Picture of AnnaSophia Robb as Carter to the side.
-Unedited
Carter Kelly's P.O.V
I stare blankly at Tyler for a few moments, not exactly sure how to react. How in the hell is this going to work? Is it even possible?
"Carter, baby?"Tyler tucks lose hairs from my bun behind my ear and brushes his fingers down my jawline before cupping my face.
"How am I going to talk to him?"I ask. "What if I say something that makes him angry or do something that causes the dry humping again?"
He chuckles at my awkwardness before answering. "He's worried about you, all he wants to do is talk."
"What do I do if something happens?"
"Do what you did earlier."He replies. "Just ask for me, gain my attention. I will be more in control of things than Benjamin will."
"Promise?"I look up and him.
"I promise, princess."Tyler kisses my nose. "Ready?"
"Yeah."I take a deep breath and move away from him, sitting down on the bed next to us.
He sits across from me and closes his eyes. When he opens them, they're no longer green, but that dark black color that usually means something bad is going to happen.
"Little one..."Benjamin reaches forward and takes my chin in between his thumb and pointer finger. He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me into his chest. I expect him to do something more saucy, but he just plays with my hair and holds me close to him. I open my mouth to say something but he interrupts. "Shhh, just let me hold you."
I take a deep breath, trying to relax myself. He cups my face with his hands, running his thumbs over my cheek bones. He then moves one hand up to take my hair out of a bun so it falls over my shoulders, he entangles his fingers in my hair. I close my eyes and finally calm myself, melting into his touch.
"I'm so sorry."Benjamin says softly. "I just want to protect you, make sure no one ever touches you. I never meant to scare you."
"I'm not going to say that it's okay."I reply quietly. "Because marking me without telling me what's going on, nearly killing my old best friend in front of me, and almost... taking me without my consent is not okay. It never will be."
"I know that. I understand, I'm so sorry, baby love."He leans forward and kisses my forehead. "Just look at you. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, you're smarter than you give yourself credit for, and your personality is so adorable, so cute that every time I see you do something it makes me want to hold you and shower you with kisses."
Butterflies erupt in my stomach at his words. A small smile and a blush appear on my face.
"God, and that smile..."Benjamin continues, causing me to smile more and flutter my eyes closed and just relax into him. "I don't want to lose you. That's all, I'm just scared of losing you. You deserve the world and I want to be the one to give it to you."
"I forgive you, Benjamin."I open my eyes and speak more calmly, more like myself when I'm around Ty. "I'm not going to suddenly leave you and Tyler. You're the reason I'm in front of you. But, you have to stop getting so jealous whenever I talk to a guy-"
"I don't get jealous. Jealous means to desire something that doesn't belong to you. No, I don't get jealous."He shakes his head. "I get... I get territorial, I'm protective of the things closest to me. And I will always keep you closer than anyone."
"Ben, you don't need to get territorial. I'm staying here with you and I'm not going anywhere."I place my hands on his chest, just to make sure that he's calm. "You're the only man I will ever be with, always."
"No more being scared of me?"He raises his eyes brows at me, his tone hopeful.
"No more."I shake my head. "Just... just please don't repeat history."
"I promise, Carter."
I give him a small smile, leaning forward and pecking him on the cheek. "We can talk again sometime, but for now, can I have Tyler back?"
I pull back and see the black eyes lighten to that beautiful shade of green. After letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in, I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck. Relief floods over me. Ben, he's not as bad as he was when he lost control. It'll take time, but that doesn't mean it's a lost cause.
"Good girl."Tyler holds me close, running his fingers through my hair. "I'm proud of you. I know that wasn't in your comfort zone, but I'm proud that you did it."
I just snuggle into his shirt. This makes me happy. It's just the two of us. There's no complications or conflicts. It's just us.
"Thanks for making me do it."I say back, pulling away and standing up.
"Are we okay?"He stands, too. He grabs my wrist to turn me around.
"We're okay."I reply, giving him a small smile. "I think I just need a little down time just to calm myself after everything that has happened."
"Alright."He returns the smile and kisses the top of my head. "I've got to go down stairs for most of the day. I'll see you later tonight, okay?"
"Yeah."
He leans down and tips my chin up, pressing his lips to mine. I place my hands on his chest, pulling away slightly, before standing on my tip toes and kissing his cheek.
"When I get back tonight I'm going to load as many boxes as I can in the truck. We're going to go back to the house."He tells me. "We still have to move in."
"Let me pack up the truck."I say.
"No."Tyler shakes his head. "I don't want you lifting all those boxes. I'm going to do it."
"Please?"I wrap my arms around his neck. "I need the distraction. I'm just going to sit up here and start over thinking things. Plus I'll need the exercise."
"I don't know, sweetheart-"
I cut him off my pecking him on the lips. "Please?"
"Carter..."He sighs. "You really don't need to do anything."
"I want to."I reply. "I'll leave the really heavy boxes for you."
"I can't say no to those puppy dog eyes."He lets out a breath and rests his forehead against mine. "Those eyes of yours are going to be the death of me, you know?"
"I'll keep that in mind."I giggle a bit.
"So is that giggle."He leans in a presses his lips to mine. A short but passionate kind of kiss.
"You have to go to work."I tell him.
"I really don't want to."Tyler replies, going to kiss me again but pulls back and attacks my neck instead.
"Tyler..."I melt into his neck kisses. Honestly, I think neck kisses are my weakness.
My hands entangle in his hair and I turn my head to the side to give him better access. He nips at my skin, gently biting here and there. He places kisses all the way down the my shoulder, then up to the place just under my ear, and then back down again. Next he moves to my jawline and then the corners of my mouth, pulling just enough away where our lips aren't quite touching. He stays there smirking at me, noticing how badly I want him to crash his lips onto mine.
I'm about to lean in and kiss him myself, but he suddenly moves his hands to the backs of my thighs and lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I let out a squeak of surprise, clinging onto him. He leaves a few kisses on my temple.
"I'll never get tired of that."He mumbles against my skin, his hot breath fanning over my face. "You're too fucking adorable."
"You're a jerk."I mutter out, my breath uneven. I place a kiss on his jaw.
He just smirks down at me before pressing me up against the wall. He smiles as he crashes his lips onto mine, biting at my lower lip.
"I'd never be a jerk to my girl."He whispers in between kisses. "She deserves more than that."
"Tyler..."I smile at him when he looks up at me. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"I love you."He smiles widely, pecking me on the lips again. He then kisses my forehead.
"Thank you."I tell him quietly.
"For what?"He gives me a confused look.
"For loving me when I couldn't love myself."I place a hand on the side of his neck and press my lips against his for a few moments before he pulls away.
"Now I really don't want to leave."He mumbles. "All I want to do is hold you and attack you with kisses..."
"Hey, you've got work and there's no way we'll leave this house with the car packed while I'm awake if I don't start now."I laugh. "You know I'm an old lady when it comes to the time I fall asleep at night. I'll be out before ten, Ty. You'd end up having to carry me to and from the car and-"
"I think that it's pretty obvious that I like carrying you."He chuckles at me before going into kiss me again, but I pull away.
"You have work."I peck him on the lips. "I'll see you when you get home, okay?"
"Baby..."He juts his lower lip out, pouting slightly. I let out a laugh and kiss him again. He moves his hands from the back of my thighs to my butt. "I just want to stay home with you."
"You have to go to work."I reply. "With everything that has happened lately, especially with the murders, you need to go."
"Sometimes I wish I didn't have an Alpha position."He sighs. "It takes me away from you and someday, it's going to take me away from our kids..."
"Don't think about it like that."I shake my head. "So many people look up to you, the pack knows that they're in good hands. And when that someday comes, our kids are going to look up to you, too. Okay? So set me down and get your ass down stairs."
"You're cute when you're bossy."He lets out a chuckle, kissing my nose before setting me down gently.
♡♡♡
After Tyler left, I changed into a pair of light wash jeans, a white t-shirt, and a flannel. I start in the kitchen, there were only three boxes but I couldn't lift the big one. I literally had to push it, sliding on the floor.
The boxes in my room were all really light so I could bring them all to the truck. It's already getting kind of full and I haven't even gotten the boxes from Tyler's room.
I walk back to the kitchen, checking the time to see that it's almost four and grabbing an apple out of the fridge when Aleks calls me.
"Hey."I answer into the phone.
"Hey, kiddo."He replies. "I'm just checking up on you. Are you doing okay?"
"Yeah."I let out a sigh. "Lizzie left this morning, I almost wanted to adopt her right then and there."
"Really?"He chuckles.
"Not literally, but you know what I mean."I roll my eyes.
"So does that mean the trouble in paradise has subsided?"He asks.
"We're good, yeah."I nod. "It's hard to stay mad at the weirdo, he's too sweet for his own good."
"That's good to hear."Aleks says. "I can't think of anyone better to be my baby sister's mate."
"That's so weird to hear."I shake my head.
"I know."He replies. "I thought it would be a while before I could actually say that. I don't know, watching you grow up but not being able to treat you like a sister."
"I already considered you my big brother."I say back. "And my best friend."
"I considered you my little sister."He says, you can practically hear the smile in his voice. "And my main bitch."
"I love you, loser."I laugh.
"I love you, too, kiddo."Aleks laughs back. "I have to go, but I'll see you soon."
"Once Ty and I get settled in at the house, we'll have you over for dinner."I tell him. "I mean, I can't cook, but he will."
"I'm only coming over if you're making dessert."
"Deal."I laugh.
He hangs up and I smile a little bit. Aleks definitely helps in my situation, he just knows how to make me feel better.
I finish my apple and go into Tyler and I's room, seeing a few boxes piled up in the corner, but there's one on the bed with the words '♡With My Baby Girl♡' written in sharpie on the side.
I go up to it and open it, the first thing I see is a picture of the two of us in a frame, the picture was taken when we went out to dinner the other night. I had said that I was tired and as I spoke, I rested my elbows on the table and rested my chin in the palm of my hands, pouting slightly. Tyler chuckled at me and he copied my actions, but responded 'Me, too.' The waitress came back to give us the bill and thought we looked cute so she offered to take a picture of us.
There's another frame with three sections to put pictures in and all three of them were of me asleep in Tyler's arms. I knew that he took pictures like that on his phone and showed them to me once and a while, but I didn't know he took ones that actually look cute. They're usually just of my making strange faces while my hair is a mess. These ones are of me snuggled up against his chest while his lips are pressed to the top of my head, more sweet poses rather than stupid ones.
Underneath that is a stack of old papers and suddenly it hits me, they're the drawings Tyler drew when he was younger. A smile breaks out onto my face as I look through them.
He's got random scraps and such at the bottom of the box. Movie ticket stubs, a couple loose papers from when we played Mash one night, and even fortunes from the fortune cookies from that one time we ordered Chinese food and didn't even eat the main part of the meal, we both just ate rice and laughed at how boring we are.
The thing that gets to me is that he saved my hospital wristbands from after the first day we met. I felt my heart break.
Tyler is honestly the best thing I could ever ask for. He really is. There was a possibility that I could've had a mate that wouldn't have understood mental illness and eating disorders, how hard it is to cope with every day, but instead I got someone will be by my side through all of it.
"I've been such a bitch."I mutter to myself as I run a hand down my face.
Ty said that he would be done with work around 5:00 and its quarter till, I could probably take these last few boxes down to the truck and he'll be done by then.
No screw that.
If we're being honest here, he's probably more than happy that I decided to leave a few boxes for him to take.
On top of that, I don't want to be away from him any longer.
I don't know if I'm in love with him, I didn't think it was possible for someone to love me they way Tyler does. I didn't think it was possible for me to even think about being in love with someone.
It's just scary to think about telling him that I love him. I haven't told him, not yet.
Part of me thinks that once I tell him that I love him, he'll suddenly move on and look for some better, someone who actually deserves him.
The other part of me knows that Tyler would be so happy that he would start attacking me with kisses and asking me to say it again and again.
I'm afraid of loving people because there's a chance that they could stop loving me back at any time. I know the chances are pretty much nonexistent with him, but I'm always going to have those thoughts.
Another worry is that I don't know if I'm ready to have, um, sex. I'm probably over thinking this and Ty would never pressure me, but I don't want him to think that because I said that I love him that I'd be okay to have sex yet. That's a big thing and I know he'll make it special, but it's just not something I'm prepared to do.
Love doesn't mean sex and sex doesn't mean love, but both are big steps to take.
No means no, there's no question about that. I know Tyler respects me and realizes that it's a completely new thing to me and isn't an easy thing either. I'm not confident in my body when I'm alone, I don't know if I'm going to be any more confident around him.
"I'm so bad with feelings."I think to myself as I quickly walk out of our place and down the stairs, heading towards Tyler's main office.
After a few moments of hesitation while standing outside the door, I get the courage to knock on the door gently a couple times. "Ty?"
I hear shuffling on the other side of the door, to my surprise, Jennifer is the one to open the door. She isn't wearing her usual warm, welcoming expression today, no. She's clearly annoyed and angered by something.
"Is Tyler here?"I ask her softly.
"I'm not sure if he is or not."She mutters quietly. "It's hard to decide who he is at the moment."
"What are you...?"I try to figure out what she means, but I soon realize she means that Benjamin is gaining control over him. "Let me see him."
"I don't think that's a good idea Carter, if he loses full control... I just don't want him to do something he might regret that he can't even help."Jennifer explains.
"I can calm him down, I know how to."I reply.
"Carter-"
"Jennifer, I understand why you don't want me in that room, but Tyler is my mate and I'm going to have to do things like this the rest of my life."I tell her in a quiet voice.
"Be careful."Jennifer answers before she slowly opens the door wider until I can get in.
I see Landon standing attentively at one side of Tyler's desk while Liam and Anthony are holding Sam back to sit down on a sofa.
Tyler is standing, facing to look outside the large windows.
"Car? What are you doing here?"Sam immediately makes it known that he could tell that I was in the room before anyone else, even though I'm one hundred percent sure Tyler did. I could tell by his body language. "You need to leave-"
"I'm fine, Sam."I reply sharply as I walk past him and next to Landon. "What happened?"
"The rogue is in the room with us, what do you expect?"Landon sighs.
I shake my head, Sam will always hold a place in my heart. He's like a brother to me, he was my protector. That's not going to just go away. Granted, the idiot doesn't know when to stop talking.
I slowly walk up to Tyler, I'm about to put a hand in his arm, but Sam interrupts me. "Car, stop-"
"Shut up, Sam."I snap before turning back to Ty.
"Baby?"I ask softly, stepping as close to being in front of him as I can. "Hey... Look at me?"
"I can't."He replies. "My eyes, they aren't green."
"I don't care."I say quietly, taking his hand in mine and running my thumb over his knuckles. "No more being scared, no more being jealous. That's what we agreed on this morning and I thought that I would be the one that would break first."
He let out a small chuckle and I laughed slightly as I spoke.
"Look at me."I repeat and this time he listens. His eyes, they aren't as black as they could be, but not near as beautiful and green as they usually are. "You need to calm down."
He just stares at me, he's usually the one telling me to calm down. It's almost weird to have the roles reversed for once.
"There's some boxes I couldn't take to the truck,"I start. "Can you take them out and then you can come back and finish the meeting. The sooner it's over the sooner we can go home."
"I-"
"Please, baby? I don't want you to do something you might regret."I whisper quietly, hoping that he's the only one that could hear me.
Tyler reluctantly nods, leaning down and pressing his lips to my forehead. I wait until he exits the room before I speak.
"Landon, Austin, why don't we leave Carter and Sam alone?"Jennifer says quickly. "I think they have some things they need to talk out."
"Tyler is going to kill us-"Landon starts but Jennifer gives him a look and he stops talking. The three of them leave quickly and Sam tries to walk up to me but I get away from him.
"What the hell do you keep saying him that pisses him off so much?"I ask Sam immediately.
"Car, you've known me for almost ten years, I piss everyone off."Sam replies bluntly.
"You've never pissed me off."I respond. "But you're starting to really piss me off. Why can't you see that I'm happy here, that I'm happy with him-"
"Because I don't trust him! Carter, within five minutes of being here, he tried to kill me. I thought you'd be more angry about him nearly murdering me, you're life long best friend who's got great hair and wastes his money on boxes of lucky charms with just the marshmallows for you every year on your birthday. Instead, you're mad at me for pointing out the faults that no one else wants to see about him."
"First of all, you're still a dork."I start out, causing him to break out in a small side smirk. "Second of all, I'm not going to let you talk about him like that any more. I'm done. I have been supportive of you since the day I met you, but I will never go against Tyler. He's my mate-"
"That doesn't mean anything. You don't have a say in who your mate is, you have no control. Don't you hate even the idea of losing control? Or did that part of you chance, too?"He questions me.
"I don't look at it that way."I answer him calmly. "Sam, I like the idea of someone being made just for me."
"Carter, you wanted to go to college, you wanted to explore the world and experience everything that you possibly could."Sam says. "That Alpha of yours... He's holding you back from all of that."
"That's the thing."I say. "You said it yourself. That Alpha of mine, he's not going anywhere. He's showed me things that no one else ever has. He's showed me how to look in the mirror and not hate what I see. He's showed me that my height isn't always a bad thing. He's showed me that there are people in the world that will love and care for me more than they do themselves. I've never been able to see that and I never would have without him."
Sam pauses for a few moments. He sits back down on one of the couches and rests his hands in his lap, keeping his gaze on the floor.
"I loved you more than myself."Sam says. "I still love you more than myself. I'll always love you more than myself."
"You know I'll always love you, Sammy."I sit down next to him, but on the other side of the couch.
"I never loved you the way you love me."He looks at me. "I didn't see you just as a best friend and a little sister. I loved you like a man loves his woman, with my entire heart."
Now I'm the one silent. I never realized, I mean, I guess I did when he kissed me. Before he 'died' I had no clue he had feelings for me.
"I'm sorry."Is all I can come up with.
"No, don't be sorry."He shakes his head, reaching over and taking my hand in his. "All I'll ever ask is that you won't get rid of me. Carter, if you just let me explain what I've been doing the past couple months, you'd understand a bit better. I was working constantly to get money so that I could come back and take you where ever you wanted to go."
"Sam..."
"I just want to get back to where we were, you know?"He says. "We would have meaningless fights like a married couple, and we would talk like best friends, and I would flirts with you like you were my lover but you never noticed, but that's okay. But we protected each other like siblings. That's what I want, I want all of that back."
"We can."I tell him. "Just not the flirting part, Ty would kill you."
"Do you love him?"Sam asks, making sure to connect my gaze with his.
"I think I might."I whisper. "I'm not sure yet, but I'm at a point where I'm not scared to wear short sleeves around him."
"I'm proud of you, Car. Just know that."Sam replies. "You're getting better."
"Thank you."I interlace our fingers.
"Always."He gives me a small smile. I know it's forced and I know he's not happy about the situation, but he's trying. That's all I want.
I stand up, letting go of his hand and lean up against the desk. "Tyler should be back soon."
"Where are you guys going, anyway? You said something about packing up a truck?"
"We have a house."I answer. "It's amazing, you should see it. It's got everything I would've wanted in my future house. Beautiful kitchen, breakfast nook, the bath tub is amazing-"
"It's good to know you're still obsessed with bath bombs."He laughs. "You're-"
He doesn't finish is sentence before the door swings open and Tyler walks in. I immediately walk up to him and kiss him on the cheek to make sure Benjamin is at bay.
"Can we go home now?"I ask him.
"I postponed the meeting we were having, I just want to leave."He replies before looking at Sam. "We have to stay until Landon gets here to watch him."
"Why does he have to be watched?"
"I'm a rogue."Sam answers. "I don't have the same rights as a normal pack member."
"That's stupid."I look up at Ty. "I thought friendly rogues were ignored."
"We're still determining which side he's on."Is all Tyler replies.
"But-"
"Baby girl, it's complicated and I'll explain everything later, okay?"
"Okay..."I just give him a wary look in return. So much for not keeping things from each other.
♡♡♡
Tyler and I hold hands on the drive again. The last time we were in the car we didn't and it felt wrong. Call me crazy, but I hate it when we don't do small things like this. I don't want to go a day without finding one of his notes or holding his hand or even just being called 'baby girl.' Honestly, I don't care how many pet names he calls me, I love them all.
Thinking about all of this makes a question pop into my head.
"Hey, Ty?"I ask.
"Yes, baby love?"He answers. Baby love gets straight to my heart every time.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?"
"That's a hard question to answer since the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were my mate and that I would love you without question."Tyler glances over at me, bringing his lips to the back of my hand. "I don't think love at first sight is a realistic thing. Yes, I knew I would love you, but I didn't know how much or when I was truly, completely, and utterly in love with you.
"It's different for humans, though. They don't have any supernatural powers."He continues. "But to be in love with someone, you have to get to know them and all their favorite things. You have to know all their little nervous ticks and small things like the way they sneeze in a cute squeak or how they immediately dance along to their favorite songs without hesitation."
"You're being strangely specific."I tease him, giving him a small smile.
"I'm just casually listing things that come to mind."He chuckles. "And the things that made me insane over you."
"Well..."I let out a small breath. "I think that the way you scratch the back of your neck when something makes you nervous or something awkward is happening is adorable. And the worried look you get on your face every time I have to climb on a chair or a counter to get something is what makes my heart melt the most."
"So you like me most when I'm nervous, awkward, or worried."He chuckles at me. "You're too damn adorable, little one."
I just smile at him and lean over, kissing him on the cheek.
"Being completely honest, your smile is my favorite part of you."I tell him. "Because it easy to tell how genuinely happy you are when you smile. And whenever you're happy, I'm happy."
"Princess, you have to stop making me want to kiss you so badly when I'm driving."He chuckles at me.
I laugh a little at his words. Everything is suddenly back to the way it was and it all feels right.
♡♡♡
First off, I can't promise when the next time I update is. This took me forever to write and I have no idea how long the next chapter will take me.
I'm not going to give you guys chapters that are only a few pages long and have no significance to the story line. I'm going to keep writing longer chapters that have a lot going on in them. That's how I write and I hate publishing a chapter that's under 3000 words.
Anyway, the love and support of this book has been amazing and I never even imagined that it would get this far.
So many messages of thanks have come through and it has made me so unbelievably happy. The main reason I wrote this story is to explain what mental illness is really like and to help as many people as I could.
All my love and the next few chapters are going to be a lot more exciting and they're leading up to something big
♡Aly