My hand unlocks my dorm and I collapse onto the bed, closing my eyes. The feeling I have in my body right now is unnerving.
I know Harry is nice and everything, but he's intimidating. I can't trust he'll keep my secrets safe and I'm worried if I unleash my past upon him, he'll leave me to fend for myself. It took years to build my walls up to what they are now. When I tell him, they'll be gone and I'd need him to help build them back up.
After I shower and finish my essay, I lay back in bed and watch Netflix. Deprived from sleep, I'm tugged out of my TV show as my phone rings. I answer it and say 'hello'.
"Can't sleep?" Harry asks, the clock reading one in the morning.
"No," I respond, his lips releasing a sigh.
"Me either. I kind of liked holding you last night," he says, shuffling heard over the phone.
I feel myself blush at his words; the revelation that I enjoyed sleeping in his arms present. I shut my laptop and lay back in bed.
"Are you still nervous to be with me?" he asks, my eyes closing. I sigh and ponder his question.
"I-I'm more nervous to explain myself," I say, opening my eyes to see a flash of lightning run through the sky. I bite my lower lip in anticipation.
"I hate not being able to see you right now," he says, my eyes closing as I smile.
"I'm in bed, tossing and turning," I explain, my mind only imagining what he's doing.
"So am I, as a matter of fact. You could come over? I'll call you a cab," he says, my lips frowning.
"No," I start. "To the cab, I mean."
"You'd seriously come over here just to sleep beside me?" he asks, amused. I flush, my cheeks heating.
"I like being comforted," I shyly admit, picturing his little smile.
"I'll be at your dorm in ten minutes," he says, hanging up the phone.
I scramble out of bed and re-brush my teeth, taking my hair out of the ponytail it's in. By the time I finish in the bathroom, a knock on my door sounds and I walk over.
Harry smiles on the other side and pushes his hood off his head, a beanie containing his hair. He walks in and takes off his hoodie, grinning as I look up at him. He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me, my arms wrapping around him in surprise.
"Oh my," I laugh, my feet off the ground while he hugs me.
"You're a feather. We'll greet each other like this from now on," he says, my lips releasing another laugh as he sets me down.
He looks down at me and I blush, his hands grabbing mine. Green eyes roam my face and his feet walk closer to me, my head looking up at him. His lips part and his tongue swipes his lower lip, intently gazing upon my face.
"When was the last time someone kissed you?" he asks, my throat swallowing.
"Seventeen," I whisper, his head leaning down close to mine.
"And how old are you now?" he questions, my breathing quickening.
"Nineteen," I mumble, his forehead on mine. He moves a hand up to my cheek, but I push him away. I shake my head and a look of defeat crosses his face before he covers it up.
"Sorry," I say, his head shaking.
"It's fine," he says, jaw clenching. I've made him angry.
I grab his hand and pull him towards me, grabbing his cheek in one hand. I tug his head down and kiss his cheek, my lips meeting his slightly stubbled cheek.
When I pull away, his eyes lock with mine and he smiles. I tug his hand to my bed and he lays down, my body getting in beside him.
"I like that I have a cuddle buddy," he says, my lips releasing a laugh.
"You like cuddling?" I ask, his head nodding.
"Always have to have something in my arms to sleep. Usually it's a pillow, but I liked it yesterday with you," he says, my eyes looking up at him.
"Have you had others? Girls?" I ask, his head tilting to look down at me.
"One. A long time ago," he explains, wrapping his arm around me and tugging me closer.
"Tell me," I try, his lips releasing a sigh.
"I met a girl when I was seventeen, and we did shit together. It was the unhealthiest relationship and that's why I was the way I was before you. I was closed off and personal because I didn't want to be in a relationship like that again," he says, my eyebrows frowning.
The way he's saying this makes me sound like I've changed him.
"She took my virginity and I would sneak out and sleep with her every night. Then one night, I found her fucking my best mate in her bed and I got piss drunk and went into denial. That's why I'm here, in Chicago. I was sick of England," he says, his eyes closing as he cools off.
"I'm glad you left," I attempt to make him smile, achieving the little smile.
"As am I," he says, poking my nose. I lean my head against my pillow, his head turning to look at me. My hand sets on his chest and I feel him relax, setting his hand over mine.
"I'm going to kiss you soon, you know?" he says, my eyes meeting his.
He smiles at my surprised expression, leaning his head closer.
"I will get my kiss from you."
I press my hand over his mouth, to which he licks my palm. I gasp and let go, wiping my hand on his tee. He laughs and I playfully pout, his hand grabbing mine and setting it on his chest again.
"Don't pout or I'll kiss you now," he threatens with a smile, my lips curving.
I lay back, relaxing once again and he sighs. It's clear he's not used to girls defying his attempts of flirtation; my small rejection causing him to act defeated. My eyes close and he pulls me closer to him, my lips releasing a deep breath.
Two lips press to my forehead and I nearly jolt, unexpectedly feeling a sense of protection.
"Goodnight, Elle."
The morning brings a flirty Harry, taking me out to breakfast. The entire time we're there, he's at my side, whispering how cute I sleep or how he was angry I woke up first because he originally planned on waking me up with a kiss.
I'm probably as red as a tomato.
"Will you go out with me tonight?" he asks, my fingers setting a strawberry in my mouth. I shake my head, knowing he'll just try harder.
He gasps, acting offended, and grabs the fork out of my hand.
"And why not? Got a date with someone else?" he asks, my head nodding as I laugh.
"Now, who is this other guy so I can kick his ass?" he says, taking a bite of my pancakes.
"Jay," I say, my book's main character Jay Gatsby. By the look on his face, he's not catching on.
"What? Who the fuck is Jay?" he asks, my lips curving as I laugh. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are parted, my hand grabbing my fork back from him.
"Jay Gatsby."
I can't help but laugh at his reaction, the utter embarrassment he has causing his cheeks to turn pink. I get up and sit next to him, leaning my lips to his ear.
"Don't be jealous," I whisper, his arm hooking around my waist.
"I don't want other men to be with you," he admits, my eyes meeting his. I'm shocked, to say the least. I've never heard a man tell me that before.
"Why?" I ask, so oblivious and naïve when it comes to relationships.
He moves his head into my neck and slowly presses his lips to my jaw, my eyes closing at the feeling. I suck in a breath and he moves his lips to my ear.
"Because I saw you before them. You're mine," he whispers, my stomach filling with butterflies. I've always read books or watched TV shows where boys called girls 'theirs'. I found it possessive and labelling, but when Harry says it...it's hot.
"You're making me crazy," he says, my hand pressing to his shoulder to get his head out of my neck.
I laugh when he squeezes my waist, smiling down at me as I laugh.
"How old are you?" I ask, his hand grabbing mine.
"Twenty-one," he says, my head nodding.
He starts to kiss my cheek and I feel overwhelmed at the amount of affection I'm receiving, his smile not leaving his lips.
"Holy shit," someone says, Harry stopping his kisses when another girl walks towards our table.
"You two are together?" the girls says, Harry getting very angry all of a sudden.
"Leave," he grits, the girl's blonde hair covering her cleavage slightly.
She laughs and sits across from us, flicking her hair over her shoulder and looking at Harry.
"You never called me," she tries, Harry angry.
"I left you for a reason," he says, my eyes flickering between the two of them.
"You could have called me. After all, it was hot and fuck-" she says, my body getting up and walking out of the café. I can't listen to that. It makes me sad to think that he once got laid on a regular basis.
I start to jog home, trying to keep my tears to a minimum. My feet reach the dorms and I wipe my cheeks, getting over myself. I'm overreacting; being stupid.
Two arms wrap around me and I'm lifted, my lips releasing a gasp. "Listen to me. Nothing happened between us. She's just a jealous bitch because I wanted nothing to do with her," Harry whispers in my ear, my feet met with the ground as his arms stay around me from behind.
"You were crying," he sighs, my eyes closing. He turns me around and hugs me to him, my arms falling to my side.
"I'm not like that anymore. I don't need that. Please, you have to believe me," he says, my hands moving to hold onto him. I slide them around him and I'm soon embraced in a bone crushing hug from him, my head buried in his chest.
"I'm so sorry I made you upset," he whispers, kissing the top of my head as he brushes his hand through my hair.
I keep my eyes closed, his arms holding me tightly.
"I-I have to go," I say, pulling out of his arms. He grabs my elbow when I try to walk away, but I shake my head.
"Elle, please," he tries, but I'm confused. I need space to think if being with Harry will benefit me in a relationship.
"Elle, don't do this," Harry says, my feet turning around. I walk to him and kiss his cheek to calm him down.
"Let me have space," I whisper, walking away without him following. Once in my dorm, I gather my things for class and walk out of my dorm.
——————-
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