Note: Good morning, wanderers! You are now on the second book of the trilogy. What to expect here? Wala, enjoy reading lang hehehe. In my defense, hindi ko intensyon na saktan kayo or umiyak tayo (sali ako XD). It's just that, we can't change a person overnight, we can't erase the pain by a single factor only. Moving on is not that easy, that's why, we will witness it here: the rollercoaster ride. Kalma lang din po, huwag niyo 'ko awayin huhuhu hehehe hahaha hihihi hohoho.
See you on Wednesday! Muah!
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[ C H A P T E R 1 ]
LATISHA VALENTINE
Naiinis akong pumikit para pakalmahin ang aking sarili. My patience is wearing thin, and in any moment I could punch the person next to me. Subalit, kahit gustong-gusto kong suntukin ang pagmumukha ni Roshan, pinilit ko na lang bumigay sa gusto niya. Dumilat ako muli at dinapuan ito ng isang blankong tingin.
"You can't keep me here for that long," I firmly said as I looked at his serious face. Hindi nagbago ang tingin niya sa akin at nanatili pa rin ang pag-krus ng kanyang mga braso habang nakatayo malapit sa akin.
"Until you recover," he said.
"I am perfectly fine—"
"For once, listen to me will you?"
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Marami ang kailangan gawin sa buong mansyon, at mayroon pa tayong mga evacuees sa West Wing, tapos gusto mo lang akong humilata dito buong linggo?" Marahas akong napabuga ng hangin. "Erwan can't take care of the casualties all by himself!"
"Here we are again," he said, sounding disbelief. I saw how his shoulder loosen as if his fit was finally showing itself. "You always care about other people than yourself. You have eight different stitches and a fucking stomach wound!"
"I know, but——"
"There is no but, Latisha!" He cut me off. Alam ko sanay na ako sa sigaw niya, pero imbis na matakot at masaktan ako, gusto kong tumawa. I can't keep my seriousness intact seeing him getting pissed. Marahas siyang napabuntong hininga bago siya napaupo at hinawakan ang kanang kamay ko. "Let me handle everything, all you need is to recuperate. Nethys took Annika to her hometown and they'll be back in two months. Erwan can handle the renovation and you can suggest whatever you want, just don't strain yourself like you did earlier. Just this time, wife. Listen to me."
Natameme naman ako sa paliwanag niya. Umiwas ako ng tingin at napako ang aking mga mata sa nakagapos niyang kamay sa akin. His palms sent gallons of warmth on my skin that made me calm. His mere presence is both a cure and a poison to me. A cure for my longing, but a poison for my heart.
Limang araw na ang lumipas simula ng umatake si Ama sa mansyon. Limang araw ko na rin hindi nakikita si Annika at Nethys, at tanging sa mga ulat na pinapadala ni Nethys sa mga ibon ang tanging daan namin para makausap ang bata. The entire Duchy is close, and the forces are on high alert for another possible attack.
Dahil sa nangyari, alam kong ilang linggo mula ngayon ay makakarating sa Kapital ang ulat na ang mansyon ng Duke ay inatake. They will investigate this matter for sure, and we need to prepare for the worst possible outcome. Kasalukuyan rin na inaayos ang mansyon. Halos sira ang labas ng mansyon at ilang parte sa loob. Narito pa rin sa amin ang mga mamamayan ng Benura dahil inaayos pa din ang bayan nila.
Roshan already told me to rest but my skull is hard, delaying the instructions to reach my head. Nakita niya akong nagbubuhat ng mga kaing kanina para dalhin sa West Wing, at sa galit niya pati si Wince namutla na lamang. Kinarga niya lang naman ako paalis ng walang sinasabi pagkatapos niyang isigaw ang pangalan ko. Ngayon, nasa kanyang silid na naman ako.
The ceiling of my room fell off because of the huge stones they threw with the catapults. Surprisingly, the Duke's Chamber is intact. Sa loob ng limang araw, dito ako natulog. Napapamura na rin ako tuwing nararamdaman ko siyang tumatabi sa akin. My mind is not at ease. There are too many things to amend, to work on. Hindi ako sanay na walang ginagawa kaya halos pumutok na ang ugat niya sa ulo kakatimpi sa ugali ko. Kasalanan niya, gusto niya akong manatili, edi mananatili ako.
"Latisha," he called me.
Hindi na kasi ako nagsalita para imungkahi ang pagsalungat ko. Siya naman lagi ang nananalo sa katigasan ng aming ulo. I never win whenever I face him. Not because I intended to lose, but I melt like an ice under a fucking hot weather.
"Your grace, the doctor said it is better for me to move—"
"You can move, but not run or carry heavy things," he cut me off, again. "Look at you, if I don't force you to eat, you'll be a stick. You neglected your own body, Latisha. It is an abuse to not let the body heal."
"I heal faster if I move," I insisted.
He let out an exasperated sigh. "I know you grow up feeling strong even when you're in pain. But this time, can you let me handle it for you? I know you're mourning but don't deprive me to take care of you."
He let me wander on his magnetic amber orbs. That abyssal terrain in his eyes is swallowing me, making me fell deep into the secrets it's keeping. Napaiwas na naman ako ng tingin ng maramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng kabog ng aking puso. Iniwas ko ang aking mga kamay sa pagkakahawak niya at tinago ito sa ilalim ng kumot.
"Hindi magbabago ang isip ko," sagot ko habang pinagmamasdan ang tanawin sa labas ng nakabukas na bintana. "I am still willing to divorce you. Once I'm healed, I'll go to the City Hall and request another papers."
Nanatili ang pag-iwas ko ng tingin dahil hindi ko gustong malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman niya. He knows why I want this divorce but he kept opposing it. Sinasampal ko na sa kanya ang gusto ko pero hanggang ngayon, malabo pa rin ang rason niya. Ayaw kong maniwala sa lahat ng naririnig kong mga matatamis na salita mula sa kanya. His sudden outburst is something I cannot believe and he needs to realize that.
"Wife," he whispered. His voice wasn't broken, but he sounded like he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Can you give me a chance?"
I took a deep breath to form my confidence before I looked at him. Nagtama agad ang aming mga tingin at pinipilit kong tatagan ang titig ko. "You know that I don't love you, anymore. My love was buried years before and it is long gone."
Instead of an answer. I almost let out a curse when he pulled me out of bed and carried me towards a huge mirror. Pinaharap niya ako sa salamin habang nakatayo siya sa likod ko. We both looked at each other's reflection and my face showed the confusion I was feeling.
"You love me," he said to me using our reflection. "I can see that every day. Your eyes never lie, they reflect what you feel, and they burn with my touch."
Napasinghap ako ng bigla niyang pinulupot ang kanyang mga bisig sa akin. His palms trailed the silk I'm wearing and even if it was just my clothes he was touching, I could feel the warmth on his touch. My breathing quickly sharpened when his lips made contact with my skin. He kissed my neck, making my head tilted to the left.
"One of the things I knew about you is the fact that your actions never lie," he whispered. My mouth gape when his right palm touched my mound. "Your body reacts with my touches, your lips sings my name, and your eyes show more emotions you never tell. Now, tell me, wife. When did your love for me burn off?"
Hindi himawalay ang aming mga tingin simula ng tinayo niya ako sa harap ng salamin. We both can see what my eyes reflects on the mirror, and how my body reacts with his teasing. I looked like a fucking slut who can't control my own body, giving in to his pleasure.
"Don't bring that topic, again," he uttered.
"The Empire will misinterpret this, Roshan. You are keeping a daughter of a rebel. Kahit pagbaliktarin mo man ang mundo, nagmula ako sa angkan na siyang sisira sa buong Imperyo."
I felt relief when he stopped massaging my mound and stood straight behind me. A serious expresssion flashed on his handsome face. "It is their mistake to appoint a beautiful rebel to be the Duchess. They cannot scrutinize you for it will reflect them. I know, they will exercise any means to bring me down by this weakness. But, you must understand, Latisha. I also allowed you to be my own weakness."
Napamaang ako muli. His words felt like promises that will soon be broken. I don't know if I will listen to him or ignore it. I can't stay neither on both ends for I know it will never do anything good. Staying here will only put everyone at risk, and if I leave, what would Roshan do?
"I won't allow anyone to take you away from me," he said as he tightened his embrace. His breathing on my neck as his lips were close to my ear. "I will kill anyone who dares take you, even if I know that person."
Marahas na kinalas ko ang pagkakayakap niya at sinamaan siya ng tingin sa personal at hindi sa salamin. Mas bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko dahil sa sama ng loob, galit, at sakit. "Can you stop owning me like how you did with her?!"
His eyebrows crossed. "What are you talking about?"
"You brought her here and opposed what the Emperor said! You kept her here even when her life was in danger! You turned your head towards the entire Empire and made the Duchy become a separated territory just for her, so that she'll be roaming freely in this land," I exclaimed with all my might. "You are doing that again, your grace. You are willing to oppose an entire Empire for me, just because you want me to stay!"
"Wife, I——"
"You want me to become like her, don't you? You want me to replace her and become Annika's mother. You want me to stay so that you can use me for your own good! I never gain anything from this, your grace. It is always you!" I cut him off.
Malalaki ang aking mga hakbang na umalis ako subalit hindi pa man ako nakakaabot sa pinto ay napatigil na naman ako. His huge built embrace my small body and hoisted me from the ground. Binaba niya ako sa kama bago siya pumaibabaw sa akin. I struggled to get free but his arms were strong as it gripped my wrist and raised them to the headboard. Nagsukatan lamang kami ng tingin ng tumigil ako kakapiglas sa pagkakahawak niya.
"You are not her," he said, halting me from thinking about hitting his bulge so I could escape. Roshan's eyes were filled with mixing emotions that I can never entangle. "You never were, wife. How can I make you believe that?"
His voice was melancholy. I could smell his addicting mint, luring me to taste them myself. Nanatili akong nakatingin sa kanyang mga mata na alam kong nagsusumamo sa pag-iintindi ko. Subalit, hindi ko magawang sabihin ang gusto kong sabihin. I am never confident about him. I think he is just bluffing and this is an act to infiltrate my clan and kill then all, including me. That is what I am thinking about his actions.
"Divorce me, and I will believe you," I said.
He forced his eyes to shut and I saw how his lips trembled. When he opened his eyes, there was one emotion that hit me; fear. "I can do anything, wife. But not that one, please."
I can see his pain, his fear, and his pleading. But, I can't risk myself to drown again in the same person that killed me in my past life. I cannot draw a bet if my heart will be compromised.
He leaned a little closer until our forehead touched. Naipikit ko ang aking mga mata ng dampian niya ng halik ang aking mga labi. Isang hindi ko maintindihan na halik dahilan para mangunoot ang aking noo. Binitawan niya ang aking mga kamay at umalis sa ibabaw ko. Bumangon ako para tignan ang kanyang bulto na nakatalikod sa akin.
"If I am not her, then what am I to you except from being the Duchess and your wife?" I said, wishing for him to turn around and look me into the eye. "What merit will I gain from you in exchange for not asking about divorce? You never showed me how you burned for me, Roshan. How would I believe that?"
Binaba ko ang aking mga paa para sana umalis ng kama, subalit na-estatwa ako sa bilis ng galaw niya. My wound already closed but it still gives me discomfort, and when he rushed to embrace me while kneeling made me mentally winced in pain.
His head was buried on my chest. Sa liit ko ay para lamang niya akong unan. Hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa gulat at sa naririnig ko. With my trembling hands, I reached for his disheveled hair and gently combed it.
"Don't leave me," he whispered. "Just, don't leave me. Do whatever you want, I won't pry. If you want to go out, then go but promise me you'll be back."
"R-Roshan," I stuttered.
"I can't bear it, wife. I can't," he mumbled. "I don't want to be alone again. You and my daughter are the only family I can rely on. I can't lose you both, I can't bear to let you go. So, don't...don't ask me about leaving, about divorcing me, Latisha. You are important to me, Annika is important to me, and I can bear to be disowned rather than to lose you both."
A broken soul wimped in the room like a child who lost its parents. I am seeing a broken Roshan, who lost every important person in his life. He suffered too much to bear the same effect again.
It pains me to see him wrecked, to see his fragile side. The Duke is always known to be blank and serious. His emotionless and dead eyes are domineering and dangerous. He is feared for his combat skills and intelligence. But, seeing this side of his is not meant to remain hidden.
I lowered my head and kissed his hair before I return the embrace. Kahit masakit ang sugat ko, ininda ko 'yon ng ilang minuto bago ko maramdaman ang paggalaw niya. He lifted his head to look at me and I didn't waste another second and sealed our lips. He flinched a little as a response on my action but he eventually answered me.
"Prove it on how you burned for me," I said as I break our kiss and we both gasped for air. Hindi rin nagtagal 'yon dahil agad na bumalik ang kanyang mga labi sa akin. Nagramdaman ko na lamang ang pag-angat ko sa kama at ang dahan-dahan niyang paghiga sa akin.
I let out a groan when he pulled away. Hindi siya tuluyang umalis sa ibabaw ko, at inipit lamang ako sa kanyang malaking bisig.
"I am sorry," he said. "I can't prove that now, let's wait when you're fully healed and I will prove it to you inside and out."
*~*~*~*
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