{"You've got my devotion
But man, I can hate you sometimes"}
★ LORELAI ★
August 3rd
1997
"Thank you," I mutter, stepping out of the bright yellow cab.
My nerves are eating me whole as I approach the terrifyingly large glass doors to the hospital. A couple people in scrubs litter the outside area, some carting around patients in wheelchairs. I hate hospitals. There's always an eerie and tense atmosphere, one you can never shake. I could be going in for a routine check up, and I'd still be shitting my pants. Don't even get me started on the smell. It's almost like they tried to cover up the smell of death with twelve gallons of bleach.
I hate it.
And I hate that Harry has done something to make me come here.
So now, not only am I freaked out by the crying strangers and gloomy clouds over everyone's heads, I am one of those nervous loved ones.
I walk through the large lobby, feeling completely lost. My feet carry me to the large circular desk in the middle, a couple people in white coats tapping along on the large computers.
"Uh- H-Hi," I stammer, clearing my throat obnoxiously.
"Hi! Welcome in, how can I help you?" The woman behind the desk greets me with a cheery voice.
"I got a call from a woman named Mary, I'm here for a patient under the name of Harry Styles."
"Oh, yes! Let me just check what room he's in and you'll be on your way!" She speaks way too enthusiastically for a hospital, in my opinion at least. "He's in room 8D, so that's just a few floors up and down to your right."
8D, like our loft number.
Now that's scary.
"Thank you," I mutter quietly, slowly backing away from the counter.
I walk towards the elevators, watching the signs on the walls that point me in the correct direction. I press the small button to call the elevator, waiting not so patiently for it to arrive. The doors fly open and a few people step off before I squeeze my way in. On the wall there's a list of all the rooms and their correct floors. Once I locate the correct one, I press the third floor button and wait for the doors to close again. The elevator moves quickly, surprising me when we arrive.
I walk through the open doors and turn to the right like the woman at the desk said. I pay attention to all of the signs on the doors, my nerves growing with every step I take. There's one open door that I can peer into as I pass. Inside there's a family all surrounding a man on the bed. They all have smiles on their faces, which calms my nerves a bit, knowing at least something is going right in this place.
8A
8B
8C
8D
I stand in front of his closed door, my body feeling frozen in its spot. I can't bring myself to grab the door handle and open the door, my heart beating loudly in my ears. I'm not sure what I'll be walking into, but my mind loves to come up with the worst case scenario.
Suddenly the door in front of me flies open, coming face to face with a shorter woman. Her face of shock quickly drops, a warm smile appearing.
"Oh!" She laughs breathily, "Hello there, come on in!" She motions for me to walk in, and I notice her name tag.
Mary.
I drag my feet through the door, keeping my head low and preserving my ever growing emotions.
"I'll leave you two," She mutters before brushing past me. I hear the door close in her exit, leaving me completely alone.
I stare at my feet as I nervously fiddle with my fingers behind my back. I rock back and forth on my feet, just listening to the silence in the room. There's a repetitive beeping that interrupts my thoughts, soon matching the beat of my own heart.
"Hey," I hear Harry's low voice speak, scratchier than usual.
I slowly raise my head to look at him, my head feeling dizzy. He's sat upright in the bed, his eyes trained to my face with a somber emotion in them. He's dressed in a hospital gown, multiple wires connecting to him. His hair is a mess, and his skin looks paler than usual. And his face.
Oh god, his beautiful face.
There's a large gash on his right cheek, but it's clean and sewn up. A couple smaller cuts litter the surrounding area and his lips, but nothing too painful looking. His nose, on the other hand, is swollen and purple. It looks like it could be broken, but I'm not the best judge of that.
Not only does his body and face look broken, but so do his eyes.
It's a painful sight to look at for me. The self blaming thoughts and regrets flooding in. I know that I shouldn't be necessarily thinking about myself at this moment, I mean he is the one in the hospital bed, but guilt takes over.
I notice that I haven't replied, merely entranced by his disheveled look.
"Hi," My voice comes out extremely soft, practically a whisper.
There's more silence that looms over us, neither of us knowing what to say next. It's an uncomfortable silence, one that makes me want to run far away from here. I hang my head, not being able to look at him any longer.
"Why'd you call me to come get you? Why not one of the guys?" I break the silence first.
"I didn't want them, I wanted you," He speaks slowly, his words causing my head to shoot up in his direction.
My eyes well up with tears, my vision becoming blurry. A large lump forms in my throat, choking me out slowly. I can feel every bit of emotion begin to spill out of me as I stare at Harry. The tears spilling over my waterline and streaming down my face. I attempt to hide them, quickly wiping them away, but they flow too fast. I drop my chin to my chest, sniffing quietly.
"C'mere," I hear Harry speak, and through my watery eyes I look up to him.
His arms are outstretched for me to run to, which only makes the tears fall faster. I blink away the tears, noticing the glossiness in his own eyes. My feet move by themselves, walking slowly towards his bed. I watch as he scoots over, making room for me.
I crash into his body, hearing him groan a laugh in pain. His arms engulf me completely, holding me tightly. The tears flowing out of my eyes threaten to never stop, my whole body shaking with how hard I am crying. I sit awkwardly on the edge of the bed as he holds me, his hands rubbing small circles into my back. I cry into his shoulder, my hands fisting the thin material of his hospital gown.
"Shhh, I'm okay," He murmurs into my hair, his chin resting on top of my head.
I'm not even sure why I am crying so hard. I know that it's probably been building for a while, and now the gates have opened. But from our fight, to not knowing where he was, it feels good to be held right now.
Nonetheless, I pull back from the embrace slowly, using the back of my hand to dry some of the tears on my cheek. He delicately pushes some of my hair behind my ear, and I revel in the small touch.
I use the back of my hand to swat his chest harshly, hearing him gasp in surprise.
"You asshole! Where the hell were you! I was waiting all night for you to come back, and then you didn't! I woke up this morning to an empty bed and no one knowing where you were! I thought you died, I-I thought you got hurt! I mean- You did get h-hurt-"
"Lor- Baby, please. I've got a pounding headache, let's slow down on the interrogating." He laughs breathily, his smile illuminating the room.
"Where were you?" I ask slowly this time, paying close attention to the way his eyes drift away from mine in regret.
"I told you... I went to have a drink." He breathes the words, his face appearing guilty.
"I thought you meant downstairs with everyone else?"
"No- I uh- I couldn't see them after that."
"Then where did you go?" I ask hesitantly.
"Some dive bar down the street, nothing special."
"And what happened? Mary said you got into a fight? What the hell were you thinking?" My dismay slowly turns to anger.
"Less of a fight, more of a guy just beating the shit out of me," He laughs like it's funny.
"That's not funny." I deadpan, staring at him with a serious expression.
His smile drops, "I know, I know baby. It's not funny."
"Why'd he beat you up?" I watch his face fall and he diverts his eyes away from me.
"I just had too much to drink, got cocky and wouldn't leave when he told me to." He responds slowly, his eyes staring down at the bed rather than at me.
"You can be really fucking stupid sometimes, y'know that?"
"I know," He speaks sincerely, his face nothing but honest. "I've been stupid a lot lately."
"You have," I agree completely.
"Does everyone know I'm here?" He looks at me with a nervous expression.
"Yeah," I sigh. "Faye was with me when Mary called."
"I can't play the show tonight, the doctor said I have a concussion and should stay off my feet for a couple days."
"That's what we assumed... Faye already called her dad."
"Fuck," He groans. "Are they all super pissed?"
"I think they're worried more than anything." I shrug my shoulders casually.
There's two knocks on the door before it creaks open slowly, both of our eyes darting in that direction.
"Ah! You must be the girlfriend, I'm Doctor Collins." He walks over to the bed, extending his hand out for me to shake. "So, everything looks good. No broken nose, just some bad bruising. So, mildly concussed and a couple stitches later, you're free to go. Here is a bag full of all of your things, and your clothes are in the corner." He hands Harry a large plastic bag filled with his wallet and keys, etc.
"Remember! No show tonight, no bright lights and hushed conversations!" I watch as Harry nods along to his instructions, Doctor Collins slowly making his way towards the door. "Have a great day!" He walks straight out of the room, leaving me with a few questions but I disregard them.
Harry immediately rips open the plastic bag, sifting through it for something. He pulls out a small business card, sighing in relief at the sight.
"What is that?" I ask, trying to peek at the face of the card.
"Just the number of a really cool guy I met last night," He shrugs, shoving the card back into the bag.
There's another set of knocks on the door before Mary walks back in. She walks back over to Harry and begins pulling off the small wires that are attached to him, getting him ready to leave. I stand from the bed to give her space to work, walking over to the corner to grab the pile of Harry's clothes. As soon as she's finished with her work, she walks out without a word, leaving us alone together again.
I place the pile of clothes on the end of Harry's bed, watching as he slowly sits up.
"Let's go home,"
ʚ ♥ ɞ
We eventually made our way back to the hotel, and Harry avoided every member of the band as we made our way back to our room.
I could understand not wanting them to pester him or berate him, but I don't think that's what would've happened. They were all concerned for him this morning when we didn't know where he was, the most they'd probably do is give him a good whack like I did.
I've told Faye to alert the masses that he doesn't want to speak to anyone but is sorry, and she's spread the word.
His mood has been drastically different today. He seems better, but I can't seem to trust it fully. I mean, it's been less than twenty-four hours since he got beat up for being too drunk, there can't be that much progress in his recovery. Though I will say, the way he's been joking about with me all day, and the shy smile on his face. It feels like I have my old Harry back.
And this time I can't lose him. He has to get better and stay this way, stay normal. I have to get better and heal from this past month. Then, and only then, can we be really happy again.
We've ended up tangled beneath the sheets of our hotel bed. Our heads sharing a pillow and the lights completely out. I stare at his soft features in the subtle moonlight, his eyes peacefully closed. My eyes examine the cuts on his face, and the swelling of his nose that's slowly going down. I let him rest, god knows he needs it.
I slowly lift my hand from underneath the covers, bringing it up to his head and brushing my fingers through his curls. His eyes flutter open and connect with mine, a soft smile growing on his lips.
"What're you doing?" He whispers softly.
"Nothin," I breathe back just as quietly. My hand moves from his hair to hold his cheek in my hand, my thumb stroking the skin gently. "I'm glad you're okay."
"You should see the other guy," He chuckles quietly, his eyes closing peacefully. "He was completely fine, my punch did literally nothing," He jokes truthfully, and I laugh along with him.
"I hate seeing you like this, Harry." Our laughter dies with my somber tone.
"Like what? I'm fine," He attempts to assure me.
"You're not fine, Harry. And that's okay." I can feel the emotion building behind my eyes once again.
I think he can hear the emotion in my throat, his eyes snapping open and landing on my face. He brings his hand out from under the blanket, placing it on top of mine on his face.
"I'm gonna stop drinking." He stares directly into my eyes as he speaks. "This was it for me, rock bottom. I'm done."
"I wish I could believe you, but-" I go to protest his words.
"I mean it." He cuts me off, his hand grasping mine tightly. "I'm done."
"Okay," I sigh, allowing a sad smile to creep its way onto my face.
He scoots closer to me on the pillow, his face a few centimeters away. I watch as his eyes flutter closed, and I mirror his actions. His hand leaves mine and instead lays on my jaw, pulling me to him. Our lips press together delicately, a still kiss full of emotion. I hold his face tighter, breathing in deeply through my nose. I can taste the emotion pouring out of his lips, making this kiss more somber than any others. He pulls back slowly, keeping our foreheads pressed together.
"If the price of my drinking is you, then I'll never touch a drink again."
I lean in and connect our lips again, a flutter appearing in my stomach that hasn't been present for a while. I pull back from the kiss first, watching as Harry's eyes flutter open.
"I'm still going home, Harry," I whisper so quietly, I'm not even sure if he heard me. "We both still need time to heal, no matter if you're drinking or not. This whole month has just been a lot, and we need some time apart. Please, just understand that."
He's quiet for a second, and I fear what he might say.
"Okay," He sighs, his eyes dropping to the bed instead of my face.
"Okay?" My voice squeaks, not expecting this answer from him.
"Yeah," He smiles lightly. "I've been shitty to you, and I want to be better. If that means some time apart, then so be it. I mean- Yeah, fuck, I'll miss you like crazy, but you won't be gone long, right?"
Everything he says is exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. My heart grows a hundred times, practically bursting out of my chest. The three simple words just begging to be said aloud.
"No," I smile. "Only like a week."
"Then a lonely week I must have." His face mirrors my smile, his dimple making my heart grow impossibly larger.
"I care about you so much Harry, it's actually insane," I laugh a bit, overcome with the amount of love I am feeling at this moment.
"How much?" He smirks.
"More than you'll ever know," I breathe a laugh, my eyes welling up with tears.
"Wow, you're crying because of how much you care about me? This must be serious!" Harry jokes, making me laugh loudly.
"Shut up!" The tears slip over, but they aren't sad tears, they're tears of relief.
I'm getting my Harry back.
He uses his arm to push me onto my back, hovering over my body. I attempt to wipe away the tears that won't stop flowing, but there's a cheesy grin on my face as I do so. He leans down and plants a sweet kiss on my cheek.
"I care about you so much I could cry, how about that? Do you want me to cry too?" He kisses my other cheek.
"No, god please!" I laugh loudly, the elation in my body is a feeling I've missed.
"But I want to be included!" He kisses the tip of my nose.
"I take it back!" I cackle.
"Now that's just rude," He laughs, leaning down to kiss my forehead.
"Get off me!" I laugh, attempting to shove his body away.
"Never! You can't get rid of me that easily!" He attacks my face with his lips, kissing every square inch.
I laugh so hard my abdomen begins to hurt, all while I try to swat him away. His kisses become sloppy, his tongue poking out and leaving a wet mark on my face.
"Harry!" I gasp. "S-Stop!" I stammer, my laughter cutting me off.
"Fine!" He groans, planting one final kiss on my lips before rolling onto his side of the pillow.
I roll back over to face him, his eyes already on me. My laughter slowly dies, the obnoxious grins on both of our faces slowly fading. We are met with silence once again, but it's comfortable this time. It feels like home. Staring back into the galaxy of his eyes, attempting to read his mind and figure out if his heart is beating to the same rhythm as mine.
He throws his arm over my waist and pulls me closer to him, our foreheads touching. I bring my hand up once again to lay on his face, figuratively wiping away the bags under his eyes. He nuzzles his face into my hand, kissing my palm lightly.
"We'll be alright, Harry."
¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸
a/n:
final part of the triple update
how we feeling?
whirlwind of emotions on my end. my brain is fried.
we still have so much story to tell... buckle up!