-Connor-
"Are you gay?" I asked Troye, who I was siting bedside to. I really hope he wasn't. Dear God, if he's gay, I'm fucking done. It would be over. It's bad enough I think he's kinda...cute. God my heart jumped saying that. I was afraid of what I was. I didn't think about it for the longest time. I shoved it into the back of my mind. Being gay really isn't a socially accepted thing. Well, it is, but it's not ordinary. I just want to be normal. I don't want to be out there and in everyone's eye as gay. I just didn't. When we are little, we are taught or just grew up around the idea of finding a spouse of the opposite sex, have a few kids, get a good job, and live retirement to its fullest. But it doesn't always go like that. I don't like change. I despise change. I need to know what's going on, when, and where. I hate it when things go off schedule or according to plan. So, finding out a couple years ago that I might not even know myself or what I am, I'm deathly fucking terrified of life.
My palms got sweaty, I felt my face drain of color, I felt a little light-headed. I knew that asking that question would be a great monumental step towards acceptance, but yet could lead towards a really, really bad outcome in the end.
Troye looked at me, looking kind of confused. His mouth opened, forming sounds that came from his vocal chords in his throat.
"Yeah, why?"
I could just hear my world crumble to the ground.
I can't fall for him. I won't fall for him. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this at all. I won't come out of this alive.
"Connor, are you okay?" I heard a voice ask. I snapped back into reality. Troye was propped up on his elbows, looking at me. Somewhat worried. As I came out of my daze, my arms instantly began to itch through my fabric of my shirt. It hurt to itch the cuts that were already there. I dropped Troye's notebook on instinct to itch my forearms. Troye sat upwards.
"Connor, what's wrong?" He began to move forward close to me. On instinct, I moved backwards, away from Troye.
"Don't come near me." I said with a warning tone. I didn't need him near me right now. That's the last thing I needed. I didn't need the guy that I have feelings for comfort me.
I felt the bed I was sitting on jerk a little bit in the movement of Troye. I was still itching through my shirt to ease the pain. All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my chin. The hand turned my chin towards the one who owns the hand. Troye was really close to my face. His ocean blue eyes pierced mine. I could see a distinct birthmark under his left eye. I could feel his breath. I could smell his musk. I can feel his presence. With a hand, he grabbed my appendage that was scratching at my forearm.
"Connor." He spoke softly and calmly. "I know I just met you and everything, but I wanna say that you need to fight these temptations off." He went from grabbing my hand away to holding it in his hand.
"What you are doing by cutting yourself is solving a short term problem that will create a long term problem later in life. I'm not just some other person who's giving you advice." He reached down and pulled both sleeves up on his arms. His right arm had the one deep line close to the crook of his elbow. His other arm was literally covered in scars from cuts. From his wrist all the way up to his elbow. Oh my God.
"I understand why you do what you do to yourself. It's to forget isn't it?" He asked. I couldn't answer. My throat locked up and my heart skipped a beat. This isn't just some other person who thinks I cut just because I like it or because I'm depressed. He understands me. He understands my pain. He understands why. He...is so amazing.
I couldn't speak. My eyes filled with tears and my heart was racing. I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore. I threw my arms around Troye and sobbed into the crook of his neck. I could feel Troye flinch when I lunged towards him. I heard him grunt, realizing I bumped into his tender stomach from Joe. His arms wrapped around me. I can feel his fingers drawing circles into my back. I could feel his body warm mine. I could feel his heartbeat. It was thumping really hard. I could feel every inhale and exhale. His breath hitched after a few exhales. I pulled away from the hug, only to see him crying as well.
"You're not alone, Connor." He said through his tears. "I don't want someone who has a bright future like yourself suffer through life." This boy is tugging at my heartstrings.
"I want you to understand something." I said through my tears, staring down at my hands. "I just met you a half hour ago. No one...no one has shown any compassion or care for me in my lifetime, nonetheless thirty minutes. Why? Why do you care so much?"
"Why can't I?" He replied.
I looked up to see him staring at me. I looked back into his eyes. Those blue, glowing orbs of hope and trust. I got lost in his eyes. They had emotions of wonderment and compassion, but also of concern and deep anguish. I snapped back into reality when I heard someone enter the cabin. It was Marcus.
He looked a bit beat up from earlier. He did though looked cleaner. He had a few bruises on his arms, his knuckles were white, and his shirt was a bit bloodied. But, that was tame considering what Joe looked like when he left the cabin.
He moved towards his bed when he talked. "I visited Joe in the infirmary and...holy shit, you smacked him half way to hell. There are inflamed veins where you smacked him. He also might have a slight concussion." Marcus said, beginning to change into a new shirt.
"Man, I feel really bad for doing that. I have a feeling that Caspar will not like me once he hears the full story." Troye said.
"Honestly, I think he deserved it." I heard Marcus quip. "He soon needs to recognize that his blind rage issues are not the best way to solve a problem."
I was piecing the story together in my head. Then I remembered something.
-
"Well, what do you expect me to do?! I've tried to apologize to you and your brother, and both of you didn't accept the apology. Look what I did at the end of last year was foolish. Marcus spiked the lemonade and I had too much. What I did...it was so dumb and stupid. I really hope you can forgive me."
"I'm still bitter, but I forgive you. But, Joe will be harder to apologize to. He holds grudges. He still holds bottled up anger from that night. He'll probably confront you the second he sees you. So just...be careful."
-
"Hold on." I pointed at Marcus. He looked at me inquisitively. "First off, make sure Joe doesn't get around Alfie. That should be a given. What cabin is he in?"
'Uhh...I think he's in C." Marcus responded.
"Then make sure he doesn't go around there at all." I said commandingly.
"That will be a challenge." Troye added. "Caspar is in C."
"Shit...well, just do your best to keep him away from Alfie." I said.
"Wait, why are we protecting Alfie? If anything, he deserves to be punished for his crimes." Marcus said.
"He apologized to Zoë. He feels really bad about what he did. I listened to a conversation they had in the main building." I said, relaying the information.
"Why would Joe still have pent up aggression after he just took it all out on me and Troye?" He asked.
"How would you feel if someone molested your sister?"
"...Touché."
"Wait, why are we doing this anyway? I mean, we have no business getting into this." Troye added.
"I'm not doing this for Joe's or Alfie's sake. I'm doing it for us three. I mean, look at the bigger picture. Joe is our cabinmate. Do you really wanna deal with an infuriated Joe for the rest of camp when he clearly just demonstrated what he's capable of and not afraid of doing?" I explained. I could pretty much here the gears turning in their minds. Troye turned to Marcus.
"I guess he does have a point." Troye said.
"Alright, it sounds like a plan. But, we don't get sucked into the drama more than we need to." Marcus explained. I hope it turned out that way. I just realized something. I've been at this camp for half a day and I've already changed a whole lot. I came here a shy kid, and I'm already making a game plan for my two newest best friends. I'v already taken a roller coaster of emotion as well.
I heard a few light steps from the outside of the cabin, and the door swung open. A guy with blonde hair, glasses, and a huge smile plastered on his face entered the cabin.
"Hello everyone!" He said. "My name is Tyler Oakley and I am your cabin counselor for this year of camp!" He said excitedly. "I am so excited to see a few fresh new faces!" He was looking at Troye and I.
"Troye, I know you." he said with a smug smile. Hold up. Why did he know Troye already? Please tell me they are like, second cousins, twice removed or something like that.
"What's your name?" He asked me.
"Uhh, it's Connor." I said.
"Well, welcome to the Graceffa Teen Summer Camp! It's so much fun!" He said. He seems way to optimistic for a straight guy...oh wait.
"Alright, before I take you on a tour, I am required to relay you the camp rules. First off, no going onto the girls side of the camp. If you are got going over there, you will be taken out of camp." That rule only really applies to Marcus and maybe Joe.
"Your curfew is in your cabin by ten, lights out by eleven. First offense is a warning. If there are any after that, it's up to Mr. Graceffa."
"You can access the internet throughout the day at any time until your lights out time at eleven."
"The fireplaces that are in your cabin can be used at anytime. Just ask your camp counselor for permission to use it."
"Everything else is shown on your schedules that you got at registration. Any questions before we go?" No one opposed.
"Great! Let's go out and-" he noticed that there was a vacant bed in the back left corner. "Is there someone who isn't here right now?"
Troy answered. "Yeah, that's Joe. He's in the infirmary."
"Oh my god why?" He asked, putting his hand femininely on his chest.
"Tyler, he was seeking a fight over what happened last year." Marcus said.
"Ohh..." he said. His eyes kind of gazed for a little bit, as if reflecting on something.
"Anyway, lets go and explore!" He said, skipping out of the cabin.
"C'mon Connor." Troye said, heading out the door. I followed his footsteps out and onto the sidewalk.
_______________________________________
A/N: Hi guys!
Soo....update.
WE HIT 2K READS!!! *TRHOWS CONFETTI* That is so amazing that my story is gaining attention! Honestly, I didn't think anyone read my story.
SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES.
This chapter is kinda shorter than the others, but oh well. Beggars can't be choosers.
Okay, I wanna get to know you guys a little bit more! I wanna know who's reading these, and I think it'll be fun! I'll go.
I'm Dylan Holt. But, you can call me Dyl, Dill Pickle, Deelan, Dillano Stephano, Devil, and pretty much anything else that starts with D. I live in the middle of the US in Illinois (For anyone who doesn't know where that is, go south fro Chicago about 200 miles). I obsess over music, dancing, singing, playing piano, Tronnor, Jaspar, and YouTube. And yes, I am a guy. SHOUTOUT TO THE ONES WITH THE PENISES. So yeah, lets be friends.
Do you guys like this fanfic? I know I'm not the best author with the best AU idea, but do ya like what I'm throwing down?
I think that's all I have so...
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