It’s already so late that the streets are mostly deserted. It’s the middle of the week, people have work or school the following days so it’s not a surprise. Y/n kind of likes it, seeing the usually swarmed shops and streets empty like this.
She knocks on the shop door, shivering in her denim jacket while she waits for Sana to unlock the door. She slips inside quickly to get away from the cold and puts the plastic bag on the table while Sana locks the door again behind her.
Sana turns around and they both look at each other for a moment. Sana looks tired but apart from that, she looks good as always, soft and beautiful and warm. They start smiling at the same time and then Y/n is already in Sana’s arms, her eyes closed and taking in her girlfriend’s comforting scent.
“Thank you for coming.” Sana mumbles into her neck, arms tight and secure around Y/n’s frame. She seriously gives the best hugs, like she invests one hundred percent of her energy on making sure the other person feels loved. Y/n sure does feel like that whenever Sana touches her. “I was lonely. I get clingy when I’m lonely, I’m sorry.”
“Sana.” Y/n smiles into her shoulder, stroking the back of her head. “Don’t apologize. I wanted to see you, too.”
Sana pulls back but only enough to kiss her. Y/n sighs against her lips, tangling her hand in Sana’s hair and lets Sana press her up against the working table behind her. The warmth of Sana’s mouth and the smooth movements of her lips translate into warmth in Y/n’s belly, pleasant and tingling.
“I brought you coffee.” Y/n mumbles against Sana’s lips. “And some muffins. That’s all they had left, sorry.”
Sana groans, tilting her head to kiss Y/n again, deep and longing. Y/n hopes she can’t tell how it makes her knees go a little weak. “I love you.”
Y/n bites down on her bottom lip, hear fluttering happily and her eyes curiously looking up at Sana. It’s not like they haven’t said the words before but Y/n honestly doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to hearing them.
Sana flushes once she realizes what slipped out, clearing her throat and she takes Y/n’s hand before guiding her to the back of the shop.
Her working table is a mess but Y/n smiles when she sees that Sana already cleared up some space on the other for Y/n to sit at.
It reminds her a lot of the times when they first met, which already seems like so far in the past when really, it’s only been a couple of months.
They fall back into their routines almost naturally; listening to one of uncle’s records, humming along to the songs they know, their feet tangled together under the table.
They catch up on each other’s days, laughing softly, drinking their coffees and picking on the chocolate muffins.
When Sana groans in frustration over the amount of work she has, Y/n reaches out and gently rubs her fingers over her head, trying to comfort her until Sana looks up at her with a pout and kisses her hand before picking up her work again.
It’s nearing midnight and Y/n is trying not to fall asleep. She wants to stay awake for Sana’s sake, not wanting her to work on her own but she’s exhausted from working the early shift at the café today and she also thinks her iron levels might’ve dropped again, making her even more sleepy.
Sana notices this, so she gets up and takes Y/n’s hand, guiding her to the old couch in the corner despite Y/n’s protests. She make Y/n sits down on it and She practically curl up on her lap. Y/n sighs and gives up when Sana wraps her arms around her and pulls her against her chest.
“You’re supposed to work.”
“I’ve been here since three.” Sana yawns, rubbing her palm over Y/n’s back. “Uncle gets angry when I work more than nine hours a day.”
“We should go home, then.” Y/n pecks Sana’s cheek, just because Sana looks so soft and cute and because she wants to. She smiles when Sana blushes.
“Yeah probably.” Sana nods her head, her lower lip jutting out. “But we didn’t even get to spend actual time together.”
“You can sleep over, if you want.” Y/n suggests.
“Hmm. Okay.”
“Let’s go, then.”
“Just one more minute.” Sana closes her eyes and Y/n chuckles, moving her hand to the back of her neck. She starts rubbing gentle circles into the muscles there and Sana goes practically boneless against her when Y/n’s fingers travel up to her temples and over her head.
“Feel good?” Y/n whispers. Sana sighs and nods her head, letting Y/n do her magic for a while longer. “Sana?” Y/n nudges her gently after a few minutes.
“Hm?”
“Don’t fall asleep.” She smiles fondly, tugging on Sana’s earlobe to get her attention.
“I won’t.” Sana assures her, smiling sleepily when she blinks her eyes open. She pulls Y/n closer to press a kiss on her lips. “Y/n, you look so hot with those glasses.”
Y/n huffs out a laugh, instinctively reaching up to fix them on her nose. “You’re only saying that because they’re yours.”
“Nope. And that thing you do,” Sana makes the motion on her own face, pushing up with her index finger on the bridge of her nose. “That kills me. It’s so cute. It makes me want to kiss you until your lips are all red and puffy and—”
“Stop.” Y/n places her palm over Sana’s face and pushes her back, mostly just to block Sana’s view so she doesn’t see the blood rushing to Y/n’s cheeks.
Sana laughs and grips Y/n’s wrist to stop her from pushing Sana away again. She tangles their fingers together instead and Y/n thinks maybe she shouldn’t be so easy, always letting Sana distract her with her words and touches.
But then Sana snuggles up against her and Y/n can’t really find it in herself to care so much.
“Y/n… when are you meeting your family?”
Y/n sobers up a little at the question. “Friday night.”
“Are you going to stay there for a while?”
“No. It’s just dinner.” Y/n tries to shrug it off, not wanting to break the gentle atmosphere around them.
Sana squeezes her arms around her. “Don’t be nervous. It will be okay, Y/n.”
Y/n nods her head. “Yeah, I’m sure it will be. And I’m not nervous I just… I don’t really feel like it’s necessary anymore? I’m mostly over the whole issue, so.”
“Hey, no.” Sana shakes her head. “Don’t say that. You said you guys never sat down to talk about it. It might give everyone the closure they need.”
Y/n blinks at Sana, shrugging her shoulders a little. “I just don’t want them to apologize. I don’t actually blame them for anything that happened.”
“Not even your stepdad?”
“Not even him.” Y/n leans her head against Sana’s shoulder, blinking sleepily.
“You have too much of a good heart.” Sana smiles, hugging her a little closer.
Y/n sighs and closes her eyes. “Let’s go. I’m tired.”
That’s enough to get Sana going and Y/n chuckles at how fast Sana cleans everything up because she wants to get Y/n home as soon as possible so she can sleep.
It’s so endearing and Y/n once again wonders what she did in an earlier life to deserve a person like Sana.
-
Y/n smiles at her mom when she opens the door and she smiles back twice as brightly, stepping outside to hug Y/n. She has to lean up to reach her, so Y/n leans down to make it easier for she to wrap her arms around her neck.
She kisses her cheek. “I missed you, sweetheart.”
“I missed you too, mom.” Y/n mumbles, letting her hug her as long as she wants to. It helps her tame her anxiety about what’s coming up anyway. “You look good.” She smiles once she pulls away.
“So do you.” She pats her cheek lovingly and tells her to go inside.
“Y/n?” Chaeyoung sticks her head out from the railing upstairs and starts grinning from ear to ear when Y/n waves up at her. She comes running down the stair and barrels right into Y/n’s chest, hugging her like they haven’t seen each other in years.
Y/n laughs, hugging her back awkwardly. She might have gotten better at all this stuff but that doesn’t mean it’s become easy all of a sudden.
“How are things?” Y/n whispers, one arm wrapped around Chaeyoung’s shoulders while they follow their mom inside. She’s asking about the situation at home, because she knows college is going okay since Chaeyoung and her text each other almost daily.
“They’re good.” Chaeyoung assures her, shrugging her shoulders. “I feel like dad’s kind of changed? But like, for the better. He was really nervous about tonight, you know?”
Y/n frowns. “Really?”
Why would Hyunsik be nervous?
She lets go of her sister once they enter the kitchen and she watches her mom walk up to Hyunsik, gently patting his arm and pointing at Y/n. Hyunsik turns around to look at her and wipes his hands on a kitchen towel, stepping closer.
They shake hands and the air grows awkward, especially when Y/n sees the sad look crossing her mom’s face. Y/n tries not to think about how even Sana’s dad hugged her when Hyunsik never does.
They make a little smalltalk until dinner is ready, Chaeyoung sitting on the counter and Y/n leaning against it next to her while they watch their parents step around each other in the kitchen expertly.
It’s all pretty normal until they sit down at the dinner table, which is when everything goes quiet all of a sudden. Chaeyoung just kind of dives into her food to distract herself from the tension around them and they start eating, throwing a few meaningless questions around to fill the silence.
Y/n’s knee is bouncing up and down underneath the table, her fingers are itching and she just kind of wants to get up and leave and not have this conversation.
The food tastes great but Y/n can’t even enjoy it.
Her mom clears her throat after a while when their plates are half emptied and the food is getting a little cold. Y/n looks up, slowly chewing on the vegetables in her mouth and she meets her eyes with an apologetic look. Like she knows how much Y/n’s been dreading this moment.
“Y/n, there’s something Hyunsik and me would like to talk to you about.” She says and Y/n slowly puts her chopsticks down, clearing her throat. She leans back into her chair as if she’s trying to put some distances between herself and her family.
She nods her head. “Okay. I’m listening.”
She tilts her head at her, her earrings swinging a little. She really does look beautiful tonight. She always does but she reminds her a lot of herself from back when Y/n was a child, when she used to watch her dress up when she was about to meet a client. “We know you’ve been seeing a therapist.”
Y/n stills for a second, her eyes flickering to Chaeyoung who only bows her head in shame. Usually, this is where Y/n would get mad. She would get upset.
But she doesn’t. She sighs and nods her head, moving to face her mom again. “I wanted to tell you but I just kind of forgot.”
She nods her head, a sad smile appearing on her face. “Are you sure you just forgot? Because I feel like you didn’t… you didn’t want to burden us. That’s why you kept it from us.”
Y/n looks down at her plate, her fingers curling into her jeans. She kind of wishes Sana was here, so she could hold her hands. The thought of Sana’s warm smile and loud laugh helps Y/n relax, if only a little bit. “I don’t know, mom.”
“Sweetheart.” She says, her voice shaking a bit. “You have to know that nothing you do would ever burden us, okay? I can’t blame you for feeling that way. Jesus, Y/n we put you through so much. When I heard that you’re seeing a therapist I just… I just knew, that it was our fault. My fault.”
“Mom.” Y/n shakes her head and closes her eyes. God, she really doesn’t want another therapy session, especially not one that circles around issues she’s already somewhat worked through with Dr. Kang over all those months. “Don’t blame yourself, please. That’s the last thing I want. It’s not your fault.”
“If I didn’t give you away the second you were born, if I was there to protect you from my own parents and all those people…” She starts tearing up and Y/n feels her own eyes prickle just from the sight of her mom crying. Hyunsik clears his throat and reaches out to take her hand.
Chaeyoung just looks straight up said, pushing around the mushrooms on her table with her chopsticks.
“Mom, don’t—“
“I’m not going to make you talk about your feelings.” She shakes her head, taking a deep breath to collect herself. “I just want you to know that we all care about you, Y/n. You’re important, your feelings are important and I am just… I’m sorry that you had to suffer the most under the circumstances. I know I can’t turn back time and fix things but I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, and I’m sorry I didn’t notice how you were suffering. I love you with all my heart, Y/n. I was only a girl when you were born, it was just the two of us. I wanted to be a good mom but I failed. I only want the best for you. And I can’t even begin to describe how proud I am of you.”
Y/n gulps and sends her mother a smile. “I love you too, mom. And I’m proud of you, too.”
No matter what, she deserves to hear those words after everything she’s been through. Y/n has never blamed her. She’s only always wanted to be closer to her but it wasn’t possible.
It would’ve been nice, growing up with her mom and only her alone. The two of them against the world, that kind of thing. She would’ve been a better daughter, would’ve stayed at home during college, would’ve bought her a nice house in the future, kicked anyone’s butt who dared to disrespect her.
She feels guilty for thinking that way when she looks at Chaeyoung. She could never wish for another life if it meant her sister wasn’t there. Y/n smiles at Chaeyoung, who perks up a little at the gesture.
“I hope we can become closer. You can take all the time you need but I hope we can somehow make up for the time we lost when you were younger.” She says. “I know you’re a grown up lady now, but I won’t let anyone treat you wrong ever again. Anyone who dares to lose a bad word about my daughters will see my ugly side, just you wait.”
Y/n blinks at her in surprise, a smile tugging on her lips. “Even your relatives?” She asks it jokingly but her mom raises an eyebrow.
“Especially them.”
“You should’ve seen her on the phone last week.” Chaeyoung speaks up, looking at her mom with a scared expression. “She gave grandma such an earful. I’ve never heard mom swear like that.”
Y/n lets out a laugh and has this urge to walk over and hug her mom because she seems so proud about her actions.
So she does.
She gets up, walks around the table and hugs her mom, and everyone in the room is taken aback by the action, watching Y/n with wide eyes. Y/n herself is surprised, but her mom cries against her shoulder because of her gesture and she says she loves her and Y/n might not be so good with emotions and stuff, but she can tell how much she means those words.
She knows she loves her, she always has, but she just didn’t really get to show it and no one should hold it against her after all she’s been through.
They start eating again after that and Y/n is so confused as to why she was so scared about tonight. It was just a simple conversation and they exchange a few more words over the course of the evening, getting everything off of their chests. Even Chaeyoung speaks up about it, how mad she used to get when their families treated Y/n like crap.
“Do you remember how aunt Yeri had this huge berry stain on her ass at that one wedding?” Chaeyoung asks, smirking a little.
“Don’t remind me.” Her mom sighs, rolling her eyes. “She caused such a scene.”
“Yeah.” Chaeyoung nods her head. “That was me.”
“What do you mean?”
Chaeyoung shrugs. “She didn’t hug Y/n that day, and she only gave me a lollipop and Y/n got sad. I got angry so I put a berry from the wedding cake on her chair.”
Everyone starts laughing and Y/n once more realizes that she doesn’t deserve a sister like Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung beams at her and Y/n tries to laugh it off before things get too cheesy.
They haven’t had a night like this in forever. Or maybe they never really had a dinner like this together at all. It feels like they’re a normal family, almost.
Except for the fact that Hyunsik’s been strangely quiet the whole night. He’s been nodding his head, laughing along and answering when he was being addressed but he’s been avoiding Y/n’s eyes, and it’s making it hard for Y/n to keep her spirits up.
Maybe some things simply can’t be changed.
----