Lo'ak did not want to leave Esmyrie's side. At all.
But then his father threatened him with having to distance himself from Esmyrie if he didn't apologize and so finally, finally he got up to hangout with the boys and say his oh so sympathetic apology.
It may be surprising but Lo'ak and Jake used to have a really close bond.
He treasures those moments close to his heart. He is hoping that maybe, just maybe he will get that father back, instead of the hot headed, military-dad father he has now.
He remembers how his dad was always there for him when he was beginning to have nightmares every night.
Little seven year old Lo'ak never understands why, but for some reason he can't find peace in his sleep.
He has these terrible dreams that always wake him up in the middle of the night, which then causes him to force his way in between his parents that are sleeping. Neytiri is about to have another child, Jake's hand is holding her stomach protectively, and they both are asleep, but Jake stirs when he feels his arm get lifted In the air, before going back down where it was resting only a few seconds later.
He feels the little body that has squished his way between himself and Neytiri and Jake sighs before moving over more so the boy can settle in.
"Daddy, are you awake?" A little voice asks, causing Jake to fully open his eyes at his youngest son's question.
"Yeah buddy, what is it?" Jake whispers quietly, not wanting to disturb Neytiri who has been struggling with a good night's rest because of the baby kicking.
"I want to be held." Lo'ak whispers out, his fingers messing with the little purple flower that lays behind his ear.
"Okay, come here." Jake says, moving his arm from Neytiri's stomach, going to lift the boy and resting him on his chest. Once Lo'ak is resting on his chest, he moves closer to Neytiri, always wanted that comfort of his wife there.
When he starts to hear Lo'ak sniffle he puts a hand protectively on the boys head, holding him close to his chest.
"I don't understand daddy." Lo'ak sobs out, his hand going to play with his dad's hair as the other wraps around his dad's shoulder.
"Don't understand what? Can you explain it to me so I can help?"
"I just... I don't get how one second you are hurt then you aren't. It messes with my head!" Lo'ak gets louder as he talks, causing Jake to shush him as Neytiri stirs in her sleep, and Neteyam peaks one eye open before seeing his brother on his father's chest and closing it again.
"I'm not hurt though." Jake says, motioning towards his body that, for once, doesn't have any scratches or bruises.
"You just were though. You just were, daddy." Lo'ak cries out, hugging his dad closer to him.
"Okay, okay. How was I hurt?" Jake asks, following along with the boy.
"The....the demons returned here and you got shot." Lo'ak cries out.
"Son... Son. The sky people are gone. Remember? Mommy and I fought and they were forced to leave. I'm okay... I'm not hurt."
"Then why did it seem so real?" Lo'ak asks, moving his hand that is holding his dad's hair to wipe his eyes, his flower falling off in the process, landing on Jake's neck.
Jake picks it up and quickly puts it back in his son's hair. He isn't sure why his son wears the flower everyday but he isn't going to question him about it. It makes him happy.
"You were having a nightmare, son. Nightmares are just bad dreams that seem real."
And so the rest of that night Jake had to explain what nightmares are and that everyone gets them. It took forever for Lo'ak to fall back asleep but he eventually did after being comforted that his father would be there.
The nightmares continued for three more years. Now being ten and just accepting that he will never get peace while he sleeps ever again.
One nightmare was practically bad, so bad that he woke up screaming and thrashing around whoever was holding him. So bad that he digged his nails into his upper arm while he was asleep causing blood to drip down onto the floor below him.
"It's okay. It's okay." Jake tries to reassure, the boy still thrashing in his father's grip.
The screams woke everyone up. Neytiri now holding a 2 almost 3 year old Tuk, while Neteyam and Kiri try and comfort their younger brother.
"Let me go! Let me go!" Lo'ak yells out, his voice becoming hoarse from all the yelling, and finally after minutes of fighting in his dad's grasp and Neteyam holding onto his hand while Kiri keeps the flower in place, he stops fighting.
Now just breathing heavy, his eyes glossed over, and the pain in his arm now becoming obvious to him.
"I need... I need a drink." Lo'ak mumbles, fighting his way out of his fathers grip and forcing his hand out of Neteyams.
Neither boys wanting to let Lo'ak go.
Lo'ak walks to the water well, and he can see from the darkness of the cave that it isn't even close to morning.
He splashes his face with water and flinches when a hand touches his shoulder to turn him around.
"You're bleeding son. Let me help." Is all Jake says before pulling Lo'ak away from all the homes to a more secluded area, having a rag in hand and bandages to put on the wound after it's clean.
They sit there in silence for a while, neither one wanting to talk. Lo'ak not knowing for sure if he can talk with how hoarse his voice is.
"Was it the same as usual?" Jake asks after some time, and when Lo'ak shakes his head in denial, Jake sighs out.
"So you want to tell me what it was?"
"I... I got trapped...I was stuck and drowning and... And I couldn't breathe and it was... I died and you didn't even go looking for me. The only reason I was found is because my body was pushed to shore. You didn't even cry. None of you did. Not you, not mom. Not my siblings. Not Esmyrie. No one... You looked happy. It just kept repeating over and over. I kept getting stuck, I kept trying to find a way out, kept drowning. Kept being left behind with no tears being shed... And I just... Would you cry if I died?"
Jake actually has to stand up and step back at the question. 'would you cry if I died?', was Jake such a terrible father that his kids didn't even think he cared about them.
And the more Jake thinks about the question the more walls come down, and soon there are tears in his eyes. The thought of his kids even getting hurt makes him a wreck. So the thought of them dying, that was like a damn being open without any warning.
"What? Lo'ak, of course I would cry. My sweet baby boy, I would be devastated. I probably wouldn't stop crying. I love you so much Lo'ak, I would be devastated.... You are my kid... My kid that I'm going to protect always, okay? That dream was all fake. None of it will ever be real." And Jake held onto his kids a little tighter after his talk with Lo'ak, the mere thought of him losing his pride and joy tearing a hole in his heart.
That nightmare is one of the few that he remembers vividly, and his dad was the one to reassure him that none of that would ever happen.
He wants to believe his father, but it is hard sometimes, especially when he is in a situation that seems so similar to his nightmare.
He went to apologize, and he somehow came out of it making friends, well he thought. They then challenged whether or not the asked the right Sully brother about hunting outside of the reef, and Lo'ak, always being compared to his older brother wanting to show them that he could hunt.
So they went out to three brothers rocks, and the group of boys, Ao'nung leading, swam down into the water, wanting Lo'ak to call the fish.
Lo'ak did, and because of it he was able to get a clear shot, hitting one right in the center. He was so ecstatic and went to see the boys reaction but they were gone.
The smile instantly went off Lo'ak's face, they abandoned him. People he thought were maybe his friends abandoned him. And it hurt more because he has always struggled making friends, and this was just another kick in the face that he has trouble making them.
He went back to the surface, riding his Ilu and called out to them. But there was no answer.
Just as expected. They left. They left him somewhere he was unfamiliar with, and had no idea of how to get back home
He doesn't even really remember how it happened but something large came out of the water and tried to attack Lo'ak and his Ilu, causing the two to crash into the water. The large predators went towards his Ilu, the Ilu abandoning the boy after it got injured, and Lo'ak assumed that would be it.
But then the predator goes towards him, and he is instantly fighting for his life.
He doesn't know the predators name, he was told about it when he hungout with Tsireya one day but he couldn't remember. It wasn't like it mattered, it was a predator trying to kill him all the same.
He swims, trying to get the creature to go away but it just doesn't. He eventually has to force his way into coral, causing scratches and cuts all throughout his skin, but the predator keeps attack, wanting Lo'ak to be it's next meal.
The coral keeps his out of harms way, but the monster still attacks, making it impossible to escape.
And that's where he is now, stuck in coral, losing air, and the nightmare comes back to him.
He is stuck, drowning, losing air. He is going to die down here and his body will never be found.
He will never get a ceremony to take him to Ewya. He will die, alone, scared, and hurt.
And that's when the thoughts come in.
How he hasn't spent enough time with Tuk.
How he needs to stop being so moody to Kiri.
How his dad still loves him, even if he doesn't say it.
How his mother doesn't see him as a failure.
How Neteyam is struggling too.
How he hasn't told Esmyrie how he feels.
Esmyrie, such a beautiful name to remember and think of as death grips him tight.
But no, no he doesn't want to die. Not like this.
Not this way.
He needs his family and he hopes his family needs him.
And so he tries to escape, tries to get away from the predator and he does.
He escapes the reef with no monster in. And so his only goal is to swim as fast as he can to the surface. He needs air and he needs it now.
But then the predator returns, heading straight for the boy, and so with a last effort Lo'ak grabs his knife, ready to fight.
But it never happens, instead an even larger animal comes and attacks the one that was trying to get to Lo'ak.
The guy takes it as a sign from Ewya, and tries his best to reach the surface. But the body and tail on the animal that saved his life keeps moving and he can't seem to get out from under it for air.
The last thought that runs through his mind is Esmyrie. The last thought he went thinks is of her smile and her eyes.
Then he accepts darkness like a warm blanket on cold night.
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Sorry for not updating yesterday. I was busy with work. I'm taking a nap now, legit on the verge of Falling asleep.
Hope this does justice for now. Maybe another chapter tonight.
Also... This book is a sloooowww burn. Like right now I don't have Lo'ak and Esmyrie kissing until the last chapter....
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