this is a double update, don't forget about 15 ;)
Lennox Monroe
The past few days have been awful, to put it lightly.
On Friday morning, the day the album came out I had to deal with overhearing my students talk about Harry's album and I only made it worse by opening my laptop to only scroll more.
Tweets and articles full of speculation about the 'Mysterious Voice in Styles' Most Vulnerable Song Yet'.
The album was amazing, there's no denying that, and the song was as well, but it still didn't make any sense as to why he wouldn't tell me.
I went over to Nate and Evie's place immediately after work on Friday but from what they said when I texted earlier, neither of them seemed to know why he would do it.
Once I got to their apartment, I let myself in like usual, finding Nate sitting on the living room floor trying to assemble a crib.
"Lennox, really? Key for emergencies. What is so hard to grasp about that?"
"Yeah, yeah whatever." I waved my hand towards him brushing him off before tossing my bags onto the floor. "Where's your wife at? She told me to let myself in."
"I think she's down the hall, trying to put some nursery furniture together."
"Oh God, and you're letting her do that?" My eyes got wide as I looked down at him. "Do you really want your child's dresser falling apart?"
He stopped what he was doing to give me a death glare.
"You don't think I tried stopping her? There's no giving in, she's determined to help."
"Gentle parenting, Nathaniel. Try and redirect her to something else." I teased him as I said it and his glare only got stronger. "Okay, not in the mood for jokes. I'll leave you to it then." I held up my hands in defense before heading down the hallway.
"Thank God." He quietly mumbled to himself as I turned the corner to go
"Love you too!" I turned my head back to yell towards him as I blew him a dramatic kiss from the distance and I went to go find Evie.
I turned into what was their spare bedroom which has now been deconstructed with boxes of furniture and gallons of paint on the floor.
"Woah, what is happening in here?" I looked around amongst the chaos seeing Evie standing on a rocking chair trying to hang curtains up. "Eves, uh-uh get down."
"Ugh, you're worse than Nate." She gave me one of the most dramatic eye-rolls I've seen. "I'm pregnant, not falling apart. I'm really fine."
"Then stand on a ladder, or a stepstool, anything besides a rocking chair. That's probably the worst thing you could've chosen." I slightly scolded her as I looked amongst the rest of the items in the room. "So, uh, what's happening in here?"
"We're redecorating for the baby! Oh hey, this reminds me, do you want to paint a mural or something in here?"
"You want me to do what?" I looked at her casual expression, meeting her with my shocked one.
"Well yeah, clearly you're talented and such an important person in our lives. You're obviously going to be important in our kid's life too- oh! Also! Godmother? Have we talked to you about that?"
My eyes got wide as Evie was spouting off words, she failed to string together a sentence as she was just throwing out ideas.
"Hold on Eve, one thing at a time. Yes, I'll paint the wall I'd love to."
"Oh perfect!" She started stacking up stuff around the room like she was ready for me to get started.
"Wait, Godmother, can we get back to that?" I tried to grab her attention to focus on one thing at a time.
"Oh yeah, was that not something we talked about?"
She sat criss crossed on the rug and I followed as she pulled over a basket of baby clothes to sit in between us on the bedroom floor. She started picking them up folding them and nodding towards the stack of onesies, motioning for me to reach in the basket to help her too.
I looked at her shocked about how casual she was being about the situation.
"Clearly not." I reached into the basket and grabbed a small onesie, folding it in half.
"Well yeah, maybe I just thought you would already be expecting it."
The way she said it made me start to feel emotional. It was another one of those moments where it felt like it was a given, like when she asked me to be her maid of honor, something we've talked about and dreamt of forever but now that it was in the moment it was too much to process.
"So obviously it's up to you and we haven't talked to Harry yet, but-"
"Woah wait, Harry?" I cut her off after she brought up his name. "What do you have to talk to him about?"
"I thought that was also implied, was it not?" She giggled as she looked up at me getting met with an expression that she struggled to read. "Lenn, we want him to be the Godfather."
"So you want us to like, do it together?"
"Yes, Lenn, why are you suddenly so weird about the idea?" She gave me a dramatic sign, holding the clothes still in her hand like she was about to throw seeming that she was ready to give up.
"That's kinda why I stopped by today, I needed your advice about him."
"What, did you finally realize you're falling for him and that you need to have a conversation about it?"
I don't know what her pregnancy hormones have done to her but she seemed to have lost any remainder of the filter that she had before and her attitude was worse than a toddler's.
My jaw dropped as I looked at her, no words able to come out. I stuttered over a few syllables before she cut me off by first mocking me.
"I- uh- but-, don't even try to come up with an excuse Lenn, we all see it. I think you're the only one that doesn't."
"Geez, Eves. Well, that's not what I was going to say, it was almost the opposite actually."
"Okay then, go ahead."
"Have you listened to the album?"
"Of course I did, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this is about your song again."
"My song? What do you mean MY song?"
"Stop pretending Lenn, it's obviously your message. I remember you recording it that night. We shared a wall and everything and you couldn't stop giggling about all of it. The morning after you were watching your phone all day waiting for a a call back because you couldn't remember what you had said."
I was once again shocked by her bluntness as she continued to pull the small baby clothes out of the basket and sort them into their respective piles. I reached forward grabbing the jacket she was folding and took it away to gain her attention.
"Can we stop for just a second and focus on this? I feel like we've got too many things to discuss right now."
Evie sighed slumping her shoulders forward and brought her hands up to her head to push her hair back like she was stressed.
"Lennox, I love you. You are my best friend. You always have been and always will be. Harry is Nate's best friend so we want you to be our baby's Godparents." She took a deep breath before continuing on. "That's really all I have to say about that, you can think about it but I would hope you want to do it."
"Of course, I want to do it, you just caught me off guard a little bit with how it got brought up."
"I'm sorry, I'm just frazzled right now trying to get everything figured out. As for the Harry comment, I'm sorry for that too, I shouldn't have said it like that but I think you need to call him, it's time for you guys to have a conversation."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It's not my place, it never has been. But all I'm saying is that you need to talk to him."
"That's the thing. I've tried but he's ignoring my text and he's in California right now, about to be on stage in a few hours."
"Give him tonight. He just had an album come out and I'm sure he's overwhelmed. He's got a big performance too but I think they fly back on Sunday, go over to his place, and try to talk it out.
We both apologized, unable to stay mad at each other for too long and she leaned forward to give me a hug. I stretched my arms out leaning in to meet her in the middle as we hugged and quickly got interrupted but Nate who was standing in the hallway.
"Now how are you supposed to assemble the furniture like this?" He spoke up leaning his arm on the door frame and taking in the chaos of all of the things scattered throughout the room.
Evie pulled back looking over at him before just shaking her head.
"Honey, there's no way in hell I'm getting that thing put together."
We all laughed at her tone as she said it, and at how she made a complete turnaround from earlier when she was determined that she would be getting it put together.
"What changed?"'
She mumbled something under her breath and Nate and just looked at each other trying to decipher what she said.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Ipulledouttheinstructionsandstartedcrying"
All of her words we smushed together as she spoke, once again mumbling but a little bit louder than before.
"One more time, why aren't you putting the dresser together?"
"I pulled out the instructions and started crying." She let out a heavy sigh before we all just looked at each other and I was the first one to let out an uncontrollable laugh.
"Hey! It's not funny!"
"It is just a little bit." Nate held up his thumb and pointer finger, pushing them further together until they were almost touching.
"Okay I give up!" Evie jokingly dropped the things she had in her hands onto the ground before storming out of the room and down the hallway.
"Who knew that's all it would take to get her to stop?"
"I heard that." Her voice echoed back at us as she walked down the hallway.
Nate shut off the light in the bedroom, leaving the mess of items as they were and closed the door as we went to join Evie who had now taken Nate's spot on the living room floor trying to read the instructions for assembling the crib.
"Eve, I love you, but absolutely not." Nate reached under her arms to pull her away from what he had already put together and set her down on the couch. "You're doing plenty, I promise, Just let me take care of this stuff." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, holding each of her cheeks as he bent down before he turned back to finish assembling the furniture.
"Okay, fine." She let out a small sigh before changing the subject again. "Oh yeah, Lennox said she would paint the wall so we need to figure out what design we want, right Lenn?"
"Yeah, uh- just let me know what you decide and I can get something drawn up."
"I thought we decided on the jungle theme, did we not?" Nate spoke up seeming confused.
"No that's boring, I want something better."
I tried to hold back a laugh at the bluntness that came from Evie and Nate just stayed looking confused about the situation.
"Okay, well you guys think about that. I'm not getting involved, so you just let me know, I'm going home."
"Bye, Lenn." They spoke simultaneously and I grabbed my bags before making my way out the door.
I latched it shut behind me but before I had it closed all the way I could hear Nate bring up the jungle theme that they had apparently already discussed that Evie was no longer on board with. I giggled at his tone as he sounded upset over some paint and Evie was shutting it down.
As I waited for the elevator to go down to the lobby I kept staring at my phone screen debating on whether or not to text Harry again today to see if he would respond. I decided against it, deciding to let him respond when he was ready so I threw my phone into my purse before getting in my car to head home.
I don't know what came over me but I decided to listen to the rest of the album on my drive home since I didn't finish all the way through last night.
I started after the 5th track, the next one being equally as heartbreaking and vulnerable but I was determined to listen through.
The final song started as I pulled into my apartment complex and I sat in the car listening all the way through before going inside.
The lyrics of it were simplistic yet complicated and so full of meaning at the same time, and there was a beautiful guitar riff playing in the back. His voice was so calming coming through the speakers of my car as I laid back on the head rest and just listened. There was a buildup of the song before trumpets started playing and the whole vibe of the song changed. It easily took the spot as my favorite song on the album.
The song finished and I turned my key in the ignition to shut it off right as the opening track started playing again.
I gathered all my bags and cups that I had collected from my classroom this week and my way up the stairs to my front door. My keys jingled as I twisted them in the lock and I was immediately greeted by Iris purring at my feet when I walked in.
I set all of my things on floor right as I walked in, kicking the door closed behind me and immediately plopped on the floor of the entry way to pet her.
I started talking to her, sitting in the silence like for some reason a cat would respond to me. She crawled up on my lap nudging her nose at my jawline like she was trying to cuddle closer as I continued to talk out loud telling the whole story to nobody but myself and a damn cat.
---
By the next day, I had texted Evie for advice, once again, and she gave me no response, something so out of character for her.
Well, I guess technically she did give me a response, but it wasn't the one I was looking for so I was choosing to ignore it. Something not so out of character for me.
She just kept telling me to talk to Harry. I knew I needed to do it but I was terrified of a response that I would get in person since I wasn't getting one over text.
Nate had mentioned that Harry was booked for a flight on Saturday morning after his one-night-only performance so that he could come back to New York for some promo shoots.
I took his word for it, since the last I knew the show in LA was where his schedule ended. Which brings me to where I'm spending my Saturday night.
Harry's apartment building.
I went in through the lobby, greeting the doorman at the front as he flashed me a smile, and walked onto the elevators pushing the button for his floor and tapping my foot impatiently as I rode up.
I stood at his front door waiting to build the confidence for the conversation and try to put my words together. I came here to confront him, but that's not typically something I do, usually just tending to agree with what's happening or ignore it but that can only go on for so long.
I knocked on the door, picking at my cuticles as I heard him yell "Just a second!" from the other side.
The door swung open and I was met with his smiling face that immediately dropped when he saw the pained expression on my own.
"Lenn, what are you doing here?"
"I need answers, Harry. You weren't answering my texts and I wasn't going to let you do that again without an explanation this time."
His pained expression deepened as I said the words, slightly wincing as they came out of my mouth.
The silence hung heavy between us before a voice in the background cut through, interrupting.
"Daddy, is one of your friends here?"
I peered around the side of Harry's body that was stood in the entryway blocking most of the view to inside his apartment, but when a child showed up, wrapping his arms around him I knew exactly who I was looking at.
A little boy, no older than 5, with big green eyes and curly brown hair smiled up at me, a dimple popping in his left cheek as he grinned and waved at me.
"Hi! Are you one of daddy's friends?"
My jaw dropped, looking up to meet Harry's face. His head was looking towards the ground and even if I could see the look on his face I don't think I'd be able to understand.
I took a deep breath, looking down at the kid, then back at Harry, and to the kid again, who had nothing but a sweet look, probably confused at what the situation was.
I started speaking, stuttering over syllables before Harry finally looked up to meet my gaze and spoke up.
"Yeah, T, this is one of my friends. I'd really like for you to meet her sometime, but it's getting late. How about you go get ready for bed and we can meet her on another night."
"Okay!" He tugged Harry's hand motioning for him to come closer and he leaned forward cupping his hand near Harry's ear like he was about to tell him a secret, but speaking in a tone loud enough for me to hear. "Your friend is pretty! She has red hair like Aunt Evie's sister! "
Evie doesn't have a sister, she's an only child. We are each other's sisters.
Harry obviously knows this, and the way he flinched when he realized I could hear was noticeable since it made his whole body move.
The little boy turned back around stepping down the hallway, out of my sight before Harry finally invited me inside.
"Lenn, please, come sit down. Just give me a chance to explain this."
"Explain the kid calling you dad? Yeah, that might be nice."
"Please, there's more to it. Let me just get him to bed and then I'll answer every question you have."
"Yeah um, sure, go take care of it- I'm just going to grab a glass of water."
"Thank you." He gave me a sincere look, emotion pooling in his eyes as he quickly turned around. "I shouldn't be too long, he's pretty tired."
Hearing him talk like this was something normal for him seemed so odd. He had to go put a kid to bed. His kid.
I set my bag that I had brought over down on the table in the entryway and made my way into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
I opened a cabinet door, the one I thought contained the glasses in it but instead, I was met with a colorful set of kids' dishes and plastic cups with dinosaurs, superheroes, and other colorful designs printed on them. I quickly closed the door, opening the one right next to it and finding what I was originally looking for.
I brought the glass over to the refrigerator holding it against the opening in the door to fill the glass. As the water glass filled, I was staring at a picture stuck to the fridge door of a big yellow dinosaur taking up the entire page, and I smiled looking at the scrambled letters at the bottom of the page spelling out 'Theo" with a backward written e.
I waited at the kitchen island, looking around the apartment as Harry was down the hall and suddenly started to pick up on things that I hadn't noticed when I was here other times.
The ottoman which usually has a cushion on top of it was pushed open, overflowing with toys. The storage cubes underneath the windowsill against the wall were left open with stuffed animals and a blanket that had Care Bears on it was peeking out of the side.
It was all out in the open, I don't know how I never picked up on any of this before.
After a few minutes, Harry came out from the room on the left side of the hallway, a door that was pulled shut every other time I was here.
"Alright, he should be asleep soon. We had a busy day. Our flight got delayed and then we were stuck at the airport and-"
"Harry stop." I cut him off. "Sorry you had a long day, but that's clearly not what I'm interested in right now."
"You're right, I'm sorry. I'll tell you everything, where do you want me to start?"
"The beginning. I'm ready to hear it all."
_
thanks for being patient with me <3
love you -j