. I fell in love with her so fast and so hard that I thought I could deal with the fact that she already had a child. We had this plan to get married after college, take care of you together. I was going to adopt you and I was ready to love you like my own kid. I mean, at least that’s what I told myself. But when your mom got… when she got sad. Depressed. I couldn’t do anything but watch her eyes literally lose the light in them. It killed me to see her like that. And when I found out what was causing all of it I got so angry. And not at you, Y/n. You were just a kid, you didn’t do anything wrong. But I hated that bastard, I hated him so much that I stubbornly started to reject you. I took it out on you. Whenever I saw you I felt so many negative emotions that it was just easier to avoid you altogether. I wish I could give you something better, but I was as stubborn as a bull. I was an idiot and I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for doing that to an innocent kid. To you, Y/n.” Hyunsik takes a deep breath, forcing himself to look at Y/n.
Y/n flinches at the raw look on the man’s face. She’s never seen anything even remotely close to the expression Hyunsik’s wearing on his face before and Y/n doesn’t know how to deal with it.
“I know you don’t need to hear this from me but I hope you know that you didn’t deserve any of that treatment. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you were a really impressive kid, Y/n. You were so well behaved and innocent and when Chaeyoung told us that you’re… that you’re seeing a therapist, I couldn’t sleep the whole night. I guess it finally opened my eyes, or it was like a kick in the butt. It breaks me whenever I remember how I treated you. Knowing that I’m part of the reason you need to seek out professional help.” Hyunsik’s voice starts trembling and Y/n sucks in a breath, turning her head away.
She can’t really believe this is happening; her step dad who’s never really bothered to talk to Y/n, who never really cared about Y/n at all, saying all those things to her right just seems kind of unreal.
“I also don’t expect you to forgive me, or for our relationship to change.” Hyunsik clears his throat, straightening his shoulders, going back into his guarded-mode. “I’m sorry, Y/n. For everything. I wish I would’ve done my job. I wish I would’ve been the dad you deserved to have, but I guess I ended up being even worse than that bastard.”
Which isn’t entirely true. Even if Hyunsik never treated Y/n like a loving dad, at least he was there. He was there when a few bullies from school beat Y/n up in middle school. Y/n remembers him leaving work early to come and pick Y/n up from school, causing a huge scene in the principal’s office for not protecting their students like they should’ve. Hyunsik treated the scrapes on her hands and knees and her bloody nose in the bathroom that day and he gave Y/n a cookie to make her stop crying.
“I want you to know that I’m trying to change. I know I’m late but I want to be there for you, if you should ever need me. You’re my daughter, Y/n. Not just on papers. You’re my daughter, even if I don’t deserve to call you that. I’m willing to try if you… if there’s anything inside of you that’s willing to give me another chance.”
Y/n presses her nose into her shoulder, her face fully turned away from Hyunsik at this point. Her eyes are brimming with tears and she has no idea why she’s crying now. She was fine inside, when her mom said all those things to her, it didn’t hurt. They were welcome words, soothing. Hyunsik’s words just hurt.
“I— I’m not a resentful person.” Y/n mumbles, squeezing her eyes while she tries to get herself to stop crying. She doesn’t want to cry in front of Hyunsik.
“I know you aren’t.” Hyunsik says, quietly and Y/n whimpers at how fond the man sounds. He sounds fond of Y/n. “If you don’t want our relationship to change, I completely understand. If you need me as a friend, I’d be very happy about that. If you… But if there’s the tiniest chance for you to ever see me as your father sometime in the future, that would be the biggest gift anyone could ever give me in my life.”
No matter what’s going to happen in the future or how their relationship develops, Y/n just needs time. And maybe a little space. She honestly doesn’t think she can start visiting her family every weekend and act like everything’s okay just like that. But she guesses no one’s expecting that from her, anyway.
Y/n takes a deep breath and turns to look at Hyunsik. “Asshole.”
Both their eyes widen at the words leaving Y/n’s mouth. Y/n gasps in horror, spluttering to apologize but before she can, Hyunsik starts laughing.
“I guess I deserved that one.” Hyunsik chuckles at the dumbfounded expression on Y/n’s face. “It’s fine, Y/n. I’m not mad at you. You can call me whatever you want.”
But Y/n kind of only wants to call him dad again, like she used to when she was younger. Y/n smiles weakly and shakes her head, sniffling a bit. “No, I think I’m good.”
Hyunsik nods his head and starts standing up. “Thank you for listening to me.”
Y/n shrugs. “Yeah…”
“Be safe.” Hyunsik reaches out and squeezes her shoulder, strong and comforting.
Y/n nods again, giving him a slightly forced smile.
Things aren’t perfect, obviously not. That doesn’t just magically happen overnight.
But Y/n thinks this is a good start.
-
Y/n doesn’t actively make the decision to not go straight to her apartment that night.
It’s only when she’s sitting in the bus that takes her to the opposite direction of town that she realizes where she’s going.
She swallows around the lump in her throat, shivering despite the coat she’s wearing and she fumbles to fish out her phone from her pocket. Her eyes scan the notifications on her screen and she quickly swipes open the last one.
From: Sana ♥
- Pls be careful don’t sit next to creepy ppl in the bus
- Hey I know i’m prbbly annoying u but pls let me know when ur home so I can stop worrying
To: Sana ♥
- Is it ok if I come over?
- Sorry I know it’s late just wanted to see you
From: Sana ♥
- Wth of course!!!
- I’m waiting
Y/n burrows her hands deep in the pockets of her coat when she gets off the bus, hurrying towards Sana’s apartment complex. There aren’t many street lights around this area so Y/n has to be careful not to trip over anything.
She doesn’t know why she’s in such a hurry to see Sana but she takes two steps at a time walking upstairs to Sana’s apartment.
She’s a little out of breath by the time she’s there but once she sees Sana standing in the doorframe, wearing sweatpants and a very soft looking shirt, Y/n’s lets out a tired breath, her shoulders slumping in immediate relief.
“Good evening, madam.” Sana smiles at her. Her hair is a mess and she looks like she might’ve been taking a nap earlier.
Y/n chuckles weakly and just kind of runs into Sana’s chest, wrapping her up in a tight hug. Sana makes a surprised sound and stumbles backwards inside her apartment, arms coming up to steady Y/n. Y/n sighs and buries her face in Sana’s neck, taking in her comforting scent.
Sana kicks the door shut and hugs Y/n back twice as tightly, no questions asked. “Aww, it’s okay. I missed you, too.”
“Idiot.” Y/n smiles into her neck but her heart is so soft for Sana, it’s almost a little ridiculous. The butterflies just kind of spread into every corner of her body with Sana close like this.
Sana pulls back a fraction, eyes searching Y/n’s and she starts to chuckle. “Y/n, you’re so cute. Your glasses are all fogged up.”
Y/n goes a little cross eyed, finding that her sight really is a little blurry and she starts laughing, too. Sana brings the sleeve of her shirt up to rub away the condensation on the lenses. “Thank you.” Y/n mumbles once she can see clearly again.
Sana nods her head, hands settling back on Y/n’s waist. She looks a lot like she wants to ask and Y/n appreciates how she’s trying so hard not to make Y/n upset in some way. “You look tired. Wanna stay over?”
“Is that okay?”
“Do you even need to ask that?” Sana slings one single arm around her and pulls her towards her bedroom.
They get ready for bed in silence, moving around each other quietly, exchanging soft smiles and touches here and there.
Sana moves to press her chest against Y/n’s back and hooks her chin over Y/n’s shoulder when they’re brushing their teeth. Y/n just kind of helplessly stares at Sana through the mirror; helplessly in love, yeah. Sana furrows her eyebrows in amusement, confused as to why Y/n’s staring at her like that.
“What?” Sana laughs after they spit out the toothpaste. “Why’re you looking at me like that?”
Y/n shrugs and grabs her hand, fixing her glasses with her other one. “Am I not allowed?”
“Sure you are.” Sana tangles their fingers together and lets Y/n lead them out of the bathroom and into her bedroom instead. “I felt like the prettiest girl on the planet with how you were looking at me, though. Just saying. You can do that again if you want.”
“Shit, please shut up.” Y/n laughs and sits down on Sana’s bed, pulling her down with her. “Don’t make me regret coming here.”
“There’s no way you’d regret that after seeing this face.” Sana winks at her, throws her head back and starts cackling when Y/n tackles her to the bed in annoyance.
“You’re insufferable.” Y/n grunts once she manages to pin Sana down on the mattress. “Who stroked your ego today?”
“No one.” Sana grins up at her. “I simply remembered that you’re my girlfriend.”
“Oh my god.” Y/n laughs. Her insides might as well just be dancing around with how giddy she feels, all the anxiety and stress from the day completely meaningless compared to how happy Sana makes her.
Sana grin melts into a gentle smile, before slowly disappearing entirely. She licks her lips, looking like she’s having an internal fight.
“Sana.” Y/n sighs, letting go of Sana’s wrists to lean back. “You can ask, you know?”
“Yeah, okay.” Sana nods, moving her hand to brush her thumb over Y/n’s chin fleetingly. It’s a quick, cute gesture that Sana keeps doing. Like a tiny nudge for Y/n to keep her chin up. Y/n kind of just falls a little more for Sana, if that’s even possible. “So, how… how did it go?”
“Okay.” Y/n immediately says, chuckling when Sana’s eyes widen in surprise. She sighs and shrugs her shoulders, thinking about what happened with her mom and Hyunsik— her dad. “It was okay. I feel like everything’s going to be fine?”
Sana blinks at her, slowly nodding her head. “Did you talk to your stepdad?”
Y/n nods. “Yeah, we talked. I don’t know. I think everyone’s just going to try harder to, uhm, be a family from now on. More open, too.” She fiddles with her thumbs before sighing again. “But how was your day?”
“What?” Sana snorts. “Who cares? Y/n, today was important for you—“
“What do you mean, who cares?” Y/n frowns at her. “I care. I want to know how your day went.”
“It was great.” Sana rolls her eyes. “What about your mom, did you tell her—“
“Hey!” Y/n presses her hand over Sana’s mouth, glaring a little. “Stop that.” Sana gives her an adorable, innocent look and Y/n deflates a little. “I know you care about me. But I care about you, too. I don’t want everything to always be about me.” She slowly takes her hand back and Sana keeps staring at her, confused and surprised.
“My day was okay.” Sana mumbles. “Do you remember Obediah?”
Y/n nods her head. “Yeah, the spider in your bathroom, right?”
Obediah is the spider that’s been living in Sana’s bathroom for the past two weeks, always sitting in the same corner right above her shower. Sana eventually gave it a name because she’s too scared of spiders to move it outside and too much a sweetheart to let Momo kill the thing like her roommate wanted to once they spotted the spider for the first time.
“Yes.” Sana purses her lips. “He was gone when I woke up this morning.”
“Oh. That’s sad.” Y/n mumbles, reaching out to brush her knuckles over Sana’s cheek comfortingly. “I’m sorry, Sana.”
“It’s okay.” Sana pouts and Y/n smiles softly, leaning in to kiss the pout away. Sana perks up right away, her eyes getting that drowsy look in them which always happens when they kiss.
It usually means Sana is ready to set everything aside to make out with Y/n for the rest of the day instead.
“I’m sure there’ll be another spider eventually.” Y/n says. “Maybe we’ll find a better name than Obediah for it, too?” She moves to lie down, slipping under the covers.
“How dare you?” Sana gasps. “What the hell is wrong with Obediah?”
“Who names their house spider Obediah?” Y/n rolls her eyes. “No, scratch that. Who even names a house spider?”
Sana makes a scandalised sound and before Y/n knows it, Sana’s on top of her, literally knocking the air out of Y/n’s lungs this time. “That’s what you get for making fun of a poor, dead spider!”
“Jesus Sana! I can’t breathe get off you—“ A pair of lips press against her own, warm and soft and sweet. The fight leaves Y/n’s body in an instant. She slumps against the mattress, eyes fluttering shut and lips moving against Sana’s in slow and smooth movements until her mind goes numb. She sighs when Sana pulls away, their lips still brushing, minty breaths mingling in between. “Sana…”
Sana starts nosing along Y/n’s cheek, pressing a few small kisses against Y/n’s jawline. “Yeah, baby?”
Y/n’s cheeks heat up and she turns her face away to hide it, which makes Sana lean closer and start kissing down the expanse of her neck instead. “I… really like it when you call me that.”
Sana makes a soft sound against her skin. “Baby?”
Y/n shudders instinctively. “Yes.”
She presses one last lingering kiss against Y/n’s neck before moving up again to meet her eyes. She nudges their noses together. “I like calling you that.”
Y/n licks her lips, watching Sana’s gaze flicker down and darken. “Why?”
“I don’t really know.” Sana shrugs. “I like taking care of you. Not that you’re helpless like a baby or something— but I just—“
“I get it.” Y/n interrupts her, her heart suddenly beating a lot faster, skin heating up, hyperaware of everywhere Sana is touching her. “I like it when you take care of me.”
Sana’s teeth dig into her bottom lip and Y/n doesn’t really know what they’re talking about anymore but she spreads her legs, and Sana shifts to lie down between them. “Y/n I’m— I’m not just talking about things like… you know, making sure you eat, or you stay healthy. Uhm.”
“I know.” Y/n helps her out, her chest heaving a little. They’re close enough for their chests to brush on each inhale and Y/n feels warmth pooling deep in her stomach. “Me neither.”
Sana’s eyes widen for a moment before they seem to darken even more. Her hands slowly run up Y/n’s arms until they reach Y/n’s hands. She tangles their fingers together, pinning Y/n’s hands down against the mattress above her head. It’s not too forceful; Y/n could free herself if she wanted to but the thing is, she really doesn’t want to.
She likes how Sana is holding her down, more than she probably should, and she doesn’t really know what to do with this new realization.
“Do you maybe want to… look into that?” Sana asks, her eyes seemingly trying to take in everything about Y/n’s face at once.
Y/n blinks at her, knowing very well what Sana means. Sana isn’t pushing her, she’s simply saying what’s on her mind – they both are. Sana looks at her with so much patience despite the obvious tension that’s heating up the space around them.
And yeah, Y/n wants. She kind of wants everything if it’s with Sana.
She tightens her fingers around Sana’s and leans up to kiss her.
“Yeah, let’s do that.”
----