The shock written on mom's face is quite frankly, heart wrenching.
"Good Lord," she whispers, placing her dainty hand on her chest. Tears well in her vibrant blue orbs aglow with happiness.
Without warning, mom engulfs me in a tight embrace. Jasmine, peaches, and vanilla tickles my senses, filling me with a warm reminder of home.
As long as I can remember, mom has always smelled like this. It brought me comfort on so many days as a kid. It became my favorite scent but strangely, the smell is uniquely her.
I bought a few products back in New York, trying to replicate the scent on the days I felt homesick and extremely lost, but I could never get it right.
And I know, we each have our own unique scent. Any perfume or product used will smell otherwise on different people.
Besides, I don't think it was mama's scent I was missing. It was her.
"You've gotten so skinny," mom pulls back, squeezing my shoulders, and examining my body like she can see my kilos drop by the second.
"It's good to see you, too, mama," I grumble, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm sorry, I should've called to let you know I'm coming."
"Nonsense," mom swats the air. "This is one of the best surprises," she pinches my cheek.
"I won't be staying long. I'm actually here to tie off a few loose ends before I return back to New York."
"Oh," mom's expression drops. "Then you didn't have to stop by," mom turns around, walking inside.
I walk behind her slightly slouched 5'5" frame. The aroma of baked cookies fills my nostrils as soon as I enter my childhood home. The day before I left home was the last time, I smelled something so delectable.
Obviously, New York has bakeries with mouth-watering aromas, but nothing beats the orgasmic aroma of freshly home baked goods.
Mom always used to bake copious amounts every week, since I can remember, for our local homeless shelter, church, fire station and the police station. The fire station and police station 'cause apparently, I gave them so much 'grief.'
Yeah right. I was – am – a fucking angel. I can see my halo balancing on my horns right now.
Anyhow.
Tracey, my soon to be ex mother-in-law, prepared the meals. Mom always believed they needed a sweet treat after their meals. The least we can do, is provide them with some scrumptious dessert and that's what we did.
I dodge a dark wood table in the entrance with a small turquoise bowl filled with unique shells that we've accumulated over the years.
"Of course, I did. You and daddy refuse to come to New York. I haven't seen my parents in seven years, mama, seven."
I know how this seems.
It seems like I'm lying through my teeth to cover up the fact that I wasn't going to stop by.
And it's true.
I'm lying worse than a harlot on crack – that's wrong. They're more honest than I am.
Anyhow, I'm being dishonest and I'm deflecting.
"We couldn't drop everything and leave, Telana."
"I didn't expect you to do that, mama. One weekend away wouldn't have killed you!" I shouldn't have said that.
"Don't you take that tone with me," she warns.
"I'm sorry," I sigh. "I didn't."
"I know," she says, embracing me.
"I missed you and daddy so much," I whisper in her reddish-brown shoulder length hair streaked with grey.
I pull out of, yet another warm embrace and mom takes my hands in hers. Her vibrant blue eyes, filled with a joyous spark, widen. "What is this?" She asks, turning the ring on my finger.
Shit.
The ring.
My engagement ring.
Shit, shit, shit.
"It's, uh, uh." Tell your mama the truth! A voice screams at me in my head.
"Telly?" Oh no, not the nickname.
Every time mom used my nickname, I sang like a darn canary! It made me feel so fucking guilty that I needed to confess.
But not this time.
I'm going to be strong.
"I met someone, alright," I sigh. What happened to being strong? You weakling!
Ugh, shut it.
"What about Alec?" Mom drops my hands, taking a step back like I've offended her in some way.
I release another sigh, fixating my gaze on the white and orange floral wallpaper of the entrance.
"Alec and I aren't together anymore. We haven't been for seven years. I needed to move on with my life and find happiness and I have. I found someone that loves me. I found someone that cares about me and my wellbeing. I found someone that makes me happy, mama. Why can't you be happy for me?"
"Because you're still married, Telana."
"Not for long. That's why I'm here. Alec kept sending the divorce papers back unsigned. I'm here to get it signed and finally end this sham of a marriage."
"Oh, Telana," mom releases a disheartened sigh.
"I'm happy, isn't that enough?" I follow her into the living room with matching wallpaper. A large brown three-piece suite adorned with orange and white scatter cushions fills the space along with various small tables. Vases adorning orange and white artificial flowers decorate some spots with different Knick Knacks scattered around.
The old hardwood floors creaking slightly under my weight still possesses a solid shine under the natural light flowing in through the large bay window with an off-white lace-curtain. There's a hard to see brown stain on the left of the curtain that flutters as a light breeze, rolls in revealing a small tear in the delicate fabric.
The only reason I can see the stain is because I put it there with a cup of coffee. Accidentally.
"Is it enough for you?" Mom asks, placing her left hand on the back of the sofa and propping her right hand against her hip.
"Yes," I answer without hesitation. "It is. Justin is an amazing man who makes me happy."
"Then it's enough for me," mom smiles.
"Thank you," I breathe a sigh of relief. "Where's daddy?" I ask, peering down the white hallway lined with family photographs. Some of which I took.
"He went fishing with Harold. He's been living a solitary life since Teresa passed, and your father and I are worried about him. He hardly ever goes out anymore."
"That's unfortunate," I respond, staring down the hall.
"It is. I saw him age ten years in the first three months without her. Your bedroom is exactly the same as you left it," mom places her hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Can I?"
"Of course," mom smiles sweetly and for some odd reason I rub my palms nervously against my legs.
I put one foot in front of the other. I open the first door on my right, holding my breath almost like I'm expecting a murderous monster to jump out at me. I'm overreacting, I know.
Just some mild exaggeration, don't mind me.
I don't know what I was expecting but it def wasn't unicorn vomit.
Light pink dusts the walls. A matching, pink carpet adorns the hardwood floor below my double bed covered in pink and white with about fifteen stuffed bears that were gifted to me.
A deep pink curtain decorates my large window. The same window Alec used to sneak in through because we didn't want to be apart.
Nestled in the corner, right next to the window is a white wooden dressing table, void of contents.
On the left wall, opposite my bed, on either side of my closet doors is shelves dad put up for me to place my medals and trophies from my gymnast days. Proudly displaying each of my victories.
The wall behind the door is covered in photos. Photos that were once sectioned into categories but with the amount I took, I needed the empty spaces in-between the photos to add more.
The center on my wall is photos of Alec and me. The first photo that started this all is of two five-year-olds', smiling cheekily at the camera with the ocean behind them.
The five-year-old girl is holding her hand up behind the boy's head with two fingers sticking out. That was the beginning of a budding friendship she thought would last a lifetime.
Oh, how incredibly wrong she was.
That five-year-old girl was so naïve. So innocent. So hopeful. So positive.
If only I could've warned her and prepared her for the moment when all those things came crashing down around her.
Perhaps she would've been more equipped to cope with the inevitable calamitous downfall which wreaked absolute havoc on her life.
I should probably stop referring to the girl in the photo as she.
It's me.
I was her.
Detaching myself from the young, hopeful girl doesn't miraculously change my past. It doesn't remove my connection from the beliefs we once held or the hopes and dreams we once shared.
You live and you learn.
That's what growing up is about.
You have to face all these hardships to build character. To grow. And most importantly, to learn.
I've done all that.
I've changed.
I've grown.
I'm not that little girl anymore.
Of course, you're not. That would be creepy at your age.
You know what I meant.
I backtrack out of my childhood bedroom, and I shut the door to my past with my hand still on the handle.
I sigh, opening the door and walk over to my bed, running my hand along it.
It looks so comfortable, but I shouldn't.
And I do the opposite.
I cautiously lie down on my bed.
The bed is firm but soft. Comfortable. My head sinks into the pillow fresh with the fragrance of fabric softener. If I close my eyes and inhale deeply. It's like I'm running through a field rich in lavender. The spikes dance gently in the peak summer breeze, diffusing their intoxicating scent.
I expel a content breath through my mouth. My exhausted body sinks further into my bed as my muscles begin to relax, my breaths even out, and my mind is a place of bliss.
Blank.
Silent.
Enough for me to unwillingly drift off to sleep.
"Lana!" Alec's voice reaches my ears through the rowdy crowd of teenagers celebrating our school football team's win. The air buzzes with excitement around me while loud cheers and laughter erupts around the football field.
"I did it!" He exclaims, pushing through the mass of bodies to get to me. Every student he pushes past, gives him a congratulatory tap on the back, but his gaze never strays from mine.
"You did?" I stay rooted to my spot in the front row of the grandstand, not wanting to lose sight of him.
"The scouts, they're gonna choose me," he says breathlessly. "They're going to offer me a full ride, Lana. A full ride."
"Yes!" I cheer. "I knew you could do it," I jump into his arms, hugging him as tightly as humanly possible. I close my eyes, shielding my retinas from the floodlights.
"I told you; you are the best damn quarterback to exist," I pull back, gazing into green-blue orbs ablaze with happiness and pride.
"Thanks for always supporting me," he leans his forehead against mine. "They're coming next week to watch our final game. They'll tell me then, but coach already knows."
"I'm so proud of you, babe. I know you'll play your heart out just like you always do."
"I'll win that game for you, just like every other game."
"How about you win that game for you?"
"Never," he smiles cheekily, cupping my face. "Every win belongs to you," he captures my lips in a bone rattling kiss.
A radiant warmth erupts in my belly sending a hoard of goosebumps over my tingling body.
His soft tongue tangles with mine and I melt into the kiss. My toes begin to curl as I pull him closer, moving my tongue sensually against his. The uproarious noises fade into nothingness, my attention focused solely on Alec.
My heart races dangerously in my chest cavity, threatening to burst with pure happiness and love. There's also the heat of the earth's core liquefying my entire being into a puddle of hormones but whatevs.
"Telana?" A familiar voice echoes behind me but I can't stop my glorious attack on Alec's mouth.
I don't want to.
I plunge my tongue deeper into his mouth, weaving my fingers through his hair.
"Telana?" The familiar voice echoes again but I can't place the voice. My curiosity gets the best of me, and I abruptly end the kiss and spin on my heel except there's no one here.
I startle awake, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. I touch my lips burning and tingling with the remnants of my past and I look around my dark room with longing. Except I can't make out anything through my blurred, unfocused vision.
The euphoria.
The high.
The endless supply of ecstasy I was engulfed in, vanishes. Every emotion lingering in my heart is weighed down with sadness, but it makes no sense to me.
That dream.
Wasn't just a dream.
"I'm sorry, monkey," my dad chuckles at the foot of my bed.
"Oh, God!" I exclaim and he chortles.
I flick on my bedside lamp, illuminating my childhood bedroom in a warm glow. My dad's face glows with childlike happiness as he sobers from his laugh.
His green eyes, crinkled at the sides with years of smiling, shines bright with mischievousness. His lips dance with glee as he stands to his full height of 5'10" barely towering over my height.
I mirror his stance before embracing him, wrapping my arms tightly around my father. "I missed y'all so much, daddy."
"Welcome home, monkey. Your mama told me you're getting married...again."
"Straight to it," I laugh, rubbing my eyes. "You were never one to beat around the bush."
"Where's the fun in that?" Dad smiles. "All I want to know is, are you happy?"
"I am."
"Good, dinner's ready and it's your favorite."
"Mama's famous peach glazed chicken?"
"Mmhmm. The best in the world," dad says, reaching into his pocket and handing me my phone. "When I moved your car, it wouldn't shut up."
"Thank you, daddy," I hug my dad once more. "I'll be there in a minute."
Dad walks out and I press the unlock button on the side of my phone.
Twenty missed calls.
Thirteen texts.
Shit.
I send a quick, call you soon, text to Nadia and I call Justin.
"Oh, thank God," he sighs into the phone after the first ring.
"I'm so sorry. I came home, spoke to my mama and I went to my room. My bed, it looked so inviting and comfortable, I couldn't help myself. My exhausted body begged me to lie on it. I...I fell asleep."
His melodious laughter flows through my speaker, the sound warming my heart. "You don't have to explain, love. I'm relieved to know you're okay."
"I'm sorry I made you worry," I sigh.
"You have nothing to apologize for. Not with me, ever." Yeah, wait until you find out about my past. "How'd things go with your parents?"
"They're dying to meet the man responsible for making their daughter glow with happiness," I lie through my teeth.
"I would love to meet them, too. How about next week?"
"You want me to stay here for a week?" My words drip with disdain. "I'm returning tomorrow."
"Love, you haven't seen your parents in so long. Spend the week with them. Enjoy it."
"But I'm going to miss you," I pout even though he can't see me.
"And I'm going to miss you more than words can express but your parents are the most important people in your life."
"You're the most important person in my life," I grumble, playing with a loose thread.
"Babe," he laughs, the radiant sound instantly lifting my mood. "I want you to stay. I'll take care of everything on this side, and you relax and catch up. I'll call you every night."
"Okay," I reluctantly agree. I wanted to leave once the papers are signed but he's right. "It'll do me some good to be with my family."
"I know," I hear the vibrant smile adorning his succulent lips.
"Can we video call tomorrow?"
"Of course. Anything for you, Lana."
"I love you."
"Telana, dinner!" Mom's voice booms down the hall.
"I'll text you in the morning, love."
"Bye," I say, hanging up.
As much as I want to leave this place, I know deep in my heart, I need to stay.
I know Justin's right.
My parents are the most important people in my life. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for their unconditional love and support.
Sure, this bedroom, this yard, this town, is tainted with the memories of my past.
It's tainted with painful reminders of a person I once believed to be my soulmate.
It's tainted with my naivety, my ignorance, my hope.
It's simply tainted with Alec.
But it's also imprinted with my childhood memories.
It's imprinted with my dad running with me on his shoulders into the ocean and my mom yelling and howling with laughter.
It's imprinted with my dad letting go of the bicycle while my mom clutched to his arm in fear. I screamed in terror and cheered with elation when I realized I was doing it on my own.
It's imprinted with millions of wonderful memories no number of negative memories can strip away from me.
It doesn't matter if my stomach in clenched in longing for the wrong man.
It doesn't matter if my past is replaying in my dreams like a movie.
It doesn't matter if my body and heart is heavy with existential dread.
None of it fucking matters.
So long as I'm with my parents, spending time with them.
I can't turn back time and restore every second I've lost with them, but I can spend the week with them.
One week away won't kill me.
A/N: So, Telana can't seem to stop reliving her memories of Alec, her husband. She admits there right at the end, she's longing for the wrong man. But she seems to be holding strong. She's adamant on getting him to sign the divorce papers.
Next up, Alec's POV.
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