In September 1943, Heidi started school in Berlin, she did try to make friends, but if anything the people there were worse than any she had ever met before. After a few remarks she simply decided she didn't want to be friends with any of them. She spent most of her days reading the few books she could get her hands on, in a corner at break. She never had any homework to do at home, because she would do it at breaktime in school. I suspect Wilma thought she was just lying to her when Heidi told her she truly had no work to do. Their relationship had changed quite a bit over the past year, for obvious reasons the event of february had changed them both, and whilst they got closer in many ways, they both kept things from each other. Heidi never told her about all the remarks she would receive from her peers at school, about her glasses, the way she spoke like a "southern" person and the way she still limped slightly walking down the corridors. Wilma never told her what she discussed with Amelie and Oliver at the darkest hours of the night. They took great care in trying to whisper and not wake Heidi up, but one particular sunday night, Heidi couldn't sleep, her thoughts and fears were keeping her awake. An Air Raid alarm had started that day at school and all her class had been locked into a bunker for two hours. They heard no bombs, but the alarm alone was enough for Heidi to panic. She cried and felt it all over again. The blood sticking to her fingers, the breaking of her wrists and the dust clinging to her clothes, and even her skin like it would never let her go and those feelings lingered all day, which is why she was still thinking about it in the dead of the night.
She never focused on her sister's conversation with her friends, because although she was a curious thing less than a year ago and would have died to listen to it all, she had lost her uncontrollable curiosity now, just like she had lost her vivacious attention to colour and her will to paint, she accepted things as they were and didn't n many things unless she was obligated to do them. However, listening to something was the only way to distract her saturated mind.
"But," Wilma started. "I can barely drive." It sounded like a protest to Heidi, she had clearly missed an important part of this conversation.
"None of us are free to do it." Oliver sighed deeply. Wilma lowered her face into her hands.
"I have work that day," She muttered. "I'm taking three shifts."
Now it was Amelie's turn to sigh. "Oh god," She whispered, it was clear to Heidi they were all trying to find solutions to this unnamed issue.
"I suppose we could wait a little longer then?" Oliver eventually proposed, and the two women eventually hummed.
"I suppose, Switzerland is quite far away after all." Amelie said, Heidi frowned. Switzerland?
"Is there anyone else we can trust?" Wilma asked. "Someone that might live a bit closer, I could potentially drive maybe 2 or 3 hours but that's it." A silence travelled through the room. I saw Oliver shake his head.
"No, no," he started. "We can't risk that."
"We have some family who lives-"
"Family isn't good enough anymore, Amelie!" He exclaimed, raising his voice a bit. Wilma stood up slowly. "It might be our only option."
He shook his head again. "No, no, would you tell Walter about all this? Would you risk that?"
I noticed she was about to answer but then she said nothing, seeing his point.
"Have you told Heidi?" Wilma shook her head again.
"No, you're right I haven't."
Heidi fought not to turn to them and get up, she wanted to understand what was going on here. She had missed some crucial points in these conversations, and she didn't like the image this limited information was painting in her mind. She took a deep slow breath. She would ask her tomorrow, which felt like an eternity away as she couldn't even close her eyes without re-imagining the conversation that had just ensued.
***
She got up with the first few rays of sunlight, she didn't quite know how she would approach Wilma about this, but she did know she was exhausted, and she thanked god it was a Saturday. She boiled some water, and put their homemade 'tea' bag into two cups, placing them on the table opposite to each other. Wilma eventually awoke, standing up on the sofa slowly. She smiled softly at her sister, who seemed to be waiting for her with her cup in hand.
"Good morning," She said, slowly sitting down on the chair. "How are you Heidi?" Heidi nodded slowly.
"I'm good, just wondering if you had something you would like to tell me." Wilma frowned, her blue eyes narrowing.
She barely got the chance to open her mouth before Heidi cut her off.
"Anyway, how are you?"
The question threw the young woman off, and she just stared at her, knowing that she knew something, that she might have heard things.
"Heidi," Wima started, unsure of what words to use. Heidi raised an accusing eyebrow.
"Wilma." She acknowledged taking a slow sip of her lightly flavoured water. Wilma looked down at her cup, and didn't touch it.
"What did you hear?"
"What are you hiding?" Heidi shot back at her with confidence. "I know I'm younger than you, but you must know I'm not stupid, in fact, you were the first person to tell me I wasn't."
Wilma sighed. "Heidi, you have to understand-"
"You're hiding someone, aren't you? And you want to get them to Switzerland."
Wilma stopped for a second and she nodded.
"That's illegal, Wilma!" Heidi exclaimed, standing up so fast the table shook to the point where Wilma's cup tipped over.
"No, murder is illegal, murder and theft and fraud." Wilma said, keeping her composure.
"You'll get arrested for it." Heidi said, feeling her emotion creeping up. "You'll get arrested and then-"
"And then? They'll kill me? I know, believe me I'm more than aware."
A silence entered the room. The two sisters stare at each other with intense eyes. None of them knew what to say next.
"Why?" Heidi asked, feeling the stupidity of her words just as they left her mouth.
"You know why." Wilma said plainly. "We're lucky enough-"
Heidi almost started laughing in disbelief.
"Lucky?"
The word echoed, it felt heavy and so wrong. Lucky wasn't something she could see in herself, or her life.
"Lucky to be alive, which means we can do things, Heidi. We can make decisions for ourselves and for others, we can make an impact."
"But you're going to get yourself killed!"
"People get killed every day, Heidi."
Heidi's eyes welled with tears, couldn't she see what she was trying to say, couldn't she understand that she needed Wilma, and that she wouldn't let her just risk her life doing something illegal on a regular basis.
"But-"
"Heidi." She said, "Look at me,"
Heidi refused to do so at first.
"Heidi!" Wilma exclaimed. "Look at me. If people had stood up from the very start none of this would have happened, if enough people with opinions would have opened their damn mouths, picked up their quills or drawn some bloody cartoons none of this would have happened, instead of keeping quiet because they sort of agreed or could see some of their points. Silence is the world's biggest weapon. Don't let yourself turn into a weapon for something you're against Heidi."