Y/n turns the lights on once they step into the apartment, and while this isn’t the first time she’s alone in here with Sana, it’s the first time she’s so aware of Sana’s eyes on the back of her head as the younger follows her.
“Where’s Chaeyoung?” Sana asks, standing rather awkwardly in the open space between Y/n’s kitchen and living room.
“She’s staying over at her friend’s place.” Y/n says, turning around to face her properly. “They’re working on their final project for school.”
Sana nods her head, giving a small hum.
They look at each other for a few tense seconds, the ticking from the clock on Y/n’s kitchen wall suddenly sounding louder than ever.
A smile tugs on Sana’s lips, and just like that, all the tension is gone, and Y/n finds herself smiling back at her.
“Please stop looking at me like I’m going to rip your clothes off.” Sana sighs a moment later.
Y/n leans back against the kitchen counter and clears her throat. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to.”
“I wouldn’t do anything you’re not ready for.” Sana says, her voice gentle and her tone serious and something is just different about her tonight, not that Y/n could exactly pinpoint what it is.
She’s always been careful, always made sure that Y/n felt comfortable with everything they did, but Y/n is just more aware of every admiring look Sana gives her, and how genuine her words sound.
Y/n has rarely ever felt so cared for in her life.
She really hasn’t. No one’s ever treated her the way Sana has.
“I know.” She finally says, moving away from the counter and towards Sana instead. She takes Sana’s hand and pulls her closer. “I know you wouldn’t.”
Sana nods, staring into her eyes. “Good.”
Y/n squeezes her hand. “Are you hungry?”
“I can always eat, if that’s what you’re asking.” Sana purses her lips, smiling when Y/n laughs.
“I’m just asking if you want anything before we go to sleep.”
“Nah, I’m fine.”
Y/n nods and pulls Sana towards the bedroom.
“Y/n, are your hands always this cold?” Sana asks quietly, holding Y/n’s hand a bit tighter in her own.
“Yeah.” Y/n looks down at her pale fingers. “My feet too.”
“But is it uncomfortable for you?”
Y/n shakes her head as she turns on the lights of the bedroom. “My hands sometimes kind of hurt but it’s medically okay, so. I don’t really care.”
“I’ll keep them warm. I’m always warm.”
She really is.
Y/n snorts and let go of Sana’s hand. “You’re really cheesy tonight.”
“Not just tonight.” Sana says, watching Y/n move around the room. “I usually just control myself around you so you won’t freak out.”
“Why not tonight?”
“Because… you’re making me lose control.”
Y/n turns around and gives Sana a blank look before shaking her head. Sana laughs and apologizes but Y/n shrugs her off when she tries to hug her.
It’s pretty late by now and Y/n feels the exhaustion from the day settle in her bones, her eyes starting to shut on their own.
Y/n rummages through her closet for a while until she finds a shirt that might fit Sana and doesn’t even bother looking for pants, since the shirt is already gonna reach upto her mid-thighs. She finds one spare 99 cent toothbrush in a pack of ten in the cabinet under her sink and has no idea who bought and placed them there or what happened to the other nine of them.
It must’ve been Lisa, since she used to stay over here a lot more before she met Jisoo.
They brush their teeth in front of the bathroom mirror and when Y/n looks at Sana through the mirror; Sana tries to give her a smile which results in toothpaste dribbling down her chin.
Y/n laughs and ends up spitting some of her own toothpaste on the mirror.
They create a bit of a mess but Sana looks so happy and Y/n feels happy so she doesn’t really care.
It’s so silent in the apartment and it feels strangely dreamy, Sana yawning behind her and making sleepy sounds when Y/n opens the window to let some fresh air in. She shuts the blinds in case it starts to rain and stops with her arms in the air when Sana steps up behind her, leaning her head against Y/n’s neck.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sleepy.” Sana whispers against her skin. She brings her arms up to give Y/n a lazy hug. “Put me to sleep.”
“You’re not a baby, Sana.” Y/n smiles and finishes rolling down the blinds. She doesn’t move once she’s done, if only to stay in Sana’s warm embrace for a moment longer.
“Maybe I want to be your baby.”
“You do?” Y/n turns around, laughing when she’s met with Sana’s lazy smile.
“Mhm. Hey there, beautiful.”
“What’s up with you?” Y/n snorts. She reaches out to fix Sana’s hair, her eyes taking in the girl’s features when she closes her eyes and lets Y/n card her fingers through her hair.
“I’m tired.” Sana yawns. “And I’m being needy. Ignore me.”
Y/n smiles and leans up to press a fleeting kiss against Sana’s cheek. She knows she’s not the most affectionate person in the world while Sana is the exact opposite. It must be frustrating for Sana but Y/n tries to be better for her.
It works because Sana blushes and lights up. “You’re cute.”
Y/n snickers and reaches out to turn Sana around and guide her to the bed before Sana can come up with more cheesy lines that will probably make Y/n blush.
They slip into the bed, and Y/n proceeds to lie on her back rigidly, only now actually realizing that Sana is lying beside her. In her apartment.
In a bed.
This is where they should… this is where Y/n has to kiss her and try to turn her on so that Sana can get rid of her sexual frustration, right?
“Stop thinking.” Sana mumbles – like she can hear Y/n’s thoughts – and she rolls over, throwing an arm around Y/n and pulling her into her chest.
She’s spooning Y/n.
Y/n is frozen in Sana’s embrace for three whole seconds before she wills herself to stop acting like an idiot and melts into Sana’s warmth. Sana’s palm is pressed against the space between her stomach and her chest, and Y/n feels the warmth of her skin seep through her shirt.
“Is this okay?” Sana asks, her lips brushing against the back of Y/n’s neck. Y/n shudders, almost shying away from her because it sends tingles all over her back. It tickles but at the same time it’s too much.
It’s her sensitive spot, but no one really knows that.
“I think I should be the big spoon.” Y/n mumbles, smiling when she feels a laugh rumble in Sana’s chest.
“But I like this.” Sana whispers.
“I’m older.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“I’m more manly.”
Sana cackles at that and only stops when Y/n stabs her elbow into her ribs. “Just messing with you.”
Y/n feels so, so sleepy. Sana’s soothing voice and the distant feeling of her gentle heartbeat against Y/n’s back are nearly lulling her into sleep right away.
They stay silent for a minute or longer, and while Y/n blinks her eyes against the darkness she wonders why Sana isn’t even trying anything with her. This would be the perfect opportunity to do it, so why isn’t she?
Does she not want to?
Or is she waiting for Y/n to give her her okay? Y/n doesn’t think she’d ever be okay with that level of intimacy, but she knows it would make Sana happy, and that’s kind of all that matters to her at this point.
If Sana was telling the truth, she hasn’t slept with anyone ever since this thing between her and Y/n started and while Y/n can’t relate, she knows that a lot of people would go insane if they went that long without having sex.
Y/n feels like she owes her. Because Sana likes her and because Sana still hasn’t abandoned her and because Sana has treated her better than anyone ever has—
“Sana?”
Sana takes a second to respond, like she was on the brink of falling asleep, her voice already a little rough and muffled. “What?”
“What would you do if I told you I was asexual?”
Y/n holds her breath and squeezes her eyes shut when she feels Sana freeze behind her.
“W-What?”
“Do you know what that means?”
“Huh?” Sana sounds so lost. “Uhm, y-yeah. Of course. I know someone who is, uh, that.”
“Asexual.”
“Yeah… Asexual.” Sana clears her throat. “Uhm. Are you?”
Y/n nibbles on her lower lip for a long time before she speaks again. Might as well get all her thoughts out now that she brought the subject up. “I’ve never had sex before. I was never— I was never attracted to anyone like that. So I don’t really know what that makes me.”
Sana is silent for a few seconds, and Y/n feels on edge as she waits for her to speak. This can’t be easy to take in. Y/n is in her twenties and she’s never slept with anyone before. That’s not exactly a major turn-on nor can it be considered normal. And there is the fact that Sana is a young girl with a natural sex drive. Y/n telling her right now that it might never happen between them is bound to scare her off, right?
“It doesn’t have to make you anything. Screw labels.” That’s all Sana says, as if the part about Y/n still being a virgin doesn’t matter to her at all.
“But… what would you do? If we—” Y/n feels her face get a little warm. “If we tried something, and I wouldn’t like it.”
Sana takes her sweet time before she answers and Y/n feels her anxiety skyrocket again. She shouldn’t have brought it up. Sana may be sweet and understanding but this isn’t about that. This is something huge, and Y/n just dropped it on her out of nowhere.
“I would go and buy some toys.” Sana slowly says. “Cause I’d be masturbating off a lot more from now on.”
It takes Y/n a moment to understand what Sana means, and once she does, she sags against Sana’s chest, feeling relieved and overwhelmed but also… disappointed. And scared. Y/n doesn’t know why, but she almost wanted Sana to say that she wouldn’t be okay with it.
Any valid reason to… push Sana away.
“We could never have sex.” Y/n tries.
“I would probably masturbate to your voice.” Sana makes a weird noise. “If you’d be fine with that.”
“Sana.”
“What do you want me to say?” Sana forces her to turn around, wearing a tired expression on her face. “Of course I want to have sex with you. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve thought about it a lot. But if you— Y/n, if you were asexual, that would be okay. It’s not like that’s what defines you, and it’s definitely not the reason I like you so damn much.”
Y/n stares at her, feeling at a loss for words. It doesn’t make sense. Sana liking Y/n just for who she is doesn’t make any sense. Sana accepting the fact that Y/n might never have sex with her and still choosing to be this nice to her doesn’t make sense. “Why are you so nice to me?”
“Because I like you.”
“What’s there to like?”
Y/n wants to take her question back as soon as it’s out. She shouldn’t have.
Sana’s face falls and Y/n wants to turn it into a joke because she can’t handle the serious atmosphere. Sana looks crestfallen as she pulls Y/n closer, pressing a hesitant kiss against Y/n’s forehead. “Everything?”
Y/n has such a hard time believing in that. It doesn’t seem logical or right but she bites down on her tongue and tries to convince herself that Sana is telling the truth. That maybe Sana really does have that perception of Y/n when most people clearly don’t.
“You’re kind of amazing, Sana.” Y/n says, feeling a lot better when Sana wraps her arms around her more securely.
“It hurts.” Sana whispers against her temple. “That you think so lowly of yourself.”
Y/n frowns to herself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I won’t say that again.”
Sana tightens her arms around her. “Y/n…”
Y/n doesn’t like the waver in Sana’s voice, and she knows she caused it, so she wraps her arms around Sana and nuzzles into her neck. “Stop. I’m okay.”
“Are you really?”
“I promise.”
Sana sighs, her lips brushing against Y/n’s forehead. “Sweet dreams, Y/n.”
“Sweet dreams, Sana.”
-
Y/n has a strange feeling of déjà vu when she wakes up the next morning.
Her head is resting on Sana’s outstretched arm which is partially curled around Y/n’s neck and shoulders, the same position they were in back at Lisa’s place after they went to see that horror movie at the cinema.
But that’s not the only familiar thing about the whole situation.
Something wet is pressing against Y/n’s thigh.
Sana’s center is pressing against her thigh.
Y/n tries to untangle herself without waking Sana up, not wanting to make things awkward, but she isn’t successful in doing so because Sana stirs the moment Y/n tries to move away from her. She sleepily blinks at Y/n, and if the situation was different, Y/n would think that Sana’s waking-up-face was the cutest thing in the whole world.
Sana looks disoriented for a moment, but it’s like she notices her situation just as quickly, because her ears turn red and she tries to move away not so subtly.
“This is so inconvenient after our conversation last night.” She says, her morning voice raspy.
But her words cut the tension, and Y/n laughs before climbing out of the bed. “Happens to the most of the women.” She’s about to walk out of the room to go take a shower when Sana suddenly stops her.
“Y/n, wait” She says, sitting up on the bed. Her hair is all over the place, and she still has one of her eyes squeezed shut, like half of her wants to be asleep.
Y/n has a hard time tearing her eyes away from her shirt hugging Sana’s torso for a moment. “What?”
“Do you jack off?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you jack off?” Sana repeats, slower this time. “Jerk off? Clean your rifle? Oil your pipe—”
“Stop it!” Y/n interrupts her, her face probably rivalling an overripe tomato. “I know what you mean.”
Sana gives her a sleepy smirk. “So, do you?”
“Yes. I do.” Y/n decides to answer honestly. It’s the least she can do, no matter how uncomfortable this subject makes her feel.
“Really?” Sana asks. “I thought asexuals don’t… Uh.”
“I think that might be a misconception.” Y/n chuckles nervously.
Sana looks embarrassed as she nods her head. “So… What do you think about when you do it?”
“Uhm. Nothing, really.”
“…Nothing?”
“Yeah.”
“But how do you get hard?”
“I just… do. I don’t have to think of someone to get hard.”
“That— doesn’t sound right.”
“Well, it works for me.”
“Do you watch porn?”
“No.”
“Have you ever watched porn?”
“Lisa made me watch some once.”
“Huh? You watched porn with Lisa?!”
Y/n sighs. “I have to go shower.”
“Are you gonna jack off in there?”
Y/n looks down at Sana’s lap, having enough of her questions and decides to give her some of her own medicine for once. “Are you gonna masturbate?”
Sana’s ears turn even more pink, if that’s even possible at this point, and Y/n knows the smile on her face when she turns around is more than just a little smug.
----