I felt like everyone in my life hated me. My dad, my mom, my sister, the pogues. And now, probably Rafe.
My parents warned me I was destined to be alone. Maybe its inevitable. But for the first time in my life, it doesn't feel good.
It's not my fault, I keep telling myself. But deep down I know it is.
I remember the first time I tried drugs. I coughed like crazy, but it made me feel something. It made me feel alive.
I wanted to have that feeling forever and to be high all the time, so that's what I did.
That's how I lost everyone. That's how I became a mess.
~
Rafe wasn't my problem anymore. I walked down the beach, as I stuffed the bag of coke in my pocket.
And that's when I see JJ, his back faced to me.
I could tell it was him by his scruffy blonde hair and how he was smoking weed out in the open.
He was talking with a curly haired brunette. I saw her laughing with him, realising the brunette was Kiara.
She was probably telling him everything from before, and making me seem like it was my fault.
Kiara hugs him whilst laughing and starts walking off, leaving JJ with his weed.
I didn't know if JJ and I were friends or not, but man I missed him.
I walk up towards him confidently, or not so confidently. My hear beat rose just thinking about what he thought of me after that conversation with Kiara.
"Hey." I say.
He looks up at me. I sit beside him.
"Yo." he raises his eyebrows.
After a moment of silence, I finally talk.
"What did she tell you?"
"Hm?" he asks, giving me the joint he just smoked out of.
"Kiara. What did she tell you?"
"Uh?" he scratches his head.
"Just fucking tell me." I sigh.
"She didn't mention you." he says, smoking.
"What?"
"Yeah. Why? What'd you do this time?"
"Nothing- nothing." I shrug.
He sighs.
"You wanna talk?" he looks at me.
"Yeah." I murmur.
JJ was always there for me, throughout everything. John B too, but he got sick of me lying about me doing drugs.
"So uh- my mom wants to send me back to the mental asylum." I say.
"What?" he looks confused.
"I know! She doesn't understand shit."
"Well are you, you know?" he says, referring to me doing drugs.
"No." I lie.
"Really?"
"No- I am." I admit and hear him sigh.
I couldn't lie to JJ.
"I just- I keep trying but no matter how hard I try, it doesn't seem to work."
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"I'm a fucking addict." I laugh.
"I always will be."
"Don't say that." he says.
"You know it. John B knows it. Fuck, he won't even let me in the chateau."
"I know you can get better if you want to. And I'll talk to him."
"It's not worth trying, he won't-"
"It's always been me you and him." he interrupts me.
"I know he misses you."
"You think?" I ask.
"I know." he smiles.
"Heard there was a party at your house." he says.
"My house? Like Kiara's house?"
"Mhm." he nods.
"No way."
"Yes way."
"How?"
"Anna and Mike are out of town, leaving the house to Kie." he smirks.
"Shit." I chuckle.
"And you're coming. Basically everyone is."