The rest of the night passes easier than Y/n expected. If She looks past all the teasing, the subtle glances and smiles, Sana is a really nice person. She’s not as much of a dork as She pretends to be; yeah, She has a weakness for dogs and comics but She’s also really passionate about helping people who are less fortunate. Y/n asks what She wants to be doing ten years from now and Sana says She wants to be a teacher in a country where it's harder for children to get an education. She shows Y/n a kid on her phone, from Africa, a girl She’s been supporting since She started college and together with other people they managed to collect enough money for her to go to school.
She looks proud when She shows Y/n pictures of the little girl, almost like it’s her little sister and not a child on the other side of the world She’s never met before.
Y/n is surprised, all over again. Sana keeps doing that to her; She keeps getting in the way when Y/n tries to find a flaw in her.
"What kind of books do you want to write?" Sana asks between pouring Y/n some more bitter alcohol and stuffing her face with the leftovers on the table.
"I’m not sure." Y/n takes the glass from Sana’s hand, their fingers brushing. "I think I want to start with books for… younger people? I mean, I don’t know. Young adult books, or something."
Sana hums. "Any particular reason for that?"
"They’re easier to please," Y/n says in a joking way, both of them smiling at her comment. "I think people are more open to certain things at that age. More influenceable and all. I’d like to make a good influence, you know. Get them to think about important stuff they might not learn at school or from their parents. Like… sexuality, or racial discrimination. We never talked about those things at school. I guess in certain countries those things are just— more common. More accepted. I remember a girl coming to school with a black eye after her dad found out she had slept with a girl. She was kind of looked down upon for having sex in general, but also for doing it with a female, and I don’t think anyone ever helped her figure things out. Or told her that it’s okay. Since we’re always thought that sex before marriage is wrong, and we’re not even allowed to think about looking at the same gender like that. She was really nice, but she had no friends after that. I talked to her once, and she said there was an American author that helped her a lot, that their stories made her feel more… normal, in a sense. I think I’d be really happy if I could do that too, you know, for kids in our culture."
It’s only when Y/n looks up from her lap and into Sana’s eyes, when She spots the genuine surprise and something in them, that She realizes how much She just said. She doesn’t even remember the last time She talked so much without anyone asking her to. Sana definitely didn’t ask for it, and Y/n just gave her an earful of her worldviews.
"Sorry. I didn’t mean to—"
"I like you," Sana blurts and Y/n nearly drops the glass in her hands.
Momo, who also picked up on Sana’s sudden statement, turns to give her friend a look that definitely says "Smooth."
Y/n gives Sana a confused look, or maybe She looks as freaked out as She feels because Sana’s cheeks turn red - like the chili paste on the table. "W-What? I mean I like the way you think. I agree… with all of that."
"Oh." Y/n feels relief washing through her, but that’s not all. There’s a hint of something different, a dull pinch in her chest, but She decidedly ignores it. "Cool. Thanks."
She hears Momo snort and mutter something under her breath as She turns away again to Jeongyeon and Seokmin. Y/n’s eyes are locked on Sana’s, who looks like She has something to say but She stays silent and gives Y/n a tight smile before She starts eating again.
Their legs are still pressed together; Sana’s presence warm and real and Y/n can’t describe how it makes her feel, so She drinks more beer instead.
-
"You’ve been eating for almost three hours." Y/n frowns at Sana when the latter starts emptying all the remaining side dishes. "Without breaks."
She’s not sure how late it is, probably somewhere around eleven, and everyone in the restaurant is positively drunk by now, especially the table with businessmen in the other corner who’ve gone from shouting along to songs to having deep, meaningful conversations with each other (one of them is weeping into her friends’ shoulders and Y/n feels like a horrible person for finding the sight amusing).
Lisa looks like an idiot. Like a puppy in love, hanging onto every word leaving Jisoo’s red lips but she’s not any better off, her fingers stroking her hair out of her face lovingly, her shy smiles and sweet pecks on her cheeks.
They’re in that annoying honey-moon phase, but Y/n surprisingly doesn’t find it all that annoying. Maybe it’s because Lisa’s her best friend, and whatever makes her happy makes Y/n happy as well.
Jeongyeon’s currently trying to console Seokmin — Y/n isn’t sure what’s going on, but She’s talking to her in hushed voices (and Jeongyeon keeps pouring him more alcohol, as if it’s going to make his problems go away, but Y/n’s sure She only means well).
And then there’s Momo, who somehow ended up in the middle of Jihyo’s friends, who find her really mature and cute or something, and they’re having "adult conversations". They’re only two years older though, so Y/n doesn’t really get it.
"If I don’t eat it, it’ll be thrown away and that’s a waste," Sana mumbles, reaching for the last bowl which contains cooked spinach. She takes a deep breath, pulls a pained face and starts eating that too.
Y/n snorts, raising her eyebrows at her. "You sure you’re okay?"
"Yeah," Sana says and sets the bowl down. Her face says otherwise; She looks like She’s about to faint. "Actually, no. I think I might die."
"I wonder why."
"Don’t lecture me right now. I created a food baby," She groans and presses her palm against her stomach. "I’m having actual contractions right now."
"Stop being dramatic—"
"Just take me to a hospital."
"Sana."
Said girl starts laughing but She still looks like She’s in actual pain. "No but seriously, I don’t feel good."
Y/n frowns at her. "Do you feel sick?"
"I don’t know."
"I swear to god." Y/n shakes her head and looks her up and down once. "Do you want to go outside?"
-
No one really cares what they’re doing anyways, so a minute later Sana and Y/n are outside of the barbecue place, sitting under the roof at the entrance on the cold pavement with their backs pressed against the even colder brick wall.
Random groups of young people hurry past them, too busy escaping the rain in their drunk states to pay them any mind.
It’s cold, but after being inside the restaurant for so long, surrounded by all the heat, fumes, scents and noises, it feels nice to be away from it.
Y/n wraps her arms around her upper body and glances at Sana. "You okay?"
"I just need a minute," Sana sighs and leans her head back against the wall, a hand on her stomach rubbing in circling motions. Her face is only illuminated by the lantern at the end of the alley and the sign of the barbecue place.
Y/n hopes it’s because of the lighting that Sana suddenly looks so tired.
She’s not as drunk as She thought She would be, given the amount of drinks She’s had in there, but it’s probably because She ate so much before and in between, so She only feels a faint buzz in her head.
It’s still enough to make her feel relaxed, the liquor having stripped her of her usual reserve.
They sit in silence for a while, listening to the pitter-patter of the raindrops next to the music from inside, the random bursts of laughter or shouts.
"It’s been raining for weeks," Y/n says to break the silence.
"I know. It sucks." Sana hums and closes her eyes. Y/n watches her for a second before tearing her eyes away to watch the empty streets in front of them instead.
"You don’t like rain?"
"Not really. I’m more of a summer person. Aren’t you?"
Y/n shrugs. "I don’t know. I like summer too, can’t really deal with the heat though. I like rain more."
"That doesn’t surprise me." Sana smiles, eyes still closed.
"Why?"
"You seem like a person who likes rain." She shrugs and blinks her eyes open. "You’re really calm. I can imagine you bundled up in blankets on your couch, enjoying the rain at home."
"I don’t do that." She’s lying; She absolutely does.
Sana turns her head. "You do."
"You don’t know me." Y/n huffs.
"I would like to."
Y/n refuses to look at Sana but her resolve only lasts a few pathetic seconds.
Their eyes lock and Y/n can’t really fight this feeling in her stomach that comes back in full force, so demanding and overwhelming that it makes her feel dizzy.
"Are you feeling better?" She asks, dodging whatever subject would’ve come up otherwise, and She wishes She would’ve missed the flash of disappointment in Sana’s eyes.
"I feel like I’m going into labor, so no," Sana grunts and awkwardly pats at her stomach.
"Do you want to go home?"
Sana shakes her head. "I want to stay here for a while. With you."
There’s no way Y/n can ignore Sana’s words without coming across like an asshole. She blinks at her, feeling the back of her neck burn. "When you… say things like that. I— uhm. I don’t really know how to react, to be honest."
"Yeah. It’s not your fault. I said I’d stop." Sana licks her lips, her eyes boring into Y/n's for a long moment. "Y/n, do you know when you have a crush on someone, how you can’t stop thinking about them?"
Y/n slowly shakes her head. "I’ve never had a crush on anyone."
She can’t even say if She’s lying at this point, because She’s looking at Sana and the only thing She knows is that her heart seems to be swelling in size, which is not possible in a scientific way but it sure as hell feels like it.
"You—" Sana tilts her head. "You’re kidding, right?"
"No."
"You’ve… never been in love?"
Y/n’s eyes widen at the question, and She feels anxious just from hearing those words.
Sana laughs at Y/n’s expression but it sounds a bit nervous. "I take that as a no."
"Have you?" Y/n asks, trying to ignore the awkward air around them.
"Been in love?"
"Yeah."
Sana hums. "I guess I have. Once."
"Who was he?" Y/n asks, and then She remembers Sana saying that she doesn’t care about gender and she corrects herself. "Or she?"
This makes Sana smile, gentle and warm and Y/n chokes down on a ridiculous sound wanting to escape her throat. "It was a boy. We went to high school together."
"Oh." Y/n nods her head and nibbles at her lip for a moment. "How long were you together?"
"A little over a year."
"Why… did you break up?" Y/n isn't sure if She's allowed to ask; Sana and her haven't known each other for that long and even if they did, She doesn't know if it was a messy breakup or if Sana might still be hung up on it. "You don't have to tell me—"
"No, it's fine. I'm over it." Sana says. "It was nothing dramatic, really. He had really conservative parents and he took the whole no sex before marriage thing really seriously. Not that I had a problem with that!" She quickly says when Y/n gives her a judging look. "But they wanted us to get married if we wanted to stay together because of that and hell, I was not ready for that at nineteen."
"That makes sense." It’s starting to rain harder and Y/n shuffles back, closer against the wall. "But he wasn’t the only person you’ve been with, right?"
"Nah, I've dated a lot of people. Too many." She snorts and Y/n wants to know who it was that’s caused that annoyed look in her eyes. She wants to know the people Sana was with and She doesn’t think that’s something She should be feeling.
Sana’s eyes focus back on Y/n’s face, and She just looks at Y/n for a long time until it starts making her feel nervous. "What?"
"I just…" Sana bites at her lower lip and shakes her head. "What happens if you do fall in love?"
"I doubt that’ll happen."
"You can’t know that."
"It’s complicated. I can’t just— It’s not that easy for me."
"But why not? Falling in love, it should be easy. It’s like— It happens whether you want it or not. You meet someone and it just kind of hits you." Sana’s eyes are too intense again. Y/n looks away.
"If I don’t want to fall in love, I just won't. I have control over that."
"Are you serious? No, you don’t. That’s not how love works—"
"So what, you’re telling me you could fall in love with a— with a pedophile or something?" Y/n feels weirdly on edge. She doesn’t want to be talking about this, especially not with Sana of all people.
"Y/n, that’s not what I mean and you know it." Sana sighs, her shoulders sagging. "The heart wants what it wants. That’s what I’m saying."
"My heart doesn’t really have a say in things."
Sana shakes her head. "What’s your plan? Are you going to spend your entire life alone?"
"No. I’m going to adopt cats." Y/n shrugs, and when She looks up Sana breaks out into a smile, which Y/n can’t help but return. The strange tension their… disagreement caused is thankfully gone.
Sana goes back to rubbing her stomach but She gives up after a moment, letting her hands fall into her lap with a sad sound. "I wish my mom was here. She gives the best tummy rubs."
Y/n feels a pang of something in her chest, the same thing she felt when Sana fed her earlier that night. "Does it still hurt?"
"Yup. Wanna help me out?"
"I’m not rubbing your tummy."
"Why not?" Sana pouts.
"Are you serious?"
"I’m in pain, and I think I’d feel a lot better if you’d rub my tummy."
"I’ll pass." Y/n snorts but Sana is still pouting and her neck looks a bit sweaty, like she’s actually in pain, but Y/n can’t just rub her damn tummy for god’s sake.
"Please?"
Y/n doesn’t even know why she agrees. She just reaches her hand out and places her palm on Sana’s stomach. It’s still flat, despite all the food Sana just forced down her throat, and it feels a lot tighter than Y/n’s stomach does. Well, of course it does, because Y/n doesn’t even know how to spell the word gym while Sana spends at least an hour there every day.
She feels the muscles ripple under her palm before Sana starts chuckling. Sana grabs her wrist and shakes her head, still looking very amused.
"Why are you laughing?" Y/n glares at her and tries to get her wrist out of Sana’s grasp but She doesn’t let go.
"I just wanted to see if you’d actually do it."
Y/n huffs and pulls her hand back, turning her head away to look at a couple running away from the rain.
"Aw, Y/n are you mad?"
"Shut up."
"I’m sorry. Don’t be mad." Sana grips her wrist again to get her attention.
"I’m not mad."
"Then why aren’t you looking at me?"
"Because you’re ugly."
Sana makes a pained noise. "You’re seriously trying to break my heart tonight, aren’t you?"
This manages to make Y/n look at her again, because it’s the second time that Sana asks her to stop hurting her; Y/n ignored it the first time, and She knows she should ignore it again but it’s hard, okay?
Sana makes it hard to stay rational.
Her fingers are still curled around Y/n’s wrist, and when Y/n meets her gaze Sana lowers it into her own lap. Her grip is secure, but it’s gentle and warm. It feels nice.
Those things, they… they just feel nice. They feel nice with Sana.
Sana stares at her for a few seconds, and it’s really not fair how beautiful she looks right now. "Y/n—"
"Here you are!" Lisa’s voice interrupts her. Sana lets go of Y/n’s wrist like she was burned and Y/n feels a lot colder all of a sudden.
"What are you two doing on the ground?"
"Sana was feeling gassy. She had to get rid of it."
Sana gives her an affronted look, like Y/n just betrayed her trust. "Y/n!"
"Too much info." Lisa frowns at her.
"Hey, I wasn’t feeling gassy whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean—"
"I don’t care about your indigestion. Might wanna see a doctor for that. We’re about to leave so get your asses in there."
Y/n gets up and dusts off her jeans, reaching a hand out for Sana who’s still glaring at her. She helps her to her feet and Sana’s glare turns into a smile when Y/n starts smirking at her.
They hold each other’s hands for a few seconds too long, and the way Sana looks at her is alarming.
And Y/n thinks she needs to abort mission right about now but it feels like it might be too late for that.
----