"Incision, okay! Inserting forceps in the right sub costal."
"Did you always think you'd be a good" father?
"Inserting camera!"
Park raised his eyes toward his colleague, turning his eyes back to the forceps he was inserting over the skin of the patient lying on the operating table.
"No. When it comes to children, there's no predicting what's coming.
What I can say is that I had no idea if I could take on such a big responsibility. "
Park now directed the cables to Shaun's hands.
"When Kellan was born and I held him, all I could think was that I would do everything possible to keep him safe."
"Do you think you succeeded?"
Shaun questioned, guiding the instruments wedged into the abdomen below him.
"There is no right or wrong formula. It's a process, when you become a parent you become responsible for raising a human being, until he or she becomes responsible for you. But until then, you will be their primary guide. "
Shaun processed the information for a second. Then he looked down, concentrating on the surgery.
Park continued.
"It's not an easy task. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about where I went wrong with Kellan, when I could have been more present and when I wasn't as firm as he needed me to be."
"Lea also feels that there are too many responsibilities. She's afraid."
Park again looked up.
"Extracting the gallbladder."
Shaun lifted the yellowish organ a little above his head.
" According this coloration and the weight, the patient had reason to feel a lot of pain."
He said, placing the gallbladder on the tray.
>>>
"You'll be good parents!"
Between the two of them could be heard the sound of water running from the faucet in the empty sanitation room.
Shaun removed his glove, throwing it into the trash can. It took him a second to assimilate what he had heard, eyes wide, showing the clear momentary confusion of naive surprise.
"It's okay, Shaun. I won't tell anyone."
Shaun considered for a few seconds, already relieved to be able to share something that had been choking him for the past few hours. Although it also meant having to fail Lea's request that they not tell anyone about the baby until they decided what to do.
"Lea is pregnant."
Park smiled without showing any surprise.
Shaun continued.
"But she is afraid and thinks that we might not be ready to be parents because of many issues that we need to consider."
"Have you thought about that?"
"Yes, I made a list of advantages and disadvantages of having a baby. As for the financial ones, we'll need to make some savings. But I think we can afford it."
"What about the other issues? Have you considered them?"
"I think I would be a good father. Better than the father I had."
"I'm sure you would, Shaun."
"But I'll respect Lea's decision, let's continue the conversation tonight when we get home."
"I suppose so. Any decision will be the best for both of us, be sure of that."
Shaun looked at his watch.
"I have to go."
>>>>
The morning dragged on unproductively. Hours after arriving at the hospital and I could barely leave the computer desktop.
Already in the afternoon the open screen and the system to be checked indicated a lot of work to be done. Even though I had chosen not to go out for lunch, I made no progress with the tasks.
I had spent the day oblivious between my thoughts and the panel of files in front of me.
Considering, reconsidering.
Voices echoed in my mind. Among them mine emphasizing how careless I am about my space and the most basic things in my routine, like tending to plants and organizing the closets.
I imagine she would say:
"How are you going to take care of a baby, Lea? You're definitely not ready for that."
Is Mom right? Maybe so.
Suddenly I was brought back to reality by the drumming on the door.
"Earth calling Lea."
It took me two seconds to regain my posture.
"Don't worry, I'll get you the transfer and hospitalization spreadsheets for the last few months."
"Okay."
The old man was about to go through the door, when he spun on his feet and came back. He stopped. I looked at him curiously.
Are you all right? he asked.
"Yes, And why I'm not supposed to be?"
"Calm down! Calm down! No need to get defensive, I'm only really asking you a question because I've noticed that you've been...a little...distracted today."
I held my breath, trying to disguise my annoyance. I let out.
"I'm fine. It's just problems with my car. Again. Still the question of insurance. But, I'm already researching proposals and contracts... "
"Okay. If you need to take the afternoon off to solve this, that's fine with me. I can wait for the reports until tomorrow."
"That's fine. I can handle it! thank you! "
Glassy gave me an unidentifiable smile that I took to mean disdain and left.
An hour later, I decided to go home.
>>>
When Shaun came he found me sitting on the couch.
"Um, are you watching the weather?"
"Yeah, I think I've grown to like it. You're right, it helps to relax."
Shaun nodded and came over and sat down next to me. I smiled. We stood in silence, eyes focused but indifferent to the television set in front of us.
"You asked me not to tell anyone about the pregnancy. But I told Dr. Park. I'm sorry.
Shaun confessed, with a guilty and worried tone. "
I turned my face to him.
"It's okay, I know it must have been hard for you to spend the day holding something like that back. One of us would have told someone about it anyway."
Shaun looked at me still with a tired expression, clearly confused and worried.
I touched his hand, and he reciprocated by covering mine with it.
"Shaun, I have spent the entire day thinking about the thousands of ways my life will change and what kind of mother I would be_ I paused_ the cons outweighed the positives. But as I considered an abortion, I also thought: it would be an immediate solution for us. And then we would move on normally with our lives.
However, I started to remember our life up to this point, how good we are to each other, and how we managed to adapt and adjust even with all the differences we have and all the changes it has entailed for us in these years. And I concluded that if we are here and have been through all of this together and have made it to this stage, that means we can live this new one."
I was now beginning to feel a little excitement and a little more relief.
"So does this mean that you want to have the baby?"
I paused for a moment and sighed, finding the breath to overcome my nervousness.
"Maybe now is the right time."
Suddenly I began to tremble.
Shaun held my hand, looked at me and said:
"Yes, Lea. We're going to have a baby!"
"Yes, Shaun. We're going to have a baby!"
Now I was back to uncontrollable crying that was not entirely from doubt or fear, but from a feeling that was taking shape with the baby that was growing inside me.
Cuddled together we stared at each other between laughter and my tears.