A.N//:
okay i'm literally just calling this the chanlix/changbin chapter because it's everything related to their story !!
it's kind of blah but i <3 them so i wanted to give them their moment.
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Valentine's Day Party, during the search for Beomgyu
"What do you think of Felix?"
At first, the question caught him off guard. But he soon realized the reason Hyunjin was asking, and attempted to help the decision. "I think he's..." He looked at Hyunjin, smiling sheepishly. "I think he's great. I think you should go for it."
Hyunjin's eyes became saucers in an instant. " What ?! No! Titan, no. I mean, I love him to death, but that's out of the question."
He frowned, feeling a small sting of empathy in his heart for their absent friend. "That seems pretty harsh."
Hyunjin shook his head rapidly in response. "It's not, trust me. It's how we've both always felt."
Changbin stared at the ground. It came out in a whisper, he didn't even mean to say it to the other. "I think Felix would disagree..."
Hyunjin said nothing for a moment, and continued to stare in confusion. Something suddenly registered on his face, and his mouth opened permanently. "You....you think...oh my fucking titan."
Changbin stopped walking, and the other followed the action. Hyunjin put a hand on his shoulder, the gesture much friendlier than his horrified eyes were. "I can't even begin to express this enough: Felix is not in love with me. Never has been, never will be."
Another frown. "Are you sure? Bec-"
"I am absolutely positive. Zero doubt," Hyunjin said. Changbin stared at the ground once more, so distracted by the dirt scuffing his shoe that he almost missed the next words. "Has...thinking that stopped you from pursuing anything? With Felix, I mean."
He glanced up at Hyunjin. "Not really," he shrugs. "I guess it just seemed obvious. Well...not anymore, I guess."
Wonderful. Changbin would never be free from screwing things up, would he?
He really hadn't ever thought about anything. In terms of... 'romantic' endeavors, he'd really only gone for one kind.
Felix always seemed too untouchable...too beautiful for anyone to really reach. Like if anyone tried, they were doomed to the well-known fate of Icarus.
Approaching anything so reflective of the brightest star in the universe, was surely lethal.
He'd noticed him, though. Of course he had. It was hard not to notice the way his body radiated golden rings, the plentiful smiles that could probably supply heating in Antarctica for years.
Yeah...Changbin would be an idiot not to pick up on the boy's enchanting laugh, his sparkling eyes, the perfect symmetry of his freckles...
Oh.
It dawned on him suddenly. Thinking about it more, made him realize... Other people didn't think about that stuff, did they? At least not in such detail.
"Changbin!" Hyunjin shouted, in a way that implied he'd been trying to get the former's attention for a while.
Oops . "Shit, sorry. What did you say?" Hyunjin looked at him, searching for something. He was no Yeonjun, however, so he shrugged and repeated the words. "I was just asking if you would ever think about hooking up with him. Because if the answer is yes, I'll strangle the shit out of you."
He gave a half-hearted laugh, shaking his head. "No. I wouldn't ever do anything like that with him. But-"
"But...?" Hyunjin jumped on the end of his sentence, eyes blazing with enthusiasm. Changbin sighed. "Nothing. It's stupid."
The other's head would probably fall off from so much shaking. "It's not. It's definitely not. Tell me."
"If I was going to do anything with him, it wouldn't be that shallow. No offense," he added, Hyunjin shaking his head with a laugh. "None taken. Continue."
"I don't know. I can imagine, like, something official? But I'm not really sure." Hyunjin was silent for a concerning amount of time, and Changbin shifted uncomfortably at his unrelenting stare. "Why do you ask?"
The other smiled suddenly. "Oh, no reason. Is there anything I can do to make you more sure?"
Changbin hesitated, but something occurred to him. "Could you...give us time? I don't think Felix would talk to me alone unless you told him to."
Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Yeah, he's a stubborn fuck. You two are annoyingly similar in your fear of living life." He finally met Changbin's eyes with another smile. "So, yes, I'll try to work something out."
Hyunjin's cabin, post-snake-bite
Fifty six.
Changbin was able to count fifty six freckles on Felix's face, before he noticed how uncomfortable the other had become with his staring. He shook himself alive and smiled, but Felix still looked distressed.
It wasn't exactly surprising. Chaos followed Changbin wherever he went. He could make anything, or anyone unfold into madness if necessary. But often, their suffering was unintentional.
He tried to, intentionally, make it stop. If there was anyone who didn't deserve his emotional bloodshed...
He internally marveled, once again, at never having noticed his own feelings.
"What's wrong?"
He watched the other startle at him, having noticed the emotion. He was slightly bitter about the genuine surprise Felix now sported...did the other really think he was that unobservant?
"I just hope Taehyun's okay. And Beomgyu, of course."
Something flared in Changbin's own emotions as he said it. The light of his heart, that golden fucking heart with more warmth than anyone on the planet, never went out. Even in his own turmoil. Changbin was coming to realize that Felix's would never lose its impact on him, that it was truly a miracle he hadn't noticed the meaning of that sooner.
"Can I ask you something?" He surprised them both with his directness, but Felix nodded eventually. "You and Hyunjin...you've been close for some time now."
Felix swallowed hard. "Yeah, he's my favorite person in the whole world." Changbin tried to hide his foolish grin, at the two having said the same words.
"Are you upset with me, then?" He wasn't aloof enough not to figure out that Felix likely knew about what happened during the party.
It was only confirmed when the boy dimmed just slightly. "Upset with you? Why?" His whispered words were see-through for both of them, as well as his nervous habit of shaking his legs. Changbin tried to ease these nerves.
"I had no idea you had feelings for Hyunjin. I never would've-"
Laughter. Bright, bubbling, glittering laughter.
He stared at Felix, who quieted soon after. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You were serious?" Changbin gave him an embarrassed nod. Felix laughed again, though the tone was far more entertained than menacing. "I don't have feelings for Hyunjin. I promise."
Huh , Changbin frowned.
He found himself believing the other, sincerity shining over his bright features. But there had obviously been some sort of discussion, some agreement of their hookups impact on Felix. He had definitely been upset about it, but apparently didn't have feelings for Hyunjin?
But he...oh.
Oh...
It struck Changbin like a million swords. Titan, maybe he was completely unobservant.
He tried to control his breathing as he created some excuse to leave the cabin, his vision blurring in the process.
Holy fuck.
Post-Kai-intervention (A.N: randomly felix's pov is added...but like still mostly changbin's pov...i'm a mess with pov consistency please look away.)
"What made you choose here?"
Changbin's question was free of judgment, though it still sent a jolt into Felix's stomach. Despite everything, he would never be used to talking to the other. Alone, especially.
He pursed his lips in thought. "Sometimes...the sun keeps me grounded. Calms me I guess."
The other smiled in response, swinging his legs from the edge of the conservatory. It was the closest spot on campus to the sky's giant star, and the one place where Felix felt truly at peace.
He needed that now more than ever.
"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" He had tried to prepare himself for anything, though when Changbin inhaled sharply and started nervously playing with his fingers, it didn't ease his nerves.
"I've noticed you and Hyunjin lately...talking."
Felix's eyes widened in response. It was somewhat unintentional, though the other concluded the meaning in seconds.
"I know," Changbin laughed sadly. "Everyone thinks I'm completely oblivious 24/7. But I promise I'm not." He frowned. "At least, not normally..."
The words caused a slight sting in Felix's heart. It was true that his peers made Changbin seem far more naive than he probably was, and he was guilty of the act himself.
"I've realized something." He scoffed, rolling his eyes at nothing in particular. "Something I've been a complete idiot not to notice."
Felix swallowed. This was not a conversation he was ready to have. He started shaking his legs involuntarily, a habit Hyunjin had scolded him for countless times.
A hand came down on his knee suddenly. He glanced up and was met with a determined, and frankly terrifying Changbin. He was brimming with a sincerity Felix was sure he'd never seen, mostly because it was clearly mixed with insecurity.
"I know you have a habit of...deflecting. Of making something seem less intentional than it is," Changbin started, and Felix tried not to fluster at the other's admission to picking up a common habit of his. He also tried, with considerably more effort, not to notice the warm feeling the hand on his knee was causing.
The idea of anyone being able able to provide him with warmth, let alone the person beside him, it was too much.
"I need you to try and not do that here. I want you to know that I mean absolutely everything I'm about to say." Stunned and scared, all Felix could do was nod. Changbin smiled slightly in acknowledgement. "So...you'd believe me if I told you I wanted to be with you? And only you?" He sighed. "I mean...I know what people think about me around here. It's not like it isn't true..."
Changbin removed his hand and started itching an arm, a habit, among dozens, that Felix had noticed about him . He was clearly nervous. "But it's true with you. I'm not...playing around with you or whatever. I don't know if anyone has said anything to you-"
He shook his head vigorously. "They haven't." It was the first time he spoke since Changbin's confession, and it showed. His voice was weak with disbelief, and anyone could tell he was on the verge of tears.
Changbin didn't bother to hide his surprise at the response, despite it being slightly untrue. Hyunjin had expressed his worries, those of a truly caring friend rather than jealousy, but Felix had shaken it off. Still...he was comforted in being able to ease his best friend's nerves later.
The nervous habit appeared again, along with Changbin's words. "This is the first time I've wanted to be with someone, like, in a relationship. So I don't really know what I'm doing."
Charged by his disbelief at the words, and shocking them both, Felix leaned in and kissed the other.
He pulled back almost immediately, taking an unexpected delight in the incredulity on Changbin's features. It was quickly replaced, however, with an almost disbelieving smile. Felix returned it, and finally spoke.
"I feel the same way...if it wasn't obvious."
They collided again, slower. They were more sure of the immeasurable opportunities they would both have to do it again.
In a shared state of elated relief, they both pulled away. Each laughed, sounds that seemed to echo off of each other in their vulnerability. It was Changbin who broke the stunned silence first.
"Aren't I just another doomed Icarus? Cursed to be ruined by the source of light I so desire?"
Changbin hadn't expected him to take the question seriously, but the blonde allowed his gaze find the warm rays in the sky. Changbin watched Felix as the other's eyes closed and he spoke in soft, thoughtful declarations.
"Icarus knew the risks, but he flew up anyway. He was so full of the energy, the experience, of new life, that it was worth anything."
Changbin said nothing in response, though he imagined he wouldn't find words even if he tried.
"Perhaps he believed a life lived in legend, was better than not having lived at all." He opened his eyes and met Changbin's intense stare.
"Maybe the truth is that Icarus needed that fraction of warmth, even if it meant his own destruction."
Felix continued to stare during the solicitous silence that followed, but Changbin broke away from the eye contact. Whether the boy beside him was speaking about himself or Changbin, it was clear his words rang true to them both.
"You know, Icarus never reached the sun. All that effort was for nothing."
Felix smiled, playfully unsympathetic. "Maybe. But your dad is the god of courage, so suck it up."
Changbin studied the ground. "He's also the god of chaos, bloodshed, and violence. That doesn't worry you? What that could do to us if I'm anything like him?" When the other said nothing, he glanced up in worry. He expected to see Felix with features that were confused, or bored. But, much like his freckles, his face was bright, and almost glittering.
A playful smirk was still evident, as he remarked, "Changbin...chaos? Seriously? We all already know you're like him."
Despite himself, Changbin laughed. It clearly wasn't a sound as warm as the other expected, because Felix then took his hands as his face became sincere. "And I love you anyway."
It was too perfect, the moment. He half expected something to ruin it. But as Felix continued to simply smile at him, Changbin himself was the one to break the promising seal. Much to an established pattern, in his own destructive opinion.
"Did you know? Could you tell we would end up together?"
Although Apollo was assigned the prophecy, Helios was believed to see all. From his peripheral position in the sky, it was believed that the sun god (and therefore his offspring), was able to see for miles, a rumor that was now at the forefront of Changbin's mind.
But Felix smiled, softer than Changbin had ever seen. "I've had feelings for you for almost seven years," he laughed softly, "and I never would've seen this coming."
Changbin considered it. Doomed to be the bringer of destruction, he never wanted to throw himself into a relationship he would inevitably ruin.
"And now?" he asked the other. He couldn't help his own curiosity, mostly fueled by paranoia. The insecurity was clear in his words, but he couldn't ignore the plagues of his mind.
The future is always unclear, even as a puppet of The Fates.
Felix's next words were accompanied by taking Changbin's face in his hands, the elation of disbelief shining through all his bright, freckled features.
"All I see right now is you."
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this week my college's kpop club had a debate thing and the question was 'minsung vs. sope' (in terms of soulmatism)
now....obviously i adore both of those pairs. but we were assigned our sides...and i got minsung and ended up winning 😩
in case you ever doubt my authority in writing this story, i am a certified minsunger.
next chapter is them 😏 so this seemed like an appropriate brag.