So this is a request from @eliinaa24, @Taesstrawberrymilk and @sjwbja enjoy this long chapter.
The dorm was empty, everyone was gone to do something except for Jimin. He has been sitting on the couch waiting for someone to come home.
When he woke up this morning he only could hear a goodbye from someone down stairs leaving their home before he was ones again alone. He sat alone in the cold in his room for a few hours, his faces was red with the tears that he had cried for like maybe the fourth day. But if he was honest he lost track of time of the countless times he was alone or he had cried himself to sleep. Getting out of bed was getting harder and harder, if he didn't need to be somewhere he was in his bed. If he did need to be somewhere he wanted to be in his bed.
Nobody seems to notices that he was slowly fading away, nobody was even talking to him. The first days he didn't mind, they were always busy and everyone had their own schedule making it difficult to sometimes see each other. But even when they were in the room together it seemed like nobody was noticing him or talking to him. It felt almost like they were ignoring him, did he do something wrong?
As the days follow he was most of the time home alone or he came in and hears the laughter of the other members but it seemed to died down as he walks in. Was something wrong with him?
He was always the one to notices if things as there was something wrong with others, but now that he was slowly getting worse no one is there for him.
He wipes a tears from his faces as he thinks back about the day before, he had asks his best friend, his soulmate, his member, his brother if he had time to talk. He really needed to tell someone and that someone he had hoped would have be Taehyung. Normally Taehyung would have sit down and listen, maybe he just had asked on the wrong moment. But the words were still stuck in his head; sorry Jiminsie I don't have time for you on the moment I have more important things to do...
Was he not important enough? After that he had seen that Taehyung disappeared with Jungkook to do something by themselves. It started to hurt him, normally it was the three of them doing something but now they didn't even asks.
The sound of the key in the front door make him realizes that others are coming back, he doesn't know who it is. But as the door opens all the members walk in laughing and talking to each other.
They must have been home together right? They wouldn't do something without him, right?
"Hey" Jimin greets the others as he smiles at them, but they don't even look at him as they continue with their own conversation and jokes. Jimin looks down at the ground as he sits down again and opens twitter on his phone.
Time was flying by as the others where everywhere in the house, running, laughing talking, than someone was gone and back. Jimin couldn't keep track of everyone as it felt like he was completely invisible. How could he feel so alone in a room filled with people?
"FOODS READY!" it was the voice of Jungkook yelling through the house as everyone gathered around the dining table.
Again talking was not the problem for the members, but talking to or with Jimin was something that was just not on the table.
Jimin was slowly eating his food as he listened to the different conversations that the members are having.
"Yeahh, I really couldn't believe you did that. did you even think before you did it?" Seokjin was asking Hoseok, what where they talking about?
"No me neither, I really though I was going to be to scared. But the feeling it felt amazing, it felt like so much freedom. it even feels like it has been days sees we did the skydiving but it was just this afternoon." Hoseok says as he keeps talking about what they had done in the afternoon.
Jimin could not believe what he was hearing, they went skydiving? They didn't ask him? Maybe it was just Hoseok and Seokjin... but that was proven wrong not one sentence later.
"Hobi-hyung I really though you were going to piss you pants." Jungkook says laughing as the others agree with the youngest member.
They all went together? Jimin could feel the tears burning in his eyes, he could eat anymore, it felt like something was just stuck in his throat. Slowly he stood up as he throws away his food and walks upstairs, nobody even notices that he was leaving the diner table.
He lays down on his bed in the shared bedroom from him and Hoseok as he stares at the ceiling. Was there something so wrong with him that the others didn't want to be around him anymore? Did he do something wrong that they ignored him? Is it his voice? Or his moves? His character or personality? Tears streaming down his faces as once again he feels alone...
He takes his phone again, as it feels like the only space that people are looking at him. he starts to read the comments, most of them are amazing ones. But his eyes fall on a comment that is breaking him... How could just one comments be enough to break him, there are so many amazing comments, messages about him and than just one out of a million is bad but it keeps with him.
He should leave BTS, I don't even get why he is in there...
He turns his phone away as he stares once again at the ceiling. He hears the sound of the doorknob as he closes his eyes fast as he pretends to be asleep.
"He is here, he is already sleeping." It is the voice of Hoseok that is speaking about Jimin, Jimin can hear how Hoseok comes into the room as quiet as possible and makes himself ready to go to bed.
It doesn't take long before soft snores of Hoseok are filling the shared bedroom. Jimin is now laying in the dark, his clothes still on and feeling like there is a huge rock on him.
A million questions are coming up into his mind, voices in his head keep telling him that the comments was right.
He could leave BTS, the members would not even mis him. They are doing a lot of stuff without him, not even including him anymore. Not even asking anymore if he wants to join no.
He is left out, excluded from the band already. Leaving should be easy as there is nothing left to lose. Does the pain ever stop? The tears do not stop from falling down as darkness takes over and he falls asleep again.
Days passes by, the members are still not noticing that Jimin is slowly fading away. Everyone goes on with their schedules, while Jimin is trying to keep up his own.
It was now 3 in the morning, today was going to be a busy day and the members finally had a day that all seven had to be together, it felt like weeks that that even happened. He was staring at his alarm clock he still had 2 hours before it would go off but he couldn't sleep anymore.
He still couldn't turn out his feelings, yesterday was maybe one of the worst days ever as he keeps playing it over and over again in his head.
He just got home from dance practice with Hoseok and Jungkook but the two were so busy with each other that they didn't even talk to Jimin, they were talking about something they could do after practice and it sounded as so much fun, but Jimin wasn't asked to join or even asked anything at all. Then when he got home, Namjoon and Taehyung were just leaving, as Jimin asks where they were going he just didn't get a responds. Jin and Yoongi were nowhere to be found, leaving Jimin home once again. The messages on his phone, the bad comments were like the only once he could still see and it felt like a rock had been locked to his ankle and he was pushed into the big open sea. As slowly everyone was getting home, Jimin had made diner. But everyone was to tired to eat something as he was left alone in the kitchen with all the food he had made. The part to broke his heart in pieces was something that happened just before he went to his room.
"I don't know hyung, maybe it is better that he leaves. It is not like he is showing any effort at all." It was the voice of Taehyung, he could help but over hear the conversation and it would be a lie to tell himself that it was not about him.
They were done with him too, ARMY is done with him, nobody wants him anymore... Words has kept him up all night as he slowly fell asleep but nightmares of him leaving his brothers kept him away. Even though they wanted him gone he can not live without them.
It doesn't even feel like the 2 hours have passed at the alarm clock rings and sounds of people waking up are filling their home.
Jimin gets himself ready just like the others, they are sitting together at the dining table eating their breakfast as they are talking about todays schedule.
"I can't believe we are finally doing something together again, I can't even remember when we did that." Jungkook says happy and looking at his older brothers.
"Yeah feels like years ago." Jin says.
"Personally I feel like I never have a moment alone without you.." Yoongi says with a little smile, as everyone knows he is joking but for Jimin it felt real... He was alone, all the time.
"Is everyone ready? We need to go?" Namjoon asks looking at his phone, that just pinged because of a messages that came in. The boys hurry outside into the car.
"All of you ready to go?" the driver asks looking at the boys in the back. They look short at each other before Namjoon answers.
"We are complete and ready to go!" Namjoon says happily as the car starts driving. The members keep talking in the car, as they only had notices that something was missing. No not something.
Someone, Jimin forgot something the last moment, he had said to Jin that he would run fast to his room to get something warm as Jin simply nodded. But as Jimin got out the door ready to get in the car it was gone, with all the other members. Leaving him alone standing in front of his own home.
"They will turn around. They will notices.." Jimin says soft as he sits down and waits for the others to turn around to pick him up.
****
"Ok, I am happy that you are finally here. So lets get started, in the first hour there are going to be VIP fans, they get a little more time with you guys, to talk connect everything you guys normally do. After that you will have a 15 minutes break before another three hours will follow with other fans that also like to meet you." The manager says looking at the boys noticing that they are with six and not seven.
"Where is Jiminsie?" He asks looking at the boys, that look back confused.
"Maybe he went to the toilet." Yoongi says, the boys let it be by that as they continue with the make-up.
****
Jimin is still sitting in front of his home, it has been 2 hours.
"They are not coming back... They are not even missing me." Jimin says as he stands up and walks inside. He is totally cold by now, his pale faces and his cold skin feel the warmth as he walks back inside. Nobody had even called him.
He was now looking at the mirror as he seems someone he never wanted to be, he can feel how much he hates himself, he knows how much the members hate him other wise they would have included him, he knows ARMY is ready for him to leave, so why bother staying?
Depressing is taking over, the pain he felt is slowly going numb, feelings seem to be to disappear and he can't even remember the last time he had smiles. He didn't even cry anymore, he couldn't. it felt like all the water just left his body after crying for weeks now.
Why was live so unfair. Voices in his mind were screaming, it felt like someone was constantly pushing the air out of his lungs that it even hurts to breath, getting out of bed in the morning was getting worse and worse. His body was becoming more heavy with ever second that he lived and it felt like the whole world was crushing down on him.
"You don't miss me at all." He whispers as he looks at one of the old photes with the seven of them as he goes back to his bed, his safe spot, a place were he could go away from the pain.
****
"Guys I am not sure where Jimin is.." Yoongi says a little out of breath.
"Why are you breathing so loud?" Namjoon asks looking up a bit weird.
"I went to the bathroom, multiples and I can't find Jimin, I know he is not himself lately I know we talked about giving him space. But something is off."
The boys look at Yoongi, they know he is right.
Taehyung took his phone out to see if he got a messages from his friend but there was nothing. He pushed on the call button and waited.
It goes over, and over... Than voicemail.
He doesn't stop, again.
The room is filled with silence and than.
"Tae?" Jimin voice was soft, broken, hurt. Taehyungs heart could fall is million pieces after hearing that his voice.
"Jiminsiee where are you?" He asks, afraid for the answer.
"You guys left without me..." Jimin answers. "Again.." he continues soft.
Taehyung couldn't believe what he was hearing, again?
"Jimin I am on my way." Taehyung says. "Stay on the phone with me."
Something was wrong, Taehyung could feel it.
"What?' Namjoon asks, noticing that something is wrong.
"We left him alone..." Taehyung says putting the phone away from his mouth so Jumin couldn't hear them. "There is something in his voice hyung, something is wrong. I could hear it, I need to go."
"We need to go." Yoongi says the boys nod as they all run back to the car.
"Where are you going? People paid money for this?!" the manager says. "COME BACK NOW!"
"Jimin is still home we need to get him." Namjoon says.
"One of you can get him, fast and than come back here we don't have time now." The manager says not in the mood for one of the BTS jokes..
"But." Yoongi starts. But he got cut off.
"Fine." Namjoon says looking around. "Tae go. Fast."
With that taehyung disappeared from their view.
****
Taehyung was running up the stairs into Jimin room were he found Jimin laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling not even turning his head around to see who opened the door.
"Jimin I am really really sorry, but we need to go. I really want to talk to you but we don't have time."
"You never have time." Jimin says but gets up and follows Taehyung into the car. The words hurt, but as Taehyung was looking at his friend he could see what he had missed.
Jimin wasn't doing fine... His pale skin, he lost wait, his sad eyes and fake smile as they entered the venue with their fans, their ARMY.
****
After the long day they finally walked back into the dressing room where silence took over.
"Jimin." Taehyung started. "I am sorry, I should have made more time for you."
Jimin looks up.
"I understand, you all want me gone, it's ok." Jimin says taking everyone of guard.
"What?!" Seokjin asks looking weird as he stands up from his chair.
"We don't want you to go awa ever." Hoseok says.
"It's ok, I understand. ARMY agrees to. I have been thinking a lot, I understand wh you don't want me around."
"Don't want you around?" Jungkook voices is shaking. "Hyung you are scaring me a bit, you are not leaving right?"
"You don't have to protect my feeling, I accepted those weeks ago. I understand why you guys are excluding me from everything."
Excluding him? the boys look up weird, but if they were being honest with themselves they understand where Jimin is coming from. Even though they didn't mean to, they let it happen. Jimin was slowly fading away right in front of their eyes and they were thinking he just needed space.
But all he needed was them, wish they had seems that earlier.
"I can not even think about a life without you." Taehyung says soft. "I know I should have been there for you. I know I am more a taker than a giver with you But I can give and I should have give you the attention."
"Jimin I don't know why we did what we did. We thoughed you needed space, space from us." Jin says.
"We should have just talked to you. Now it is to late." Namjoon says.
"I need help." Jimin says soft. "I have dark thoughs for a while now." His voice is almost a whisper.
"We will get you help, we will be there for you." Seokjin says.
"Please forgive us." Yoongi says.
"I always do." Jimin says smiling soft, knowing that this is the start of a really long and hard road getting back to who he is.
"We are sorry, never think we don't want you.."
"We love you."