(Quick A/N before we begin. Is this first chapter just the Roger Rabbit and Baby Herman cartoon from the beginning of the movie? Yes. Does (Y/N) show up at all in this chapter? No. Is it still very funny and I'm including it anyway? ABSOLUTELY! In the end, I really love this scene and desperately want to include it. Skip it if you want to and go to the next chapter but I really like it so I'm putting it in.)
...
A MAROON CARTOON
In colour
BABY HERMAN and ROGER RABBIT in SOMETHIN'S COOKIN'
A little baby with a lock of golden hair and a little pink bow tied around it, babbled and goo-gooed as the legs of his mother came into view, over to the play pen he was in.
"Mommy's going to the beauty parlour, darling. But I'm leaving you with your favourite friend Roger."
As she spoke, she walked over to the aforementioned rabbit. He was white with a bit of orange hair at the top of his head. He was wearing bright red overalls with yellow gloves and a cute little blue bow tie with yellow polka dots.
Roger looked up innocently at the woman as she continued, "He's going to take very, very good care of you. Because if he doesn't," her voice suddenly turned harsh and went a little deeper as she pressed her finger menacingly into his nose, "he's going back to the science lab!"
"Pl-pl-please!" Roger stuttered, in a very toony way, as he gently moved her hand away and she began to walk out. "Don't worry. Whatever you say. Yes, ma'am. Aye, aye, sir. Okie-dokie."
She left, closing the front door behind her, though Roger didn't notice.
"Why, I'll take care of him like he was my own brother. Or my own sister." He turned to tell her all this but just ended up bumping his nose into the door. "Ow! Or my brother's sister. Or my 2nd cousin who was twice removed..."
While Roger started listing basically all of his family members, to literally no one other than himself, Baby Herman shifted his focus to the kitchen. Inside a jar, on top of the fridge, was a bunch of cookies.
"Cookie." He mumbled, turning over into a crawling position.
"...Or my 9th cousin who is nine times removed from his place offside..."
Meanwhile, Baby Herman was trying to force his way through the bars of his play pen. His upper half was already through and, with a bit of struggle, he managed to fling the rest of himself out. He shot across the room, into the kitchen, landing on his bottom and skidding to a stop right in front of the fridge. He looked up, smiling widely when his gaze once again landed on the cookie jar.
"Cookie!"
"...Or like my 17th cousin who was 156 times removed, from any side!" Roger was twisted up like a pretzel with the number of times he had counted on his fingers and toes, even getting his ears twisted. But he soon unravelled, after coming to his conclusion, arms spread in victory.
A clashing and crashing sound came from the kitchen and drew Roger's attention. He noticed that the play pen was empty and then he saw Baby Herman climbing up onto the counter, using some drawers as stairs. But this caused them to get kicked out, making all the contents fall to the floor when he finally made his way up.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Roger yelled, his eyes bulging out and jumping up in terror. Baby Herman crawled over the stove, turning on the burner plates accidentally, and narrowly avoiding being burned. "I'LL SAVE YOU, BABY!"
"Cookie." The baby mumbled as he pushed a rolling pin onto the floor that was in his way.
"Don't burn yourself, Baby Herman!" Roger shouted, not noticing the rolling pin.
He stepped on it, stumbling as he rolled around on it unable to control himself. He screamed out as he rolled past Baby Herman, attempting to grab him but missing by just a centimetre. He rolled right past him and went around before being able to circle back towards him. But, again, he was unable to grab the baby as he kicked a kettle over on Roger's head, making everything go dark.
"Who turned out the lights?" The rabbit asked as he continued to roll around, unable to see anything or what he was doing. "Boy, it's dark in here. Don't they pay the electricity? What happened?"
As this went on in the background, Baby Herman unintentionally opened the oven door with his foot. Roger then went rolling right inside of it without even realizing it and the door shut behind him. And, once again unintentionally with his foot, Baby Herman turned the oven on and set the temperature to 'Volcano Heat'.
As Roger started to cook, Baby Herman spied the cookie jar not too far away. He smiled, going over a bunch of plates floating in the sink. His head dipped inside the water for a second, making him lift his head up, a little shocked, but it quickly went away as he smiled at the ticking swinger of a clock that was swinging nearby. He reached out to try and grab the swinger, accidentally turning on the taps and making water spill out all over the floors, along with a bar of soap.
"Cookie!"
Just then the oven went off with a 'well done' as it dinged to signal completion. In that moment, Roger suddenly burst out while he screamed his head off, with the kettle still on it, running around the kitchen three times in a row, while a smoke trail followed behind him and his burning bottom.
Meanwhile, Baby Herman managed to climb up and stand on a couple of food boxes to try and reach the swinger of the clock while Roger slipped on the bar of soap. This sent Roger flying up towards the ceiling while the bar of soap was flung off to the side. It hit the handle of the ironing board, that kept it packed inside the wall and popped it open. The soap ricocheted off it and was sent flying back towards Baby Herman. It hit his butt with perfect timing as it was able to send him up far enough to reach the swinger. He grabbed on to it, holding on tightly and giggled as it swayed him back and forth.
That was when Roger came falling down, landing on the bar of soap, making him slide across the floor at break-neck speed. He was slammed into the wall, where two fingers on each of his hands happened to enter two wall sockets. He was electrocuted violently, forcing him to slam his head against the wall repeatedly, which caused cracks to travel up the wall and to chip some of it off as well. These cracks caused a shelf high above the rabbit to break, tilting it to one side and a bunch of pots and pans fell on top of him.
The last thing on the shelf was a bottle of extra hot Acme-brand hot sauce. It fell over like the rest of the items, that left poor Roger motionless on the floor, and right into the kettle's spout. The contents of the bottle filled the inside and in no time, Roger was flung out from the heat. He was now finally rid of the kettle on his head but he was flung across the kitchen and right into the ironing board, basically going over it like a cover before it closed him inside the spot in the wall.
"Cookie."
Baby Herman managed to fling himself over to a shelf but it broke under his weight and made him land on a plunger next to the fridge, which launched him up right on top of the fridge, onto a stack of sliced bread, right next to the cookie jar.
However, the shelf that had broken held a jar of pickles that fell right onto a rack of knives. When it hit the rack, the knives flew across the kitchen towards where Roger was trying to free himself, along with the plunger that had been cast as well.
Roger managed to free himself, opening his arms wide as he proclaimed, "I'm here, Bab-AAAAAAAARRGGGHHH!"
He was soon back to screaming in fear as the knives raced towards him. He spread himself up against the wall, all the knives landing around him, with one landing above his head and one...between his legs. But, luckily for Roger, none of them landed in him. The plunger, however, did - right in his face.
While Baby Herman tried to grab a cookie, kicking off slices of bread in his pursuit, Roger pulled at the plunger that was stuck to his face. This sent him flying once more across the room but he did finally manage to pull the plunger off.
He smiled to himself, facing forward before his eyes widened and he screamed. He slammed right into a vacuum that started inflating him like a balloon. Just as Baby Herman finally grabbed a hold of a cookie, Roger was sent whizzing around the kitchen, complete chaos in his wake, as he screamed and flew right into the fridge, managing to get stuck underneath it. While Roger was struggling to get out, his struggles made Baby Herman stumble above him, as he was right on top of the fridge. He fell off but luckily right on top of Roger's chest.
"Cookie." He happily mumbled as Roger managed to lift the fridge up and off of himself.
However, in his excitement to see Baby Herman safe and unharmed, he let go of the fridge to instead lift the baby boy. He realized his mistake too late as the fridge crashed on top of his head once more. The door opened, to show the poor rabbit disorientated and dizzy, with twittering blue birds flying around his head.
Wait - BIRDS?!
"Cut!" The director yelled out furiously, making everyone on the set freeze and stop what they were doing.