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⭒❃.✮:▹ Don't Press Play ◃:✮.❃⭒
Still Tuesday
June 7, 2022
Your eyes went wide like a deer in headlights. You'd forgotten all about it. And you were drunk so what if you sounded like shit?
Your hand flew over your mouth. Eren grinned assuming that you probably felt the same way he'd feel if he recorded himself drunk.
"You sounded perfect, don't worry." He pushed air out his nose for a laugh & rose his hand.
But Sasha said he only lies when necessary... would this be one of those times?
"Your lyrics.." he sipped his wine, "was that a freestyle?" He pointed using the same hand he held the glass with.
The question came unexpectedly or maybe it was just something about how direct it was. Your pretty brown eyes fell to your plate, hearing scraped as you forked some pasta around the fork.
"Um.. what if it was, hypothetically speaking," your shoulders dropped, "wooould that be bad thing?" You answered quietly.
His eyebrows curled like he was confused by the question. He shook his head while setting his glass back down & leaned back in his chair, "No.. well not to me."
"..what did you think about it?" Your eyes wander back up to his.
He searched around the table for the right way to communicate what he wanted to say. "I think... I think you're heartbroken. I think whatever you went through however long ago still sits with you today. And while... maybe your music might be a good way to channel that grief... you don't really seem to be processing it. You just.. don't really seem to be over it... s'that right?"
You could feel a tiny ball form in your throat, the kind that occurs when you felt an intense wave of sadness. As much as you hated it, Eren was right.
You weren't over what happened to you and it wasn't because you didn't wanna be.. it was more because you didn't know how to be. How do you forgive someone who took all of you & threw it away like it was nothing?
They don't sell the answer at a store & like you said, therapy isn't cheap. But since people have to inevitably face their feelings one way or another, weed & music was there for you until you could successfully bury it away again.
"But while I was listening, I couldn't help but think..." he continued, though the look on his face read as slightly irritated. "I'm not really sure what kinda asshole could have someone like you in his grasp and still manage to let you slip away but I want you to know that's never gonna be me. I may not be able to stop what you feel right now but for as long as I am alive, nobody will ever get away with making you feel like this again."
His thumb slowly brushed back & forth on your hand, he looked down for a moment before he continued,
"I realize that you've been through a lot and maybe music is like your home for expressing how you feel but... I'll be that too." He placed a tattooed hand on his chest, "Let me be your home if you ever feel like you have nowhere to go when you feel that way... I... I wanna be there for you.. "
His face grew more & more red the longer he went on & by the time he finished his eye contact had found its way back to the table. He scratched his head wondering if he sounded like an idiot.
Your chest lightly rose and fell as you reflected his words and actions. Eren obviously wasn't used to being vulnerable, he was visibly uncomfortable but still felt the need to say all that anyway. All for you.
The only way you could only mourn your trauma is when you allowed yourself too, which wasn't very often at all. Your friends didn't even know much about it because of that.
But then there was Eren, who abruptly reached inside of you and called it out. Yet still & tell you that he wants be your safe place.
That's exactly how it felt to be with Eren though, safe.
The two of you were alike in that way- avoiding processing trauma yet still wanting to be there for someone else so they wouldn't have to feel the same way... until tonight.
You quietly rose from your seat and walk over to him. Wrapping your arms around his neck & there goes that soothing scent of his.
Strong arms held you close. A huge smile of relief hugged his face, he wasn't sure if he made any sense but he assumed you understood the point.
He mentioned earlier that you were really easy to be around & this solidified it for you, Eren was really easy to be around too.
You finished up your dinner and Eren held your hand and carried your cat all the way back to his truck. When he pulled out of the parking garage, you laid your head on his shoulder, resting on the armrest.
He looked down at your head & leaned his on top of yours till the red light turned green. The car ride was silent outside of his aux, which had taken a more r&b turn.
"I wanna take you somewhere before I drop you off, is that cool?"
You nodded against his shoulder and he grins as he bends a corner. He knows it's not really fair to ask you for anything knowing you have to work tomorrow especially since he's already kept you up with him last night.
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He gently nudged your head to wake you up, "hey, sleepybutt, we're here." He whispered.
You repeatedly blinked your eyes, widening them on and off until you were fully awake, streaching your arms out into a big yawn.
Eren pushed air through his nose as he watched you come to, "there we go." He opened his door, leaving his keys in the ignition. He turned his radio up and exited.
"whe- where you going?" Your eyes followed him as he rounded the truck.
He opened your door and Daisy finally woke up, he takes her in one arm & helps you get out with the other.
"oh wowww.." you stare out in awe as you approach the railing.
You turn around and to see if he sees this too & Eren's leaned against his truck with your cat lying on his hood. His lips are tucked & his eyes are low when he raises two fingers to tell you to come here.
You go to him and he pulls a blunt from somewhere, holding it between your lips & flicking his lighter a few times. Taking this opportunity to study your face some more till you got a steady flow.
"I like to come here at least once whenever when I'm back in town. We all used to come down here after school a lot." He flips the lighter closed and stuffs it in his pocket.
Turning your head to look at the crazy view, you push some smoke out. "I like it here, something about city lights are just sooo.. comforting, ya know?"
He nodded turning your chin to face him with his finger, "You look... so fucking pretty y/n" his head slowly shakes, he's gonna have to leave this pretty face behind again soon but he'd try to make back home, just to see it again & again.
Your skin felt hot and you couldn't take his stare, looking down at his gold rope chain instead. "thank you.." you mumbled. "you look really nice tonight too.. your hair really brings out your eyes."
Eren, unlike you, took compliments very well. One might even say they went straight to his big ass head. His white teeth flashed a grin as he tucked his bottom lip into his mouth. "I look good?"
"Ugh, boyyyy" you made a stank face as you playfully side eyed him.
He laughed and his eyebrows jumped remembering he wanted to tell you something. "I saw Jean & Connie today."
"Oh, for real? How'd that go?"
How it went:
Eren and Armin plopped down on some bar stools and Jean happily whirled around hoping to face customers but instead was met with them. His face dropped to a frown, "what do you guys want"
Armin sucked his teeth, "rude much.."
Eren jumped his head back, "is that anyway to talk to paying customers?"
"Neither of you have ever paid for anything since you've been coming here." Jean blinked his half hooded eyes at him.
"You're god damn right & you wonder why" Eren's eyebrows pulled together.
"Don't you have somewhere else to be? Like up Gen's ass? Where is she?"
"Actually, Horseface, Gen is at a sleepover with her friends"
Connie came from the back eating some chips as if on cue, "What is she, 16?" He slides on a stool next to Armin.
Armin sighed, "Connie—"
"Listen, I don't ask questions about how she spends her free time, neither should you." As long as she wasn't in Eren's face, he didn't care where she went.
"Those chips are for the customers, Connie." Jean frowned at his bowl.
He sucked his teeth, "Those old men don't want no fuckin chips, they wanna see some ass!" Connie motioned a arm over at a group of elderly men in a corner crowded around the over head tv with The Players Club playing.
Jean sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. "I told them to stay off that channel."
"I think we should go.. I dunno, check it out. They seem really excited." Armin's face reddened at the view of Diamond doing her solo dance in the pink lingerie.
"Oh hell yeah," Connie dapped Armin up, both of them rising outta their seats.
Eren grabbed them by their collars and forced them back down, "Twitter is free & shows way more than that, trust me. Okay, look, Armin and I are here because... i wrote a song—"
Jean sucked his teeth & balled up his face, "—Oh Eren, please—"
"—No dude shut up, just listen," Eren explained with his hands, "Mikasa left the night of Armin's party cause she had to work, right?"
"Right..?" Jean skeptically replied.
"Right, so I'm sure you have some choice words to explain how you feel about that."
He sighed and leaned his arms on the counter, "what are you asking me for Eren? You want me to sing?"
"Yes & I want you to write. I want you to write the verses and bridge."
"You said you wrote a song, what exactly did you even write?"
"The chorus is done and the beat, everyone's rhythm is written. I just wanted to give you the opportunity to really lay out how you felt. That's the basis of the song."
He tilted his head and squinted, "But she'll never hear it?"
Eren shrugged, "I wouldn't say never."
"She won't, we don't do shows anymore. I said I was done with music and I meant that."
Eren leaned closer, growing slightly irritated with Jean's stubbornness. "Don't you want just one shot at telling her how you feel? Especially since you can't seem to do it in person."
Jean twisted his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger as he thought.
"You've always liked to express yourself using your music... that doesn't have to end, Jean." Eren tilted his head forward.
"....err fine." He sighed, "BUT then we're done. Mirrors of Sonder is disbanded, there's no bringing it back."
All of their faces lit up, no one believed it was fully over anymore, no one but Jean. But how could he truly say no to doing what he knew he loved with the only men who meant everything to him? Especially if that mean Mikasa could finally understand how he feels.
Eren tapped his hands on the counter and rose off of his stool, adjusting his sweater. "Now that that's finally over, practice at my place tomorrow. Connie, what time is it?"
Connie pulled out his phone, "5:55 dude."
His green eyes flashed opened, "Oh shit, I gotta go."
Armin turned to face him, "Wait, you're leaving?"
"Yeah, where you going?" Connie nodded his head up a single time, eyebrows tied together.
"I got a hot date," Eren bounced his eyebrows with a sly smirk.
"A date? I thought you said Gen's at a sleepover." Jean sat up from the counter, folding his arms.
"She is." Eren called over his shoulder as he took his leave.
"Oh, dear god." Armin palmed his head.
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"Yeah, so that's basically it," Eren laughed and scratched his chin, pushing smoke out his nose.
"And this hot date you had... is that where you are right now?"
He looked away smiling, there goes that same feeling he had in the truck last night. It was different when you said it, it made it feel more real even though you were only friends.
"It's like a friend-date, I meant." He lied.
"Mm Mm mmm, that's not what you said," you teased, waving your acrylic back and forth.
He laughed, "If you want me to take you on a date, just say that"
"Nooo, don't try to flip it, if you wanna take me on a—" Your words stopped in their tracks. You almost said it. You were looking dead at him but saw right past him.
Dating? You swore off of it. It was gonna be you & Daisy for life. Besides, Eren had his own life. A life that included his own relationship.
You were sure he was joking anyway, there's no way he'd actually leave his relationship to pursue one with you... right? You wouldn't want that for him anyway, you didn't want that for either of you.
If you were gonna like Eren, you had to like him from a distance. Which couldn't be that hard, he's a great friend & he's very easy to be around.
"Youuu okay.. ?" He dragged, looking at you kinda funny.
"Um, yeah, yeah. Just a little tired that's all." You shook it off.
"Oh man, shit, you wanna head back?" He flipped up his wrist to look at his watch, which was unsurprisingly dead. "I didn't mean to keep you up late two nights in a row."
"No, no it's fine.. we can stay a little longer." You nodded lightly with a small smile, taking the blunt from him and leaning on his truck beside him, resting your head on his arm just like in the truck.
He sighed in relief, he didn't want you to go but he'd understand why you'd want too. Plus, he didn't know where you went a second ago & didn't wanna freak you out.
You take a few hits and pass it back as you both stare out at the city, the feeling of being carried by the stars and clouds made you both feel so peaceful, still like the water ahead.
Not too long after, it was time to leave.
Once you were at your home again, he walked you and Daisy inside. You stopped to take your shoes off but Eren heads straight to your bedroom.
While putting Daisy in your bed, he noticed something on your dresser.
"You comin, white boy?" You call from your front door, waiting on him to return.
You liked the sound it made when his laugh hummed from his throat, "yeah, just a second."
"What are you doing?" You rose a brow listening for his reply but it ever came. "Eren?"
A few more moments of silence pass until you hear zzzzzz, Zzzzz, ZZZ ZZZ ZZZ. Your eyes buck open and you sprint to your room to see Eren holding the same rose toy you'd just used last night.
He was too involved with it to notice you, it buzzed in his hand as his thumb clicked through the different settings, his mouth hung slightly open, green eyes curious & lost in the dried white substance that blanketed some areas.
You snatch it out his hand, flicking through the many settings till it turned off. He's looks at you with wide eyes & covers the wide open mouthed smile on his lips with his hand d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶c̶h̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶.
Your wide eyes match his as you start to feel a laugh coming on, breaking your shocked expression in the process. Partially from embarrassment but mostly because of his toddler-like reaction.
It's silent and you can see Eren's eye's getting smaller as he slowly lowers his hand.
"What?!" You meant to yell but it came out as a loud laugh anyway.
With a low soft tone he leaned forward a bit, "....you be playing with that lil mothafucka?"
You covered your mouth as you laughed and wave your hand at him, "Wait, no un-un, cause who taught you that?"
"Heard a guy say it on FaceTime when I was standing behind him in line at a gas station in the Bronx. I've been waiting to have a reason to use it." He looked so proud of himself.
Of course he did. "So you just out here downloading black terminology?"
"Pretty much, yeah." He shrugged his shoulders.
You sucked your teeth & laughed, "Boy I'm not finna play with you, like at all" waving him off & placing the rose back on your nightstand, heading towards the living room.
He followed the nice view you gave him as he rounded the corner with his hands in his pockets. The door creaked open and he walked around you to lean against the doorway.
Low leafy greens staring into your soul. "I'll be back soon, is that cool?"
A small smile pulls up your lips, "how soon is soon?"
He shrugged with his dimples sinking in his cheeks, "tomorrow night?"
You nodded & scratched your eyebrow, "yeah, that's cool."
A wider grin paints his face as he leans down to hug you & wraps his arms around your waist. The rush of his warm vanilla & pine scent is back in your nose when you hold him close by his neck and his soft hair brushes your face.
And the strong feelings he gets in stomach is back now with a vengeance, his arms feel heavy when he lets you go. He folds his lips, unable to hide his blushing smile, taking one last look at you a before turning to leave.
You waved goodbye to him from your window just like last night and he returned it with his same childish wave.
Eren drove home singing loudly to the radio and using his steering wheel as a drum. Nothing could possibly ruin his mood, the last two days had been the most he smiled in years.
His cheeks hurt as he reminisced on it. You were hands down the best parts of his day.
Not much was different from where you were either. You liked the time you'd spent with him, you could see why your friends loved him to much.
The doors to his elevator slide open and he sighed shaking his jacket off and throwing it on one of his sofas. Walking to the stairs, he noticed a shadow in his peripheral vision, immediately pulling out a chrome beretta 92 from his waistband.
"Oh put that away, if I wanted you dead you wouldn't have even made it through the door." Levi stood facing Eren's wall length widows viewing the skyline of New York City.
He lowered it with immediate irritation written on his face, "What are you doing here, man?"
"Is there any particular reason you were at my place with y/n?" He sipped from his Worlds Best Boss mug that Eren bought him on Christmas/his birthday 3 or 4 years ago.
B̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶n̶g̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶O̶f̶f̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶, ̶i̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶a̶l̶i̶t̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶, ̶t̶e̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶m̶o̶r̶i̶e̶s̶-̶
"Well yeah, I took her to dinner—"
"—Because I thought I was clear when I said not to see anyone romantically—"
"—I'm not seeing her romantically alright, we're just friends."
"Just friends?" He turned from the window to slowly take steps toward Eren, "I wasn't going to say anything cause I didn't think you'd be stupid enough actually act on it but I've seen how you look at her. I've noticed it since the night she sang Jean's lounge. And that is not the look of a man who wants to be just friends."
Eren raised his shoulders & balled his face up, "Look, what do you want me to tell you, Levi? I'm not dating the girl, you'd make sure of that."
Levi jumped his head back, folding his arms. "The hells that supposed mean?"
He stepped closer, angry at this point. "It means you chained me up to a damn woman I don't want & can't get rid of for your own benefit."
"For my own benefit? Or for the business? Don't forget Eren, this could've been over a long time ago if you'd found Reiner & his wife when it was assigned!"
"And it would've never happened at all if you would've went to find them your damn self !"
"This is more than just two gangs fighting it out, lives were lost Eren. Our men were killed, for fucks sake- they murdered our friend! Does that mean nothing to you?!"
"Yeah it does but not at the expense of ruining my own happiness because of it. Erwin is gone, the guys are gone, nothing we do is gonna change that Levi. Nothing is going to bring them back."
Cold grey eyes stare at him for a moment feeling like knife hit his chest, "...So what are you saying Eren?"
"I'm saying once I find them, I quit." He turned and walked away.
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