Truth And Time Tells All
|28|
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Cam doesn't speak during the long drive too. The way this doesn't even feel awkward, but rather just the silence of dealing with our own troubles in our heads.
I looked at Cam, who was seriously driving off the road, and I realized I wasn't tipsy anymore. I'm curious what he's thinking about. Yeah, he was probably thinking about the drunk helpless girl in his car who he had to drive miles away for just to return her to the reform school. But why would he do something like that? It felt like we'd been together for years, and he's so used to me being this mess?
I took a deep breath and returned my gaze, Cam couldn't give me a quick glance. Is he annoyed or pissed? But wait a minute—why would he be? He can't act this way toward me when he's the one who constantly gives me mixed signals.
I huffed angrily as I removed this leather jacket from me, hating it for being heavy and making me hot, and especially for where it came from, the one who owns it, as if it owned me. Cam noticed me and finally looked back at me as I struggled to remove his leather jacket due to my sudden rage for unknown reasons.
He gave me another look, taken aback by my revealing short dress more than by the two bandaids on my small wound on my arm.
Something reminded me of Lockhart's sketch in the pocket, so I took it out before tossing his jacket into the backseat, and Cam glanced at the paper while I kept my stern stare on him.
We could see the back of the Sword & Cross' castle nearing, and I panicked because I didn't want to return to that prison school. "Stop the car," I said firmly.
Cam clenched his jaw and kept going, knowing that in one more turn, we'd arrive at the castle, but I wasn't ready to return to that hellhole.
"I said stop the fucking car," I said coldly, annoyed at how he was ignoring me.
Cam came to a halt beside the road near a cliff, massaging his temple with his knuckle. "What now?" he asked.
I arched my brow, and he looked up and met my gaze, moodily staring at me.
I just gave him a stern look as if to say 'We have to talk'. I jerked out of the car and purposefully shut the door toughly behind me. I started hyperventilating for no apparent reason as I walked towards the cliff.
I couldn't get those random noises out of my head as soon as I remembered my feelings with this sketch in my hand, and I remember the feeling of how I made this sketch even though it was made by Lockhart, but no, I know I was the one who made this sketch because it was the same one in my journal.
Shit, these thoughts in my head keep digging deeper and deeper, and they're driving me insane if I don't get them out now.
Cam followed me as I heard him shut his door and the scuffle of his feet beneath the grass becoming louder, just as my heart inside my chest began to beat faster and louder, to the point where I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
I looked up, over my shoulder, and saw the back of the castle between the trees, we're so close, and going back there makes me anxious. I grimaced and shook my head as I continued walking down the cliff.
"Where are you going?" Cam asked.
"I don't want to go back to that hellhole just yet," I said, keeping my head up and concentrating on my steps over these stones.
"It's too dangerous for you to be out here," he says sternly.
Yeah, what's going to attack me? A bear? I chuckled harshly out of confusion as I reached the edge of cliff. I remembered seeing this place from afar while I was in that other cliff where the Social Night party was.
Cam dashed over in front of me, standing near the cliff's edge as if expecting me to jump into the river. "Stop it, you're drunk," he remarked, making me groan and become irritated.
"Fuck I'm not," I said, pointing the Sword & Cross behind me, "and fuck that place," I moved passed him and down the stones.
Really, I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going, all I know is that I don't want to see that reform school. It's causing my anxiety to attack once more. I needed to take a breath and be by myself right now, but something inside of me is itching to let out these thoughts in my head that are killing me, and I feel like I need to tell Cam, who was still following me and had a confused look on his face, about everything.
I stopped, put my hand on the oak tree next to me, and looked down at the river, which was sparkling in the moonlight. Is it odd that I feel a sense of familiarity coming on and want to jump over there? Either that, or I'm going crazy.
Cam grasped my arm, forced me to turn around, and when he shifted, I almost brushed up against his wide chest. I scoffed and yanked his hand off my arm. Cam pleaded, "What do you want to talk about, (Y/n)?"
I averted my eyes, brushed my hair that cascaded over my shoulder, and stared down at the river, trying to think of what words to say but finding it difficult to understand what words meant to be spoken out in this situation that I was causing. It just felt overly complicated.
Cam sighed mildly, his jaw clenched, and his gaze darted to the river. "Hey," he says, crossing his arms and stiffening his biceps.
I clutched the paper in my palm before I returned his gaze with a rueful smile, and seeing him impatiently nod his head and wave his hand as he changed his mind to interrupt my response, he asked, "No, wait, tell me why you were in the club getting drunk with people you didn't know first?"
"Why do you care?" that prompted me to respond quickly, like. When did you start caring about my feelings? Why would he react in this way, as if my actions were his responsibility? "I was just enjoying my birthday with my friends," I corrected him as I returned my gaze to his unreadable eyes.
"Ah, those "friends" you just met."
"I was with Rexha."
"Rexha. Yeah, she's your friend," he said sarcastically, widening his eyes.
"I'm sorry, are you— jealous?" I chuckled harshly, amused by his snarky response.
"Jealous?" Cam laughed bitterly, "I'm more concerned than jealous, (Y/n)."
"Concerned, huh?" I nodded coolly, "since when do you fucking care?" I asked grimly.
"Why can't I?" Cam exclaims, frowning profoundly.
I sniggered, covering my unpleasant smile with the back of my hand, "Why can't you?" I irritably asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
"I care about you, (Y/n), I always have, and you just don't know it, but I fucking do," he said solidly, his gaze stern.
I burst out laughing since I hadn't expected him to say that, but my smile faded as I realized his expression was serious.
Oh. He's completely serious.
"You're kidding," I shook my head as I averted my gaze from his.
"And you're silly," He said, I looked back, glaring at him, he added. "I saw how you and your "friends" were having fun until they ditched you."
"Wha-you were there watching me?" I exclaimed, completely surprised, "what were you doing there?"
"I," Cam's brow pinched as he carefully took his words out of his mouth, he tilted his head high, "I work there," he added matter-of-factly with a bit sheepish.
In shame, I chewed my lower lip. He literally paid for that bill, wasted his money because of me? I mean, he owns two expensive vehicles, so it's not like he couldn't.
Cam peered around the woods, pushing his dark hair to the side, and said, "(Y/n), you shouldn't be outside."
"I almost forgot about my 18th birthday, Cam. I'm not sure how Rexha found out when it was, but if she hadn't reminded me, she wouldn't have surprised me with this birthday party celebration, so why wouldn't I be going on my big day?"
"What?" Cam's deep voice almost boomed through the cliff, and he shook his head. In a disbelief. "So, Rexha is like your girlfriend now, who is so sweet to come up with a plan for your birthday party in Pandemonium club, real sweet."
"Now you're jealous," I retorted, amused by his annoyance.
"I don't care if I am, I just didn't like how you let these fake ass people take advantage of you."
"Take advantage of me? How do you think I'm so easily fooled?—After that fire incident, I stopped living normally and having fun as a teenager like everyone else, and I admit, I missed that feeling of being carefree that I could do whatever the fuck I want." I cried out in frustration, holding back my tears, "I am just having a great time, Cam, just for one last time in my shitty life."
"Having fun until something bad happens," he muttered, looking away as if it were a fact, which it is.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
Cam shook his head, regretting what he had said, and changed the subject, asking, "How did even Rexha find out about your birthday?"
Such an odd question to ask, I scoffed loudly before laughing inwardly with a puzzled look on my face, "I don't know? I figured she found it out regarding her cousin's access in our student files."
"Wait, wait, Penn is her cousin?" He looked at me with puzzled look.
"Yeah," I said sharply, lifting my chin.
Cam shook his head again, taking a step backward with an amusement formed over his face. "Penn has no cousins at school."
"How would you know that?" I questioned him, a frown forming across my face as I furrow my brows.
"Rexha is a liar bitch, that's how I know, and by realizing it just now—" He paused as he just finished a puzzle with a last piece in his mind as if he started talking to himself at the moment he couldn't look at my eyes, "she used to hang out with me just to get to you, I knew it, since she couldn't shut up in asking about my past relationships from the beginning."
Past relationships?
He returned my gaze, keeping it fixed on me after he said his final two words.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, perplexed.
"Okay, what I mean is, Rexha is not who you think she is, she is actually dangerous," Cam cleared his throat.
I frowned, dropping my jaw slightly in befuddled, "Why does everyone keep saying around me is dangerous? Rexha is my friend,"
No, she was my friend. My heart twisted when I mistakenly said that, making Cam chuckled bitterly.
"I'm sure she plays that part so well, I've seen it." he sniggered, and before I could respond, he lifted his hand and demanded, "Look, you have to stay away from her, or better yet, get out of here, out of Sword & Cross-"
"Get out of- what?!" I yell out of irritation, my loud voice almost echoed down the cliff and around the woods.
Cam's eyes widened, glanced around, and he held up a finger as he took a one step toward. "Keep your voice down." as if there are people watching us.
So, where the hell am I going? I couldn't stand how ridiculous he sounded. I mocked him as well by raising my finger to his face. "You- you don't have the right to make decisions about my life! You're not my father!" I yell angrily once more.
As I mentioned the last word, his lips pressed into a grim line, and he moved closer to me, unexpectedly snarling, "Yes, you're right, I am nothing like your father."
His green eyes dilated intensely, I didn't expect him to be suddenly angry and affected by what I said, as if he knows my dad from the way his green eyes flared in disgust and seemed so tired of hearing about my dad once more.
I laughed harshly, perplexed by his reaction. I gulped, my eyes damped, "I,— I can't take this anymore, this is getting crazy," I averted my gaze, waved my hand.
"What crazy?" he scoffed, squinting his eyes.
"You, you know what is crazy. This, I just can't get past it, there's something between us." I opened Lockhart's sketch and lifted it towards him, "Here, look at this. It's from 1860s but I, I don't believe in reincarnation shit but jesus christ, I remember how I made this sketch of you, and I know you're him," I exclaimed. There, I finally said what I needed to say, just out of blue, and Cam stared at me with perplexed look like I'm crazy.
"How," Cam looked down, trying to process what I had just said, he shifted his gaze back to me, then I sensed him forcing himself to remain ignorant, "how would you know this—"
"Stop it," I hissed angrily, my voice shaking in frustration. "I know what I know. I drew the exact same sketch in my journal. So, tell me if we really have known each other for a while or you're going to keep gaslighting me," I'm tired of him acting clueless every time since that day in the infirmary.
He can't just lie right now because I knew from the beginning, the way he acts so friendly towards me since the first time we met as if we've known each other for a long time, and the way he even knows what my favorite snack is, and knows my words that I can't express as if he can read my mind, he just connects to me, to my soul. He has to know something about us.
"Oh, (Y/n)," Cam shook his head, avoiding my gaze, he dryly laughs it off, making me feel stupid, "What are you saying?"
I groaned and shoved the sketch against his chest, which he caught. I smiled unpleasantly, as if to say, you know what, never mind. I'm sick of people thinking I'm crazy.
God, my heart started racing in frustration. I just needed some time to figure out what the hell was going on with me.
"Ugh, leave," I hissed, "just leave me alone, Cam." My nose and eyes flared, and my heart raced out of control. This is no longer a panic attack, but rather rage and frustration from this confusing situation.
Cam was mystified as he stared down at the sketch. A sketch that looks like him. His hand trembled along with his lower lip, but he maintained a blank face.
"I'm so fucking tired of everyone thinking I'm that crazy chic and a freak," I muttered angrily as I turned around and continued down the cliff.
"(Y/n)," Cam said glumly, closing his eyes as his mind processed.
I kept going down the cliff, carefully holding every oak tree in front of me, my sober consciousness directing me to step on every stone so I could plant my feet firmly and safely. "Maybe I could just die and be done with this hell life," I muttered furiously, hyperventilating again.
Cam called me again, his deep breathy voice echoing from above the distance, "Wait," he said firmly, but I ignored him.
My heart burst out of my chest as my foot slipped on the wet stone, I gasped out so loudly that I lost my balance, and then I heard a Swoosh!
I widened my eyes in shock and looked down at the river with my left foot dangling below me, Lockhart's sketch falls off the cliff and into the river. The noise of waterfalls making my heart beat faster, and my hand had been grabbed by someone.
Then I raised my head and noticed Cam holding my hand. His breathing was rapid, and his eyes widened and awakened.
Wasn't he standing up there?
How did he get down here so quickly?
"(Y/n), I got you!" Cam gripped my palm firmly while exhaling deeply.
As I tilted my head to the side and saw something bright behind his back, I was in awe, its taller, narrower, it pulled tight behind his shoulders, the feathers are sharp, sleek, and gold, and flecked with brindled black stripes. It stretched upwards as he drew my weight and I brushed up against his chest.
Holy.
Holy shit.
I couldn't take my gaze away from it.
It enticed me for unknown of many reasons.
He has wings?
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