Lou: *gently playing with Debbie's hair*
Debbie: Stop! Don't ruin my strict reputation in public, you asshole
Lou: Then get off my lap
Debbie: NO
***
Debbie: Are you 100% sure that you love me for who I am as a person?
Lou: Yes. I am surprised too
***
*Young Loubbie*
Debbie: This is New York. A big dangerous city. So, just be very careful
Lou: I am always careful. It's the things around me that are careless
***
Lou: Hide me. Debbie is extremely angry on me.
Tammy: Okay, hide inside that box
*Few minutes later, Debbie arrives*
Debbie: Where is Lou?
Tammy: I don't know
Debbie: *staring*
Tammy: I don't know, I swear
Debbie: Well, I know how to find her
Debbie: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
Lou: *still inside the box* Oi! Oi! Oi!
***
Lou: In your 15000 years of life so far, have you ever experienced midlife crisis?
Galadriel: It's impossible to know which part of my life is middle, so I decided to have an ongoing crisis
***
*Tammy visits Debbie and Lou's one-bedroom apartment*
Tammy: Why do you have a Murphy bed in the living room?
Lou: It's mine. I sleep here.
Tammy: Why don't you and Debbie sleep in the bedroom?
Lou: I don't trust myself with her. It's like I am angry. But I'm angry in my pants.
***
Constance: I need a doctor's appointment
Receptionist: *checking the register* Not possible today. How about 10 tomorrow?
Constance: No, I don't need that many.
***
*Lou creating an email account for the first time*
Mail website: Enter the password
Lou: lou
Website: Too weak
Lou: *punching the screen* WHO THE FUCK YOU CALLING WEAK, YOU CUNT! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE BECAUSE I'M COMING FOR YOU
***
*Constance filling 'Would I fight this person' form*
1) Under any circumstances yes: Daphne
2) Only verbally: Amita
3) Probably: Tammy
4) Never! She's an angel: Rose
5) Depends on the day: Nineball
6) Too scared to fight with her: Lou
7) HELL NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE: Debbie
***
Tammy: Can you pass me the salt?
Constance: A what?
Tammy: salt
Constance: Uh huh?
Tammy: Salt, Constance
Constance: I don't know what you are talking about
Tammy: *sighing* Can you pass me the ocean cocaine!
Constance: Oh, here
***
*Constance having her lunch*
Daphne: So, what's for lunch?
Constance: Food
Daphne: I meant what are you having?
Constance: An unwanted conversation
***
Lou: *drunk, Climbs the roof*
Tammy: Get down! You might fall
Lou: No. I do whatever the bloody hell I want to do. This is my building. I am an adult
Tammy: Debbie, Lou is on the roof, drunk. Do something
Debbie: *to Lou, not even looking up* Do a somersault or you're a pussy
***
Judge: You are charged with... Breaking into a pet store?
Constance: I felt the puppies were lonely in there
***
Constance: This new year, I am going to be less stupid
Daphne: I am going to change my lifestyle. I'll reduce my carbon footprint
Tammy: I am going to change some aspects of my personality. For starters, I will no longer suck up to Debbie
Lou: Goodluck with that. I have decided to work on my anger. It's time for some management. What about you, baby?
Debbie: New Year, same me because I am perfect
***
Tammy: *inspecting the giftbox given by Lou* You promise you didn't get me bees again?
Lou: *standing 100 feet away* just open
***
Tammy: *to irritate Lou* Imagine being Australian
Lou: *in warning tone* Imagine being dead
***
Tammy: How could you do this! I trusted you, Debbie!
Debbie: Then it's on you
***
Lou: If anything happens to me, make sure to book an emergency medical plane to take me to Sydney. We have many top-notch hospitals there
Debbie: Why? We have best hospitals here. What's wrong with them?
Lou: Darling, if you admit me to any of your American hospitals, there is a possibility of me attempting a suicide after seeing the bill
***
*Constance walks into Debbie and Lou's room*
Constance: How can tall people sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover them?
Lou: It's 4 in the bloody fucking morning, Constance
Debbie: Go back to your room. Will talk later
Constance: So, you both are awake? You two cannot sleep huh? Is it because of the blanket?
***
Lou: Can you do me a favour, darling?
Debbie: Baby, I would destroy the whole world for you if you asked
Lou: Okay, good to know. For now though, can you do the dishes for me?
Debbie: No
***
Debbie: What was ruined for you because too many started doing it?
Lou: Having sex with my now ex-girlfriend Jennifer
***
Debbie: *drunk to core* Well, hello there! Who's that cutie pie with platinum blonde hair and blue eyes? I'm going to ask her out
Tammy: That's Lou. She's already your girlfr-
Debbie: Don't wait for me because I'm gonna be busy with her for a while
***
Daphne: Why do you spend so much time working out?
Lou: It's always comforting to know I can easily throw all of you across the room
***
Constance: *running into Lou's club* HEY LOU-
Lou: Shh... Easy there. Don't be so loud and in hurry. Calm down. Here, have a drink and after that, talk slowly and softly
Constance: Okay okay sorry
Constance: *drinks a bottle of beer*
Lou: Now darling, say what you want to say, calmly.
Constance: *whispers* Lou
Lou: Yes?
Constance: Debbie tried to make tea and now your building is on fire
***
*Debbie, Tammy, Constance and Nine in car*
Debbie: *answering the phone while driving* Hello darling, you are on speaker so don't say anything you will regret
Lou: Or what daddy, you'll spank me once you are home?
Debbie:
Tammy:
Nine:
Constance: Hey Lou! See you when WE ALL get back home
Debbie: *facepalms*
***
Lou: Constance, you have been reading way too many fanfictions and it is changing you
Constance: "How could you say that to me", I yelled at Lou, as I tied my long dark hair into a messy bun, the wind softly kissing my puffy cheeks-
Lou: JUST FUCKING STOP!
***
Debbie: Romance is dumb
Lou: Baby, you're literally holding my hand right now
Debbie: Romance that doesn't involve the two of us is dumb
***
Tammy: Lou, are you high?
Lou: Am I what?
Tammy: High
Lou: Hello
***
Debbie: Lou, I need some space.
Lou: Is this your way of breaking up with me?
Debbie: No you idiot! I need some space on this damn bed. You sleep like a star fish! I'm falling off.
***
*A child starts crying in public*
Tammy, Amita: Tries to calm the child
Rose: Cries with the child
Lou: Mimics and makes funny face, hoping it laughs
Daphne: Lectures the parents about parenting
Nine: Ignores
Debbie: Yells at the child to shut up
Constance: Is the reason why the child is crying
***
*Lou calling Tammy at 2 am*
Tammy: What's it? What happened?
Lou: I am now a violent criminal
Tammy: *worried* Wha- what did you do?
Lou: I stepped on a cornflake
Tammy: Okay?
Lou: I am now officially a cereal killer
Tammy: ITS 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, YOU ASSHOLE!
***
Debbie: Tell Lou that she's an asshole but I still love her no matter what
Tammy: Why don't you tell her yourself?
Debbie: Because we're in a fight
Tammy: Yet I am seeing you sitting on her lap right now
Debbie: That's not the point, Tammy. Focus!
***
Debbie: Okay, I blame myself for this
Lou: *inner thoughts* this is a trap. Don't fall for it. She is testing you. Do not agree with her. Don't fall for her trap
***
Constance: Everything would be so much better if I was in charge.
Amita: Not less than a minute ago, you set the kitchen on fire.
Constance: Yeah, but that was a minute ago. People change.
***
Lou: Santa is kind of an asshole. He works one day a year and then spends the rest of it judging you
Tammy: I think him and Debbie would get along quite well, now that you mentioned it
***
Others: You seem familiar. Have I met you before?
Lou: You seem familiar. Have I threatened to kill you before?
***
Debbie: *picking up drunk Lou from club* Alright, time to go.
Lou: Nooooooo... Not so soon...
Debbie: We need to go, and your drink is finished anyway
Lou: No, it's not!
Debbie: *Grabs the drink and pours the rest of it on the floor* Sure looks empty to me
***