"And why do you feel that way?"
I slowly sit up, my elbows resting on my knees as I glare at her.
I analyse every feature on her small face, "I don't feel doctor, feeling is weakness."
"But you felt something for her, did you not?" I knew exactly to whom she is referring to, she did not even have to say her name.
"She was different, from her curly hair-her black doe eyes and perfect lips. Her skin was a rich brown colour, much like the mellow-brown light that bathed the forest. Silky and smooth, the glow it had against the burning sunlight did not miss. I claimed her the minute she walked down that isle."
"And describe the word claimed?"
"She was mine but-she was in love with another man."
"And what was his name?"
"Elias."
There was always more that one meets the eyes with.
Secrets and lies than go on by, the time that ticks but never hicks.
Little white lies that circle the inner eye, but did we not all have a secret.
I had only one secret.
And you may think-but everyone always has more than one.
No, I only have one.
It was bigger than any secret anyone could have. Although it might not seem serious to others, my family and the world I live in take it very seriously.
It is.
If you want to succeed in this business, someday you will have to choose between survival and your heart. I didn't make these rules, I was taught them. You think they would get easier and the scary part, it does.
My head raises from my fingers that were wrapped tightly around the bouquet in my grasp, the silky white roses. As my eyes look up, staring at the two huge doors that once opened would be the definition and purpose of my life.
The two guards stood by each corner of the hallway made me feel the nerves of today.
I inhale deeply, closing my eyes for a moment to inhale the importance of this day before finally having the confidence to raise my head. My view is blocked by the fabric of my veil, my father takes my arms in his and stands up straight.
"This is for our family, Athena." My father whispers the words, my jaw tenses as i try my hardest to suck in the tears forming in my eyes. "Remember this was planned since you were young, we have to abide by the contract."
I shake my head, unable to do anything as I throw the bouquet onto the ground and make my way towards the dressing room. I hear my father yelling after me, and my mother chasing me. But once I reached the room, I slammed the door closed and rush my fingers through my hair.
I reach my makeup table, and stare at myself through the mirror.
I have always hated the colour white.
And here I am wearing it.
I try to handle my breathing, to swallow my nerves but I am somewhat unable to. I suddenly feel a hand rest around my waist, "Amor," the softness of his voice echoed around the room in whispers.
My head raises, I use the mirror to confirm that it is him behind me.
Elias's face is buried into my neck, and I immediately turn around and wrap my arms around his neck. I sob gently, aware that my makeup has probably smudged onto his shirt.
He pulls me back and glances at me, a smile spreads onto his face as he looks at my wedding dress. "You look beautiful," he whispers.
"Elias-I-I'm scared." His silver bracelet touches my face.
"There is no reason to be scared."
"But there is Elias!" I push him away from my embrace, my hands covers my mouth. "The sheets are not going to be red... he will figure out that I am no virgin and kill me."
"No one will touch you Athena, no one."
"How do you know? I am marrying the most feared man known-how is he going to feel when the woman he is about to marry after twenty or so years of contracts is not a virgin as promised. He will kill my mother-my father for sinning and lying."
Elias stilled; nothing left his mouth.
"You have to lie."
"I don't want to lie! I would rather tell him before he kills me-"
Elias covers my mouth with his hands and looks me in the eyes, "you have to lie Athena. Luca Romano is not a forgiving man. If I knew he was the one you were destined to marry-"
"You would not have done it? Is that what you're saying? That you regret it?"
"No of course not-I would not have put you in this danger."
"I don't want to marry him, let's run away."
"Amor, we can't...we'll both be killed."
Elias sighs and pushes a strand of my hair behind my ears before pressing his lips onto mine, the tenderness of it left my heart to peace.
"Now, man up and marry that lucky fuck-I'll be there every step of the way."
"You promise?" He nods, taking my hands in his as he leaves gentle kisses.
"I'm your bodyguard, I have no choice." His light eyes convinces me, I kiss him once more before letting go of him and walking to the door.
"I love you Elias..." I whisper, holding the handle tightly.
"I love you more Amor," I push the handle down and exit the room.
Noticing my mother scanning every inch of the hallway before her sights are with me, "hurry up!" She grabs my arms and forces me down the steps, and we are back to where we began.
The front of the chapel doors.
The doors begin to open.
My life unrolled before my eyes.
Inside this room was every family from the mafia world, from all over.
All the alliances of Luca Romano.
My soon to be husband.
I take the first step onto the white carpet, everyone stands up to show respect, which was definitely new to me because my father was not a high ranking mafia man in this room. My eyes betray me, and I look at my husband, the man I have never met.
However, I could not see him clearly because of this stupid veil.
With every step I take, the closer I am for my old life to be over.
Once I reach the stairs, my head turns to my father and tears stroll down my eyes. "Aftó eínai gia to kalýtero tis oikogéneiás mas, agápi mou, to káneis aftó gia emás." I see a hand reach out for me; I do not dare to look up but for some reason my hands slide into his.
The difference in size amazed me, my hands looked like a baby in his.
He helps me up the steps, until we were both facing one another.
I decide against looking at him, knowing he was definitely an old man with around seven kids.
"Welcome family and alliances. We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the marriage of Luca Romano and Athena Grey. This is not the beginning of a new relationship but an acknowledgment of the next chapter in their lives together. Today, they will affirm this bond formally and publicly, promising to protect the hierarchy of the Romano mafia with their marriage."
The priest begins, I look back at my father who is sat beside my mother.
She nods her head.
My head then turns to the corner of the room and locks eyes with Elias, he nods, and I smile.
"Do you Luca Romano take Athena Grey to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and not so good times, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto her for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." His voice shocked me, the power behind it left me in shock.
It could install fear onto anyone, with those two words it already made me want to become an obeying wife.
Or.
If he knew...how would he sound like?
"Do you Athena Grey take Luca Romano to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and not so good times, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live?"
The silence circled around in my mind, the question alerted every never and fibre of my being.
I glance down at his hands being wrapped with mine, my white lace gloves circling his tanned skin. I gulp down my saliva and inhale deeply before I could have any sort of attack.
My eyes betrayed me and looked up, they locked with a pair of green ones. In those green eyes, I saw what I think is a future. His pale green eyes had the softness of developing buds and the hope of spring.
My hands felt somewhat clammy, thank god for the gloves.
I could tell I was taking long to answer but this is it-I broke the contract.
I had sex.
I uncleansed myself to a man who is not my husband.
If I said I do-I am asking for a death wish but Elias told me to lie.
And I'll do that.
"I do." The words whispered out by itself; an armed bodyguard walked beside us with a pillow of two rings.
"Athena, place the ring on Luca's finger and repeat after me." The priest speaks, I gently pick the ring up between my fingers and raise Romano's hands.
I begin to repeat after the priest, "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge: to love you today, tomorrow, always, and forever. Till death do we part." I slide the ring on the marriage finger.
"And now...Luca, place the ring on Athena's finger and repeat after me,"
"I give you this ring as a symbol of my devotion for my mafia with the pledge: to provide, protect and respect you today, tomorrow, always, and forever. Till death do we part."
That was not what the priest asked him to say, he changed the words-he changed the words love. Because in all honesty, Luca never once met me let alone love me. But the embarrassment that rose on my cheeks was obvious.
"And now for the agreement."
It is time for us to get down on our knees, I lift the top of my dress and gently rest on my knees as Luca does the same. With my head bowed, I see a gold bowl in front of us-my heart pounds against my chest.
The priest hands down the knife to Luca, and one to me.
I settle down the flowers beside me, sliding my gloves off, "now you will mix the blood of two-become one." I press the knife into the palm of my hands, and as does Luca. We squeeze our blood at the same time into the bowl. A couple of drops sufficed enough for us to be handed a bandage.
I wrap it around my hands and slightly turn my face to see Luca stand up. I copy him.
"Before these witnesses, you have pledged to be joined in marriage and to unify your Mafia's. You have now sealed this pledge with your wedding rings. By the authority vested in me by the great country of Italy, I now pronounce you married, you may kiss the bride."
His fingers lift my veil, slowly throwing it over my head.
My eyes are locked with his face, scanning every inch of his perfections and imperfections.
Behind the veil, his eyes were more lovely because of the little patterns that resembled a forest scene. His thick brows, which reached just below his long lashes.
His nose was noticeable—a small hump that appeared to have never been there before—and his dark hair had fallen out and was carelessly caressing his forehead.
He had a scar that ran from the right side of his cheeks to his neck, but his collar sadly concealed the end of the scar which again was covered by tattoos. He was tall, maybe six foot five, with plump, lightly pink-tinged lips.
Let me not forget the difference in height, my face reached his chest-unlike with Elias who is definitely shorter than Luca. My eyes lock with Elias' as if warning him of what may happen, without noticing-Luca also turns and see what I'm looking at.
He lifts my jaw further up, connecting not only our eyes but our souls as he moves closer to me.
Is he going to kiss me?
I close my eyes, ready for it until nothing came, "your lipstick is smudged."
The words ring into my ears, my eyes shoot open, and I see Luca turning around and leaving the church with men following him. Leaving me on the stage in front of hundreds of unknown people, embarrassment craved my cheeks and drowned my heart.
How did he know?
He knows.
Giggles from women in the back row took over the church, my chest expanded, and I tense my jaw before looking back at my father.
This is meant to be all girls dream, wearing a white dress and kissing the love of their life.
This is not my dream.
This is my nightmare.
I glance down at my shaky hands before walking down the aisle, my heart was racing, and my palms became sweaty as I rushed out of the door.
I throw my flowers to the side and look behind me to see four armed guards following behind me, "go away please." I whisper but they did not listen. "Stop following me, are you deaf?"
"You are a Romano. We are ordered to."
It became aggravating by the minute; I entered the luxurious bathroom and slammed the door closed before locking it.
I walk towards the mirror, tensing my hands around the edge of the sink as I stare at my reflection. My fingers trace to my rings, I pull it off and watch the diamond glisten under the light - almost blinding me.
"Mrs Romano, your car is waiting outside for you to bring you to the estate." I rub onto my eyes, forgetting the mascara coated on my lashes.
My eyes lock with the necklace on my neck.
A knock on the toilet door alerted me from my mind, "Athena, open the door." My father's voice erupts.
I sigh and lean over to unlock it, my father slips in and closes the door behind him.
He takes a step towards me and slips a box out from behind him.
He nods his head, indicating that I should open it.
I flick the lock of the box and push the lid to the inside.
"The plan has started Athena," he whispers.