~~~Brianne's Pov~~~
"Newt."
"What?" He asked, previously ignoring the questions coming his way.
"What happened out there?" Alby demanded, "You weren't stung by a griever, so what the heck happened?"
"I told you, Alby. I tripped," Newt answered, eyes quickly scanning over all three of our faces, "Took a bad spill."
"That's a load of klunk, and you know it!" Minho yelled. He began pacing behind us, "You're lying! You wanna know how I can tell?"
"Minho, you're making everything more stressful-" Alby started.
"No! You won't look at me! That's how I know," Minho shouted, "Brianne, he must have told you something?"
"I don't-" I began to say, but he didn't give me time to finish my lie.
"Newt," Minho pleaded, walking over to the side of Newt's bed, his dramatic rage hopefully over.
Hopefully.
"I'm sorry, Minho, I really am," Newt whispered, staring at his hands, "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Why are you so sorry?" Minho asked, sitting down again, "You kept mumbling that when we found you. Why are you sorry? What did you do to be so sorry about?"
Silence consumed the room. I honestly wasn't sure if Newt was going to reveal the truth to Ably and Minho. I mean, I silently hoped that he would, just so he could have more people to confide in, but as a couple minutes ticked by, the likelihood of him opening up seemed to get slimmer and slimmer.
"Newt, we're best friends. You should be able to tell me what happened," Minho whispered, sadly.
"I'm sorry," Newt mumbled, shaking his head.
"Newt, we need to figure this out," Alby stated, "Do you not remember what happened? Thats an issue in and of itself."
"I remember," Newt whispered.
"Then spit it out," Minho said harshly, losing patience again.
"Fine, I was climbing up the wall, because I'd lost my way and didn't know which turn to take. And I guess, I lost my footing. Took a bit of a spill. That's all," Newt looked away from Minho and Alby, his eyes taking on a cold edge.
I took a deep breath, slightly relieved yet slightly disappointed that Newt was circling around the truth.
In some ways, him wanting to keep his suicide attempt between just us two is exciting. I feel privileged. I feel as though things are going to be okay because it's all in my hands. But I also feel scared. If I can't help Newt, then no one will.
Alby exhaled loudly, "Are you sure that's what happened?"
"I mean, I was so out of it, I forget the details, but I think that's what happened," Newt spoke, without looking back at us. He kept his focus on something off in the distance outside the window. From where I was standing in the room, I couldn't see what he was staring at.
"We take things like this seriously," Alby said, "Five people died trying to solve your case."
"Wait-What?" Newt asked, looking back at the people in the room. But his attention wasn't on Minho or Alby, it was on me. His eyes were wide with shock and they became more and more sad as he kept staring.
"Nick and five others, including Amelia, were killed," Alby answered, with a stern look on his face.
Newt didn't say anything. Minho didn't say anything either, just had his head bowed in his hands. Even Alby stopped talking, and resorted to looking at the floor.
I could tell Newt was trying to have a silent, private conversation with me. Judging by the face he was making, it was as though he were asking, "Did you know about this?" And I hesitated at first but then I shook my head slowly, tears gathering in my eyes. I closed them just as I saw Newt begin to cry. Even though my answer was no, in that millisecond of hesitation, he found his answer. I'd known.
I didn't know that Amelia had died, though. I thought it was only Nick.
"Can we have some time alone?" I asked, my voice oddly steady for the current mood floating around the room.
Without saying anything, Minho and Alby both left, pulling the door shut behind them.
"Newt, I had no idea-" I quickly spit out.
"Stop," He said, with little patience.
"I'm sorry," I quietly responded, not wanting to add fuel to Newt's fire.
He didn't say anything for a while and the silence was killing me. I could only hear my own heart beating and the faint sound of a hammer banging against something far in the distance.
"You kept this from me."
"I didn't mean to. I'd only heard about Nick's death last night. I never meant to keep it a secret," I babbled.
"You didn't tell me, because you knew how it would make me feel. You knew it'd make me feel guilty, didn't you?"
"Yes, but-"
"You were right, as always," Newt muttered, with a certain anger laced in his words, "I just never thought I'd cry the day I heard that Amelia had died," Newt sighed, "I hated her, but I'd been foolish and loved her at some point in that relationship."
"It's okay to cry," I quietly reassured.
"She told me to kill myself. That's where this all started. I mean, I'm not going to push the blame around, but that's how the idea of death came to my mind; she told me on the night that we broke up that I should die and that nobody would care if I did," Newt sniffled, "I never told anyone about what she did to me. I let people think I was crazy. That I'd officially jumped off the deep end. Acted like I'd been stung by a griever. That's what everyone said."
I remained silent, not wanting to disturb Newt's story. This was good, he needed to get everything out. God only knows how long these emotions have been bottled up. I quietly moved to the empty chair next to Newt's bed, and sat in it.
"She despised me. And emotionally abused me. And these people thought I was the crazy one," Newt shook his head, tears rolling down his cheeks, "And now she's gone and I can't help but feel sorry for leaving her."
I swallowed the built up saliva that had been accumulating in my mouth, but was a bit panicked when I felt like I couldn't.
"I'm not even the one who broke us apart and I'm sorry. She screwed me over and I'm bloody sorry about it. I just can't help thinking that if maybe, just maybe I hadn't made such a big stink about letting her sit on my lap, things would be different. I wouldn't be here. She wouldn't be dead. The thought of the things that could've been prevented, scares me."
"But think of it this way; if you and Amelia had never broken up, we never would have gotten together," I gave him a weak smile. Hearing these words hurt me.
Don't think about yourself, Brianne. He's sad and doesn't understand that he's hurting you with what he's saying.
Let it go. He loves you.
"But she would be alive, if I hadn't tried to commit suicide. And if I hadn't been so buggin' stupid, Amelia and I would have never broken up, and she wouldn't have told me to die. And then things would be happy. This is all my fault. I mean, how could I look into the eyes of the person I love and tell them to get off of me? I'm ridiculous," Newt scoffed at his words.
I bowed my head, "Love?" I asked, wondering why he was speaking about his love for Amelia in a present term. I don't want to hear that. Why would he bring this conversation there?
"I loved her," That's better, "We would kiss and whisper secrets to each other; secrets that I'd never tell anyone else. It's scary how close you can be to someone and still hate them, yet love them with all of your heart."
"Why am I here, Newt?" I asked, fed up with his story.
"What?"
"Why am I here, if you're just going to talk about how much you love Amelia? Do you not realize how crazy you're being? I thought you loved me."
"I do-"
"You just said you loved Amelia, did you not?"
"I-"
I cut Newt off, "I'll be back in a little while, okay? Don't do anything stupid when I leave. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and I need a break," I stood from my chair, and quickly walked out of the room, just in time too, because the tears started falling from my eyes, only seconds after I left.
In the back of my mind, I immediately feel bad for snapping at Newt. He's going through a lot and I need to be there for him. He has serious issues that need my full undivided attention. And I know this.
But I can't believe he would talk to me about how great and tragic his past relationship was? How could he look me in the eyes and say that he wouldn't tell me the things he told Amelia? After everything I've done for him. Really?
I sat in the same freaking chair for five days. I refused to leave his side. I basically starved myself, that's how sad I was. I put my life on pause for him. I went through many sleepless nights, because I was scared that if I slept, I'd wake up too late and he'd be gone. I spent hours and hours helping him analyze his emotions and depressive feelings. I risked my reputation by lying about what Newt did to himself in the maze. I've done so much for him.
I truly love him.
And now here I am looking like a lost puppy, as I step out into the open air for the first time in almost a week.
I can barely walk ten feet without feeling like I'm going to pass out. But here I am running away from my problems again.
I take a quick glance up at the window to the Medjack's room: seeing Newt already looking down at me. His face seemed void of emotion, but his eyes were another story. Even from here I could tell that once again he was silently begging me to come back up stairs.
But I shook my head, yet another time. And briskly turned around and began walking away from him.
Where was I going?
I have no idea.
I feel like this happens too often here, I never know where I'm going when I'm looking for an escape. But I do know, that I somehow always end up where I'm meant to be. And I think that's the beautiful thing about leaving someplace in the past; there's always somewhere else to go, even if you don't know where that place is yet. You just have to embrace the change. For the world is never as big or as small as you think it is.
So I stumble on, the fading sunlight causing me to feel lightheaded. I let the remaining tears on my face stain my blushed cheeks, not caring about the stares I was receiving.
Literally every single person I passed by stared at me. Nobody said anything though. Maybe nobody knew what to say. That seems reasonable enough, crying is overwhelming to happy people, sometimes.
But I keep going, with my chin up, letting the fresh air cleanse my entire being. Right now, in this moment, I feel free and sad and weighted but light and I don't know how that is. And suddenly all thoughts of Newt escape my mind and I know where it is I'm going, and I don't think anything in this glade could stop me from reaching my destination.
~~~~
~~~Newt's Pov~~~
I exhaled, my hands running over the crinkly, yet soft fabric of the sheets I was lying in.
I blinked, listening to the distant sound of the other gladers eating dinner down in the kitchen.
I swallowed, the tight clenching in my throat not going away.
I just ruined the only healthy relationship I've ever been in.
What is wrong with me? I just let Brianne walk away. Even worse, I made her walk away.
Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? I don't like Amelia. I hate her. Good riddens is what I have to say about her death.
So why five minutes ago, did I feel that she was the one that got away?
Brianne is the only person I've ever loved. She's the only one I want to love.
Where did all of my self control go? I can't believe I said what I just said.
This just brings everything back to the fact that I'm the biggest mistake ever made. I can't do anything right and I ruin all that is good.
I'm too busy reminiscing in my broken past to look into the future. Or at least, it seems that way. So why do I keep trying to trick myself into thinking things could be different? I know I'm not meant to fall in love. But I continuously try to love Brianne.
I just want to go back to a year ago, before I fell for Amelia, but I want to take Brianne with me, to a happier time.
But look at that! I screwed this relationship up too. I wouldn't be surprised if Brianne never spoke to me again.
Its as if, I finally get it. As though I knew all along: broken people brake people.
Amelia was broken, she broke me. I felt broken and I broke Brianne.
Seems pretty legit, if you ask me.
I look down at my exposed stomach, the white bandages wrapping around my wounds, weren't stained with blood anymore. And that made me realize that Brianne must have changed them while I'd been sleeping earlier.
God she was everything I could ever want in someone. And I was letting her go.
I mean, I wasn't directly meaning to let her go. It was just happening. Because I don't want to absolutely break her. She's too beautiful to be as sad as I am. So I try to emotionally keep my distance.
I look back out the window, my reoccurring longing for a family coming back to me. I wish I had one. Not like a glade type family, as great as that is, but I want my biological family. Like my mother and father, if they're even still alive. And if they are still alive, who knows if they would care enough to talk to me?
But I like to think they would still love me. And that if I asked them, there would be a logical explanation as to why they sent me to a place like the glade.
I just imagine how great it would be to have a dad to get advice from. Like right now with everything that's going on, wouldn't it be awesome to have an experienced father to guide me in my decisions? And then I'd love to have a mum to comfort me when I'm down and let me cry into her shoulder when I can't keep myself together.
I wish I had parents and I wish they were here. And then maybe this life wouldn't feel so heavy.
But then again they sent me away and I've been here for two years. So they couldn't have loved me that greatly, now could they have?
~~~~
~~~Third Person Pov~~~
"Do you feel bad yet, Janson?" Karen asked, as she took a seat behind her desk.
Janson rolled his eyes, "Are you done hazing me yet, Karen?"
"I'm not hazing, what are we twelve? I'm just asking a perfectly reasonable question," Karen spun in her chair to face her coworker.
"And I'm reasonably not answering it, " Janson muttered under his breath.
"Are you bored yet?" Karen asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Why would I be bored?" Janson put his paperwork down and devoted his full attention to this conversation.
"You can't control Brianne, or Newt for that matter, so I just thought you'd be bored with nothing to do," Karen filed a few papers into a drawer, "Has the full picture hit you yet?"
"What are you saying now?"
"Have you realized the extent of the damage you've cause in your own son?"
Janson looked around the lab, hoping nobody had heard what Karen was saying, "It's not the time, Karen."
"Yah, and it wasn't Newt's time to die, but we never paid that any mind either so-"
"It's a good thing he isn't dead then, right?"
"I had to control him in order for him to wake up, you know that right? He would have died if I hadn't done something."
"I know what you did."
"And you still don't care?"
"Look, I get it- you're pretty angry with me, but that doesn't mean that you can sabotage my career," Janson straightened his workplace.
"I don't know what you're talking about?" Karen smirked to herself as she picked up her phone, "Hello, Chancellor, I am here to confirm our meeting at 3."
"I swear to God, Karen-"
"Uh huh. Yep. Sounds good, I will see you then," And with that Karen hung up the phone.
"You can't be serious? You're snitching on me? What kind of childish game are you trying to play?!"
"I'm not playing games, Janson. Aren't we all professionals here? There's no time for fooling around. And there's no time for sorting through personal problems either."
"You're ridiculous," Janson muttered under his breath.
"Would you mind recording the events taking place on Camera F, the room subject A-5 is in, in case you were confused as to which one I was referring to."
"I know which one," Janson typed in a code to open the recording files, but stopped once he looked at the screen. The subject, Newt, was sitting alone in bed, crying, "I'm not recording that."
"We need it in record."
"No we don't. You just want to make a point."
"And what point would that be?"
"You want me to feel bad."
She shrugged her shoulders, "Why would I want that?"
"Don't play games with me. I'm not recording Newt."
"His emotions are strong and sincere, I want to save them. And then, you should be ecstatic about this, we can try to recreate those emotions later."
"That's crap, we have plenty of blueprints to use. You just want to prove how awful I am."
"Record it, Janson."
"Since when did you become my boss?" Janson muttered, as he recorded the subjects thought pattern.
"I became your boss, when I figured out your little secret," Karen looked over the papers as they slid out of the fax machine, "These are good," She chuckled as she read over Newt's current feelings.
"Why? What is he so miserable about?" Janson asked, worriedly.
"He wants his family," Karen gave Janson a cold glance, "Specifically his father."
"Let me see," Janson grabbed the papers from his coworker.
"He feels abandoned and lonely, which I can trace back to his memory of a family unit," Karen crossed her arms over her chest, "Isn't that sweet? He misses you. If only he knew what his father was doing to him."
Janson remained silent, too caught up in his own thoughts and emotions to think about Newt's. Sadness tore at Janson's years of walls and emotionless barriers. He still refused to take responsibility for his actions, but even the cruelest of souls can relapse into honorable hospitality. It's human nature at its best.
"Do you regret everything you've messed up? Does your son still deserve what you've done to him?"
"I have no regrets. The future of the human race is at stake."
"So that's your way of justifying this: hurt and kill your son, but only if it's absolutely necessary," Karen muttered sarcastically.
"I brought him into this world," Janson balled up the piece of paper in his fist, "And I have the power to take him out of it." And Janson's moment of relapse was over.
~~~~~~
~~~Author's Notes~~~
Heyyyyy, guys!! It's me again, I hope y'all liked this surprise, little update. I'd really like to update more frequently, as the summer approaches and I have more free time. I can't promise an update this week though, because it is finals week at my school, but fingers crossed that I have time to write!
Okay anyway, this chapter shows the bit of underlying tension and anger that will set the scene for the next chapter. SO THAT'S WHY NEWT AND BRIANNE ARE "fighting." Don't worry it's only temporary, and I mean, if you think about it realistically, people fight and get fed up with each other all of the time. Nobody is perfect :)
BUT YAH ILY GUYS and I'll talk to y'all in the comment section, I try to reply to everyone at least once, or in the next update! CRAZY STUFF IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN IN THE GLADE. Mostly involving Brianne and Victoria... So yah their friendship will be tested very very soon. BUT NO SPOILS THOUGH, ILY AND BYEEE!!