MY FACE WAS white-hot as his eyes pierced mine with a look that held hints of mischief inside. I now understood what Lady Heathwood meant when she said Sir Ashwell could hold her with just a look. Everything felt too hot, my mouth too dry, like the Sahara Desert had taken residence there. A breeze could shatter me into a million tiny pieces. All because that look stirred a flame inside me.
I pulled away and turned my back on him. With my hands reaching for cabinets, trying to ground myself in my body again as I pretended to look for ingredients of any sort. Somehow, both terrified and thrilled at the sensation, I knew Prince Elric could set my world on fire and I'd let him.
I needed a distraction. I needed him to stop staring at me. Looking over my shoulder, I said, "I-I won't have you standing there looking pretty while I make these cookies. Get over here and help me!"
"Yes, My Lady," he said, his voice low, the gravel in it only stoking the flames between us.
A jolt of electricity zipped down my spine as I felt him approach. There wasn't a countertop to separate us, or keep his hand from finding the small of my back, or cool the new wave of heat that rolled up my spine as his breath whispered against my bare shoulder. The measuring spoons spilled from my grip. I backed out from his reach.
"Claire?"
"I-I..." I sighed. What could I say? Not the truth, that I had no experience or even the confidence to handle his attention, even if I wanted it. But I couldn't lie, either.
Elric frowned in my silence. "My apologies. I hope I am not making you uncomfortable." He stepped back, putting more space between us.
God, I couldn't handle him close, but I couldn't handle him distancing himself any further. Was this what it felt like to have feelings for someone? It was wrong. So utterly wrong to have feelings for Prince Elric. Yet, when he looked at me, I felt alive, seen, like I could be something more.
"Far from it, Prince Elric. I've enjoyed every moment with you... probably more than I should." I took a step closer to him. "I've been a terrible friend – cousin. Jo's done so much for me and I've all but abandoned her..."
I thought getting to know Elric also meant getting the insight into Larnwick we needed, but what was happening now... it wasn't just to learn about Larnwick. I was making cookies, while Jo was pushing herself to exhaustion as she studied Larnwick. Going above and beyond to solve the problems like she always did for us. She deserved a better friend than me.
"Kids can be cruel, but never Jo," I began as I started to gather the measuring spoons I'd dropped. "It didn't matter their size or age, she'd fight whoever tried to bully me. I don't know what I'd do without her... And when she's needed me here, I've barely been there for her. It's taken me until today, until that woman, to notice how absent I've been."
Prince Elric straightened out his vest before he clasped his hands behind his back. "I'll admit that I've been a bit persistent in spending time with you...and only you," he confessed. My chest swelled from flattery and even more guilt. "But I can't apologize for it, Claire. I won't. Maybe that makes me selfish, but I've cherished our time together. I don't regret it. Do you?"
Blood was pounding in my ears, my brain turned to mush. I couldn't lie when he looked at me like I meant something. "No. Maybe that makes me selfish, too."
"Lady Joan is resilient," Elric assured me. "I hope the festival proves she can feel as safe in Larnwick as she would in her own home. That would be my wish for you as well."
Why was it so easy to fall into Prince Elric's eyes and words and tune the entire world out? With us like this, I could almost forget this world, these lies, and believe it was just us.
Clearing my throat, I pushed the spoons into his chest. "We have cookies to make, Your Highness."
An easy smile spread across his face. All the intensity that had my knees buckling moments ago fizzled out into a more manageable warmth. Still, he had my stomach doing somersaults. "Now, fill this bowl with flour and the other with sugar," I ordered, shooing him over to the other side of the room. I took a deep, freeing breath.
In the midst of rummaging through cabinets, I realized baking soda... didn't exist. What was I was going to do? How do they get the bread to rise? I was going to have to pull a Jo and wing it, and pray to The Empress I wouldn't accidentally poison us.
Making cookies wasn't exactly the stress-free activity I was used to. Besides the limited utensils and ingredients, Elric had to start one of the wood-burning stoves from a cold, empty hearth. It required more than pushing a couple of buttons on a stove, but I didn't exactly mind it when it gave me the opportunity to watch his muscles flex under his tunic.
Once he had a small fire blazing, and I had our work station filled with ingredients – eggs, water from the spigot that came out of the freaking mountain, flour, sugar, vanilla and cinnamon, and something called potash that was sitting by the bread yeast – I tied the wool aprons around us. "Chef Elric, are you ready to learn how to make my famous sugar cookies?"
His eyes were wide as he took in all the ingredients and tools in front of him. "I'm a prince with an entire kingdom dependent on my family and I to survive, and keep the danger of monsters and cruel people alike away. Making cookies looks impossible."
"Your confidence is noted," I teased. "Just trust me, okay? First, let's mix all the dry ingredients. I start with the flour and sugar, then we'll add the... potash."
After putting all the dry ingredients together and mixing them, I showed Elric how to mimic my measurements and mixing. The intense focus he had throughout the process, determination hardening his features and furrowing his brow as he desperately tried to get everything correct, had my heart swell. He was adorable.
Elric met his match by the time the dough was ready to be rolled, though, his frustration eating at him. I doubled over with laughter when a glob of his dough stuck to the counter and didn't budge.
"I don't see how this is funny," Prince Elric said flatly, though there was a sparkle of humor in his eyes as I poked at his dough to test the texture. "Yours is perfectly rolled out, and mine looks like horse manure!"
I sprinkled more flour onto the countertop and his rolling pin. "If being a prince doesn't work out, I wouldn't recommend being a baker, either."
Elric threw his head back laughing, his curls bouncing. My chest tightened. Being with him was easy – the banter, the jokes, even the tension between us. It was mine, and I didn't want to let it go.
I was selfish.
Elric's dough stuck to the rolling pin again. "Here, let me show you," I said, sidling against him, placing my hands on top of his. I ignored the pitter-pat my heart made when his breath tickled the nape of my neck. "You're pressing down too hard."
As we gently rolled the dough out, I was unable to focus on little else besides his rough skin against mine. His palms weren't soft. They were calloused from swords, stoking fires, hard work. He was a man that had everything and everyone in the palm of his hand, but he remained grounded.
I cleared my throat, looking over my shoulder and straight into his eyes. I tried to step away, but his body caged me in. His mouth beside my ear, his breaths steady, but those eyes... they blazed like the fire in the stove behind us.
"You're a quick study," I said breathily.
"I have a good teacher," he replied easily.
A blush crept onto my neck and cheeks. Was this... it? Was I about to have my first kiss – with a medieval prince, of all people?
Too quickly, Elric pulled away. The distance between us felt cold. "We – We should get these cookies in the oven. I'm sure it's ready."
I had to look away. Who was I kidding? Why would he want to kiss me? I was a nobody to him, even with my pretend status. Maybe that was the appeal for him. A flirtatious, no-strings attached sort of situation Jo talked about when we daydreamed about me off at college and her on the road. That was all that would ever happen between Prince Elric and I, no matter how deep I felt my feelings went. I was leaving, and he was a damn medieval prince.
I needed to stay in reality.
When we pulled the cookies out, Prince Elric was smiling wide like a child. The entire time they were cooking, he was as close to the oven as he could be without getting burnt. When he pulled them out, they were a darker shade of brown than the beautiful dusted-brown cookies I opted for, but at least they weren't burnt.
Still, the smile Prince Elric had was wide. Radiant. "I've never made anything in the kitchen before. This is something I'll never forget. Thank you, Claire."
But he would. He'd eventually forget baking cookies with some random girl that would leave as quickly as she came, when his life moved on and he had grand experiences that would outshine this moment with ease.
"You're welcome." It came out as a strangled whisper. I wouldn't forget this moment either, because it was the highlight. It would outshine anything else when I was back home, full of resentment, and my mother gloating about how she'd been right about my future the whole time.
I wouldn't forget Prince Elric, or Larnwick, no matter how hard I tried.