Gazing out the car window I was sad to be heading back to the city, but I knew staying in Boston longer would be impossible. I had homework, dances, and other things I needed to prepare for Monday, not the mention the whole speech I would need to deliver to convince the coordinators to allow Drew to be my partner for the recital.
On one hand I was excited to pitch the idea because I felt confident they would let, but on the other I was nervous for them to say no. If they did I would be fresh out of ideas as to who I could dance with, and knowing I could potentially lose another number made my skin heat in anger.
Drew's hand was sitting in my lap, interlaced with my own as she rubbed the back of my hand like she usually did. It was cute to me, the way she did it out of habit almost, but even this simple gesture made my heart race. She could probably tell I was thinking something serious, so she was just letting me be without interrupting. She also knew I didn't want to go back home just yet but had no choice, so she was just allowing me handle my thoughts in private.
My mind continued to run rampant with possibilities for my duet that would hopefully be with Drew. I was brainstorming themes, like if it would be a love story or a break up or something more out of the box. We didn't have a ton of time to prepare and think intricately but I was determined to blow the audience away regardless, along with the administrators that took away my solo. Doing that would only push me to perform ten times better, and I would.
The theme for the winter recital wasn't really a theme at all; it was just more of a 'moving forward' type theme, which celebrated the graduates. It would be nothing like the Halloween recital where it revolved around one specific idea, so it gave the dancers and choreographers a lot more freedom. I was excited to get started, especially with Drew, but I would need the final okay Monday at school before actually beginning.
We continued to sit in silence for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts for the time being. I loved how I didn't have to fill the awkward silence with Drew because it wasn't awkward at all. We were both comfortable, which just showed the level of maturity we bot held, which I was grateful for.
But as soon as we were close back to home I felt the need to talk, "You know, I'm glad we did this."
She glanced over to me, "I am too, and I'm glad you pushed me to do it."
I narrowed my eyes, "What do you mean?"
"Well," she shrugged, "I had wanted to visit mom for a while but just the thoughts of going back to Boston scared me. You suggesting it and coming with me made it a lot easier."
I could tell she was telling the truth, which was flattering because I had no idea that I had played a big part. I squeezed her hand as I boated, "You're welcome then."
She laughed at my joke, "Yea, thanks."
It didn't take us much longer to make it through New York and to my apartment. I was sad to have to part but I would relive the memories of this weekend for a while, which would hold me over till the next time I saw Drew.
She smiled, "So, let me know how the talk with the recital coordinators go."
I walked up to her, my back slung around my shoulder, "Oh you know I will, but I think you should prepare yourself. I have a good feeling."
Her light eyes took me in as a wide smile spread on her lips. I took this as an opportunity to get close to her as I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling my body into hers. I fit so easily into her, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and I had a feeling she felt the exact same thing too.
She sucked in a tight breath, "Well, I'm excited but nervous. You'll have to be patient with me."
I shook my head, "You will be fine, I've seen you dance and I wouldn't have considered you if I wasn't confident."
Watching her blush I allowed myself to lean up and kiss her willing lips, feeling the explosions go off in my own stomach. I forgot where I was for a second, but then ended it after a few seconds and pulled back.
"I'll see you later."
I nodded, "Of course you will."
I watched her head around to the other side of the car and give me a slight grin before disappearing back into the driver's seat, leaving me to continue the rest of my Saturday night. I had a lot to do and not a lot of time to prepare, so I turned on my heels and headed back to the apartment with a smile on my face.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This was it, this was me actually about to pitch the idea of having Drew as a partner to the coordinators and I couldn't be more nervous. I had discussed it with Maria before, who had been all for it and had given me some pointers and a pep talk, but I still found myself fidgeting with my fingernails out of nervousness.
What if they said no? What if they took away one of my numbers? What if they paired me with someone themselves? Oh hell no, I'd rather lose a number than give them the satisfaction of doing that.
I waited patiently for the coordinators to enter the auditorium, because when they did I would approach them right away. There was one specific woman I needed to talk to, and I was praying all went well considering we wouldn't have much privacy discussing this here.
Then without having to wait any longer they walked in, binders and clipboards in hand. I sucked in a tight breath and released, calming me down just enough to walk forward without hesitation. I needed to stand my ground, and I needed to put my foot down and demand at least this since they had taken away my freedom of choice.
I deserved this and we all knew it.
I walked right up to the woman I needed to talk to and spoke, "Mrs. Andrews? Yea I really need to talk to you about my duet for the winter recital."
I watched the brown eyes flicker between mine before seeing her head nod, "Yea, what is it Breanna? Have you decided on a partner?"
"Uh yes," I answered, feeling the nervousness rise in my stomach like bile. If this didn't go well I would be out of luck, and I didn't want that. I continued, "I was actually considering a partner that isn't a student here at NYU."
Her eyes never left me, which kind of intimidated me a bit. I was silently praying for a good outcome, because that wasn't even the most controversial part of what I was doing. This was just the first step.
"Is no one willing to help you out that already attends here? I'm sure there are plenty of young men-"
"It's not that," I found myself interrupting, not wanting to waste more time than I already was. "Considering the fact that most of our dancers are female, it's hard enough finding a male that's willing. Not to mention he has to be strong enough to do lifts and not already be performing his own solo."
I glanced up, seeing that there were a few people already listening to our conversation. The woman's eyes also were glued to me, probably waiting for further explanation, so I delivered the best I could.
"She's experienced, she's capable of performing lifts and I think we dance really well with each other. I just wanted to see if it was okay with you considering she's not a student..."
I said it in a way to where it sounded nonchalant in hopes that she would take it that way. I didn't want her to react badly, but judging by the confused look on her face I could tell she already had issues with the fact I had said 'she' and not 'he'.
"So you're considering a female partner that doesn't attend NYU?"
I nodded, "Yes ma'am."
She glanced at her watch then, as if she was considering something and putting it off by not telling me. I wanted a yes, and I wasn't ending this conversation until I had one, and she needed to know that. I didn't care if she didn't agree. They had taken a solo away from me and this was me doing the best I could to rebound from that.
"Breanna I don't know, traditionally it's usually boy-girl. I'm not sure the responses would be good, but if you're in need of finding a male student we'll help you out-"
"I don't want to dance with anyone else," I demanded, finding my patience running low. It wasn't the fact that they weren't a student that bothered her; it was the fact that it was a girl, which bothered me.
She looked up, caught off guard by my interruption but by now I had completely lost all patience I had.
I continued, "You took away my potential solo I have been working for since I got here and basically forced me to choreograph a duet last minute. Mind you, a lot of us are graduating next spring and don't have a lot of time as it is. Finding someone to partner with in extremely difficult, not to mention that they have to have a significant amount of experience and blend well with me. No offense Mrs. Andrews, but I'm doing the best I can."
She seemed at a loss for words but she seemed to soften a bit, "Breanna I know it's difficult, but the responses to same-sex duets are debatable..."
That was it.
"Are you saying people will have a problem with me dancing with my girlfriend?" I nearly shouted, hoping to gain a little bit more attention. If she wanted to play this game I would play harder, just like I always did.
Her eyes widened in shock, "N-No, that's not what I meant-"
"No, that's exactly what you meant, just not in those words," I held up my finger, turning towards the crowd gathering on the auditorium stage. There were plenty of people here my age that I knew would back my decision. I shouted over to them to gain their attention, "Hey!"
Everyone's eyes traveled over to where I was.
I continued to cause a scene, "Does it offend anyone here if I decide to duet with my girlfriend?!"
I locked eyes with Maria who was smiling like an idiot, but I heard mumbles of things like; "No one cares, Breanna" and "Do what you want, just let us get back to work." No one gave a shit that I wanted to break tradition with a same-sex duet, not even the other coordinators who were basically not even paying attention.
I turned back to the woman who had continuously argued with me and crossed my arms, "I think those are the responses most will have to a same-sex duet, honestly."
I could tell I had caught her off guard, but I think she was more upset that she might have offended me and my sexuality. She had, but I didn't need to say it, the look on her face let me know she understood.
She shook her head, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
I nodded, "I know, but I just needed your permission so I can get to work as soon as possible."
She scribbled something on her clipboard, nodding, "What's the young lady's name?"
I smiled in victory, "Drew Wilder."
I watched her write her name next to my number that was labeled as a duet, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in seeing that. I had won, and I had done it on my own and I couldn't be more excited than I was right now.
"You know the routine, just bring her along for costume fittings, dance rehearsal and all that," she went to walk away but turned back around. She shook her head, "Breanna, I'm sorry."
I nodded, "It's fine, Mrs. Andrews."
"Have a good day."
Then she left me to walk over to Maria who was clapping and gushing with excitement. As soon as I made it over to her she beamed, "Oh my gosh that was amazing, chica. I'm so proud of you."
She grabbed my hand and I smiled with pride, "I'm so excited."
Then Jeremy was next to me, his slender arm wrapping around my shoulders. He nodded, "Okay, that was incredible, just saying. So who's this girlfriend you spoke of?"
I smirked, "Drew, she's technically not my girlfriend but... it got Andrews to rethink her decision on not allowing me to do what I want."
He squeezed my shoulder as Maria squealed in excitement, "That's genius, Bree."
"I know," I gushed, feeling the pride overtake my heart in this moment. I would be performing a duet with Drew in a little over a month, and I couldn't be more ecstatic.
I grabbed my phone, sending a quick text to Drew, "Coordinators agreed on you being my partner. There's no backing out now!:)"
I shoved the phone in my pocket and proceeded with my day, eager to see Drew tomorrow and discuss the good news. There would need to be a lot more practice with her considering she wasn't a daily dancer like myself, but she would be able to hang with me. She knew herself better than I did when it came to her dancing, and I knew she wouldn't have offered if she wasn't confident in her own skill.
I was just excited to get started because I knew making a statement was a must, and I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else besides Drew.
~ ~ ~ ~
I was quickly making my way towards the gym, eager to see Drew and talk with her a little before rehearsal with my group. There were so many things I needed to discuss with her, and the sooner I got there the sooner we could do just that. Not to mention I was pretty excited to see her after not seeing her for two days. I knew I sounded like I teenager but I didn't care, and as I pulled open the front door to the gym I tried my best to contain my enthusiasm.
She was waiting at the front like every other day, and I watched a wide smile grow on her face as her eyes took me in. I walked up to her quickly, a little too eager to be in her presence. Her hands were shoved in the pockets of her pants as she walked up to me, attempting to contain herself as well.
"Hey," she greeted, her eyes never leaving mine for a split second.
"Hi," I responded, reaching up and hugging her around her neck without any more hesitation. I felt her shoulders relax under my touch, and she sighed a little bit as her arms wrapped around my waist.
Usually we didn't hug or anything like that but for some reason I was feeling extra good today, and I wanted it to rub off on Drew.
She nodded, "Let's go upstairs."
So I followed her, eager to tell her at least a little bit of what happened yesterday with the coordinators. I figured she would find the story funny, looking back now I realized it was probably hilarious to watch but I had been so caught up in the moment that I hadn't even noticed.
She unlocked the door and we let ourselves in, and I decided not to prolong it anymore.
I beamed, "God there's so much to talk about... I don't even know where to start..."
She eyed me, her smile still plastered on her beautiful face. How was I supposed to focus whenever she looked at me like that? Did she know what she made me feel like whenever she did?
I tried to regain my composure, "Okay, so when are we going to rehearse? And when are we gonna start because I'm super excited-"
"Bree," Drew interrupted, smirking, "Relax, we'll figure this out after you rehearse with your group. I think we need to talk about something more important than that though..."
I shook my head and narrowed my eyes in confusion, "Like what?"
She tilted her head, "You really haven't thought about what Jada's going to think whenever she finds out, have you?"
I felt my skin run cold for a second at the realization, knowing I hadn't even given that a second thought. How could I have forgotten about my older sister that still seemed to have a lot of hatred towards the girl standing in front of me? How could I have overlooked something like this?
I swallowed, shaking my head, "Shit. Shit, shit, shit..."
Drew noticed my freak out and grabbed both of my shoulders in an attempt to calm down, "Hey, chill, it's okay..."
"No!" I shouted, "No, it's not! How did I forget about that? Oh God this could go south really quick and I can't handle more stress right now... Drew this is bad."
I could tell she was worried probably just as much as me but I felt as if there was no turning back now. I hadn't made a fool out of myself yesterday just to change my mind again and try to get another partner. Besides, I wanted Drew, no one else, but the thought of Jada finding out really did scare me.
She continuously rubbed my shoulders, "It'll be fine... maybe by the time the recital comes she just won't care..."
I threw my hands up, realizing this was the last thing I needed to be thinking about. I had to choreograph two sets, one of which I haven't even started because it was a last minute decision. Worrying about Jada being butt hurt over Drew needed to be the farthest thing from my mind. She was going to find out eventually, and I wasn't basing my decisions around her and her grudge anymore.
I countered my own freak out, "I don't even care about that right now, honestly. We need to focus on dancing and that's it."
She seemed shocked at my mood switch, which was drastic I know, but I knew it was for the best. There were more important things to worry about, like when Drew and I were going to rehearse.
She nodded, "Okay, well, when will rehearsal for us be? I mean I know you have to think about your group..."
I shook my head, "I'll cut the time in half considering we're only working on one number rather than two. Me and my group will rehearse from 6:00 to 7:30, then me and you from 7:30 to 9:00. Does that sound doable?"
I was taking charge, she understood that, but I watched a sly smirk play on her lips. She nodded, "That sounds good. I'll have Kevin schedule me mornings again that way I won't have to worry about working at night."
I proceeded to smile up at her, "Are you as excited as I am?"
"I don't know," she countered, grabbing my hand and spinning me around, "But I'm definitely excited, but you're on a whole other level."
I spun into her, my hands landing on the crook of her neck as my face came close to hers. I was so ready to start dancing with her but I knew we wouldn't dance tonight, I needed to get a few things in order before. Besides, she had work anyway, which she would have to get back to considering she had been up here for a bit too long with me.
I heard a male voice then, which I pinpointed as Jeremy, "So this is the girl-...." He stopped to correct himself, "T-That you'll be dancing with for the recital?"
I silently applauded his correction, knowing he had almost called Drew my girlfriend. I knew better, and so did he, but Drew seemed to have let it go right on over her head.
I nodded, "Yea, Drew, meet Jeremy."
They shook hands and introduced themselves further, Drew inevitably dismissing herself as more dancers walked in. I didn't want her to go but I knew me and my group had a lot to discuss, including cut rehearsal time and getting all of our shit together for our last recital.
Jeremy squeezed my arms in excitement, "Bree I didn't know you were talking about the gorgeous gym worker when you mentioned your duet partner!"
I could tell he was just as dumbfounded as I had been whenever I found out Drew was skilled in the area we were both pretty obsessed with. I beamed with joy at him mentioning his excitement for me and Drew to be dancing together, "Yea, she's really good, and I think it'll make a statement to all the 'traditionalists' at the university."
Knowing Jeremy was all for my idea about making a statement he gave me a smile that let me know he approved. More people began walking in and I was ready to get started, but first I needed to get other things straight, like the rehearsal times that would be changing.
I figured none of them would really mind having only an hour and a half compared to three, and I knew most would probably be relieved. It was hard dancing for three hours straight, and cutting the rehearsal time seemed fair anyway.
Besides, I had other things to rehearse for now.
As soon as everyone was here I decided not to waste any more time, continuing to discuss the time changes and demanding that everyone bring their A-game from now on. If this was going to be our last dance for our last recital we were going to blow the audience away, even if we only had four minutes to do so.
Everyone seemed fine with the times, and also were eager to get started as soon as possible, which I was grateful for. We fell into our dance warmups quickly, stretching and preparing ourselves to get to work. We didn't have a long time to get the dance down, maybe a little over a month, but we were even more determined this go round.
We discussed different songs and performed possible choreographed moves, and everyone was also eager to have an input while I was eager to appease all of them. I wanted to make this work, and everyone had great ideas. Incorporating their thoughts would only make it easier on me and better for all of us in the long run.
By the end of our three hours we had settled on a song and general concept, and had even begun choreographing our first few measures. I was ready to go back to school tomorrow to get further input from the other choreographers, but right now I was just eager to talk to Drew.
Everyone was gone, including Maria who had been picked up by Demarcus and now I was just waiting on Drew to lock up the studio. We hadn't gotten a good enough opportunity to talk about much, so when she walked up to the studio I was more than happy to see her.
But in three hours her complete demeanor had changed, and it wasn't something I liked at all.
She walked up to me and I asked immediately, "What's wrong?"
She seemed to be in deep thought but she shook her head, snapping out of her daydream to answer me. I could tell something was up, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear bad news whenever I was I had just been in one of the best moods mere seconds before.
She exhaled, "My next fight... it's next Friday."
I sucked in a tight breath, realizing I had completely forgotten Drew was involved in this. I could tell she was stressing over it already, which was bad because I knew she shouldn't be. It made her uneasy thinking about it, and it did the same for me as well.
I grabbed her hand, "It'll be fine..."
She looked at me, worry laced in her eyes that were now dull with anticipation, "I know I just, I hate it Bree..."
"You're almost done though..."
"Until it'll be your sister I'm fighting again, and then it'll be a problem..."
She was so right it literally hurt me, and I hated thinking of the scenario I had the pleasure of experiencing already. Jada and Drew's fight had literally been the worst night of my life, and knowing I would have to relive it again only made me want to throw up. I squeezed her hand in nervousness, "We'll think about that later."
She nodded stiffly, looking at me and forcing a smile, "I should get you home."
And so we left without another word, knowing that today had been a roller coaster ride both of us desperately wanted to get off. We had a lot on our plates, but we were also determined to surpass all of our obstacles, knowing it would take a lot of time and patience.
Something both of us needed to keep in mind.