Derek Shepherd.
it's the end of the day. It wasn't a very busy day, it was mostly boring.
Meredith and I still haven't talked since I got here. I want to but I know it'll only piss her off.
I can imagine shes already moved on and probably had a boyfriend by now. With her looks she hasn't been single long.
I know I dont have any rights into her life but I do have a right to father my own children.
I dont want to have to take Meredith to court and I also dont think she would make me go that far.
Theyre only two so I cant imagine they really ask many questions about their father yet.
I get dressed into my day clothes and grab my things before leaving the attendings lounge.
as I'm leaving the hospital I see Meredith with a guy walking with the twins. my twins.
"Daddy, you carry me?" the little girl says. my little girl.
"sure, sweetie," he says before lifting her into his arms and carrying her to the car.
Meredith stays back with the boy. my son, while the other guy goes with my daughter.
I walk over to her and she looks at me she rolls her eyes.
"What do you want Derek?" she asks.
"I want to talk to you tomorrow alone," I say handing her a card with my number.
"About what?" she asks.
I look down at the boy. he looks at me as he holds Meredith's hand.
"You'll see tomorrow," I say before walking away.
The next day.
Meredith.
Im currently sitting at a table having lunch with Derek.
Hes already told me he wants to see the kids and that he has every right to see them as much as I do.
I dont believe that because he doesn't considering he decided to leave instead of stay.
He saw me with Nathan the other day and now im pretty sure hes just jealous that my kids have a father thats not him.
" what am I supposed to tell them? They already have a father and they dont know that hes not biologically theirs," I say.
"Hes your boyfriend, figure it out," he says.
"Fiancée, hes my fiancée not boyfriend," I say.
He puts his cup down and looks at me.
"What?" He asks.
"We're getting married in four months," I say.
"Like hell you are," he says.
"Excuse me?" I say in shock.
"Nothing, nothing. Congratulations," he scoffs.
"What are you so pissy about. I gave you a chance to get a divorce and you didnt want to and now youre mad that im moving on after two years?" I say.
"No, never mind. Im sorry," he says.
"You have your entire life to be sorry," I say.
"What do you want me to do? I cant do back in time and change everything I did," he says.
"Im not asking you to," I say.
"Then what are you asking me to do?" He says.
"Im asking you to shut the hell up for five minutes," I say.
"Fine. Are you going to do it or not?"
"Do what?"
"Let me see my kids," he says.
"I have to talk to Nathan first," I say.
"No you dont. Their my kids, not his. You dont have to ask him for shit," he says.
"He was there when you weren't. Its his name on the birth certificate, not yours," I say.
"so what they have his last name too then? you gave them the last name Riggs instead of Shepherd?" he says.
"how do you know Nathan's last name?" I ask.
"he works at the hospital, I met him yesterday. you act a lot stupider than you are," he says.
"Are you trying to piss me off, do you want to see your kids or not? because Nathan will say no so if you want a yes don't ruin it with me," I say.
"I think it's a little too late not to ruin things, don't you think?" he says. I stare into his eyes for a couple seconds before looking down. his eyes are colder than they were two years ago.
"I'm not asking you for a second chance, I just want a chance with my kids while their still young, before their too old to remember a time when I wasn't there," he says.
"Fine, you can see them on the weekends, but Nathan will always be their real father to them, he sees them every day, he tucks them in every night, he makes them breakfast, he's the one they call daddy. if they fall and get hurt they won't run to you, they'll run to Nathan. they'll always chose Nathan over you," I say.
"shut up," he says after a few seconds.
"make me," I roll my eyes.
"You really want me to do that?" he says.
"Mm-hm," I say.
"I thought you had a fiancee you loved so dearly," he says.
"shut up and pay the damn bill," I say trying to get rid of the wet feeling between my legs.
he smirks a bit before he takes out his wallet and pays for the both of us.
"you want me to take you home or what?" he says standing up.
"well you are the one who insisted on picking me up instead of letting me drive here myself," I say.
"you're a horrible driver," he says as he waits for me to grab my things.
"I'm better than you," I say.
"You almost drove into a ditch the last time I was in a car with you," he says as he walks me to his car.
"I didn't see it there," I giggle remembering the time.
"I told you it was there multiple times but you kept ignoring me," he says opening the passenger door for me.
"it was too dark," I say, getting in.
"or you just need driving glasses," he says before closing the car door.
he goes around and gets into the drivers seat and drives me to my apartment.
"where is Nathan and the kids?" he asks.
"Nathan's at the hospital and the twins are at daycare," I say as he drives.
"what are their names?" he asks.
"the girl is Mallory, and the boy is Miles," I say. he looks at me.
"I thought you said I wasn't aloud to name my son," he says, smiling a bit.
"I changed my mind, I figured if you they weren't going to get to meet you the least he could have was a name you picked out, he is still your son after all, I say.
"Yes, he is," he says. we drive the rest of the way in silence before he arrive at the apartment.
"Do you want to see their rooms?" I ask taking off my seatbelt.
"Yeah, sure," he says.
I unlock the front door and we walk in. I place the keys on the counter and take my coat and shoes off before putting those away as well.
"You moved," he says.
"I did. the house was nice but I needed my own space with the kids and I didn't want to make Izzie and George have to deal with the crying all night," I say.
"You probably shouldn't trust George anyways, he was always a little off," he says looking around the place.
"And that," I say.
I take him to one of the rooms and open it. it's Mallory's room.
"this is Mallory's room," I say.
"They don't share a room?" he asks.
"sort of, they both have their own rooms but sometimes they chose to sleep together if they get scared at night," I say. he nods and takes in the room of his daughter that he didn't get to watch grow up. the daughter he abandoned.
I then take him to Miles' room. it's very different from Mallory's.
"what are they like? are they annoying?" he asks.
"sometimes," I giggle.
"but most of the time no. Mallory reminds me a lot of myself, she always happy, she sweet, she's caring, she's the baby of the family. and Miles is... he's a lot like you, when I look at him I always see you, he's very protective especially over Mallory, he cares a lot, has a bit of anger issues sometimes but other than that he's a good kid, he's a good person," I say. he nods.
"where's your room?" he asks.
"it's down the hall. you want to see where I sleep?" I ask.
"Yes, I think someone's bedroom says a lot about them," he says.
I take him to my room. I open the bedroom door and walk in.
"it's very girly to expect a man sleeps in here as well," he says.
"Nathan doesn't really care how it looks, a good mattress is all he really cares about,"
"he's seems like a decent man. I think we would be good friends if he wasn't the fiancee of the woman I'm in love with," he says.
"Derek," I say.
"You already know I'm still in love with you," he says turning to face me.
"and I also know that somewhere in you that you've pushed far down you still love me too," he says walking over to me.
"I'll always love you, even if I don't want to," I say quietly.
he's now standing in front of me. he places his hands on my waist.
"Derek, im getting married in four months," I tell him, whispering more to myself than him.
"One time wont make a difference right?" He says.
"No, one kiss cant hurt," I say. He leans in and his lips brush against mine before they go for a deeper kiss.
the kiss gets heated up pretty quickly. his hands move from my waist to my breasts.
he pulls back a bit. he places his hands at the ends of my shirt and lifts it over my head, tossing it to the side.
my hands go to the buckle of his belt as he removes his own shirt. I unbutton his pants and they drop to the floor.
he places both his hand under my knees. I jump and he presses me to the floor. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.
he brings me over to the bed and lays me down. he hovers over me, our lips never separating.
he runs his hands behind my back and unclasp my bra, tossing it to the side.
he removes my panties and I remove his boxers. he kisses my cheek down to my neck.
I feel his hard cock at my entrance.
"Are you sure about this?" he asks.
"Yes, just do it please," I whisper.
he slowly thrusts into me. I moan arching my neck. he kisses my neck once more before he kisses my lips.
he starts slowly thrusting in and out. I feel him grow inside of me.
"Oh, fuck," I moan against his lips.
he continues thrusting. his hand runs down my body. he brings his hand to my center and starts gently rubbing my clitoris.
"Oh- keep going that please," I moan.
he starts thrusting faster and I feel my orgasm start to grow.
He keeps thrusting. He kisses down my chest. He takes one of my breasts into his mouth.
He flicks my nipple back and forth while cupping the other in his hand.
He gently squeezes my breasts. He lets go of one of my breasts and takes the other one into his mouth and squeezing the other with his hand.
I haven't felt this good in a long time.
He stops sucking on my breasts and sits up on his knees, pulling out.
"What the hell are you doing?" I ask him breathless.
"Turn over. On your knees baby," he says.
I roll over and get on my knees. He places his hands on my waist.
I feel his tip at my entrance again. He thrusts into me except this time he doesn't start slow.
He thrusts into my faster than before. I moan loudly as the room fills with slapping sounds.
I feel him twitch inside me before his thick come fills me.
He continues thrusting in and out of me. He rubs my clit until my walls tighten around him and come.
He leans over me and kisses up and down my spine. He slowly pumps his cock until hes soft again.
He kisses my ass before standing on his knees. He places both hand on my hips and flips me back over on my back.
"How was that?" He hovers over me.
"Amazing," I kiss him again.
He lays down next to me and wraps his arms around my waist.
I lay on my side and place my head on his chest.
"I missed you," he whispers.
"I missed you too. But you know we cant be together," I sat sitting up a bit.
"Mer-"
"I want to, I do.. but you are the one who left me pregnant with twins," I say.
"I know, im sorry," he says running his fingers through his hair.
"And I believe you. If this was just me I would take you back but its not just me anymore... but I will let you be apart of their lives and as long as your in their lives you'll be in my life," I say.
"What if I could prove it?" He says.
"Prove what?" I ask.
"That I've changed.. and that I can be the man you want me to be," he says.
"I don't know Derek-"
"In the four months before you get married," he says.
"Fine. If you can prove it in four months than yes," I say.
"But you'll have to cover these up when you meet the twins," I say running my fingers over the scars on his wrist.
"Yeah I-I started doing this a few years ago," he says.
"How long ago?" I ask.
"Two years ago," he says.
"Why?" I ask kissing his cheek.
"I felt bad. I felt like in some way I should suffer for what I did," he says quietly.
"Or you could have just came back to Seattle," I say.
"No, you were already mad at me i didnt want to make it worse," he says.
"Not coming back Hurt me more Than it did when you didnt divorce Addison," I say.
"I-I know," he says.
"Nathan doesn't get off for a few many hours, i locked the door and he lost his keys a week ago so he'll have to call me before he can get in. You have to be gone by then," I kiss him.
"Okay," he says.
I lay my head on his chest and fall asleep.
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