I wake up to the soft clanging of dishes and slowly open my eyes, letting the light fill them. I roll over to be greeted by and empty bed. No Tobias.
I quickly get up from the bed and my shirt scrunches up past my underwear. I pay no heed since it's 7:00 in the morning and I went to bed late.
When I walk in, I see him making breakfast on the small stove we have in the kitchen. It smells delicious; the aroma of pancakes and bacon fills the room.
"Morning," I say, wanting to catch his attention.
His head jolts quickly around his shoulder, "Shit!" After seeing me, it returns to the food he's cooking. "You're up, I was hoping to give you breakfast in bed."
"It's fine," I say, shrugging. He didn't need to this for me, although I find the gesture extremely sweet.
"No, it's not," he says, shaking his head and still not looking at me. I yawn as he turns finally.
His arms prop on the counter and I could swear I see his eyes scan my bare legs. Just from his glance, I feel weak. And I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so badly.
"Could you go back in bed?" he asks. "I'll be right out with breakfast in a few minutes."
"Sure," I say, my voice sounding different. "And thanks for the breakfast, you really didn't have to." I wink at him and turn around, walking away and swaying my hips slightly. I feel his eyes on me as I walk away. The shirt has probably ridden up past my bum, and I take advantage of that.
Before I return to the bed, I throw on a pair of black cotton shorts that end several inches above my knees-- a few inches below my undergarments. I plop down on bed and throw the now-cold covers over my body. I take Tobias's pillow and hold it against my chest, cuddling it. I close my eyes and try to savor the moment of silence. Then, I feel the bed dip to the side and look upward.
Tobias sits on the bed, gazing at me. "Why are you staring at me?" I ask, heat traveling to my face.
"Because you were so cute laying there like that," he chuckles
I look away when I intensely blush, embarrassed as to the effect he has on me.
"Anyway, here's your breakfast," he says, handing me a plate. I take a bite from the pancakes that are providing a sweet cinnamon aroma and it's so mouthwateringly delicious.
"Mmm, Tobias this is so good," I say moaning.
"Glad you like it," he says softly, looking at me with his head cocked slightly to one side. He's examining me.
He scoots slightly closer to me on the bed, his eyes soft and intent. When I look into them, I almost get lost. They're dark blue- a very rare color. When he looks at me, he almost makes me melt. And when he touches me, my heart gets light and my breathing falters.
I lean forward and our lips touch, feather light. They stay stagnant as we savor the moment. I adjust my body to have a better angle and just as I do, his lips start to move against mine. They're so soft and demanding against mine. His arms snake around me and rest on the small of my back, just above my butt.
I moan when his tongue laces my lip, demanding entrance. This closeness almost scares me, but all my body can think is more. I need to explore his body and claim it in any way I can. I want to move forward in this relationship. I want to be able to demolish this fear. But I need his help.
I decide to allow him entrance. I never really thought it out, my mind isn't capable of it right now. All I'm thinking about is how much I want this. I push his against the headboard and sit on his lap, facing him. My lips pull back from his just enough that our lips aren't touching so I can talk and catch my breath. I can't stand to be parted any further.
"Thank you," I whisper, "for the breakfast."
"You stopped to say that?" he asks, perplexed with an amused and light look on his face.
"No," I whisper seductively. "Who said I wanted this to stop?"
My lips find his neck and kiss him there. His hands grip my shirt tightly, almost as if he wants to take it off. A slight moan escapes his mouth as I nip at his ear. He groans and his lips meet mine, parting my mouth instantaneously. He lays me down on the bed and I continue to kiss him intensely with passion. His hands grasp my sides tightly and I feel something hard against my upper thigh. At first I'm not sure of what it is, but then I remember my little talk with Christina. Also known as the most awkward 10 minutes of my life.
When his hands start to run up my shirt, lift it slowly, I start to get scared. My seventh fear flashes in my mind and my hands shake. He notices and pulls away.
"Sorry," I say, looking down and feeling ashamed. I regret letting the fear get to me.
"Don't be," he says with a small smile.
We lay down side by side on the bed, my head resting on his chest and his arms around my body, and I listen to the thumping of his heart. It beats at a steady, yet fast, rhythm. As it slowly decelerates, I take comfort in its consistency. Constantly going, always there at the correct time, and never stopping. I take joy in the fact that some day, whether it be in a few days or years, it will always be the same.
"I love you, Tris," he says, his voice deep and soft. It was almost a whisper, but comprehendible enough for me to make out what he was saying. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean for me to hear him.
My throat tightens as I want to say it back. But trusting him with a piece of me this large seems like a big step in our relationship. One that, despite wanting to be, I'm not ready for. I close my eyes and bury my head in his chest further, raveling my arms around his torso.
He's constantly been insisting my worth, always being there for me. He's my anchor that I can rely on in both rough and calm seas. He's my home that I can always return to. Deep down, I know I love him. And I want to tell him. I want this relationship to move onward.
Perhaps I'm not afraid of trusting him with this information. Maybe I am just afraid that something will go wrong and we'll wind up apart.
Maybe I'm not afraid of intimacy- despite my extreme lack of knowledge on the subject- but instead it's a fear of rejection. That once he sees my body, he'll be disgusted and never want me again.
I remember him bathing me and helping me change after Peter attacked me a few days ago. That was the closest to being bare that he's ever seen me. I need to take a step in this relationship. He's ready and he's waiting for me. It's time I stand up to the plate.
But I don't want to ruin this perfect moment. Now is not the time. For now, I will just close my eyes and rest, listening to his heart beat, waiting in anticipation.
>>
I wake up with a jerk when a knock sounds on the door. My head lifts from Tobias's shoulder to look through the apartment at the door.
After a moment, I think the person has gone away and I lay back down only to stand up a few seconds later when the knock sounds again. I rub my eyes and walk to the door opening it groggily.
"Mom?" I ask, seeing her standing there. She smiles and I immediately hug her. "Oh my god mom," I say, dumbfounded. "How did you get in? Why are you here?"
"Shh," she says quietly, looking over he shoulder.
I let her in and she says, "Look at you. Oh sweetie you look so strong and beautiful." She presses a hand to my cheek as I smile. She looks me up and down, seeing the longish black shirt. I almost laugh at the thought.
"But mom, why are you here?"
"Because this can not wait until Visiting Day," she says seriously now. "You-"
"Tris?" Tobias calls out from the bedroom. "Is that you?"
He walks out of the room and scans the apartment. His eyebrows knit together and look at my mom.
"Ms. Prior?" he asks, confused.
"Hello," she says, smiling. "Four, isn't it? Aren't you Beatrice's instructor?" Then she looks from me to him as he sits down beside me on the couch, wrapping an arm around me.
"Yes," he says, "I was."
"Ah, I see," she says. I mentally thank her for not questioning further. "Well, I don't see the harm of telling the you as well now that you're here."
"Mom, what's wrong?"
"It's about Caleb, dear."
"Yeah," I ask, panicking, "what about him?"
"Well he told me all about the whole skit going on to bring him into Dauntless. He dropped by Abnegation in secret a few days ago. What he forgot to mention, however, was that the two of you were an item. But, when he told me, he started assessing the risks, found a few problem s and decided against it. He said the punishments were not worth the risk. And even if he made it to Dauntless, he said it would be an illogical move since he had no aptitude for Dauntless."
"Are you kidding?" I ask, getting mad. I look over at Tobias and he's almost smiling. I'll have to talk with him about that later . . .
"Well, you know your brother if constantly assessing things for the most logical solution. He thinks that what is happening at Erudite would pale by comparison to the things that could happen to him at Dauntless," she says.
"And he couldn't even come to tell us? After all we did for him?" Tobias asks flatly.
"He couldn't sneak off again unnoticed for a while so I offered since I thought I could spend the day with Beatrice. You must understand that when knowledge stands alone with no other character traits makes a person cold and inconsiderate."
I nod and say, "Well, while you're here, mom, we might as well make the best of the day."
She smiles at me sweetly and I smile back. "Sounds lovely," she says softly. "And maybe you two could tell me about how this all started while you're at it," she adds on with a wink.
A/N
I tried to make this chapter extra long and I'm not sure if I succeeded lol.
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