"I can't stay here much longer," I told Jamie as we lounged around on my parent's couch.
"Why?" he questioned, turning his head to look at me.
"My parents are driving me fucking crazy," I replied with a laugh. "I've barely unpacked anything, and all my luggage is still in my car. I haven't really had time to be upset."
"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyebrows pulling in.
"I was so shocked after it all happened, I haven't really cried other than that night. And now, with my parents up my ass 24/7, I haven't had time to be upset," I explained with a sigh. I ran my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes.
Now, with Jamie here, things were really starting to set in. I was alone. I'd spend the last few years with someone by my side, and now I was alone just like that. My fingers mindlessly went to mess with my ring, but that was gone too.
"So this is what you meant," I said suddenly.
"What?" he asked, another confused look coming onto his face.
"The night you came home from your concussion. You said my ring didn't mean shit, and something about loyalty," I reminded him, flashing my bare left ring finger. He heaved a sigh and turned to face me again after a few moments of silence.
"I wasn't trying to start anything," he explained. "I was fucked up."
Why in the hell was he still trying to apologize? This wasn't his mistake. Sure, he kept it from me, but I understood his reasons why. It was over, no use trying to keep apologizing.
"Jamie," I trailed off, but he kept talking.
"I wanted you to find out on your own. I didn't want to ruin your relationship," he said, looking at me with pained eyes.
"Jamie, stop. It's done. It's over. I don't want to hear anymore. I forgive you, I did the moment you got here. Just please, for the love of god, stop!" I demanded, my voice rising as I spoke. I realized my hands were shaking, and a tear slid down my cheek.
"How can I make this up to you?"
"You can't make this up to me. It wasn't your fault."
"I still feel-"
I stood up from the couch. This was ridiculous.
"Jamie! I wasn't fucking good enough for him! I wasn't good enough!"
"Eleanor, stop it."
"No! Obviously I wasn't good enough, because if I was, I wouldn't have gotten cheated on with ten other fucking women," I yelled, pacing the room. The tears were flowing freely, and my walls came tumbling down.
"Come here," Jamie said quietly. I melted down onto the couch and into Jamie's arms. "Shhhhhhh," he whispered. "You're okay, Elle, you're alright. It's all gonna be okay."
••••••••••••
Cheating really, really messes with the other person's head. The same questions raced each other around my brain.
Why did he feel the need to cheat? Why wasn't I enough for him? Why would he lie? Why would he promise his love for me if it wasn't true? Why would he propose?
The thought that got me the most was why wasn't I good enough? Was I not keeping him happy? And if I wasn't, why didn't he just end our relationship and go on with whichever "mistress" he liked best? Or, better yet, just stay single and do the rotation?
I needed to stop thinking. I was desperate to get out of my head. Despite the warm and safe feeling of Jamie's arms, I had to get up and do something or else my thoughts would eat me from the inside out.
"Jamie, what's the plan?" I questioned, turning my head to look up at him.
"What do you mean?" he answered with another question.
"Your plan for the offseason," I replied. He thought for a second and then just shrugged.
"Didn't really have a plan," he told me. "But, do you know what we could do?" A grin stretched across his face, and I could tell he was getting excited about something.
"What's that?"
"A road trip. Your stuff is all packed, my stuff is all packed. All we have to do is pick a place and catch a flight."
"You're not serious," I accused, folding my arms over my chest. "We can't just get up and go."
"I'm dead serious!" Jamie defended, putting his hands up. "What's stopping us?"
He was right, nothing was stopping us from picking up and going. It just felt kind of weird to be hopping off of the radar unexpected, but at the same time, as I looked up at Jamie, I felt a rush of excitement. A road trip was exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things.
"I'm in," I replied with a grin. "Can we wait for a while though? I want to say bye to my parents ."
"No, we have to leave right this second," Jamie replied sarcastically. I shot him a fake glare and lightly punched his arm.
My parents got home a few hours later, and, of course, they bombarded Jamie with their chatter. He handled it like a pro, and we stuck around for a few more hours to talk. It was nice having someone else here to help me dodge the painful questions and comments about how they used to think Tyler was such a nice guy. Well, he wasn't.
By the time conversation dwindled down, we had shifted into the kitchen to have some wine, and the stove clock read: 1:27 A.M. My parents had to work the next morning, so they retired to their bedroom. On the other hand, Jamie and I stayed in the kitchen, sipping on our wine glasses.
"So where to tomorrow morning?" Jamie questioned.
"Huh?" I questioned, bringing my glass down from my lips.
"Where do you want to go first on our road trip?"
"Well, where do you want to go?" I answered his question with a question.
"I asked you," he remarked, tipping his wine glass towards me. I shrugged.
"I haven't been to a beach in a while," I replied with a shrug. It was true. With following Tyler around, there was little time for vacation. We had usually spent the offseason by splitting our time between his hometown and mine.
"Well, good thing there's plenty of beaches in America," Jamie replied with a laugh. "Do you have any idea which one you'd want?"
"I've heard Myrtle Beach was a blast," I answered quietly. I wasn't used to being in control and making big decisions.
"Myrtle Beach it is, my dear," he replied with a smirk as he brought his wine glass to his mouth. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, or maybe it my subconscious coming through, but in that moment, I was jealous of his wine glass that was pressed against his soft-looking pink lips.
I shook the thought away. Stop it. He's your ex-fiancé's best friend, and he's your best friend right now. This is wrong, I thought to myself. I brought my glass to my lips once again, peering at Jamie over the top of my glass. His hazel eyes were gazing into mine.
"Your eyes," he said slowly, his eyes harrowing.
"What about them?" I replied with a small laugh.
"I can't tell if they're green or blue or grey, and it's driving me crazy," he commented with a grin. I smiled once again, and I broke eye contact for just a moment before bringing my eyes back to his.
"My grandma always called them turquoise," I told him. "A mix of everything, she would always say."
"Well," Jamie began, setting his glass down, "whatever they are, they're absolutely stunning." He walked towards the doorway of the kitchen and turned around to face me. "Goodnight, Eleanor."
•••••••••••••••
My dreams swirled with visions of Tyler. We were happy again. Shay and Kelly and the eight other women didn't exist, Tyler and I were still in Boston, and we were happy.
I saw our wedding day, me standing behind huge, expertly, beautifully carved mahogany doors in a sparkling lace mermaid gown. The doors were opened, and there was Tyler in his tuxedo.
His eyes were on me. Just me. I felt like the most special, beautiful girl in the entire world.
But then, Shay, Kelly, and eight other women shoved me over. They were all in more sparkly, more glamorous wedding gowns. They all rushed towards Tyler, and all of them formed a crowd around him, pushing and shoving to get to him.
My special feeling slipped through my fingers, and I woke up drenched in a cold sweat. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.
There was a soft knock at my old bedroom door before it slowly creeped open. Jamie poked his head in, and one of his wet locks of hair flopped onto his forehead.
"What's up?" I questioned, leaning up on my elbows.
"I was taking a shower, and I heard you yelling," he said, running his hand through his wet hair. I realized he was shirtless, with nothing but a towel hanging loosely from his waist. One wrong move and that sucker would fall off and reveal everything.
"Oh, uh, just a bad dream," I replied, struggling to collect my thoughts as I took in Jamie's half-naked, chiseled, tattooed body. Hot damn.
"What about?" he questioned as he folded his arms over his chest, causing his biceps to flex.
"Tyler.." I trailed off. Jamie sucked in his lower lip and blew out a puff of air.
"I'll be right back."
He kept his promise and returned to my old bedroom five minutes later, dressed instead of half-naked. He wordlessly came over to the side of my bed and pulled back the covers. I smiled as he climbed into my bed beside me.
"Alright, come here," he said quietly, scooting closer so our bodies were touching. I leaned into him, and he wrapped his arms around my torso. "Who are they?"
He nodded his head towards the framed picture on my old desk.
"Those were my best friends from high school," I told him. "That was my senior year track team. Joining track was probably one of the best decisions I made in high school, actually. That's Lizzy, Amanda, me, Katie, and then Sam there on the end."
"You must be special if you're in the middle," Jamie commented with a smirk. I nudged him with my shoulder.
"I was the captain," I explained. "We were the 'Fab Five' and only senior girls on the team. They voted me captain, and then we took that picture."
"Do you miss them?"
"I still talk to them periodically, but yeah, I do," I answered with a sigh. "Apparently every other good friend I've had since then has been screwing my boyfriend."
"Elle."
"Well, I take that back. At least you're not screwing Tyler, that I know off," I joked. Jamie grinned and I rested my head against his shoulder. My eyes drooped, and I felt myself slowly falling asleep.