"No! Nope. I can't do this."
"Has anyone ever told you that can't shouldn't be a part of your vocabulary?"
"Has anyone ever told you that you're demanding? Pushy? Too optimistic?"
Leo and I are in the bathroom, and have been since the lunch bell went off five minutes ago. We're having our first fight. I told him I'd wear one outfit we bought at the mall, and I am, but it's hidden. Underneath the jacket I have covering me up is a short plaid skirt that has a little slit, and a long sleeve white ribbed crop top. It's showing and hugging everything I don't normally show.
He leans against the sink, disappointment all in his eyes. "I just want to help you, but I can't if you don't want to be helped, girlfriend."
My arms slam to my sides. "I never asked you for help, Leo. I'm fine. It doesn't even make sense that a ghost is here to help me. Help me what? Get noticed? It doesn't work that way."
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, messing it up. He's mad at me. I can see it in his face. His jaw is clenched and his arms keep crossing to uncross. Leo wants me to be confident, but I don't know how when I've gotten beaten down my entire life for being different. It doesn't change overnight, and it certainly doesn't change because I have a ghost following me.
He pushes himself up and stands in front of me. His beauty makes it hard to focus on being mad. I mean, seriously. How can someone be so... flawless? Even though he wears the same clothes, something is new about him every day. Whether it's the sparkle in his eyes, a brighter smile, or the sound of his laugh.
"If you were to die right now, would you be happy with the life you lived, Randi? Don't bullshit me, either."
"Yes," I answer quickly, averting my eyes from his face. His question replays over and over in my head. I try to think of a moment in my life that makes me proud enough to be okay with dying this second, and I don't have one. "Okay, fine. No."
He grins as I reach over him to fix his messy hair. Ocean eyes roaming all over my face. "Then, let's live it up. Stop caring about what these people think of you. Be the girl in the dressing room that day. She's in there."
She's not available. Please leave a message.
Yeah, when you almost kissed me, and never mentioned it afterward. I wanted to say something, but then again, I figured he'd probably try to act as if it never happened. I can't get rejected by a dead guy. That'll hurt.
"Okay! What do you suggest I do?"
"Trust me."
"What?" I ask, arching my eyebrow.
Without saying a word, he puts his hands in my hair. His eyes settle on mine as he releases my ponytail, letting my long hair fall. His fingers graze against my scalp, and it's enough to make a huge smile wipe across my face.
"Do you trust me?" he asks, dragging his hands down to unbutton my jacket. Little by little, he reveals my outfit, watching closely as if he's studying me. It doesn't bother me that he's obviously checking me out.
I nod. "Yes. Call me crazy."
"Okay, crazy."
Leo jumps at me, but instead of us colliding, he goes right through me. It's like electricity. I gasp from the feeling alone. Multiple feelings, actually. My body jolts forward, trying to understand the weird burning and tingling mix happening inside my body. Every movement seems involuntary, and I'm too in shock to say anything. The dizziness comes next. I'm looking at myself in the mirror, and seem close, but so far away.
I grunt. "Leo! What the hell? Did you possess me? We had a deal!"
"What deal?" he questions, making my lips move. My eyes are wide as I try rejecting him. Feels like something is moving inside of me, and I think it's me. He has full control. I'm mind blown. "And you said yes."
We're taking turns talking with my body, which looks like I'm having a full-blown conversation with myself. "To trusting you! Not you being inside of me. You could've taken me to dinner first. I'm somewhat classy. Geez."
"Maybe not dinner, but I can take you to lunch. We ready?"
"What?" I yell, staring at myself, so he knows I'm not happy. "No! I'll do it. I'll go into the cafeteria and show everyone my outfit. But you have to leave my body."
He hums and pats my lip with my finger. I try to stop him, but he's overpowering me.
"Negative. You can hate me later, but I'm going to show you how beautiful you are if you just have the confidence to back it up. And if you keep fighting me and talking, people are really going to think you're a freak."
I'm screaming internally. I'm so going to punch him in the chest when he gets out of me. With every step in my platform oxfords, I curse him out in my head. I feel violated because he can hear my thoughts, and keeps thanking me for calling him cute. He probably can hear me thinking about the kiss... and oh, my God. Awkward.
Please let it slide. Please don't make this weird, Conley.
"I don't regret the almost-kiss, by the way," he says, whispering before we can make it to the café. "Not sure if I'll get in trouble, though. Didn't read the handbook."
My mouth stays sealed shut. I'm flustered.
As if there's music playing in the background, Leo makes me lift my chin high and glance around the room with a smile. It's like my movements are in slow motion. My confident strut catches the eyes of a few students in passing, and it makes me feel nauseous. I'm sweating and hoping he can't feel it.
This many eyes have never been on me, and every table I pass, someone lifts their head to look at me. I'm in full on panic, but he's so good at this. Throwing smiles, winks, and making me flip my kind of dead hair.
"Looking good today..." Leo starts, but stops because he doesn't know the guy's name. "Jacob." I finish for him.
Ew. This is too weird. Even for me.
Jacob's eyebrows arch as he takes me in. "Randi? Randi Emerson?"
Leo makes me shrug my shoulders. "Since birth."
After complimenting a few people, and receiving some myself, we head to the lunch line. It's empty, and Leo automatically grabs the tray with a burger on it. I only let him get it, hoping if I eat it while he's in my body, then maybe he'll taste it again.
"You must like me. Putting me before you. You want pizza, not a burger," he says in a whisper.
"Stop talking! You're going to make me look crazy."
"Randi?" I don't even have to turn around to know who it is. It's Kaliyah St. James. She's one of the prettiest and richest girls in school. She was Avery's best friend until something happened. Now I swear they just compete against each other. "That was quite an entrance."
"You know, I was thinking the same thing. Long overdue," Leo speaks, and I hope he can still hear my thoughts. I turn around, and she's eyeing me down.
Because I'm taller than her, she looks up at me and smiles. "You look great. I always wondered what happened to you. Between us, I always thought you were the prettier sister, just didn't know what to do with it."
Is that a compliment? Uh. What does she want?
"What do you want?" Leo asks, and my eyes damn near bug out. I didn't mean for him to ask her that. Even though she's never talked to me since last year, and that's because we were lab partners.
"Leo!" I whisper.
My throat clears and we awkwardly try to play it off. "What I mean is, uh..."
Before he can figure out how to fix what he said, Avery says, "Little sister, is she bothering you with her intolerable, revolting presence?" My sister places her hand on my shoulder and stands beside me like she's guarding me.
Kaliyah laughs. "Avery. So not nice seeing you. If my presence threatens you that much, why don't you just leave? I'm talking to Randi."
"I don't think so. I rather you not poison her mind," Avery shoots back.
"I think it's already poisoned. Just well hidden," Leo says for me, as my hands cover my mouth.
Kaliyah gives us a funny look and continues arguing with my sister. I've never seen Avery act this way unless she's fighting with Amara. It's scary. We have to stop it before it gets out of hand, and my mom grounds us all. Sure hope Leo has a quick solution because I don't for once.
"You claim you have it all, Kaliyah, but if that's the case, why do you try so hard to take my life? First you hook up with my boyfriend, and now you're gunning for my sister? I think not."
"Party!" Leo screams, which actually comes from me. My mouth. And as if I said I'm giving something away for free, everyone's eyes look my way. Avery has the best expression, wondering what the hell got into me.
Ha. Leo. That's his distraction to stop the almost fight.
Wait... a party? What?
"A party?" Avery repeats, communicating with me through her eyes. "Right, party. Yeah! Not including you, Kaliyah."
"Party at my place on Saturday!" Leo announces again, and I give up trying to stop him. My mother is going to murder me. "You're all invited, and I promise, you don't want to miss it."
Ugh. I'm going to kill him.
Okay. I'm going to figure out how to kill him.
It's crazy to think that just a little while ago, I was alone. I didn't have anyone that understood me, and not only tried to change me, but to make sure I'm still me. Just a better version of myself and not shy away from what makes me who I am.
Everything is going so fast, and Leo is pushing at me to live the life I deserve. I can't be mad at him. No one has given me that chance, and one day, something way beyond my beliefs shared a seat with me on the bus. It definitely opened my mind up to any and all possibilities that the world can be beautiful. Magical. If you're open to it.
"Did you know you could do that?" I ask, facing Leo in my bed. His curls keep falling in his eye as he swats it away. We're in the dark besides the light coming through the blinds. It's enough to make him glow.
"What? Wear your meat suit?" Shortly after telling everyone of the so-called party I'm having and eating a burger, Leo gave me my body back. He enjoyed the few minutes of having his humanity back, even if he was me. Instead of being invisible, I want to bring back the dead. He didn't deserve to die.
I laugh and nudge his shoulder. "Never say that again! But yes, my meat suit."
He's looking at me so hard, almost right through me. I want to help him.
"I knew it was possible, but I'm learning my powers every day. There's a first time for everything, huh?"
"Yeah." I adjust my head on the pillow, which puts me closer to his face. Our foreheads are almost touching, and I don't think to move. "Like the ghost handbook, right? Is that a real thing?"
A small smile appears and his cheekbones rise. "Just admit you want to kiss me. I heard your thoughts." I wonder what else he's heard, but I try not to think of it because it's my thoughts. I don't have to explain them.
"Which is completely not fair!" I get defensive, shaking my head. "But no! I'm just saying that maybe if it is true, we can find answers, and I can help you. Or figure out what you being here has to do with me."
Leo hums, and turns on his back to where his face is pointing toward the ceiling. "What do you want to find out?"
I still have my vision on him, just from the side. "Do you have any unfinished business, Conley?"
The space between us grows quiet as he thinks. "Uh, I have to apologize to my mom for leaving the toilet seat up. That's all I got."
"Highly doubt that has anything to do with me. Be serious!"
He sits up first. "I am."
"I don't think so."
We go back and forth until he finally says, "I'm assigned to you, Emerson."
Confusion takes over my entire face. What the hell does that mean? Assigned to me? To do what?
Before I can get up and ask him, my mom yells, "Randi, join us for dinner. I picked up Chinese on the way home."
"Not hungry," I exclaim.
"Didn't ask," she says in the same tone. "Come on. I got your favorite."
She has the worst timing ever! We were getting somewhere, and I wasn't done trying to figure out what Leo knows. He's holding back, and it makes me believe there's something much greater that made us cross paths.
The question is, what is he not telling me and why?
"Are you coming with me?" I ask, standing at the door.
Leo shakes his head. "Go be with your family. I'm going to check on mine."
I don't have time to question it because he just vanishes. Goosebumps cover my skin, and something feels off. A weird pressure is forming in my head, surrounding my eye on the left side. It's probably my sinuses or side effects of being possessed by a ghost.
Brushing it off, I walk into the kitchen, and all eyes are on me. It reminds me of the stares I got at school today, but for the first time, they were the good kind. The human kind. But instead of it lasting for seconds to acknowledge my presence, five minutes later, they're still looking.
With little thought, I take a seat beside Avery and prepare to dig in. My eyes are set on the dumplings. "Did I do something and just don't know about it?" I ask, breaking the ice.
I peel the container back and push a strand of hair behind my ear. I never wear it down, ever.
"You tell me," my mom says with a smile, checking me out. "No overalls? You actually have legs, Randi?"
I nod. "Yeah, two. I know. Crazy, right?"
"Where'd you get the dress?" Amara questions next, like I'm in an interrogation. I've already prepared myself for whatever comes from her mouth. She saw me at school, but never said anything to me. Just caught her staring a few times, but she's too hard to read to figure out why.
"The mall a few days ago."
My mom's reaction is nothing but pure shock. Everyone knows I hate the mall. It's overrated. Mainstream. Not my thing. But maybe it is now?
Amara shrugs. "I like it. Looks nice on you."
Now, I'm in shock. I thank her and shove a dumpling in my mouth. I wish Leo can taste the bomb that just went off in my mouth. Wonder if he's ever had Dragon, and if not, we're going to have to change that. I'll give him permission to occupy my meat suit just for that.
We eat while exchanging meaningless conversation. My mom tells us her schedule over the next few days, which comprises her travels to the next town over on Saturday. That she's going to crash in a hotel since she'll be in union bargaining. Avery gives me a look that tells me that the party is happening. Amara goes on and on about prom, showing us dresses.
"Okay, Randi," my mom starts, swallowing a mouthful of noodles. "I've heard from everyone else. What's going on with you? And you should start with what's gotten into you?"
I swallow and wipe my mouth. "What are you talking about?"
"Staying out late. Not being around much, and staying on the phone for God knows how long. That's great progress, honey."
Avery gently bumps into me. "I hear she's been talking to a boy. What's his name? Luke? Liam? No. Leo!"
"A boy?" My mom and Amara repeat with wide eyes.
I shake my head and look away. "Uh, it's nothing like that."
"You must forget my room is literally right next door. Thin walls, little sis," Avery blurts, grinning. "Don't be ashamed. That's good!"
Yeah, until they know he's a ghost.
I wonder what else she's heard? I thought I was keeping my voice down, but at least they think we're communicating on the phone.
"Does he go to Cambridge?" Amara questions.
"No. He's not from around here."
"So, how did you meet him?" She's still questioning me. I'm trying to shove food in my mouth to avoid answering, but they're waiting with their eyes.
Clearing my throat, I say, "The mall." Short and sweet.
My mom drops her fork on her plate, and the sound echoes in the room. "I'd like to meet him. Dinner sound good when I have some free time?"
"Nope. Dinner won't work, mom."
"Why?"
I'm trying hard to think of a reply, but I'm flustered. My vision is all over the room, and my throat feels so tight. How the hell am I going to get out of this? He can't go to dinner. He can't even eat!
"He doesn't like dinner. Hates it."
My mom shrugs. "Lunch then on a weekend. If he doesn't like lunch, I'm fine with breakfast."
"Wait. Wait. Who hates dinner?" Amara adds.
Shit.