Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Amara slid the door to her balcony open as she sheepishly stepped inside. Her father's eyes remained on the floor, not even acknowledging her presence.
He was quiet, scarily quiet. The kind of quiet where Amara knew she was fucked.
Without looking up, he said, in the calmest voice Amara had ever heard him use, "Where have you been?"
"Just for a walk. You know I haven't been allowed out for a while, so I just wanted-"
"For four hours?" He asked, still looking at the floor.
"What?"
He looked up to meet her eyes, "You went on a walk... for four hours?"
"And, I-I got some - some dinner-" she started.
"From Queens?" He asked.
"How did-" she asked.
"You think I'm an idiot?"
Amara remained silent, staring at the floor.
"You know, when I came up here, I was gonna apologise, because I was thinking that I might have been a little harsh. But, I thought, even if I was, you still listened to me, and respected the fact that I grounded you. So imagine my surprise, when I get up here to talk to my daughter, only to find my B.A.R.F creating a holographic illusion of little, grounded, Amara Stark."
"Dad, I-" Amara began, but Tony held up his hand to silence her.
"No, I don't want to hear anything. Not yet. My first thought was, obviously, where the hell is my child? My second thought was is she in trouble? Which was then cleared by my third thought: how the hell did she get her hands on my B.A.R.F? Without being seen, too? So I did the natural thing, right? Went through security footage, found the loop, and reset the system to see you breaking into the weapon's vault. You know, considering I grounded you, I held a trust in you. I trusted you would listen. I trusted that of all things, at the very least, you wouldn't sneak out! And do you know why I trusted you? Why I didn't feel the need to keep an eye on you at all times? Because you have never done anything to make me doubt you. Ever. And I don't know what happened. Whether you've changed or my misplaced trust in you has just blinded me. But you've broken my trust. And broken trust is really hard to build back up, again."
"Dad, I know I fucked up. I'm sorry. But this was important for my mission. You remember? The ground-level safe mission you said that I wasn't focusing on?"
"I also remember saying no to Aura, even for that mission. Specifically for that mission."
"But I didn't go as Aura. I went as Amara. I was-" She stopped herself. What reason could she possibly give for being out late, when she was grounded, to meet the superhero she was only supposed to be in contact with, as her superhero alter ego?
"You were, what?" Tony then looked at Amara's outfit, her hair and her makeup, "Why are you so dressed up?"
"I was just... I had..."
"Don't lie to me, Amara. Did you go on a date?"
"What? No! A date with who?" Amara said, way too defensively. Now anything that she said, whether it was real or not, would not be believed by her father. At all.
"Right." Tony stood up from the chair he was sitting on. "You're grounded for another week. I'm tripling your security - a member of the team has to be with you at all times. You're not taking the subway to school anymore; Happy'll be driving you straight there and back every day. And I hate to do this, but I think you've made it clear, today, that I can't trust you with your freedom; I'm installing security cameras on your balcony, something that I never thought I would have to do to you." He rubbed his temples and began walking to her bedroom door. "You've really disappointed me, Amara."
"I've disappointed you? All I've ever done is try to help people! Just like you! But I get constantly sidelined, but you get to do whatever the hell you want and you still come out looking like the hero!"
He turned back around to face her, "Yeah, because I am the hero! You're the kid! The kid that I'm responsible for! And if you fail, that's on me, 'cause I'm your dad! It's my job to look out for you! I'm just trying to hold everything together! I- I just need you to listen to me! I'm trying to- I'm trying to protect everyone! This is for protection! Why can't you see that?" He said, clearly starting to grow anxious, but Amara didn't notice.
"Protection? What do you mean protection?! I don't need protection! I'm fine! I can take care of myself! I've proved that again and again! What will it take for you to finally fucking see that?!" Amara was growing angry, but she didn't notice the unease that was growing on Tony's face.
He stormed forwards so that he was facing her, "For God's sake, Amara! Not your protection! Protection from you! You're dangerous Amara, can't you see that!"
Amara drew in a shocked breath, "What are you trying to say?" She said quietly.
"Banner is trapped as the Hulk, he can't come out! He's stuck! Why do you think that is?!" Tony began.
"Banner? What does Banner have to do with me being dangerous? What are you talking about?" Amara said, spitefully.
"Bruce is unable to change back to normal. Back to his normal, human state. I checked and it's like the actual molecules in his body are being prohibited from moving back to normal. And who's the only person we know, that can manipulate reality to her will, huh? Who can actually prohibit molecules from moving in a way she doesn't want them to?" Tony's words were harsh, but it was far too late to go back, now.
Amara's eyes began to pool with tears, which she hated. She was angry. Angry at her father for even suggesting what he was about to say. "You think I did this?! You think this is my fault?!" At this point, tears were streaming down Amara's face.
Tony must have noticed this because he immediately softened, "Look, I'm not saying you did it on purpose. All I'm saying is that you and Wanda are two of the most powerful people on this team, and your powers both run on your emotions. And we all know that your emotions can sometimes... get the better of you."
"Right. And the best way to control my emotions is to piss me off even more. And not letting me leave," she said, almost sobbing, but attempting to stay strong.
"I just think it would be better for everyone if you just stayed at home for a bit. Just lay low. It would put my mind at rest for a while, at least."
"Put your mind at rest? What about my mind? My mind that was completely fine before you just put all of these doubts inside of it. You're making me doubt myself! Making me believe that I'm some unhinged psychopath that brings people pain!" Tony's eyes widened, realising what he had done. "I can't believe you would say that stuff. After I told you much I was struggling after I told you how awful I felt after Lagos. After everything. You wanted to protect everyone? But not your own daughter from yourself." Amara was sobbing, she could no longer hold it back.
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I-"
"But you still stand by what you said." She finished for him. "You truly believe I'm dangerous. That I'm capable of something that awful."
Amara waited for him to reply. To deny it. To apologise. To tell her he was wrong. That he loved her and knew she could never do that. But he didn't. He just remained silent. She nodded to herself and that was when she could no longer hold it together. Her whole body was wracked with sobs, but he still made no attempt to comfort her. Amara could barely recognise this man. This man, who would have done anything to make sure there were never tears in her eyes, and now he is the reason for them.
"Just leave me alone, Tony" she said between sobs. Tony looked up when she addressed him by his name. When he didn't move, she said louder, "Leave me alone! Get out! You've said everything that you need to." He moved quickly towards the door and opened it. Amara followed him to the door and watched him walk out before scoffing and saying, "That thing you said about how you push people away? I told you you could never do that to me. But I was wrong. You've just lost me, Tony, the only person you had left." And then she slammed her bedroom door in her father's face before she completely broke down.
—————
Peter Parker was over the moon. Actually, Peter Parker was in a permanent state of shock.
The girl that he had liked for months now had just kissed him.
No, she kissed Spiderman, not Peter Parker. Why would she kiss Peter Parker?
Suddenly that warm feeling was replaced by a sinking dread, She's gonna be so disappointed when she finds out it's me. She's gonna hate me for lying to her, but also hate that she ever kissed me. Shit! How am I gonna talk to her without losing it on Monday?
He swung over to his bedroom window and opened it slowly, creeping back into the house without making too much noise: May would be sleeping.
He took his suit off and put it back in its hiding place in his ceiling panel and changed into some joggers. He tried to sit down and read through some notes, but his adrenaline was through the roof.
He got up and began pacing around the room, still holding his pen in his hand and spinning it nervously.
I've got it! I just won't tell her. If I tell her then I'll just be nervous, pathetic Peter Parker and Spiderman. I won't even be able to talk to her anymore let alone ask her on a date.
He nodded to himself happy with the decision he had made.
Then he paused, again. But... I'd be lying to her. I'd be leading her on and playing with her feelings. I can't do that. Even if it means she won't talk to me again.
And that's when Peter Parker made the decision to tell Amara Rogers everything.
—————
Amara hadn't moved from her bed for a few hours, at least. Neither had she been able to stop the stream of tears rolling down her face.
She had never fought with her dad before, let alone fallen out with him this badly. She simply didn't know what to do.
Whenever she was crying like this, he was the first person she would turn to. Who was she supposed to turn to, now?
Amara heard her phone buzz. She groaned and sniffled, feeling like shit. Tears had stained her cheeks and her makeup had run down her face and transferred onto her pillowcase. She would have to remember to wash that when she felt better.
She picked up her phone to find that MJ was calling her. Oh right! I was supposed to phone her to tell her how it went.
She sniffled once more before picking the phone up, "Hey."
"Hey, I was waiting for you to call, what happened?"
Amara breathed in a shaky breath, but MJ heard it, "Wait, are you crying? What happened? What did he do? I'll kill that spider! whoever he is!"
"No dinner went well, it was when I got home and my dad caught me that ruined everything," she said, stifling sobs.
"Oh no, what happened? Was he mad?"
"You know about how I went on that mission where I told you that Bruce Banner is stuck as the Hulk and we don't know why?"
"Yeah, sure, I remember."
"Well, apparently the whole, protecting me thing was bullshit! My dad thinks I did it!" Amara scoffed as a tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away before it even reached her nose.
"Wait, rewind. Your dad thinks you did what?" Amara could imagine the confused expression no doubt plastered all over her friend's face on the other side of the call.
"He thinks that I somehow did something to stop him from being able to turn back into Banner. I'm not only dangerous, but I'm also a deranged psychopath who can't control her emotions so she screws over everyone around her!" She was shouting now, but she didn't realise, nor would she have cared.
"What?! Did he actually say that? That's horrible!" MJ said in surprise.
Amara felt a wave of guilt wash over her, which she hated. I shouldn't be feeling bad about this! He hurt me! I have nothing to apologise to him for... except for sneaking out... and going on that mission behind his back... and shouting at him for still being heartbroken over Pepper... and- Shit! Stop it! What is wrong with you?
It was as if no matter how badly her father messes up, Amara can't seem to find it in herself to hate him. And she was so annoyed at herself for that. But still, she said, grumpily, "No, he didn't say that. I overused my hyperbolic rights. But he basically said that in a less... crappy way. But still very crappy!"
"Okay..." MJ said, obviously cautious of how she proceeds, now. She knew her best friend and that meant that she also knew to never challenge her when she was angry, and even though she had never seen Amara's angry cry, she knew she should stay as far away from that as possible.
Amara knew that MJ was uncomfortable around crying people, so she was surprised that she had made it this far.
After she had spent a good few minutes sobbing on the phone, Amara finally calmed down enough to say, "Thanks for staying on the phone this long. I know how uncomfortable crying people make you."
"Amara you're my best friend. It doesn't count for you... Although I'm not gonna pretend that I'll be as good at comforting you as you would've been for me."
That caused a slight giggle out of Amara, but that was enough for MJ. "Okay, so let's move on - get your mind off all of that. You said that dinner went well?"
"Oh my god!" Amara said, suddenly sitting up.
"What? What is it?" MJ asked.
"I completely forgot! MJ, I fucked up... bad," Amara said panicking.
"What did you do, now?" She paused for a moment, before rectifying it, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Amara was used to MJ's sometimes insensitive sarcasm. "I accidentally, kind of... well not accidentally, I just, I don't know what happened to me, I mean, I do know, I was feeling pretty brave and now I'm just anxious, plus everything that's just happened with my dad, I just-"
"Amara! Oh my god, it's like you're turning into Peter. Get to the point."
Amara's heart leapt at the mention of Peter, and she couldn't help but slightly smile, despite everything.
"Okay... I kind of... kissed... him?" She said the last bit quietly, even though no one was around to hear it.
"You- wait! You, what?" MJ shouted over the phone.
"I know! I don't know what happened, it just did," Amara said.
"Wait, so he knows that you know who he is, now?" MJ asked.
"...No."
"So how did you...?" MJ trailed off, in thought.
"I pulled his mask up just under his nose and then I just kissed him," Amara shrugged, putting MJ on speaker.
"Wait, so are you and Spiderman like a... like a thing now?" MJ asked, curiously.
"MJ, he thinks I don't know who he is, how can we be a thing," Amara said getting up to go to the bathroom and check the state of her running makeup.
"But if he did, know everything, then you'd be a thing?"
"No, because he's still my mission, and it's not allowed," Amara said drenching a cotton pad in makeup remover and rubbing it over her eyes.
"Then why the hell did you kiss him?!" MJ asked.
"I don't know, MJ! And this isn't helping!" Amara shouted back.
"Okay, sorry."
She looked back up at the mirror only to see that the makeup remover had only spread the mascara all over her face. "I swear to god! I told FRIDAY not to order the crappy makeup remover! Now it just won't come off my face!"
She threw the drenched makeup wipe in the bin, leaned her elbows on the side of the sink and rested her head on them, groaning in annoyance.
"MJ?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
"Be honest... Did I really fuck things up?"
MJ sighed, "Okay, first you be honest. Do you like this guy?"
"It doesn't matter, it's not all-"
"Forget about the rules and what's allowed, just for one second. If it was just you and him, no superheroes, no... whatever superheroes do, I don't know. Do you think you would be happy together?"
Amara remained silent, staring at herself in the mirror.
"That's what you have to think about. As for breaking the rules, I mean you've already broken the vast majority of them, anyways. What's the harm in breaking one more?" MJ said.
"It's not just about the rules. It's about when he finds out everything. When he finds out I've been lying to him about who I am and knowing who he is... he's gonna hate me. And I can't tell him, yet, either. I'm not ready for that." Amara said.
"Wait, what if he decided to tell you? As in tell you his identity," MJ pointed out.
"No, I already made it clear that he can't tell me," Amara said, reassuring herself.
"Was that before or after you kissed him?"
Amara scrunched her face up in annoyance. She always thought about consequences. What's been happening to her? Lately, it's like she acts first and then gets angry at whatever consequences happen after that.
"Shit." Then there was a knock at Amara's door, "Double shit. Someone's at my door. One second," she said into the phone. Amara walked back into her bedroom and said, "Leave me alone!"
There was silence for a moment, and then, "It's Pietro."
Amara sighed and unlocked her door, letting him in, "What?"
"I heard what happened with you and Stark. I just wanted to check if you were okay."
"Did he send you?" Amara asked, crossing her arms, clearly annoyed.
"No. It's all me," He said. Pietro smirked and asked, "Who's on the phone?"
"Not who you think. It's MJ," Amara replied, knowing that Pietro was expecting some secret boyfriend.
"Hi Michelle," Pietro said after speeding over to where Amara had left her phone.
"Hello, Pietro Maximoff. I still can't believe I can talk to superheroes on the phone. It's insane!" Amara heard MJ's voice coming from her phone.
"Thanks for taking care of my friend, for me," Pietro said, smiling.
"Our friend," MJ corrected him.
"So what were you two talking about before I walked in?" Pietro asked, intrigued.
"Nothing, I'll tell you later."
"Just that she kissed Spiderman," MJ said at the same time as her, causing Amara to glare at her.
"What?!" Pietro's eyes widened.
"MJ!"
"What? He's your best friend, too."
"Yes, I am. Thank you, MJ for remembering," he said, spitefully addressing Amara.
"Would you relax? I was gonna tell you," Amara said to her friend.
"Really? When? After you guys have been a couple for three years? I will not be sidelined to the extended family bracket of your life," Pietro whinged.
"Extended family bracket?" MJ asked, confused.
At the same time, Amara said, "What are you talking about?"
"The family that you only introduce to your boyfriend when you're about to get married," Pietro clarified.
"Would you chill out? We kissed one time, it's not that deep."
"And also the fact that he's your mission. You can't Amara. It's not gonna end well for anyone."
"Yeah, I know," Amara rolled her eyes. "Maybe I should just start dating you again, P," She joked.
"Yeah, no."
"Then stop cock-blocking me," she deadpanned.
"Hang on. You guys used to date?" MJ asked, shock clear in her voice.
"What are you on? I've told you this before," Amara said.
"No... I think I would remember something like this."
"No, I did. Remember? We were playing that game where we asked each other questions. It was near when we first met when we were getting to know each other. You seriously don't remember?"
"No Amara, that wasn't me. I would have remembered. Where was it?"
"It was at M- never mind. I know who I was talking to."
"Well? Tell us, then," Pietro said, impatiently.
"No. You don't need to know."
"Oh, my god. It was Peter, wasn't it?" MJ said. Amara could practically see her eyes rolling.
"How did-" Amara started but was quickly interrupted by Pietro.
"Peter Parker?"
Amara shook her head aggressively signalling for him to shut up.
But obviously he didn't notice, "As in Spiderman?"
"What?!" MJ shouted.
"Oh my god!" Amara shouted at the same time, placing her hands on her forehead.
"What did I do?" Pietro asked, completely clueless, until a few moments later when his eyes scrunched in shame, "Michelle didn't know, did she?"
"No! No, she didn't!" Amara replied shooting daggers with her eyes at Pietro. "MJ, please don't panic. Everything is still fine. I'm so sorry-"
"You know, now that the initial shock's worn off, I'm not too surprised by this. I mean, it makes sense. Why he's always disappearing and how the two of you became so close so quickly despite not spending that much time together.
Amara narrowed her eyes and scrunched her eyebrows in thought, "Hang on, You're telling me that you found it easier to believe that Peter Parker was a superhero than it was for you to believe I was."
"Well, yeah, because you were the first superhero I ever met, and I had a little trouble believing that it was really happening. Sorry for being such a huge fan of you, I guess."
"Shut up," Amara scoffed. Then she turned back to Pietro, who was attempting to appear as nonchalant as possible, "And you! You have to learn when to keep your fucking mouth closed!"
"I'm very sorry Michelle and Amara," Pietro said.
"You should be, dickwad! Now it's not just be who has to lie to one of our best friends, It's MJ, too!"
"Not just your best friend! You kissed him!"
"Shut up, Pietro!" Amara shouted, throwing a pillow at him, which he caught, easily.
"Honestly, I'm cool with that. It's not like I tell Peter everything, anyway," MJ said, obviously not disturbed by the new information that is now in her possession.
"How are you so calm?! I'm freaking out!" Amara said.
"Well, don't! She's fine! She can handle herself, right Michelle?" Pietro said, walking over to the phone.
"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. Uh, I have to go, bye."
"Bye Michelle," Pietro said, hanging up and throwing Amara's phone back at her.
She caught it and sat back down on her bed, head in her hands.
Pietro slowly approached her, "So... I actually didn't come up here to reveal Spiderman's secret identity."
"Oh?" She said, sarcastically.
"No, I actually did want to check on you," he said, sitting down next to her and putting his hand on her back. "How are you really feeling?"
"Like shit. My head pounding from crying so much. But also because I'm fuming at Tony," she said.
"Yeah, I heard about some things he said, they were pretty bad. But you know he didn't mean it, right?"
"Sure fucking seemed like he did."
"He was angry that you snuck out, and he's never had to deal with you being... disobedient before. He would never say something to intentionally hurt you. He loves you."
"Yeah, well, he did Pietro!" Amara lifted her head up to look at him, "And since when are you on his side?"
"I'm not, I'm on your side."
"Then be pissed off at him! Support me, don't just sit there and bullshit me into into thinking that what he did was no big deal!" She shouted.
Pietro moved his hand to reach for hers but she shook it off, angrily, "Don't! Don't try and convince me that I'm not angry at him! That he's feeling awful about it and that he didn't mean it!" She stood up now and scoffed, "If he didn't mean it, then where is he? Huh? He didn't feel the need to come over here himself to see if I was okay? To apologise. Tony! Tony, where are you?! Downstairs in your fucking lab? Oh no, at the bar! Is he here? No, of course not! Why would he?" She pointed at Pietro, "If he loved me as much as you claim he does, he would be here, comforting me himself. But he's not. You want to know why? Because he doesn't care, Pietro! He thinks I'm an awful person and he wants nothing to do with me! He doesn't love me! And neither do I? I don't care about him! I don't love him! No! I hate him! I hate-"
Pietro stood up and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. Amara didn't hug back, she just leaned against him and cried into his shoulder, and he let her.
(A/N: Okay, I'm gonna start with: I'm sorry for making them fall out!!! But trust me, it will get better. If you have any ideas for what's gonna happen to their relationship in the future leave them in the comments. I love seeing what people are thinking about my story. Anyways, thank you for reading!!)