Her birthday approaches a lot faster than Y/n expected and with that, two major headaches; her appointment at the therapist Jihyo fixed for her and more importantly, her plans on officially asking Sana out.
Y/n has no idea how to do it and she is not sure if she’s ready for it. Not at all.
But it’s been months, and she knows she’s made Sana trail after her like a puppy and it’s just not fair.
And really, she’d rather have her anxiety swallow her up whole than risk losing Sana for good.
Two nights before her birthday Sana texts her and asks her to get ready and that she will be picking her up in half an hour.
Y/n wants to know why but Sana doesn’t care to elaborate, so Y/n quickly puts on a hoodie since it’s already dark outside and bound to get colder the later it gets. She tells Chaeyoung as much, who nods and has this look in her eyes – the one she’s had ever since she walked in on her and Sana.
Like she expects them to be doing that whenever Y/n tells her that she’s hanging out with Sana.
And honestly, after all the teasing she’s went through courtesy of her friends and the first few awkward days between her and Chaeyoung she just doesn’t really have the nerve to tell her little sister that Sana and her do not go at it every time they see each other.
Sana and her haven’t talked about the incident either apart from Sana apologizing for putting her in an uncomfortable situation when they saw each other again for the first time after it happened. Y/n assured her that she didn’t. Then there was a moment of silence before Sana cleared her throat and nervously looked at her to ask her if she would’ve gone further if they didn’t get interrupted.
Y/n tried to hide her own nerves since she saw how much it must’ve kept Sana awake for the past few days, so she gave her a quick smile and told her that she’s pretty sure she would’ve liked whatever they would’ve done if Chaeyoung and Lisa didn’t walk in on them.
Sana blinked at her before breaking out into one of her breathtaking smiles. She took Y/n’s hand and said she was relieved to hear that and Y/n is pretty sure Sana was thinking about it right then, because she suddenly got extremely flustered and her tell-tale red ears were back, too.
-
Sana’s already waiting for her in the parking lot by the time Y/n arrives. Y/n slides into the passenger seat, putting her seatbelt on before she turns to greet Sana. They smile at each other for a moment, both of them kind of blushing for seemingly no reason.
She guesses they should really stop acting like this given how long they’ve known each other already, but Y/n doesn’t think she minds it all that much. She still gets butterflies around Sana and wonders if Sana feels the same.
Probably not.
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” Sana says as she pulls out of the parking lot. She’s wearing sweatpants and a soft looking hoodie, her hair a little messy and Y/n feels the sudden urge to hug her, which she quickly tries to shake off.
It smells like pink sands in Sana’s car. That’s not how exactly how Y/n would describe the smell – it’s sweet and fruity mixed with something that reminds her of the salty scent of the sea – but it’s what’s written on the little air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror.
The windows are rolled down and Y/n blinks her eyes against the warm night air. Summer’s getting closer rapidly and the weather’s been really warm for the past two weeks. Y/n might be more of a rainy weather person, but she likes this as well.
The calmness of the night, the warm breeze, the whole city seemingly more alive and… happier. Like the people aren’t ready to go to sleep yet, staying up to do things like having long and deep conversations on their balconies with a few bottles of cheap beer and peanuts that are way too salty.
Not that Lisa and her did that yesterday night.
“We’re going to the lookout again?” Y/n asks once she realizes which road Sana is taking.
“Yeah. Is that okay?”
Y/n gives her a smile. “Yeah, sure.” It’s been a while since they last came here, even though it feels like it was only yesterday.
Sana grabs her backpack from the backseat after parking the car and she hesitatingly reaches her hand out for Y/n to take. It hurts a bit that Sana still thinks Y/n will reject her, but she guesses that’s mostly her own fault.
Y/n grabs her hand and laces their fingers together tightly, standing close enough to Sana for their arms to press together.
And Sana just looks so happy, hiding her smile by looking at the ground and the sight makes Y/n’s heart swell in her chest achingly slow.
The lookout isn’t empty like it was last time; there are a few couples and groups of people sitting on picnic blankets on the grass, listening to music, drinking, kissing.
Y/n stumbles when she sees three girls sitting together, all of them subtly feeling each other up, and she nearly does a face plant in the ground if it weren’t for Sana who quickly catches her by her arm.
“Didn’t know you were into voyeurism.” Sana snickers at the blush high on Y/n’s cheeks.
“Shut up.” Y/n stutters, clearing her throat as she averts her eyes far away from anything that’s going on around them. Sana looks way too amused, the stupid smile on her face not even fading when Y/n elbows her in her ribs.
Sana pulls her to the very front of the lookout, right in front of the immediate drop behind the small guardrail where there are no people.
It’s almost the same spot they sat in last time and when Y/n tells Sana as much, the younger nods her head and says “The cherry tree still hasn’t grown.”
Y/n laughs at that and helps Sana spread the blanket on the ground. “You came prepared.”
“Well, yeah. I have plans.”
“Plans?”
“You’ll see.” Sana gives her a lopsided smile and Y/n wants to kiss her, but she holds herself back and sits down on the blanket next to her.
Y/n can hear people making out behind them and she’s not sure why; they’re at least twenty feet away from them. It makes her feel slightly embarrassed, like they’re invading those couples’ privacies. She gets distracted by the noises when Sana opens her backpack and pulls out something big and round and green.
A watermelon.
Y/n’s face lights up at the sight of the fruit; she hasn’t eaten any this year yet and she can’t even hide how much she’s been craving it. Sana smiles at her expression. “Good surprise?”
“Very good surprise.” Y/n replies, but then she notices a dried graze on Sana’s elbow and remembers how she actually asked Sana to get her a watermelon last time she stole those cherries from that farmer. “You stole it.”
Sana stops cutting into the watermelon and shakes her head. “I would never.”
“Where is this from, then?” Y/n leans closer and brushes her fingers over the small injury. It’s nothing bad, but she really doesn’t like seeing Sana hurt in any shape or form.
“I, uhm. Fell.”
“You’re not a good liar, Sana.”
“You get angry when I mention it.” Sana sighs and sticks the knife into the melon for a moment to look up at Y/n. “Yeah okay, I stole it from that asshole farmer. Scraped my elbow on the fence when we had to run.”
Y/n wants to scold her, but Sana obviously did it to make Y/n happy, and Y/n doesn’t have the heart to ruin Sana’s mood right now. She places her palm over the scrape and nods her head. “Just be careful.”
Sana seems a bit surprised about Y/n dropping the issue so easily, but she quickly nods her head and starts cutting the watermelon again. She hands Y/n a slice and when Y/n bites into it she’s glad that it isn’t an overripe one. She hates it when they get all mealy.
They make a huge mess, because the juice drips everywhere and it gets on Y/n’s shirt and Sana’s sweatpants. Sana looks concerned but Y/n smiles and says it’s okay, since it’s mostly just water anyway.
Sana spits the seeds at her and Y/n is angry at first because it’s disgusting but Sana starts attacking her with them like a freaking kid, so Y/n gives it back to her twice as bad. One of the seeds Y/n spits out ends up hitting Sana’s eye.
Sana starts crying.
Y/n is torn between laughing and apologizing and Sana wails that she’s blind and Y/n leans closer, still giggling like a maniac as she tries to blow some air in Sana’s watering eye.
Sana just stares at her once Y/n pulls back, still laughing a bit.
“What?” Y/n asks because Sana keeps looking at her.
“You have such a pretty smile.” Sana says, her cheeks reddening. “My heart… like, it flutters like crazy whenever you smile.”
Y/n has no idea what’s gotten into Sana, why she’s being so… so loving lately and she also doesn’t know how to handle it, so she ends up doing what she always does; she blushes like mad which makes Sana grin from ear to ear.
Sana did come prepared after all, because a moment later she pulls out a small pack of baby wipes and pulls Y/n’s hands into her lap, starting to clean them with the wipes.
“I can do it myself.” Y/n mumbles, feeling a little warm in the face which isn’t caused by the humid air around them. Sana is being too gentle with her, carefully cleaning Y/n’s palms and arms where the juice ran down.
Y/n looks up at her, at Sana’s concentrated face, her glowing skin, her long eyelashes, and feels her heart shout at her, pounding wildly inside her ribcage. Whenever Sana treats her like this, with so much care and kindness, Y/n wants to hide in her room and ignore the whole world for a few days.
It’s too much.
Y/n isn’t used to actions like that.
Sana notices her eyes on her and stops cleaning her hands, lifting her head to meet her eyes. “What?”
Y/n shakes her head. “Nothing.”
Sana’s eyes flicker over her face and she’s suddenly wearing the same expression she had a few days ago when they were starting to get intimate; like she’s looking for an answer to her questions. “Y/n, why… why do I sometimes feel like you’re hiding things from me?”
They stare at each other for a few seconds, Y/n feeling strangely caught. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t really know.” Sana puts the baby wipes away and instead starts tracing mindless patterns on Y/n’s open palms. “When I do certain things, you get this look in your eyes. It makes me scared, in a way. You look really sad. Like… Like it’s completely foreign to you that people treat you in a certain way.”
Y/n looks down at their hands, the paleness of her own skin, how tiny Sana’s fingers look compared to her. She should really eat more. Lisa is starting to drill her ass again about it—
“Y/n.” Sana whispers, trying to get her attention again. Y/n was silent for too long. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Y/n quickly says. “I’m sorry if it made you worry. You shouldn’t worry.”
“Well, I do. You mean a lot to me, if you didn’t know.”
“You mean a lot to me, too.” Y/n swallows nervously. Sana gives her a warm smile that encourages Y/n to give her some sort of explanation, but she doesn’t even know what she’s supposed to tell Sana at this point. “I don’t hide things from you.”
Sana gives her a confused look, but she slowly nods her head. “You can talk to me if something is bothering you. You know that, right?”
Y/n wonders if she should tell Sana that she’s going to see a therapist, but she’d rather not risk scaring her away with it. It makes things sound more serious than they really are.
“I know. But there is nothing to talk about.” Y/n says. “I promise.”
Sana gives her a long look before she suddenly leans in and kisses Y/n’s cheek. “I just want you to be okay. I hate feeling like there’s something wrong and I can’t help. I want you to be happy.”
Y/n feels a little overwhelmed by Sana’s words. She knows Sana likes Y/n to a certain degree, but she still can’t figure out just what kind of feelings Sana has for her. “I’m happy.” She says, clearing her throat as her face heats up. “You make me happy.”
It makes Sana smile timidly. “Good. Because you make me really happy, too.”
Does she really?
People usually feel annoyed by Y/n’s presence and how complicated she is. She’s not very funny, doesn’t really have any talents.
Her grandmother used to say she was like the huge stones that were stuck in the soil and wouldn’t budge when she tried to get them out; a nuisance and waste of space.
Y/n ignores her thoughts and reaches for the pack of baby wipes, cleaning Sana’s cheeks that are a little stained. She laughs when Sana makes an embarrassed noise, complaining that Y/n should’ve told her sooner. She also cleans Sana’s sticky hands and Sana’s eyes are extremely fond while she watches Y/n do that for her in return.
Once she’s done she impulsively leans in and pecks Sana’s lips, grinning when Sana gets flustered and quickly reaches into her backpack again.
She’s holding a long, rectangular box in her hands. It’s wrapped in blue wrapping paper (the same colour of Sana’s beanie she usually wears around almost every day) and it even has a bow on it. She holds it out for Y/n to take.
“What is this?” Y/n asks, not immediately taking the box.
“I know your birthday is in two days but I… I couldn’t wait.” Sana explains a little sheepishly. “I finished it today and I’ve been working on it for over a month now and I really just want to give it to you—”
“W-Wait” Y/n interrupts Sana’s rambling. “You made something for me?”
Sana clears her throat, her ears red. “Yes.”
“You shouldn’t have made me anything.” Y/n doesn’t know why she feels so shaken. “I don’t need anything, Sana.”
“I know that. But it’s your birthday. You usually give people presents on their birthday.” Sana chuckles.
“But Sana—”
“Y/n, just open it.”
Y/n realizes that it’s really not polite of her to leave Sana hanging like this, especially when she actually made something for Y/n herself. She carefully takes the box from Sana’s hands and starts to open it, careful not to rip the wrapping paper.
“It’s just wrapping paper. You can rip it.” Sana laughs.
She finally manages to get the box out without tearing anything even though Sana told her to. Y/n has no idea what to expect when she opens the lid, and there’s a layer of fabric covering the inside so she carefully folds it open and then she just kind of stares at the object lying inside.
“You—” She starts after she finds her voice again. “You made this?”
“Uncle gave me time to work on it… I had to pull a few all-nighters but I wanted it to be perfect.” Sana mumbles. Y/n can hear how nervous she sounds and she wishes she could give her a better reaction, but she’s just so taken aback.
She gulps heavily and forces herself to pick the item up. It weighs almost nothing and the frame looks so delicate and beautiful Y/n fears she’ll break it.
“They’re really sturdy. Don’t worry.” Sana encourages her. “If the correction isn’t good I can change the lenses or if the temple tips or nose pads aren’t comfortable I can adjust them but I checked and they should be fine. Or… uhm, if you hate it that’s fine too—”
“It’s pretty.” Is all Y/n says, her voice lost in the midst of all the conversations going on in the background.
Y/n knows Sana makes spectacles, and she’s good at her job, having learned everything from uncle, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen a model as beautiful as this one.
They’re wire-rimmed, like Y/n’s old glasses, but the frame is golden, a tinge of pink in the colour when she tilts them. The surface is matte rather than the faded silver of her usual glasses. It looks so pristine and expensive. Definitely not something that should belong to Y/n.
She knows the spectacles at uncle’s shop are rather high-end since they’re completely hand-made and the shop is quite well known all across the country.
There’s something engraved into the inside of the left temple and Y/n has to squint her eyes to read what it says.
It says Made by Shana
Y/n feels her heart stop a bit. Sana wrote her name wrong. How is Y/n supposed to tell Sana that she wrote her name wrong—
And then it hits her.
“Shana.” She says, and then she laughs, her eyes burning. That seems like such a long time ago, too.
“I was thinking about writing asswipe but uncle wouldn’t let me.” Sana explains. Y/n looks up at her, not really knowing what to say. “Do you like it?”
“Of course I do.” Y/n says. “This must’ve been so much work. You could’ve earned so much money in that time, Sana, why did you—”
“Hey, stop.” Sana shakes her head. “It was worth it. If you’re happy, it was worth it.”
Y/n feels kind of helpless in that moment. Helplessly attached to this girl and her big heart and everything about her. Y/n shuffles closer until Sana gets the hint and pulls her into her arms. Y/n hides her face in Sana’s neck, careful not to break the glasses. “Thank you. This is the best present anyone’s ever given me.”
Sana buries her nose in the crook of Y/n’s neck, pulling her in even closer with her arms wrapped around Y/n’s waist securely, whispering against her skin. “Anything for you.”
Sana’s words make her heart feel too big for her chest. No one has ever done anything like this for Y/n. No one has ever sacrificed so much time and effort for her.
Y/n burrows herself deeper into Sana’s warm embrace, wishing she could give Sana back half as much as Sana is constantly giving her. “Sana… Sana I—”
Maybe it’s good that Sana’s phone starts ringing right there. Y/n doesn’t know what was going to leave her mouth if it didn’t interrupt them.
“Your phone.” Y/n mumbles when Sana doesn’t move to answer it. They both seem reluctant to let go of each other and Sana actually pulls her closer instead, groaning into her neck.
“I don’t really care.”
Y/n smiles and gently pushes her away. “It might be important.”
Sana sighs and reaches into her pocket. Her face does something weird when she sees the caller ID and Y/n immediately has a bad feeling about this.
“Hello?” Sana speaks into her phone, averting her eyes from Y/n’s face. “I’m out with… a friend.”
Y/n’s heart sinks a bit.
A friend.
They’re not friends.
They’re so much more than that.
She looks at the glasses in her hand, gently brushing her thumb over the smooth surface. She blanks out Sana’s voice. Somehow she just knows she won’t like what she would be hearing if she did listen.
The cautious look on Sana’s face when she hangs up a minute later proves as much. “That was Roseanne.” She says. The name doesn’t ring any bells. “The friend I told you about? Who’s staying with my parents?”
That Roseanne. Sana’s childhood friend. Sana’s first kiss. Sana’s many other firsts.
“Oh.” Y/n gives her a nervous smile. “What did she say?”
“She’s coming to visit me.” Sana watches Y/n’s expression carefully.
“Oh.” Y/n needs to stop saying oh. “That’s nice.”
Sana puts her phone away, nodding her head. “Yeah. You’ll probably like her. She’s a huge book nerd.” Sana smiles and Y/n can’t help but feel scared.
Roseanne might just be a better version of Y/n.
“I’m, uh, excited to meet her.” Y/n’s voice cracks and she closes her eyes, hating herself for not being able to hide her emotions. Her hands are shaking, too, and she has no idea why she’s suddenly acting like this.
Sana moves closer to her on the blanket, and she quietly takes Y/n’s glasses off, folding them before she places them on her backpack. She takes the new glasses from Y/n’s hands and carefully puts them on Y/n’s face, Y/n closing her eyes while Sana secures them on her nose. “Does it hurt anywhere?”
Y/n looks up at her. “No.”
“You look really good.” Sana smiles, almost a little proudly. “So damn cute.”
Y/n wants to scold her for treating her like a freaking baby or something, but she suddenly feels so tired. She just smiles and averts her eyes.
Sana sighs and pulls Y/n into another hug.
This one feels a little desperate.
Y/n clings to Sana’s back, her face pressed into Sana’s neck, taking in her comforting scent, a mixture of jasmine and deodorant and a little sweat from the warm weather.
She doesn’t know why it feels like she will lose Sana once she pulls away, so she holds as tightly as she can.
-
Park Roseanne is everything Y/n expected her to be and more.
When Sana introduces her the night before Y/n’s birthday, Y/n doesn’t know if she’s in awe of Sana’s childhood friend or if she wants to run away and hide herself from the eyes of the world.
She is that kind of person that could wear a stained, baggy shirt together with worn out sweatpants and still look like she’s ready to walk down a runway.
There’s a certain aura surrounding her that just gives away that she’s a foreigner, that she’s spent half of her life in a foreign country, made memories many people could only dream of, and that she can introduce herself in at least five languages.
“Roseanne, this is Y/n.” Sana says, giving Y/n a cute smile. One of her hands is resting on Roseanne’s shoulders while her other reaches for Y/n’s hand.
Sana stops herself and pulls her hand back to her side before she can touch Y/n and Y/n doesn’t understand; they’ve started holding hands in front of their friends a while ago.
Does Sana feel uncomfortable doing it in front of Roseanne?
Y/n can’t figure it out, but she really, really wanted Sana to hold her hand.
“Y/n? Are you a new one?” Roseanne asks, her smile bright as she shakes Y/n’s hand. Her grip is strong, on the brink of being a bit uncomfortable but her hands are soft and warm. She also has this eye smile everyone usually dies for and her voice is pleasant and low. “Sana’s never mentioned you before.”
Oh.
That’s why Sana didn’t want to hold her hand.
Sana’s face falls, and when Y/n meets her eyes there’s a hint of desperation swimming in them, as if Sana’s saying Y/n, it’s not like that.
“You could say that.” Y/n forces herself to smile. This isn’t Sana’s fault. She has absolutely no right to blame Sana. It was Y/n who didn’t want to label their relationship, so it’s only natural for Sana not to mention her to anyone apart from their friends who already know that they are involved in one way or another.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel like a punch to the gut.
“Nice glasses.” Roseanne points at them in Y/n’s face, giving her a sincere smile. “Love the colour!”
Y/n is wearing the glasses Sana made for her, and she nervously glances at her and finds that Sana is suddenly avoiding her gaze, her lips pressed together tightly. “Thank you.” Y/n answers.
-
Their friends love Roseanne.
While Y/n doesn’t really have a conversation with her and rather watches her get along with her friends, she can see that she has a great sense of humour and seems to be an easy-going, laid back girl. She’s charming and sophisticated, a confident smile grazing her features the whole night.
Y/n thinks Roseanne is that type of girl that can juggle and lick her elbow, someone who could easily survive on a deserted island and she’s probably great with kids, too. The type of girl moms would swoon over; the perfect daughter in law.
The reason as to why Y/n is so painfully aware of the girl’s every word and move is because Roseanne is sticking to Sana like glue the whole evening.
She never leaves Sana’s side, which means Y/n and Sana don’t really talk much either. Sana keeps looking at her, and she keeps sending her those adorable kicked-puppy looks and while Y/n feels the same way, she just feels so damn small.
They look good together. They’re both beautiful, both popular, they look so comfortable together, too.
Only a fool would choose Y/n over someone like Roseanne.
Throughout the night, Roseanne expresses an overly attached behaviour towards Sana. It’s obvious in the way she smiles at her, how attentively she listens to everything Sana has to say, her arm resting around Sana’s shoulders, her leaning in close to whisper something into Sana’s ear that will make Sana laugh, her hand on Sana’s thigh almost possessively, like she wants everyone to know that Sana belongs to her.
Momo picks up on it too, and she sends Y/n a long, unreadable look before she stalks out of the room with an annoyed expression on her face.
The worst part about it all is the way Roseanne looks at Sana; she looks at Sana with so much longing and admiration and devotion in her eyes it makes Y/n feel a little sick to the stomach.
Roseanne is completely in love with Sana.
----